thanks sacal96, that might apply for this. I did file a police report today, since I figured it's better to be safe than sorry over the weekend. then I have to go the court Monday so I'll see what they say.

The cop filing the report said pretty much the same thing as last time, it's my dad's house and he can invite who he wants over. Even with the pulling the knife and saying he would kill me; I think the cop thought I was overreacting. He asked was it just a small pocket knife and I said NO it was a bit bigger, like a hunting knife; but even a quick stab to the face, neck or heart with a small pocket knife and I could get hurt.

I don't know why my dad is hanging out with 16 year olds; this past year he fell back into drinking, lost his job, won't look for work, won't get any help for himself. He's really changed; he wasn't always like this. I guess noone else wants to be bothered with him so he figures the 16 year old isn't judging him. I have no idea why this young guy wants to hang out around here though.

Thanks for all the suggestions...it's really a help (since the cops aren't much help).

I really don't understand why you are having so much trouble with the police on this matter but after all the advice given and your answers back I assume that you are an adult and older than the boy in question.

That may be part of it....they may feel he is a kid and you are not.

Prayers for safety.

Ringmaster, just what is going on? You don't directly answer Qs that ask about age. You've been on this web site since 2009. I'm a little suspicious that a minor would have found this site at age 16 and keep posting for 2 years. Anyone younger is even more unusual.

So that makes me suspect you are over age 18. I don't know you, obviously, but how the heck can a 16 year old be coming into your house and getting away with any of this? There is something more you are keeping from us.

This whole story, as it was told, has dysfunction written all over it. Yet, the posters who suggested agencies to help with the dysfunction were ignored.

I'm sorry, but either you're too ill with dysfunction to see it for what it is and seek proper help, or your story is simply a "story".

If the original Q is simply to get info on restraining orders my advice to you is to forget it. It's a simple piece of paper that won't protect you in any way, shape or form. It's a waste of time.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Def keep reporting to the police. But this guy isn't respecting boundaries... who knows if he'd respect a restraining order. Get one, but... figure out plan B for getting you AWAY from there. Parents don't seem to be helping/helpful in this situation.

I don't know how old you are, but call someone somewhere. Child protection. Elder abuse if you feel your mom is also threatened... your church, your teacher... tell someone. Maybe even look into moving OUT into a women's shelter? Domestic violence is never pleasant.

http://www.speakoutloud.net/articles/ has a lot of articles.

And the LINKS area may help you find resources wherever it is you are.

I hope it doesn't come to it but next time that happens call 911 -- pulling a knife is scary!

GL!
A.

lol..it's ok, I know the situation is an unusual one; I haven't found anyone else with all this going on in their life either. Since it is a unique case, I don't know where to really turn. At the moment I don't have a church, teacher or that sort of support to talk to. Even though I didn't respond to everyone, I did thank everyone for their suggestions and I am using them. After cooling off a bit and asking my mom what she would be ok with me doing (as far as pressing charges , etc); my mom made a point it's not exactly this guy's fault - it's really my dad's drinking, and his behavior allowing this kid to think it's ok to do these things here. In the end, it's my dad that really needs the help.

As for why this person can get away with it, while it's where I call home, it is not my house.

yes, I am an adult. I was a bit surprised people thought I was a minor, but I can understand how it can come off that way. While I'm living here (place I should be calling home), I do also look after my mom here; I cook for her, go to the store and places for her and with her. This just started happening this past year with my dad, so it was unexpected. He was sober for 20+ years, working and 'normal', so we weren't prepared for all of this. A good part of this year we were trying to get my dad help and praying he would snap out of it and get some help.

I knew if I replied I'm an adult everyone would say to "just leave". Since we (mom and me, and also my 2 cats) don't have anywhere else or anyone else to stay with, leaving is easier said than done.

I was in a similar situation growing up. Not quite the same as yours, but similar. My dad traveled a lot on business, and my mom would let her dead-beat brother stay with us to help around the house because she is one of those helpless damsel-in-distress kind of women who always needed someone to do things for her. My uncle never had a job ever, and had dubious ways of getting cash. He also had a drinking problem that had me and my sister walking on egg shells most of our childhood. One minute he would be all fun and laughter, the next minute he would be yelling and berating us for something or the other. My mom never stepped in to defended us because she always had trouble drawing boundaries with people.

Anyway, the situation resolved itself when my dad got transferred to a different country and my mom, sister & I moved. I was a kid and there was nothing I could have really done.. and the only thing that worked for me was "I left".

