So I went out last night with some friends and met this guy and he's really awesome, and we exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out today. Seems fine, right?
Well, uh, my friend tried to date him, and told me he is a "feeder" (another friend confirmed this detail for me). As some of you know, these are guys that like bigger women, and get off from feeding them (especially during sex) and making them gain weight. Obviously, since I've lost all my weight, this is not something I'm into, at all, what-so-ever. Danger-zone!
But I really like him. Like, honestly, I would have never put him as someone like that upon meeting him. He's sweet and funny and seems like a really fun person to be around, and I want to give him a chance. But I also don't want to get involved with him and have everything I've worked for go down the drain. I do not want a guy to cause me to gain my weight back. But, then there's the part of me that wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and ya know, I think if he really was a decent guy he wouldn't force me to do something like that if I really didn't want to, right?
Have any of you tried to date someone like this? I really don't know what to do here. Should I run for the hills or give him a chance?
I would date him!! I would also talk about how I am loosing weight and that I love to take care of my body.. If he trys to feed you then tell him you are not into that. If thats what he is into then leave him, but I would give him a s shot what do you have to loose??
Sounds like a seriously slippery slope to me. Personally, I'm still trying to lose weight, and I know I still don't have my s**t all together, so I don't think I could trust myself around someone like that yet.
I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt usually, but you have confirmation from 2 different people that this guy would be unhealthy for you. If you're too "nice" to cancel on today's meet up, make it not food related. Then don't see him again.
Think of it another way - if you were a diabetic, would you date a candymaker? If you were deathly allergic to bee stings, would you date a guy with a backyard apiary? Sure, it could work out, but why start off with such an obvious challenge?
This is your health, and I think you should be selfish and put yourself first.
Tell him you're losing weight when you meet him and be REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC about it. He probably won't call you again.
Seriously, no, don't date a feeder! My friend dated one in college and she went from obese to super morbidly obese. The guy checked up on her via her housemates to make sure she ate breakfast, took her out to dinner and basically insisted she eat a lot, all kinds of weird twisted stuff that goes faaaaaaaaaaaaar beyond "I love you as you are."
I would be selfish and stay away for the sake of my health. You are either going to give in and be unhappy ... or make him unhappy by refusing to let him feed you.
Last edited by Jonsgurl0531; 08-09-2012 at 12:19 PM.
In my opinion, if it's true that he's a "feeder", I don't think the two of you are compatible.
Obviously it's totally up to you, but I really think you should pass on this guy, especially since this feeding thing has been confirmed by 2 people.
I think you should go on the date, and if you find out he is a feeder, then just make it known you're in practicing a healthy lifestyle. If he is a feeder, I just can't see how you'd be compatible...
Going out once isn't probably going to hurt anything - as long as you think you aren't in danger of becoming attached quickly. I would definitely bring up that you've lost weight and would like to lose more.
It's seems strange to me that people seem to know about his tendencies. That isn't usually something that people like to proclaim to the world, so for people to know about it leads me to believe he's probably pretty aggressive about it. (if it's true)
If it was me, personally I'd just stay completely away.
Well, see, here's the thing, the two people that "confirmed" it: the girl who initially told me claims he confessed it to her during a sexual encounter with him -- said it was a one night stand kind of deal, and she ran for the hills. The other person that "confirmed" it is her best friend and a guy, so I honestly don't know if my sources are that reliable.
The guy in question told me that he really was put off by her and was kinda glad it didn't work out between them, and of the thing he told me... they're actually things I've heard from several men that have been involved with her, and I actually agree with the things they've told me, which leads me to believe that she's either not telling the whole truth, exaggerating, or making it up. I don't really put a whole lot of faith in her, haha. So thats why I kinda wanna see how he is for myself and develop my own opinion of him.
If you don't believe the sources, then go on the date. But have your guard up...he may be the nicest guy in the world, but if he's a true "feeder" then it's probably best for you not to pursue a relationship with him.
I say date him but make it a rule whether he becomes your boyfriend or not.
Don't let a man change you or insist on doing things you don't like. I know this sounds slightly non-compromising when in a relationship but I find this is a mistakes some of us girls do. We do try to change to please our other half and this is a no-no.
Tell him that you are following a healthier life-style and insist on following it. If he can't accept it then tough luck for him. If he accepts it, then good for u. ^.^
So find out yourself. Discover who he really is, not who others tell you he is.
Oh jeebus...
Agree 100%
