Lin, I just wanted to offer you a hug and some strength to do what you need to do next. Good luck in your efforts and one more thing....you WILL be ok. You're carrying him and his part time children right now....you'll be fine on your own and sometime down the road a bit you'll find a man you deserve, who likewise deserves you.
Times are hard and there are a lot of people renting out a room in their home.
You can look for ads in craigslist and in newspapers in your area.
Find a room or move in with someone looking for a roommate.
There won't be any credit checks.
Then move out your items a little at a time so he does not notice. He could damage your belongings if he knows you are moving.
You don't owe him any explanations. Don't even let him know. Just get everything out and never go back.
Don't leave a forwarding address with him.
Get a P.O. box tomorrow and have your mail re-routed to it.
Hide your key.
Summer is coming soon. Buy a bike or an electric bike off craigslist until you can afford a car.
You might just find a new roomate that will help you out on this move.
You can have the police evict him from your house now ... if the address on his drivers license is not the one you are living at now.
A friend of mine invited nasty old drunks over to her house every night from the local bar and gave them all free drinks. She turned the place into a regular hang-out. She turned the music up really high and told the free-loader she was going deaf. She stopped doing the dishes, the cooking, the laundry, and cleaning the house. She brought no food home. There were empty beer bottles and ashes and cigarette butts all over the place. Her live-in mooch got fed up and left because of her "new lifestyle".
After he left she cleaned up the place. LOL
What nameis on the lease where you live now ? Be sure it is not on your name because you will be liable even if you move. This man sounds lazy beyond belief, do yourself a favor and get on with your life, you deserve better.
Bargoo, funny, I can't find the lease right now. But I'm sure it's in both of our names. My name first, then his. How would that work?
This all depends on the laws in your area, and on the flexibility of your landlord.
One might be able to get their name taken off the lease if they and their current living partner consent to the change, and if the landlord agrees to it.
However, in some cases one might have to pay a sum for leaving the lease early, and a new lease must be drawn up between the other party and the landlord. If your lease is almost up in a couple months, it might be worth steeling yourself and waiting to move so that you don't have to pay anything to leave.
Find that lease. Sometimes the information is right there for what you need to do. You can also call the Landlord and ask for a copy of the lease. I wouldn't mention moving to the landlord unless you are sure that you want to, but once you are positive about it then you should discuss your options with your landlord.
ETA: Some hugs! Because it sounds like it's a bad situation. You have the strength to do what's best for you.
I was in a similar situation once before, I know it's difficult, but you are a strong, caring and wonderful woman from what I've read, and you can do anything. We're here to support you when you need someone to talk to.
You have the strength in you to do what is necessary!
Like everyone else has said, if you crying, begging, yelling, and such hasn't changed his mind that means it's not going to. I was in the same situation you were in, I was paying my bf rent and not being able to save any money for myself, I worked at my job for a yr and hadn't saved anything, I told him one night that I wanted to take a break bc I couldn't deal with it anymore, and he fought for me. He made me see that throwing away what we had wouldn't do any good and then he went out and got a job. Since then some of the jobs he has had didn't work out with transportation, or they just told him that they hired someone else after promising him the position. The difference is, he tried, he made the effort. He got a job--it may have fallen through but it that was out of his control. If your fiance won't even try, and then on top of that he won't help to clean the house, and he is expecting you to pay for his kids...you're being used and it's wrong. Tell him that he has one last chance to make things right, and that he needs to take care of his own sh*t! I would tell him that he needs to leave and that you aren't paying for HIS kids stuff anymore, you aren't legally married so it's not like they are your responsibility. If he cleans up his act and wants to get back with you then you know that it was for real, but don't go back to living together right away, that way he will have to pay for his own things and not rely on you. I would also take his engagment ring, pawn(or sell) it, and use the money to buy yourself all the things that you have wanted but couldn't bc your money was going into supporting him.
Remember that there is a differnence btw loving and supporting someone in tough times, and someone taking advantage of you. Hope this helps and that things get better!
I have to agree with what has already been said. You asked what is a reasonable time to give him to change - I'd say the year and a half that's already gone by is way more than enough. Get out now before you can't.
My friend went through this exact same thing. Met a girl on the internet and let her move in with him after only knowing her for a month. He had just moved out of his brothers house and into an apartment. Finally off on his own. She shows up and bleeds him dry. This went on for a year. He ended up having to move in with a friend because he couldnt afford the apartment anymore. He had to force her to get a job, which she kind of fell half a** backwards into. It finally came down to him finding out she had been cheating on him for the better half of the year she lived with him.
By the time it was over with his saving was empty and he had to move back in with his parents and start all over again.
At the end of the day you can still love the person, but just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to let them take advantage of you. You need to do whats best for you.
While I am currently a stay at home wife (when I really could be working). I make sure I pull my weight around the house, cleaning cooking and whatever else needs to be done. So my DH can come home and relax.
I couldn't agree more with the rest of the posts...he isn't going to change. I too shared a home with a man like this. For 8 years I raised his son. He would be laid off 5 months of the year. That was our biggest argument. He had to have the 52" tv, sirius radio, biggest dish network package, etc...but couldn't contribute. Unfortunately he was an alcoholic too...which contributed to the fighting about $...because he would rather spend his $ on alcohol than bills. He always said i 'worried too much about that stuff'. But I worked in banking...and yes...i worried about that stuff. I cared about my credit score and wanted my stuff paid for! Guess that was too much to ask.
After 8 years...i had enough. I stayed longer than i should have for my step son...but needed to make the changes and get myself happy.
I left and filed for divorce. I left MY house, left everything but my dog, and started over. I am now in an amazing relationship with the most caring and loving man. Coincidentally we went to high school together I couldn't be happier. I'm so glad I finally found the courage to put myself first. Best diet I ever went on i might add...lost 65 lbs! Lol
Best of luck to you...
Chances are, he isn't going to change. So I think you need to decide if you can live with this situation for the long term. It is a tough situation to be in and I feel really bad for you.
You know that he is capable of pulling his weight financially, but he chooses to live off of your generosity. My ex husband was similar, which is a major part of the reason he is now an ex.
Ditto - down to the ex husband.
You can fall in love with his "potential" but without effort, his potential means nothing.
I just wanted everyone to know, that after hearing what yal have to say, and also some good friends, I'm done with 2nd chances. I'm going to ask him to leave.
And I'm keeping the vehicle.
I paid out my booty for two years to keep him up. Why should I suffer?
Funny side note: I bought my own engagement ring. It's not even real. It has the value of sterling silver...little to nothing.
I just wanted everyone to know, that after hearing what yal have to say, and also some good friends, I'm done with 2nd chances. I'm going to ask him to leave.
And I'm keeping the vehicle.
I paid out my booty for two years to keep him up. Why should I suffer?
Funny side note: I bought my own engagement ring. It's not even real. It has the value of sterling silver...little to nothing.
You sound like a smart girl. Remember, your friends know even more than us and only want the best for you. Good luck, I think, you will not regret this especially when you look back in time.
Because it sounds like it's a bad situation. You have the strength to do what's best for you.
I couldn't be happier. I'm so glad I finally found the courage to put myself first. Best diet I ever went on i might add...lost 65 lbs! Lol
