[nelie]

Didn't you say it was hard to find a job in your area? I imagine the same may be true for some of the guys. I don't agree with not having a car as being a bad thing. I got my first car at 23 and with it came a lot of expenses, in larger cities, it is perfectly normal to not have a car. I've also dated a few guys that didn't go to college and some of them were paid very, very well. So if you just said someone didn't have a car, job or didn't go to college, I wouldn't immediately think they were deadbeats. Other factors may prove that but it would depend on the circumstance. You just have to be aware that you aren't there to take care of them if they don't have a job.

[mimsyborogoves]

Originally Posted by nelie

Didn't you say it was hard to find a job in your area? I imagine the same may be true for some of the guys. I don't agree with not having a car as being a bad thing. I got my first car at 23 and with it came a lot of expenses, in larger cities, it is perfectly normal to not have a car. I've also dated a few guys that didn't go to college and some of them were paid very, very well. So if you just said someone didn't have a car, job or didn't go to college, I wouldn't immediately think they were deadbeats. Other factors may prove that but it would depend on the circumstance. You just have to be aware that you aren't there to take care of them if they don't have a job.

Not having a car isn't a bad thing, but I live out in the country, and it's a 30-40 minute drive to just about EVERYWHERE worth going -- including the guy's house if he lives that far away or further (which, in my case, they usually do)! You wouldn't want to drive all the time either if you were in the same situation. I'm not asking that they have a Lamborghini or anything, just something to get them from point A to point B (and it doesn't even have to be a car; my last bf drove a moped, lol). I've only been with one or two guys that have had their own means of transportation, and one of those fortunately lived right down the road from me (the moped guy!). Maybe it's selfish, but for once I'd like to have a bf cart me around instead of me carting him around.

And going to college isn't a requirement either. I just need the guy to be making attempts at making his own way, if he isn't already, just like I am. I have goals and aspirations that I'm working towards achieving, and I have a car and while I might have a crappy retail job in the meantime, it's still a job and some source of income is better than having no source of income. I've also been in too many situations where I end up having to foot the bill for everything because the guy's always too broke to do anything. That gets old.

I'm not asking for Mr. Perfect, but I am asking for someone that's going in the same direction that I am, with a little bit of tit for tat. I give a lot in relationships and don't get much in return, and for once I'd like a relationship that wasn't lop-sided in some way. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

[Sinoia]

I met my husband online. Not on a dating site, but a massively multiplayer online game. We were guildmates, then we got to talking, I had a crush on him, and I took a chance, went to visit him, and 2 and a half years later we were engaged, and a year after that married.

Ditto. I met my partner online on a RPG. That was pre graphic gaming! We have been together since 2003.

Try gaming!

[juliana77]

Girl. If you lived near me, I would take you to coffee and tell you all my crazy stories from online dating. Here's way too much advice:

BE CAREFUL. Ask for their full name and phone number before you give out yours, and google stalk them until you get to the end of the internet. I started doing this after finding an article with one's guy's mugshot & story of his arrest for sex with minors two years prior (he was 38). Always make sure someone knows where you are.

Go on dates! Even if someone isn't perfect, it's great practice and you will get more confident each time. You will also learn so much about yourself and what you are looking for, and what to watch out for. For example, I didn't realize how important it was to pay attention to how guys treated their ex-wives (I mostly date guys with kids) - until I dated one who was passive aggressive and spiteful toward his.

Remember they are there to impress YOU, not vice versa. This calmed my nerves a LOT.

My favorite advice was from a friend - if it's meant to be, there's nothing you can do to mess it up, and if it's not - there's nothing you can do to force it. (I know this isn't necessarily 100% true, but it also helped with the nerves!)

I tried the pay sites and wasn't impressed. I am on a free one now (msg me if you want the name) and like it the best by far!

I prefer to date multiple people, or at least be talking to others. This is a personal preference, but it keeps me from feeling like "it's him or NO ONE" and when it ends, I don't have to start from scratch. If it's a keeper - the others will just naturally fade away.

[EagleRiverDee]

Originally Posted by juliana77

My favorite advice was from a friend - if it's meant to be, there's nothing you can do to mess it up, and if it's not - there's nothing you can do to force it. (I know this isn't necessarily 100% true, but it also helped with the nerves!)

I actually go for that theory. My DH and I have often wondered why we began dating (at the time, we had NOTHING in common) and why we stayed together even though it was rough at the beginning. And yet we're so solid now and we have developed common interests that we have friends tell us that they hope someday to have a relationship like what we have. So it must have been meant to be.

