[josey]

I moved in with my boyfriend in under a year. I guess we didn't really think about how long we were together. It just worked out that way. We spend our time together at either place anyways. Kind of half living at his, half at mine. Usually weekdays at mine downtown and weekends at his on the ranch. It just made sense to move together when my lease was up. So I packed my bags in June 2009 and moved in with him and we live there happily since then. It was a totally smooth transition (I never was a city person anyways) and we had no problems whatsoever. I know I am very lucky and no, I am not giving him back! He is MINE!!! :-)))

[Emme]

My husband and I moved in together after a year of dating...we waited almost seven years to get married, but that's because we met when we were in college, moved around, etc. We've been together almost 10 years and moving in together before marriage was the best thing we could have done. We know a newly married couple who didn't live together before they got married and it's funny to hear their stories of having to adjust to each other.

If it feels right, then I say go for it!

[gonnadoitthistime]

I would never do it again. Men and women are very different when it comes to commitment. Most women living with a guy behave as if they are married, guys aren't married until they are married. Just sayin, from my experience.

[nelie]

Marriage isn't everyone's goal and it certainly wasn't mine when I moved in with my husband. I also wouldn't say as if I behaved as if I was married when my husband and I lived together prior to marriage. We were both committed to a monogamous relationship but that started on day 1 of our relationship. We split the bills, had separate accounts, etc while we were unmarried. A couple months before we got married, my husband missed a credit card payment and after talking about bills and what not, I took over the finances and took over all bills.

We got our first pet a week after we got married, we bought a house together a year after we got married, etc

[ERHR]

No, I didn't live with my husband before we got married, which was after 4.5 years of dating. We've been married 1 year now.

When I was in college and an atheist I read the research on cohabitation and decided it wasn't worth the risks - taking into account the causation/correlation debate that indiblue stated above (although these is not a difference in the divorce increase between religious and nonreligious people).

Then after college I became a Christian and both living together and sex before marriage were no longer even an option.

I have to say there have been ZERO surprises in terms of living together, so at least for the way we dated there was, in retrospect, no justification for living together to "really" see what it is like/know one another.

[Lovely]

I did not live with my husband before we got married.

No religious reasons (I'm quite a happy Atheist ). No social reasons (my brothers both lived with women before getting married, even though my dear loving mother disapproved). Not even the research reasons! (The ones that say people living together have a higher rate of divorce.)

I dunno. I decided I wanted to live on my own for a while. I did, and I'm grateful for that time.

What other people do as long as they're not harming others is their own business. I've known a ton of people who've lived together before getting married, and a ton of people who haven't. I don't think one way or another about them.

Other than this: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY KEEP YOUR ASSETS SEPARATE FOR LEGAL REASONS. If crap goes bad... well just watch an episode of those court shows to see what happens when people are tangled together over money issues when they aren't married. It ain't pretty. Better safe than sorry.

[BowandArcher]

wow yes, living together before marriage is super important to me. Thats when you REALLY get to know em lol

[MindiV]

DH and I knew each other before we got married. I was living with another guy when we met. There was no cheating on my part in my current relationship. It fell apart, and DH and I eventually got together.

From the first time we were intimate, I pretty much stopped staying at my house. I lived two doors down from him, and he just stopped wanting me to go home at night. So I'd stay at his place then go home and get ready for work the next morning.

I guess we pretty much lived together from the start, though we didn't officially move in together for about four months. We got married eight months later and will be celebrating our fourth anniversary on July 4, and we're trying to have a baby.

I firmly believe it's good to live with someone before you get married. Had I never lived with my ex before we got married, I'd have never noticed that he was a different person at home than he was with other people. We might have actually gotten married and that would have been a nightmare.

[mzKiki]

I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive or marry someone without living with them lol. I don't think you should live together for at least a year though. Trust me morning breath and dirty laundry can ruin a new relationship!

[ryeb]

Thank you for all of the input.

I completely agree with the statement about people just moving in together, then feel they need to get married since it is the next step, but never were in the right mind frame/relationship status. I moved in with a guy I had been dating for a month or two because we both extremely needed a roommate for financial reasons. I learned after that fall out, that I would never move in with a person unless I wanted to spend my life with them.

It is just weird to me, how this time feels so different. I don't know if it is due to the fact we are both feet in first and ready or what? Who knows, but I do feel a little crazy how sure I am of this. I just hope I don't eat these words later.

