Not weight loss related...but need some guy advice
I always tend to over-do it when I first start talking to a new guy that I meet on the dating websites that I'm on. I've never had a boyfriend, have been on a couple of dates, but texting is my main way of communicating with them until I feel comfortable meeting them. I always get nervous when I don't hear back from them right away. I know that they have lives too and work, but it's always in the back of my head that they're just ignoring me. For example, I just started talking to a guy last night. We chatted for a couple of hours, and then I asked him if he wanted to text, he said yes. We texted for about 20 minutes and I said "it's been nice talking to you". Ever since then, he hasn't responded. What makes me feel even more nervous is that I've seen that he has been on that dating website today. I just texted him and asked him how his day has been. Last night, he said he had work early this morning, so I'm sure he's at work and I'm hoping to hear back from him later today. But, the possibility that he is just ignoring me is always in the back of my mind. Anyone have any advice or suggestions for how to get over this?
I'm not a 20 something, but I thought I'd offer some input. Perhaps the guy thought you didn't want to talk anymore, because a lot of people use "it's been nice talking to you" as a way of blowing the other person off.
Hmm...I didn't think of that. We were joking around and I said that I was expecting a text from a famous athlete who we were talking about previously (out of context, it doesn't make sense...but it did in the convo we were having lol) and he said "you must be extremely disappointed" because it was him and not this made up athlete that we were joking about. And I said that I wasn't disappointed and that its been nice talking to him" then I fell asleep and he never texted back. Then I sent him that "how's your day been" text and haven't heard back yet. Should I clarify that statement that I made last night incase he interpreted it wrong?
Last edited by xLindsay46; 01-07-2012 at 03:48 PM.
I wish it was that easy! lol. Everything was going fine, we were joking around and having a good conversation. Then I made that "it's been nice talking to you" comment and haven't heard back since. Not sure if I should send him a text in couple of hours clarifying that comment if I don't hear back from him about how his day has been.
Don't clarify and don't send anymore text messages. You offered to open the line of communication once more the next day; DON'T OFFER ANY MORE. The ball is in his court - if he doesn't respond then note that his interest may have been fleeting or he is 'too busy' for you and move on. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure he understood you were joking around with him, if he was doing the same...You've already texted him and If he wants to talk again, he'll text you back. If not, time to move to the next person.
Send him a text saying that you had fun talking with him last night is he free to have another texting round tonight? Explaining yourself is ackward and this way it lets him know that you still are interested in him. If he doesn't respond after that I wouldn't give him the time of day. Believe me, if a guy likes talking with you then he will talk to you. Stop spinning thoughts in your head of things that haven't happened yet(sorry if that sounds harsh it's something that I used to do and have to discipline myself not to do) When it's time for you to find someone you will and nothing can stop that.
Thanks for the advice. I'm glad I heard it before I got myself into even more trouble lol. I tend to over think things and have ended up sending some texts that I regretted afterwards and that probably put me in a worse spot than I originally was before sending the "trying to fix it" text
Thanks Ruby. I already have a "how's your day been" text on the table right now. So hopefully he'll respond to that and we can go from there. And no, not harsh at all. I needed to hear that. The reason that thought of me being ignored is always in the back of my head is because it has happened before. My self confidence still isn't where it needs to be, and that has something to do with it too.
Last edited by xLindsay46; 01-07-2012 at 04:10 PM.
"My self confidence still isn't where it needs to be, and that has something to do with it too"
This gets said alot but men really are attracted to girls who are confident I found that once I started being comfortable with myself, men became interested ....Fake being confident. Fake being outgoing. Because after you do it for a bit, your not faking anymore. You are
Not all guys you talk to are going to be interested. And most of the time it really isn't because of weight. Some people aren't compatible sexually, even if they are as friends. But hopefully this guy is interested in you and will give you a text back...good luck...and keep us posted
If you get so fidgety with texts, then why do you suggest texting? I get that it's a more convenient way of talking, but I think it strips away some key elements of human interaction. Conversation is meant to be face to face, then the phone came about but it was still more direct than little notes in forms of text messages. Haha, I sound so old! The point is, you're trying to get to know someone so you might start potentially dating them, so start asking to Skype or call them! Texting can be a nightmare because it's like a waiting game and there's all this anticipation and you can read too much into it. Getting to know someone shouldn't be a game, it should be exciting and your personality on the phone will shine through more than in a text.
I get that online dating is an intimidating thing and we can all hide behind a phone or a computer screen, but I think once you've talked online for a bit then jump straight into phone calls rather than texting, then go for the dates. That's how I would do it anyway!
I'd say you seem like a sensitive person, and texting isn't for you because you try and put as much meaning into it as possiable, while I think guys dont as much, also depends on the person. I think you scared him off a bit, guys can get finicky easily they like to be in control and secure, it may have made him nervious and he might have not wanted it to go that fare. I'm like you too though. I'd do as some of the others have said, tell the person ahead of time that you don't text-stick to texting for people you already know well that way you know whats being said. And I believe that if a guy is really worth his salt he'll show that to you, you seem like a wounderful beautiful spirit and I think a better guy for you whould show that he is into you very clearly. Getting over someone is hard, I still have feelings for a guy for about 2 years, he showed signs that he liked me-anyway the point is that when I was upset about not doing something about it, my good friend said that if a guy wants something he'll go after it. But just remember that not all men are the same, just like how all woman arn't the same. I have wonderful examples of really good relationships around me, and how great men act. They are out there. Just don't settle and learn to love yourself...I'd focus your affection on yourself. Don't be so nice and outreaching to men all the time lol they don't always deserve it, they can act like they are all cool in the moment then...nothing. But ove course what do I know, I have pretty much no experience. Hope that was helpful. Oh and sometimes when your not looking for someone you come across a really great guy, then you guys develope a friendship and then it blossoms to something more. Just dont give your hopes up, I hate when people settle. When you find true love you should be able to see yourself reflected in thier eyes...lol not literially metaphorically. But then again, I think young wippersnappers should not be too serious about relationships, you should be adventurious in a healthy way, becuase lets face it you don't just settle down with the only person you've ever dated. But it does happen. Anyway, I think you get my points, if ive made any good ones. This has turned into a big rant. I'll stop here.
Thanks everyone! Of course, I got all anxious for nothing because he texted me back and it seems as if everything is fine I'm feeling much better and need to get those negative thoughts out of my head! If a guy wants to talk to me, he will! And if he ignores me, then he's not worth my time anyways! Thanks again everyone!
I can completely see where you're coming from Lindsay! I do the same thing, and it's really hard to work through it. Just keep reminding yourself that he's working, and he could be swamped at work, or his boss could be right there. Some people's jobs don't give them an opportunity to text during the day.
Even when he's finished work....he might go to the gym, hit a happy hour with friends, he could just want to relax and watch some tv or sports.
Find other ways to occupy yourself. Talk to other guys from the site, take up a hobby, hit the gym. Maybe look up fun things to do in the area so you can suggest plans for a date?
Not weight loss related...but need some guy advice