[nelie]

Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves

Not having a car isn't a bad thing, but I live out in the country, and it's a 30-40 minute drive to just about EVERYWHERE worth going -- including the guy's house if he lives that far away or further (which, in my case, they usually do)! You wouldn't want to drive all the time either if you were in the same situation. I'm not asking that they have a Lamborghini or anything, just something to get them from point A to point B (and it doesn't even have to be a car; my last bf drove a moped, lol). I've only been with one or two guys that have had their own means of transportation, and one of those fortunately lived right down the road from me (the moped guy!). Maybe it's selfish, but for once I'd like to have a bf cart me around instead of me carting him around.

And going to college isn't a requirement either. I just need the guy to be making attempts at making his own way, if he isn't already, just like I am. I have goals and aspirations that I'm working towards achieving, and I have a car and while I might have a crappy retail job in the meantime, it's still a job and some source of income is better than having no source of income. I've also been in too many situations where I end up having to foot the bill for everything because the guy's always too broke to do anything. That gets old.

I'm not asking for Mr. Perfect, but I am asking for someone that's going in the same direction that I am, with a little bit of tit for tat. I give a lot in relationships and don't get much in return, and for once I'd like a relationship that wasn't lop-sided in some way. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

All I'm saying is that someone without a car may be saving money. If it is a requirement for you then that is up to you. And someone can be in between jobs or something else. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't have goals in their life or aren't moving forward in a positive direction.

[novangel]

I met my guy of almost 5 years online. So far so good but he almost never has work due to the economy since he's in construction. The economy bombed right after we met...so all seemed great until early 08 which had nothing to do with the dating site. Long story short: I can't win.

[Enilorac]

Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves

HAI I R THINK UR PURDY WANNA GIT WIFF ME!

^^ you'd be surprised at how many messages I used to get that weren't too far off from that, lmao.

Oh dear Lord above! why do people always do that? I tend to ignore messages like that because I know I'll spend at least 5minutes trying to work out excatly what they are saying lol

Ok my experience has been thus:I'm 30 and I had three lots of guys message me
1: 25-28 year olds who wanted to impress an older woman with how much money they had and what cool cars they drove...that means nothing to me because money can be here today gone tomorrow then what? as for cars I don't care whether it's the latest model with all the latest gadgets or 10yrs old as long as it gets you from A to B.

2: 29-35 year olds who were only after "fun" and when I told them that I don't do "fun" until we've dated at least 3months every single one of them went bye bye...one guy even said he'd cook me dinner and by end of evening I'd be begging him to take me to bed lol silly sod

3: 36-50 year old now all these guys wanted a younger woman to impress with their cars,homes,and money. One guy even went as far as to say he'd give me money for shopping in return for favours???hmm anyway I told him were to go the silly sod...

So now my profile says I wont date people with kids (personal experience) noone looking for "fun" and other specific things that are deal breakers. You will get the occasional person who goes on to become a good friend but its all fun because you learn a lot about what you like and what you want to keep away from lol anyway have fun and let us know how it goes

[Ambrosia]

^^ I've experienced the same. I'm at the point where I consider online dating to be a waste of time. I just finished dating a emotionally abusive narcissist of whom I met online.



My experience:

The guys usually start out behaving normally but eventually their real personality emerge. Most only want sex and that it or they're so bitter/emotionally damaged they're out to hurt women.

I'm direct in my profile about what I want (relationship, marriage, an employed, college educated guy and of course I add some personality traits). Yet same guys contact me and lie about how they want the same things. I had to ask a few: Did you read my ad? They were like yes, lol.

Most men say they want a woman who is direct but that's not true (based on my experience). If you're too direct you scare them off. You can't even say you want to go out on a date, some prefer the term "hanging out" like we're in junior high. And many don't call--texting is all the rage. If you mention marriage and kids they'll run for the hills. If you leave your ad too open ended they'll assume you want something casual (meaning SEX).



I've done Match, Eharmony. Plenty of Fish, OK cupid and even the worst--Craigslist. I've paid for subscriptions and been a member of free sites. Complete waste of money. If I had to give advice I would say try Meetup. com, speed dating and any event where you meet men in public. I guess my mother was right when she said it's better to meet men through friends.

Online means no obligation or sense of responsibility. Men can stop communicating with you or behave like jerks with no repercussions.

If you do try online dating. Don't have your hopes up. Use it to supplement meeting men in public.