[EZMONEY]

I grew up in the '60's and early '70's where, as teen-agers and young adults, we went around with the slogans....love the one you're with ~ marriage is just a piece of paper ~ if it feels good do it...

40 years later I have to tell ya that we were wrong!

I have seen the damage that has come from those beliefs in myself, my family and friends and it continues on today through their children.

Here are my stats ~

I lived with my first wife for 4 years before marriage..we divorced after 10 years of marriage....

I did not live with my second wife before marriage....we have been married 16 years and still going strong...

Here are stats from a column from Dr. Phil ~


Marriage and Divorce: The Statistics
Learn what the 2003 data reveals about who is getting married, when they're getting married, and who is most likely to divorce.


The average age of a woman getting married in the United States is 27. — Bride's Magazine



The average age of a man getting married in the United States is 29. — Bride's Magazine



88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate who is waiting for them. — University Wire, Louisiana State University



59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years. The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older. — "Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States," M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher



60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. — National Center for Health Statistics



50 percent of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage. — National Center for Health Statistics



65 percent of altar-bound men and women live together before getting married. — Bride's Magazine



Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. — The Boston Herald




A recent study on cohabitation concluded that after five to seven years, only 21 percent of unmarried couples were still living together. — The Boston Herald



55 percent of cohabitating couples get married within five years of moving in together. Forty percent of couples who live together break up within that same time period. — Annual Review of Sociology



Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry, and an even higher risk if the person they marry comes from a divorced home. One study found that when the wife alone had experienced a parental divorce, her odds of divorce increased to 59 percent. When both spouses experienced parental divorce, the odds of divorce nearly tripled to 189 percent. — Journal of Marriage and the Family



The likelihood that a woman will eventually marry is significantly lower for those who first had a child out of wedlock. By age 35, only 70 percent of all unwed mothers are married in contrast to 88 percent of women who have not had a child out of wedlock. — "Finding a Mate? The Marital and Cohabitation Histories of Unwed Mothers," Lawrence L. Wu and Barbara Wolfe

Good Luck

[ryeb]

Thank you for your post EZMoney. I think some of those phrases are still here today, though. I have heard the "just a piece of paper" numerous times.

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't move in with a Boyfriend. I think its fine that other people do it. I have no religious/moral objections to living together. It's just that I would like to get married someday and think it puts you in a bad position. A lot of men don't look at living together as a step before marriage. They just look at it as sex all the time and someone to cook for me, without commitment. I don't want to be the live in girlfriend who is anxious for a ring. I feel like if you want to wake up next to me every morning you're going to have to put a ring on it. I get REALLY attached to guys and don't think I could handle living with someone.

With that being said, if I was in a position where it just felt VERY RIGHT in the moment I would be open to it. I'm talking about some sort of logistical or practical reason where I felt certain he wasn't trying to play games with me.

[Kaonashi]

July will be 10 years for my partner and I. Neither one of us have any desire to get married.

What we are tired of: People asking "Soooo...when are you going to get married?" or even worse, suggesting that I'm "abnormal" because I'm a woman who isn't foaming at the bits to get wed, or that "we're not committed to our relationship." Um, no and no.

Honestly, the fascination that some people have with other people's martial statuses (or lack of) that aren't their own is...creepy. Marriage is a privilege, and frankly it makes me angry that there are people in our country who genuinely WANT to get married (but can't, due to state laws) while people who CAN abuse that privilege in so many ways. :/

Marriage is wonderful for people who WANT to be married. When I hear about people being married for 50+ years, I think it's a beautiful, rare thing and I am happy for them. But it's not for me, and whether you're getting married (or living with someone) it's very important to BE ON THE SAME PAGE as far as the future is concerned. If you know that you don't want to get married it's very unfair to string someone along who does. There also seems to be a lot of people who are told from the very beginning "Hey, I don't want to get married" and they will stay with that person in the hopes of changing their mind. Now I'm not going to say that sometimes that doesn't happen, but why waste your time? Find someone who feels the same way you do!

[nelie]

I will also say relationships end for good or bad, it happens. Saying there is some statistic about divorce rate doesn't mean living together is a bad thing. I've enjoyed my marriage with my husband and we are both invested in our relationship. If at some point in life, we get divorced, then I won't say I regretted living together or regretted getting married. I don't regret the previous relationships I've had in my life either.

My husband was married before, they didn't live together prior to being married. They divorced. We lived together prior to being married and so far we are still together and going strong.