So, since I've been home from college, I've pretty much turned my life around. I started exercising regularly and I have totally changed my diet. My family knows what I'm doing and so does my best friend. I am always honest about what I do with my diet and whatever to both of them. I share my weight loss or any other things that make me smile when I look at myself. There is a history of EDs in the women in my family, and I feel like everyone in my family, despite knowing exactly what I am doing, thinks I am headed for a giant abyss of unhealthy habits. My best guy friend told me that his own sister struggled with an ED and that he's worried I too will become radical about health and fitness and take it too far. I've been on dozens of diet plans over the last 19 years and nothing has ever happened. I just really want encouragement and support, but I feel like I'm only getting negative feedback about my lifestyle changes. I've tried explaining to them that I'm not my sisters and I'm not my mom and that if I don't change now, I'm going to run out of time to save my health. I just don't know what to say to them anymore. It really hurts.
And the worst is that when I do bring up that I would like support, they say that they don't mean for comments to come off as negative or discouraging or hurtful. What else can I do? I feel like I really do need and want their support, but I don't know how to get them to see that I'm taking care of myself.
It's like losing weight and trying to become a healthier person has a bad connotation now. How do I get rid of that among the people I want the support from the most?
Their the ones with the problem, I guess they don't want to change who they are. I guess for them to support and encourage you would mean they would have to be more involved or follow you and they don't want to or they think it's only a fad.
You can't make them support you, but you have to be strong and say to yourself, I'm doing a great job by myself and I'll keep pushing on. I know you want support and encouragement from those close to you, but don't sit there waiting for it, move on as it will come from others. You are making positive steps and you will get there.
You can't change how your friends and family worry about you, but you can keep sharing with them the positive plans you make for your weight loss, your upbeat attitude in how this is a change for the better, and you will just have to let them see the effects this has on you and let them come to the conclusion you're going about it the right way.
Show them your meal plans, let them in on how you prepare foods, get some of them to join you for your exercise, and engage them all in good conversations about health and fitness. Just know they have to become accustomed to seeing a good result in weight loss as opposed to a ED result. Give them time.
Personally I prefer not to share my plans and not to look for support, maybe because I fear that if I fail everyone will see me fail. I started being more open about my efforts when the loss was evident and I started to get comments. And even now, I prefer to say I am not on a diet buy just exercising more... I have noticed that as soon as I said I was dieting --in the past-- people started to criticize the diet I had chosen, and started to offer me food. This "silent way" has helped me lose a lot of weight without having to give any explanations to anybody...
And I have also noticed that when we start a diet we tend to be a bit of a nuisance to our family, because we talk about it too much. In fact, nobody cares what we eat and what we don't eat unless we have a ED. If you don't, then keep quiet and look for support here! We love talking about food and exercise! LOL
It's really messed up when someone who is obese or overweight decides to change their lifestyle and get healthy, and they're met with "don't become anorexic" as if that's the only option.
I understand your family and friends' concern but I do think they need to face reality - would they rather you didn't care what you ate or how much you weighed or about being active?
3FC is FULL of supportive people and it's always buzzing in here. Hopefully you'll be able to find support from people in the "real" world but barring that, post here and you'll get tons of support.
I agree, coming here for support is a wonderful option. I have some people, like my husband, who support me, and some family members who need to mind their own business. There's no way to change how others will perceive your weight loss, so just keep up the good work and enjoy your healthy lifestyle!
For instance, when I first went vegetarian I endured a lot of comments, and from younger relatives the silly "YUUMMMM! MEAT! I'm a carnivoooore!" nonsense. Years later, nobody bats an eye, everyone remembers to check in to see if potlucks are going to have what I need.
Nevermind that I'm actually flexitarian at this point -- I was strict veg/nursing while pregnant to reduce hormone load on baby and on PCOS me.
Family and friends do not live your reality. It takes them much longer to notice/adapt to change than you do because you DO live your reality.
Accept that you have done what you can -- shared, explained, asked for support. Now just sit back and let it simmer on their stove and let them learn how to do this. Some will get it, some will not. Accept that too.
You cannot expect hurryhurry or perfection from yourself in your weight loss. Lose 10 lbs like YESTERDAY!
So you can't expect it from your people either -- give them the time it needs to take. No hurry-hurry. And don't expect 100% family and friends on board perfection either. There will be a few that just won't get it.
Neither has to affect YOUR success though. Seek support here and other places.
Looking for support but not getting any
