How do you find guys online that AREN'T deadbeats? That's literally all I get off of online dating websites and I'm so tired of it. The guys seem great until they let out personal details such as no job, no education paired with no job, no car or license (the latter being due to a DUI), etcetcetc. I cannot find decent guys to save my life. The only ones that might be decent are 10+ years older than me and I don't want to date someone that much older than me; especially when I am still not sure about and definitely not ready for starting a family, nor do I want to take on the responsibility of someone else's (i.e. I don't want a guy who already has children).
I'm almost ready to give up and just stick to being lonely in that department until I can get to grad school. I can't really afford pay-dating sites, so I guess my options are limited. Tell me how y'all do it!
Maybe volume is the answer? Go out with a lot of different guys and maybe you'll be able to find one decent one? I'm no expert on this subject as I've never tried online dating but I suspect that you'd have to go to the pay sites to find decent people who are genuinely looking to meet someone. When you're paying money you tend to be a little more serious.
I'm interested to see the responses you get because I've been thinking of giving online dating a try myself.
Last edited by ChickieBoom; 11-05-2012 at 11:10 AM.
Honestly, that's just kind of what you have to deal with when dating online. You'll find 1 in 100 guys that is actually worth talking to, and even then he may not be the one for you. I've met a couple of my boyfriends over the years online. Most just didn't work out for one reason or another (one was a cheater)...however I'm currently dating the love of my life and we met on Plentyoffish. He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated and we fit each other like gloves. It's definitely possible to find genuine, great guys online. You just really have to dig through all the crazies and creepies! And, don't forget to use online dating as just one method of meeting guys...not the only method. Do speed dating as one pp suggested, join groups for things you're interested in. The right guy for you may not even be online. And don't put so much pressure on finding "the one". Have fun and date around! It will happen when you least expect.
I agree about trying out a paid site. I haven't tried online dating in a long while and a reason for that is I have a lot of male friends who'd openly talk about using it just to score quick sex. One in particular would tell me how he'd send out messages to maybe 20-30 girls in a night and that at least one was bound to answer and then he'd play whichever ones he got to bite. I think with a pay site, since someone is actually paying to be there, they're looking for better results and people also willing to put in that level of commitment. At the very least, you'd get a generally better caliber of men by paying. Just FYI, that's also not a given 'cause I've tried two different pay sites in the past... I went out with one guy from the first one, and even though he was supposed have "matched me on a deeper level" according to the website, when we met, he turned out to be kinda a d-bag. We weren't compatible at all, he looked an awful lot different from the online pic I saw, and was painfully cheap. The second pay site, I got to talking to this one guy who seemed nice at first before everything went downhill---he kept trying to get me to make a roadtrip to visit him. He couldn't come to me, or even meet me halfway, because he apparently had his license revoked for one too many DUIs. When I stopped calling or taking his calls, he sent me a litany of profanity and insult ridden emails and voicemails. Never again. Now I just meet friends through other friends.
Try meetup [dot] com. I get to participate in activities I like and I get to interact with people who share my interests. With all of the groups you can meet new people and see how they behave with others. There is no pressure and more chances of meeting someone who is genuine. There are plenty of singles groups offered but I joined groups like Salsa, Bollywood etc. , best of all it is free. Check it out. Good luck.
I couldn't post the link because I don't have enough posts.
I had tried plentyoffish and it was fine when I was in my early 20s and just wanted to casually date and have fun. Once I wanted to have a more serious relationship I joined eharmony. Within 3 days I met my fiance there, so I am an advocate of the pay site.
If you are wanting to stick with free sites, then I suggest making your profile very specific and detail what you want from a partner. If a job and education is importatnt to you, then state that. It may help deter the riff raff from contacting you.
In terms of older men: I have a degree and a great career and I wanted someone who had their life together and wasn't still "finding themself", so I had to broaden my age perameters a bit. And I am glad I did because I never would have met my partner (he is 9 years older than me).
In terms of older men: I have a degree and a great career and I wanted someone who had their life together and wasn't still "finding themself", so I had to broaden my age perameters a bit. And I am glad I did because I never would have met my partner (he is 9 years older than me).
Good luck!
That sounds a lot like what I'm trynig to do, but on the other end of the spectrum. You already have the education and the career, so you want someone who also has that. I have the education and in the process of developing the career, so I want someone who is also doing that. In other words, I want someone who is either of the same wavelength as me, or just a step ahead of me or a step behind.
I have joined meetup.com, but I'm just scared of going to events by myself, lol. I'm so shy and I'm always uncomfortable in social situations where I don't know at least one person. I need to get out of my shell and just go, damnit.
