And I think you should have a stern talk with yourself about having unprotected sex. There are way worse things than HPV out there, and being in the heat of the moment is no excuse. You need to commit to using condoms with every partner until you're absolutely sure they are disease free and they are 100% aware of your HPV status.
I'm in favor of full disclosure, right now and in the future with went potential sexual partners. In all likelihood, your boyfriend will be alarmed, and perhaps a bit miffed that you didn't tell him sooner. However, it is the right thing to do, and he will probably respect that you did tell him as soon as you had doubts about what your doctor told you. Good luck!
I agree with most posters. Tell him, in person, as soon as possible. Tell him the whole story, no shortcuts. You could start the conversation as follows "I have something important to tell you, and all I need you to do is stay calm and hear me out. I have HPV, ....(tell your story).... I am sorry for not telling you about this before, my doctor made it seem like it wasn't anything to worry about and that is why I didn't say anything before. I will go with you when you get tested and help you pay for it if need be."
Don't have any expectations about how he may act, just talk to him ànd go from there.. he may get angry, upset, sad, or it may not be a big deal. BUT you need to educate yourself more about HPV and what may happen to him and you as a result-be ready to answer any questions he may have.
Any previous partners need to be made aware as well.
I wish you the best, these things are a difficult but real part of life.
Last edited by TiffNeedsChange; 07-11-2012 at 12:32 AM.
Eta: i dont think previous partners need to know. Again, men arent tested, and it isnt like herpes or some lifelong illness/virus. It usually runs its course and magically disappears somewhere in between 9 months and 2 years.
And as much as it sucks, and is scary at first, its not a big deal unless it develops into cervical cancer. Its estimated that up to 80% of people who've ever had or are going to have sex will get it in their lifetimes.
I agree with this times a million. There is no need to freak out about this.
Men can be tested but they have to be tested for a specific strain of the virus, its called an antibody titre. There is also an anal pap test that can be done for gay and bisexual men. Men can get genital cancer from having the HPV virus although it is much more rare then cervical cancers in women associated with the virus. Let's not spread misinformation here. Just because his chances of begin negatively affected by this are far less then yours doesn't dissipate the risk you have put him in.
You are not a bad person for getting into this situation or for wanting to find the easiest way out, but you will be a much stronger and experienced person when you come out the other end having been honest with this guy. If you can't speak to him in person about this right now, do it over the phone but do it as soon a possible. It's better to get it out of the way and know what the outcome is and either build a stronger relationship based on truth then to leave yourself hanging. The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be. Like my Step Mom used to say, rip it off like a still warm wax strip, if you let it cool you'll pull your flesh right off the bone (she was a cosmetologist).
You need to commit to using condoms with every partner until you're absolutely sure they are disease free
Agreed. You are VERY young and unprotected sex can lead to things MUCH worse than HPV. I'm not trying to be in your face either, just some sisterly (or motherly LOL) advice.
As for your inital concern about how and when to tell your BF, tell him in person and explain it exactly as you did here. He can't fault you for listening to your doctor. I suggest also having some reading information ready for him after you tell him (website, pamphlet....etc)
Just be completely honest with him, and definitely tell him in person. Maybe he will be upset, and maybe he won't. But regardless of the outcome, I think you will feel relieved to have come clean.
I agree with what previous posters have said about unprotected sex. I know you're really young, and in the heat of the moment we don't always make the best/right decision. But it's very risky, especially when you don't know for a fact that the other person is 100% clean. And someone just telling you they're clean and disease free doesn't count!
I will say this: I have low-risk, non-cancerous HPV. Pretty much the only thing "health" wise that my boyfriend needs to worry about is getting the warts himself; I don't think he has to worry about getting cancer or anything. The more I think about it, the more I don't think he's going to freak out about it. I'm going to see him today and I'm going to tell him and hope for the best.
He told me that there's only 2 things that would cause him to get mad at me: cheating on him and lying to him. I'm going to tell him the full story, and I might start the story out by telling him how this happened. I know what kind I have, I know it's not life-threatening, and I know that as long as we're careful, both of us should be okay.
And really, it'll show what kind of guy he is if he judges me for this, right? Right.
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 07-11-2012 at 04:21 PM.
You are right, it'll show you his true colors. I hope he takes it well and that he two of you can move on from here with a stronger relationship and an understanding of how important protection and monogamy can be. Good luck and stay strong. You will feel so much better once you get this off your chest.
I'm just going by what my doctor told me; my colposcopy just showed abnormal cell changes, but they weren't cancerous, so he told me and I assumed that that meant I was in the clear as far as that was concerned.
Good luck with your talk. It won't be pleasant, but it has to be done! Just try to be understanding of how he feels, and don't throw him under the bus as a "jerk" if he does not, in fact, understand. That seems like a perfectly normal reaction. Hopefully he will take a deep breath and want to talk more and figure it all out. But if he doesn't, I don't think it speaks volumes about his character, or anything. That is a pretty big pill you are making him swallow... good luck!
He didn't break up with me! Granted, there was a lot of silence on his part and he did a lot of thinking before he finally decided to keep me around, but he kept me! Now onward to the doctor to get some real info about this thing!
Good for you! I'm glad he is willing to work through this all with you. Now, buy stock in Trojan so you can recoup some of your money when they declare stockholder dividends
