Unprofessional; maybe. But they could be good friends, or she is one of these people who say that to everyone...
My marriage is rock solid, no woman could "lure" my hubby away. I would never worry, because I know I have nothing to worry about. So if your marriage is solid, just ignore it.
A motto we have in our marriage. Jealousy has "lousy" in it for a reason So if your marriage is rock solid; don't spend your energy worrying about it. I always say if my husband finds something better; I won't fight for him, I will just take all his money
I am a very non-discriminatory person what comes to my friends. I have both male and female friends, gay and straight. -- I feel I would have missed out on great friendships if "talking to a married man was forbidden".
Obviously your husband let you see his phone, openly and honestly...so why be so upset?
yeah, all that is true sum, but i could still see getting a little irritated. like, who the h*ll does she think she is? but you gotta let it roll off your back, want2.
Last edited by valalltogether; 04-28-2012 at 01:30 PM.
I might find it...odd? Irritating? It just seems so juvenile. Grow up, already. Grown people don't sign texts to coworkers with "love u." I know some people really need to be seen as the "expressive one" but there can be a fair amount of subtle manipulation going on in that. A person who was genuinely "caring" and "expressive" would care that how she was expressing herself might make other people uncomfortable.
One person's need to hug everyone and tell everyone they love them does not trump another person's need for boundaries and respect.
I wouldn't jump all over my husband for having an immature coworker, but my eyes would just about roll out of my head.
Valaltogether,
Yeah I'm gonna let it roll off my back. Honestly I was kinda shocked by it all. That someone actually had the nerve to say that. I'm wondering though if I didn't see the text message would he have told me she said that....probably not.
98daysof summer,
You are exactly right!!! JUVENILE! Maybe it's because I am a mature woman who would not do such things. I respect boundaries, and I would like for mine to be respected too. I agree with the rest of your message too. Women can think that it's ok with them to tell someone that, (love u) and think that the wife is ok with that too.
98daysof summer,
You are exactly right!!! JUVENILE! Maybe it's because I am a mature woman who would not do such things. I respect boundaries, and I would like for mine to be respected too. I agree with the rest of your message too. Women can think that it's ok with them to tell someone that, (love u) and think that the wife is ok with that too.
THIS is the word I was looking for! I wouldn't be pissed as all **** about the text, just annoyed at how juvenile it is. She probably KNOWS he's married, so really? She needs to grow the f up.
My fiance's little brother is quite a bit younger than him and has a lot of female friends who used to SWOON every time he was around. When they were 14, 15 they used to really openly flirt with him despite knowing that he had a girlfriend and all that (but my darling fiance didn't see it, haha). That's what this reminds me of, 14/15 year old girls who don't know any better. I got pissed at first, but I realized that they were just teens doing stupid crap and I just started rolling my eyes; most of them are now nice young women.
I agree with the comments that if a man has a problem with his wife looking at his phone there's something fishy. I did say "may or may not bother him" because frankly I have no idea what anyone's marriage is like.
Given that, I do think there needs to be an aura of respect and even some privacy in marriage. I don't open my husband's mail if it's addressed specifically to him, go read his email on his computer, or check his text messages. (I'm not saying you do either, I'm speaking generally here.) I know he wouldn't care if I did those things, but I just don't. I trust him enough to know there's nothing I need to worry about.
Well, everything is going to be ok. I just wanted to ask some other women their opinions because I think that he (dh) thinks I am the only female that acts like this... (getting upset) and I'm not.
We have been together for 21 years, I love him to much and have been through everything, so yeah I do get upset at stuff like that.
My husband does not have female friends and I do not have male friends (except couples - which we do not hang out with the opposite sex without their partner present). Some people find that controlling, stifling, whatever. Well, I disagree and consider it a boundary between us, one that we both agree on.
So no, you're not crazy OP. Although I agree that a man with something to hide would never let you see his phone like that, so I think this is just a woman who does not understand that is improper behaviour for most married couples.
Plus if a man has a problem with a wife messing with his phone then there is definately something fishy going on. A marriage is to be open and honest.
the best way to destroy a marriage is "total honesty"
- yes, dear, you do look fat in that
- actually, no - my ex was better in bed than you are.
- yeah, you do come off as gay sometimes
- i wish you would stop trying to cook. you're not very good at it.
the only thing a successful relationship needs is trust - which is not the same thing as honesty.
as for the text message, i wouldn't even blink at it. my daughter's father is from trinidad and they're ALL like that - verbally and physically. someone from canada or the US would be excused for thinking they're a licentious lot when they see how much hugging and kissing and butt-grabbing and commenting on butts and boobs and so on goes on whenever there's a get-together - but it's not sexual or flirtatious in nature; that's just how they are and i do appreciate that they know not to go grabbing my butt or commenting on my cleavage or doing the huggy-kissy thing once they realized i wasn't comfortable with it.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-29-2012 at 09:27 AM.
the best way to destroy a marriage is "total honesty"
- yes, dear, you do look fat in that
- actually, no - my ex was better in bed than you are.
- yeah, you do come off as gay sometimes
- i wish you would stop trying to cook. you're not very good at it.
One does not need to insult their partner in order to be completely honest. Really, after reading that thread where you and your partner seem to verbally abuse each other as if it's normal, I'm not surprised to hear the above. Geez.
- I think another outfit looks better
- Here are some things I would like to try in order to have more fun
- When you do X then yes, I do think people may get the impression of being feminine
- Let's cook X together or let's try a class and see if we can improve
What did your husband say when you asked him about it?
Is there ANY way that she accidentally put the "love you" at the end?
I know there have been times when I was telling my boss goodbye and I nearly (accidentally!) said "ok, bye, love you" out of habit. Especially if I had recently talked to a family member.
One time my DH & I had a problem with a single, 22 y/o young lady who was very immature, who would make inappropriate behaviors toward him.
The first time (that I witnessed), she ran up to him and jumped on his back, like a kid would, right on the main street of our small town. He laughed it off, while I stood their stunned. While I am not a very jealous person, I later told him that I felt it was inappropriate behavior; and I asked him to put a stop to it.
But obviously, he didn't deal with it enuff, becuz she continued and got worse. The next time, she ran up to him and tried to kiss him on his lips, right in front of me and her boyfriend. Like you, I was shocked; and her BF was visibly upset. Thankfully, my DH grabbed her by the shoulders and sternly told her to back off. She never did anything like that again, and she stayed clear of my DH from that time on.
Some of these girls are so immature that they either don't listen, or don't get it -- that flirting with a married man is a "no-no". I was single until I was 30 y/o and for me, married men were always "off-limits". I respected the fact that they had wives and families, even when they didn't.
While we know that there are a few women who like to use flippant salutations, telling a married co-worker of the opposite sex that you luv them really isn't appropriate. Sometimes, a co-worker may have to contact you outside of work; but if they do, they should still do it in a proper business-like manner -- to be respectful.
Some people do cross the line, as we have learned, but that could be quickly fixed if your DH would just remind her to keep the text messages more business-like in deference to his wife who sometimes answers his phone for him. BTW, I see nothing wrong with you answering your husband's phone & mail for him -- we do that all the time and I pay all the bills.
The point is that it bothers you; and that is what matters -- and you expressed this to your DH. I take it from what you said that he thought is meant nothing. Heck, if a single guy said that to me, I'd raise my eyebrows and would likely say back something like, "That's cute, but don't forget that I'm a married lady, OK?"
Heck, if one of my exes just shows up at the grocery store the same time as me, my DH gets the look of a "wounded puppy" on his face (yet he would claim that he wasn't a jealous guy; ya, right). I told him that I had no way of knowing they would be there that day and at that time, and visa-versa; and please don't take it so personal ... he sheepishly said, "OKayyyy ..."
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 04-29-2012 at 03:01 PM.