I met my husband online!! The thing was, we didn't meet on a dating website, but on a language exchange website, lol. We started off just teaching each other our respective languages over Skype, and it turned into friendship turned into a crush (on my part at least) turned into meeting in person turned into.....well!
Anyway, so my advice would be trying non-dating-specific websites as well as the tradtional ones! It's worth a shot, worked for me, anyway. Good luck, it really can happen!! haha (:
I also met my fiancé online 7 years ago. He moved here with me 3 years ago. I also didn't meet him on a dating website, though. We met on a game when we were 16 &17. So I agree with at least keeping prospects open on non-dating areas of the Internet as well!!
When I used to online date, my strategy was quality over quantity. I specifically wrote my ad in such a way as to let men know what I wanted, and what I didn't. I didn't leave it open ended in the hopes of getting more responses. If I got one good response, that's all I wanted. I was most particular about wanting a guy that was active (someone that would go hike or do other activities with me) and that I did not want a smoker, drug user, or alcoholic. And he had to have a means of support and transportation. I never specified an income level, but he had to be self-supporting. I'm not going to be someone's sugar mama. That strategy worked for me- I met a few nice guys, had a nice 2 year relationship with one. I would just say if you have dealbreakers, put them in your ad. That way you don't waste your time, or someone else's.
I agree with EagleRiverDee. Make your profile extremely specific. Literally spell out what you want and what you will not tolerate. You may get less responses, but the responses you get are going to be from guys who at least feel like they meet your criteria.
Don't make it a long list, just do something like your "top 5" and make it humorous and charming but very specific. This is what I did (a long time ago) I still got some losers, but I noticed that my responses were way more specific from better quality people. I knew I kinda came off pretty strong in my ad, but I figured the guys who would respond would have to have confidence and appreciate my honesty, which is exactly what happened.
and yes, i suggest the pay sites instead of POF. eHarmony will probably be more up your alley, or even match.com.
I had to use my computer to find someone to date. I worked from my home and had moved to this state without knowing anyone. And oh yeah, hadn't dated in 18 years. I joined a few card playing groups via meetup.com and signed up for match.com (paid site).
I went in with expectation that I was simply learning to date and I'm glad I didn't go into it expecting much as it was very discouraging initially. I was 50 at the time so had indicated interested in dating age 45-55. Did not get a single response in that age range in 6 mos. Tons of young guys looking for cougars/sugar mammas and 60+ year olds contacted me. I had to start making the first contact with guys on match.com that were in my acceptable age range. That went ok, learned to chat with someone I didn't know and dated one guy in person. I had the disconcerting experience of the closer I got to my goal weight, the fewer responses I got. Seemed like I was pretty for a fat girl but just average once I got to average weight?
By the time I learned about plentyoffish, I had a better idea of how to handle myself online and treated it like homework. I made myself contact 3 guys per week. I remember telling my girlfriends about one guy who sounded good when we chatted on line but once I gave him the phone number he requested he hadn't called. I said as part of my homework, I would contact him one more time. He called me from that "last chance", and 2 years later we are still going strong.
I totally agree with you on looking for someone in the same stage of life. So many of the 60+ year olds sounded like nice guys with interesting things they were doing in their retirement, but I was nowhere near retirement so wouldn't have been able to give them the time they wanted.
I met my husband online. Not on a dating site, but a massively multiplayer online game. We were guildmates, then we got to talking, I had a crush on him, and I took a chance, went to visit him, and 2 and a half years later we were engaged, and a year after that married.
i say you that you don't online, and very hard offline. i used to get no attention offline but if they met me online, i found the niche of guys who were looking for hair and would accept at least some fat on a body. then i lost my hair due to color damage and lost attention online. so i quit. once in a great while i can get hit on offline but usually nobody interesting. and the people on the paid sites are the same ones as the free sites, and your activity in the meetup groups will usually have the same men that are online because they are likewise looking for women. but you sound younger so you should have at least a few more options.
Match was a big waste for me, personally. I spent a year on it. It might be my area, but just about every profile I came across, the guy was looking for thin body type or athletic/fit. I thought I found a really great guy, but after a month (!!!) of emailing back and forth, I asked (a few times) if he wanted to meet. He finally told me that he started seeing another girl right as he started emailing me. It felt like he wanted to put me on the bench in case things with the first girl didn't work out.
Also, I don't think a single guy from match paid for my dinner. Ever. Even if my portion was $10-15.
To you online daters out there:
