Hi Lauren, I wouldn't contact him. You might regret it later. What I used to do is write a letter I'd never send or make a friend pretend to be him (silly but it worked for me) and yell at the actor.
Every one of my breakups has hurt like crazy and made me start questioning my worth. I'm a very sensitive person as it sounds you are too. But Lauren, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Every bad relationship helps you find a better one because you learn to identify red flags. A committed guy will not run because of a small problem. My fiancé once reassured me three months into us dating "I'm not going anywhere, and if I were you'd know way ahead of time because we would have talked about it and it would be a process". My fiancé and I have had bad months, we've had bad seasons, but heck, we're making it work through thick and thin because there's a strong compatibility and passion there.
Breathe, don't listen to the nasty voices in your head. Let your friends pep talk you. Let yourself cry once in a while but remember, there are lots of guys to love you out there who will be more committed than this one.
I know you're probably tired as heck of hearing "you're young", but it's so true hun. You guys weren't together long enough to qualify as "real love". I dont say this to discredit your feelings, because I know and am quite sure what you felt was true....but you will look back on this when you hit your late 20's and 30's and wonder WTF you were thinking. I PROMISE.
Definitely a bad idea to contact him. You'd only be torturing yourself. Let some time pass and then you can perhaps pursue a friendship.
It is a terrible idea to contact him. Feel your feelings. I'd have hated to hear the same thing at your age, but...this a part of life and learning. Time will heal much of this. He was not the be all end all for you. The self-esteem issues you mentioned probably need to be worked on separately, though. You deserve to treat yourself well-- focus on what you can do for YOU (therapy, recognizing your own self worth, respecting and trusting your own feelings). That's my advice, best of luck. Break-ups suck, this I know.
Rule #1 of dating, don't bring your body image issues into it or that's all he'll be able to see (unless he has issues too)!
Rule #2, sex is ALWAYS awkward the first few times, and if someone can't deal, too f-ing bad, he's a manbaby, move on. Pushing food on you and not being able to talk about sex like an adult, mehhhh, 4/10.
Rule #3 that should actually be Rule #1, be ok with being you with or without a man. A new love interest/boyfriend should feel like an exciting new addition or a shiny toy, but not something that COMPLETES who YOU are.
Also if you contact him what are you going to say?
I'm torn. I know part of me wants him back and thinks that getting back in touch with him in a way beyond just saying "Hi", like sharing an inside joke or something, would remind him what he had with me and make him rethink things and come back.
Part of me genuinely wants to know how he is because I care about him and I haven't heard from him since we broke up, and out of instinct, I'm worried and want to know he's okay and I want him to know that I do still care about him, regardless of what happened.
Part of me knows that there's more of a chance that none of this is of interest to him, and by contacting him, I'll just end up right back where I was and it's pointless.
So, I don't I will, at least not right now. I need time, he needs time, and I think I'm too vulnerable right now to try to deal with him and my emotions at the same time.
I think you should go back and actually read what people have said to you in their replies. There is a lot of valuable advice in this topic that you are just blatantly ignoring.
Aw come on, if everyone applied logic and reason over emotions in the world of love and relationships, especially early on while young, life would be boring and we wouldn't have to learn by trial and error.
I know when I was younger I felt emotions x 100000 compared to what I do now. I don't like using words like "hardened" or "desensitized" but I feel like going through all that BS forced me to grow and wisened me up.
I don't like using words like "hardened" or "desensitized" but I feel like going through all that BS forced me to grow and wisened me up.
You may not want to use em, but I WILL. Us women become like shell shocked vets when it comes to love by the time we're in our mid 20's. Guys do a lot of really $hitty things to women, especially young guys. I bet not one of us responding to this thread haven't been abused - verbally, emotionally, or physically by one insensitive guy or another. That's what makes finding "the one" so goddang special, because they're freaking rare.
I think you should go back and actually read what people have said to you in their replies. There is a lot of valuable advice in this topic that you are just blatantly ignoring.
I am reading it, and I know what they're saying. This is where my screwed up brain comes in to tell me not to give up on him, but also telling me to give up on him at the same time. It's also telling me some pretty screwed up stuff about myself. It's also telling me the stuff you all are telling me. You can imagine how overwhelming that all is, so forgive me for not being all gung-ho about it. My life is a never ending, overwhelming battle of emotions and I had it under control somewhat while I had a counselor, but she's gone now so I'm back to fighting this crap on my own and it isn't easy.
You can give every reason & excuse in the book but you want to contact him because you want a faint hope that he will come around and suddenly change his mind. This is very common for women, especially when you base your self-worth on whether a man wants you or not.
You may not want to use em, but I WILL. Us women become like shell shocked vets when it comes to love by the time we're in our mid 20's. Guys do a lot of really $hitty things to women, especially young guys. I bet not one of us responding to this thread haven't been abused - verbally, emotionally, or physically by one insensitive guy or another. That's what makes finding "the one" so goddang special, because they're freaking rare.
And yet when men say stuff about "women" as a blanket group, we get upset...kinda unfair to paint an entire sex with the same jaded brush is it not? I've been around the block and had a few boyfriends here and there and only one of them was a jerk. He also had emotional problems and was not well-endowed, so there you go.
In my case, the TOO MANY FEELINGS guy from my younger days who hurt me didn't do anything wrong besides NOT LIKE ME, which is unfortunately not a crime. He's actually gay, which sort of makes the whole thing laughable.
My OH and I broke up last year, I was absolutely heart broken, and it has taken me pretty much a year to get over it. My advice would be to take your time to look after yourself, try not to obsess over the what ifs and what could ofs, because that is just torture!!
I wouldnt contact him so soon personally. Take care of yourself.
