I have been slowly losing weight and receiving compliments about how thin l am looking. I know that I am not near my goal weight or my goal fitness level. However, these last few weeks I was starting to believe that I am looking thin to others, and therefore, started feeling thinner to myself.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I went on a trip for a few days to a large metropolitan city. If I ever wanted a reality check about how skinny I am, that was it! Apparently, "suburban mom thin" is not at all the same as "big city chic thin!" There were so many skinny women in fabulous clothing - both young and old. I felt so wide and frumpy next to them - even while wearing my "thin clothes" that I had packed for the trip.
My reflection in all of those glass skyscrapers showed that I was no match for those skinny model-like urban dwellers. I used to be a city girl and always felt like I fit in. I felt like a pudgy country bumpkin who had been slapped back into reality.
I think what looks good for the suburbs or small towns is not at the same level as what looks good - in terms of fashion, weight, height, etc. - in a big city. I sure felt brought down a notch or two.
I definitely agree! I call myself Midwest skinny and my sisters Midwest anorexia Put me on the West Coast or a bigger city I would would feel super overweight and my sisters would probably be thought pudgy.
I feel skinny in upstate NY, medium/chunky in NYC, whale-like in Asia, medium/short in Quebec, and petite in Germany/Netherlands. Standards around the country/world are totally different.
Don't let urban waifs detract from your happiness with your progress. Just because they are skinny and stylish doesn't mean you aren't awesome.
At my old job, I was one of the thinner and more active ones (!) Once I left that job and lost 20 pounds, I realized I was totally deluded back then. When I'm in some parts of the city I feel humongous, sometimes on the subway I feel svelte. Some mornings I look in the mirror and think 'wow I've lost a ton' and get on the scale and see +3 !
The funny thing is, I bet some of those skinny thin fashionistas are unsatisfied & insecure with themselves unfortunately, this is part of human nature - unless we work really hard to let go of the grasping....
I totally get that, I do. But I wonder if it isn't your attitude that made you feel big and not that you are. I lived in a bigger city for years and was much heavier, but I never really paid much mind to it. But I think it's because living there I was always on the go... going out, hanging out, whatever. But I went to nice salons to get my hair and nails done, I dressed fashionably, and so did my friends. Now when I go back, I feel the same. But I think it has more to do with the relaxed atmosphere in the more suburban climates than anything. EVERYTHING is more relaxed. I've noticed where I live now that people will go out to dinner in old ratty jeans and T's. Where I lived before, that just didn't happen. And most clubs had dress codes so there would be none of this going in in sneakers! So, I think it might have been the overall vibe of not feeling like that was where you fit in anymore that may have made you feel bigger. Not just that some of the women were thinner. Not that it didn't make a difference, too, but it may have bothered you more because of that.
I live in NYC and people tend to try to look their best no matter what size. NYC tends to get haircuts, trends and fashions first before things trickle to other cities. We walk a bunch too. Some women are very thin and some aren't but you will find people tend to know how to style themselves in a way that is flattering. I don't really think frumpy is about weight. I saw plenty of skinny frumps in Pennsylvania when I went to college.
Yep, don't take it personally. Most of those women were likely working and were in their daily 'made up' mode. You probably were on vacation and not in career mode. (I'm guessing there)
Besides, like others have said, all cities are not the same. I've been in cities where people would seem big to those in LA. Heck, LA probably seems like its women are huge compared to Hong Kong or Tokyo - all about perspective.
What looks good is confidence. What looks good is dressing and tailoring for your shape. What looks good is correct posture. What looks good is a head held high.
Those are the standards that matter. Thinness doesn't even equate to those. Everyone has something about themselves they don't like and everyone has something they think everyone else judges them on.
I frequently find myself watching old What Not To Wear episodes to beat this into my head. You can look just as put together as any other person on the globe if you make sure you're wearing the right clothes in the right fit for your body shape.
When on vacation elsewhere, I know I will see, hear, taste, smell, enjoy a whole other way of living. That's the point. I am visiting. But whatever the lifestyle over there, that's over there. That's not my normal lifestyle. And it is not a judgement on my lifestyle of how I live. It's just different.
2) I do not care.
Since I am the one living in my own skin, in my own life, the standard that matters is the standard I set and can actually execute in my own life.
It helps a lot that my self esteem/self value is internal or stems from within. It's easier for me to be ok in myself than say, my friend E. She's wired to be an "external" rather than an "internal" and if she's in a setting where X is the valued thing and she matches up, she feels great about herself, secure, confident, etc. She knows the rules here. She can roll with it.
If she's in a Y setting where she perceives herself to be lacking or not meeting the bar there, she does not think "Oh, I'm in a new Y setting, so rules do not apply to me here, I do not live here" like I do.
She thinks "Oh, I must figure out the new rules and fit in here, because I am NOT meeting the bar, I am failing, I am behind, etc." Then she feels horrible about herself.
I keep telling her to either a) change her setting, or b) learn to be her own balance from within, rather than seeking it from without.
Here in Quebec, it is quite a struggle - the old French stereotype reigns supreme, women are all quite slim. Even the older women. When women are overweight, they are usually fairly overweight but most are thin. It is normal to not eat much, and to drink wine instead. Likewise, few of them are fit either, but it doesn't matter if you are fit, as long as you are thin.
I used to be thin and fit, now I'm just average. But, at my age (27 so competing with younger girls) and 3 pregnancies (most women have only 1 when they are 30+ here), I think I look pretty darn good
Different Standards of Thin
Put me on the West Coast or a bigger city I would would feel super overweight and my sisters would probably be thought pudgy.
unfortunately, this is part of human nature - unless we work really hard to let go of the grasping....
