So my dad just gave this big ol' spiel about how my parents are going to start going back to church and how he hopes them going to church is going to influence my brother and his wife to start taking my niece to church. And I think I've made a thread like this before, but to make this short -- I do not feel the need to go to church, and I feel like my dad's going to start pressuring me to go because they're going.
My mom knows and understands my beliefs. I don't share them with my dad because my dad isn't near as understanding of a person as my mother. This wouldn't be a big issue if I didn't live with my parents, but I do, and I do not know how to avoid this situation. I don't want to be forced to go, but somehow I feel like I'm going to get guilt-tripped into going. I don't mind going sometimes for special occasions, but generally, I don't like being there. It's just not for me. And when I do go, it's definitely not for purpose a church serves.
So, uh, how do I work this? Do you think I'm just going to have to deal with being in an awkward situation until I get out of my parents' house? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Do you pay them rent? If not, you probably abide by their "rules" -- just like you did as a kid. I'm sure they won't make it a rule for you to go to church with them, but you'll feel the pressure. Sometimes we just do things to make our parents happy -- especially if they're providing room and board. If you don't like their church, maybe try another one. You might find what you're looking for there.
If you live under their roof as a legal adult, you're pretty much forfeiting the 'right' to protest their rules.
If politely declining doesn't work, and you financially able to move, it's probably best to abide by their rules and tune out the service, than make a big stink out of it and possibly get kicked out or make the whole situation go from uncomfortable to downright hostile.
So my best advice is living on your own, honestly, because you then have the freedom to act on your beliefs as you see fit, and aren't subject to the preferences of others who have financial leverage over you in the form of a roof
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 08-23-2012 at 08:47 PM.
If you live under their roof as a legal adult, you're pretty much forfeiting the 'right' to protest their rules.
If politely declining doesn't work, and you financially able to move, it's probably best to abide by their rules and tune out the service, than make a big stink out of it and possibly get kicked out or make the whole situation go from uncomfortable to downright hostile.
So my best advice is living on your own, honestly, because you then have the freedom to act on your beliefs as you see fit, and aren't subject to the preferences of others who have financial leverage over you in the form of a roof
I think I do remember you posting something like this some time ago. I recall saying something like:
Yep, while you're in their house, it's probably a good idea to go. I went to church with my family when I was younger even though it really wasn't my thing. It's just something you do out of respect and as part of the culture of the household. You don't have to worship - just quietly stand around for an hour or so - is it really that bad to do so?
When you're out of the house, you will probably be more free to do what you want. I mean, if you want to stress yourself out more with the church arguments at home, feel free, but I would advise not to.
I agree with what has been said regarding the policy of abiding by their rules but this should be whether you are paying rent or not. Surely it is better to maintain the peace of the household and show them respect if they wish you to join them rather than causing a bad atmosphere.
We all have to do things we don't like from time to time..and as I would always tell my children .. it builds character to persevere under trying circumstances.
If it does get you down then it will encourage you to get things together and move out as soon as you can afford to. You don't want to end up being at war with your parents, do you?
my older son could have written your exact post, except in our case, it is synagogue that my husband and I attend.
my college graduate son attends out of respect for his dad.
He does not open a prayer book, he does not recite a prayer. He sits there like a stoic. but he is not alone. I have seen other 20 somethings living at home attending worship with their parents too. I am hoping he meets a nice girl.
I don't want to agree with those saying if you live there rent free, you don't have a choice- but unfortunately they have a point. This kind of sounds like a situation pushing you to move out. What are your options as far as living on your own?
My advice would be to make plans every week to be out of the house when they'll be leaving for/at church. Volunteer, go for a walk/run/gym. Or simply tell them you need a time with the house quiet to work on your homework (if I recall you're in college).
Living on my own? I make 8.00 an hour at a department store and usually get less than 30 hours a week; I have money in savings that I'm continuously building on, but I'm saving for a new car because my current one keeps having to go in the shop every time I turn around (She's 11 years old, and I've been driving her for 4 of them; it's my first car). I'm currently looking for a more suitable full-time position, but those are hard to come by right now in my field/area. I don't have any friends nearby that are in my same situation either; all my friends that are my age have significant others that they live with or are too far away for it to make a difference anyway, so my only choice right now is to live with my parents if I want to be able to live comfortably.
And CanadianCutie, I actually graduated in April. Fresh-college-grad syndrome, hooray!
(And btw, it kinda sounds like I'm probably gonna end up having to go to church eventually. Meh, at least I'll have an excuse to look pretty!)
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 08-24-2012 at 12:07 PM.
Eh, go to church and use it as "thinking time" and people watch. Do this until you move out.
Letting your dad think you're in line with his beliefs is a small price to pay for a loving family, assuming you like your dad. Religion is likely a very, VERY important thing for him, and he will want to see you in heaven etc. so it seems (IMO) selfish not to let him believe you believe too.
I lived on my own when I was your age. No car, worked as a waiter part time while going to school full time, lived with a 3 other people in a low rent apartment and lived on primarily rice and beans ... No cable TV, no cell phone, etc.
Later in life we made massive financial sacrifices so my wife could stay at home with our two kids until they were in grade school and then she went back to work. Friends of ours went on nice vacations and had their kids in day care ...
Life is about choices.
Henry Ford said it best ...
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't you're right"
I currently live at home "rent-free" while working an at-home job and doing high school upgrading. My parents are non-denominational Christians that do not attend church. If, however, they did, I would be asked if I wanted to go and I'd simply say no. They don't LIKE that I don't believe in their faith (or any faith) and my mom is more upset that I believe in evolution than my dad is. But, I'm very fortunate to have parents who understand that I don't have to follow their beliefs.
Have you tried broaching the subject with your dad? Maybe take him for lunch and gently talk about it there?
I wish my parents were as progressive with their attitude towards me and dating as they are towards me and religion lol
Oh lord. (Warning: controversial topic)