"Just leave" is probably easier said than done, however it is a much easier solution than trying to stick around hoping that your dad will change or that the kid would go away. And trust me, leaving will be much easier once you have a plan.

have the police been notified? have you filed a report? even if you have no support system, you can still call state protective services on behalf of your mother, who suffers from mental illness right? there are services for that...you can also call domestic violence hotlines or shelters to help you work through this with the police...they may even take you more seriously if you arrive at police dept with a domestic violence advocate

and no its not dad's fault that this guy acted like that...while dad may have given him permission to come around, due to dad's drinking/poor judgement, the guy CHOSE to threaten you, he CHOSE to pull a knife, dad did not do that nor did dad's drinking do that, the other person chose to do those things...

Kinda sounds like this boy is only comming around because he knows that your father will be drinking and he can get things from him and make easy money on the side by selling it or what ever he is doing with it. I would call the hotlines up all they can do is tell you No sorry they can't help but what if by chance they can. Why not give it a shot to get rid of this boy....

Hi Ringmaster. 1st off sorry you're going through this right now. I too live in NJ and as insane as it is you can only get a restraining order against someone you have had a romantic relationship with.
I found this out after being stalked and harassed by a boyfriends scorned child's mother! However, I was able to file a report against her and took her to court (without a restraining order) for making terroristic threats against me and she left me alone after she saw I was willing to get the police involved.
However, what I do know is that if someone pulled a knife on you that is a CRIME. A knife is a deadly weapon and he can be arrested for that. Don't just let it go. Also know that your dad can be arrested if he's giving a 16 yr old alcohol or allowing him to drink in his home.
I say keep calling 911 and keep going to the police station until you get someone to listen to you.
Good luck.

Yeah I'm still at a loss as to how the NJ police think that it's okay for the guy to pull a knife on you because he was invited by your dad. What??? It's NEVER okay- and it's always illegal- to threaten someone with a deadly weapon.

I filed a report Saturday on the teenager pulling the knife and making a verbal threat.]'
'

Today I filed another report on somethings I found out were stolen and sold over the weekend - and I have shipping emails as proof that they were bought with my own money so I'm going to try pressing charges on my father for that (might still be hard since the police need proof, but my father admits to selling my things, so worth a shot).

I asked my mom how she would feel about me calling adult protective services for her awhile ago; since I thought they might remove my dad and force him to get help - but she is worried they will actually ask her to leave and go to a shelter. I did call a local crisis hotline a few weeks ago to then see if adult protection could apply to my father, but they said since alcohol is involved they won't come here to evaluate him.

I'm looking up domestic violence lines now - trying to stick to state ones (instead of just local/county ones).

Another thought- could you call CPS on behalf of the boy? If he is underage, spending time with an alcoholic, etc. could you argue that his welfare is in danger and his family situation needs to be investigated?

yeah, I thought of that. I don't have his exact address though, and I have tried looking it up (was going to go down and talk to his parents at one point, even before the knife incident). I'm not sure if his parents are even aware he is here all the time. I have wondered what's up with his family life though, since it seems like he's getting father attention from my dad that maybe is lacking in his own home.

well, like this can get any weirder. I did some detective work and got the kid's address and did call child protective services on his family. On Friday 2 very nice women went to go talk to his parents; then they came here and talked to me and they understood exactly where I was coming from - from the minor hanging out with my dad, from the kid being really drawn to this house, to being threatened with the knife where I live. They said his mom took his knife/knives away and they called the cops on my behalf to also go there to talk to his parents.

sounds good, right? Well, this kid's dad came around to my home a few hours after the cops and child protection services left and yelled at me why did I call. I know it's bad to lie, but I just said it wasn't me that called (hehe). Holy smokes...the dad is just like the kid, I shouldn't be surprised, but I was. Talking to his dad was just going in circles (like talking to the kid is). I basically tried to reason with his dad that my own father has a drinking problem, my dad is stealing my things for alcohol and the kid being here isn't helping and it's not good for his kid to be learning this behavior from my dad. His dad went on to say it's my dad's house, if I have a fear of knives tell him to just put it away (I did tell him I don't have a fear of knives, it's just being threatened with one and then having to keep walk around the person that threatened to use it on me) if there's a problem with his kid here to go to him and escort the kid home, not to call the cops and dyfs. we talked for about an hour but in the end; his dad didn't see my side at all and thought it was ok for his son to be here.

Saturday and today roll around... and I can't believe it, but the kid is still here. I guess I'm just shocked someone had the cops and child protection services at their door telling them their kid shouldn't be hanging out here all the time...but his parents are still allowing it. I bought some pepper spray to have on me just in case now.

so just wanted to update... although it's a serious situation, I just have to find it funny that even the cops and child protection services can't get this kid away from me, my dad and this house.

This is all so crazy, Ringmaster.

It's good to see that you're taking steps and going through the proper channels to report all these incidents.

Even if leaving is easier said then done, have a plan to get out. Saving up, or looking for opportunities elsewhere.

Get yourself out safely.