I would think if you have been in a relationship with someone as long as you have with this fellow then you should know the deal. When I read the part about him putting the pics in the recycle bin that says a lot. Men aren't going to think things all the way past go get the $200 and spend it as a woman would. To say she doesn't look fat would be a fact based on your description of her. He just made the statement and moved on. If your self esteem is affected by the fact he made a statement of fact to an ex, there are other issues that are more important that need to be dealt with. Another thing she may have sent that same email to several other men trying to feel better about feeling fat. I have a friend that's beautiful and she began to explain what was going on in her head and it sounded much like what is going on in my head. I thought to myself a person's perspective of themselves is never what others think it is and you never know what a person thinks of themselves until they feel like it's okay to tell you without getting judged.
If my husband sees a beautiful woman and looks at her I wouldn't be mad. I know I have a good man and I don't worry about him hanging out with the boys and I know they love looking at women. Men are visual creatures and love beauty. If he said he loves you and he apologized take it for that and move on.
WOW!! You guys are AWESOME! Thank you soooo much...you really helped me clear my head and see things much better. After "sitting with it" for a while, i DO believe that i did over react to a degree...especially after a few of you pointed out that the pics were in the recycle bin and not in a folder. He also said he didn't tell me because (like i believe kaplods, GREAT story by the way, pointed out), he just didn't think it was significant because she is just not a factor in his life at all. He also admitted that he just wasnt really thinking when he replied, he just did but didn't mean anything by it...he said he DOES understand why i was so upset. And JohnP...you hit it on the head...thanks so much for the male perspective because it was pretty much dead on. I'm so glad i posted here because it really helped me put this into perspective and make me realize that although i was upset about the pics...i was MORE upset about how insecure they made ME. This womans body was INSANE, and it just made me feel SO bad that i do not look like that for him. And it hurt that i probably never will (i'm 6 inches shorter and much bigger boned/muscular). I'm working to get better...but i hate myself naked. The ironic thing tho is that he does not, he thinks i'm sexy no matter what...so this is really something that i am manifesting in my own head, and that is REALLY what the problem was all about. I know deep down she is nothing to him...he is a good man. I'm not jealous of losing him to her, i'm jealous that she has the confidence in herself to TAKE pics like that and i don't. and yes...i definitely pointed out that asking someone if they look fat is more often done with clothes ON than off if you are that insecure! Again ... thank you all SO much for helping. Sometimes it IS better to get an outsiders opinion. you all are GREAT!!!
I've had the same e-mail address for 11 yrs. If a guy I used to date sent me a nudie pic I'm sure I would've opened it and looked at it and deleted it just like he did. Does this mean I don't love my husband NO! does this mean I'm going to run off with the guy? NO! But it is inappropriate to have secret communication with an ex. I think you need to have a convo with your guy tell him what you feel is inappropriate. No yelling, no accusations and no tears!!! Guys don't respond well to that stuff. Good luck.
Put a little make up on, do your hair, then mess it up a little, and put something sexy on, or nothing at all, or maybe just a cute bra/pantie set(whatever you feel comfy AND sexy in).
And take one or two photos of yourself, and send them to him..
I KNOW how you feel. I hate how I look naked, I hate how I look when I try to be sexy, I just don't think I am. BUT my boyfriend does. Just like how yours does. He's obviously seen you naked before I'm sure. He knows your body just about as well as you do.
Sending him a sexy little picture will make you feel SO much better about yourself, especially when you see how much he loves it.
i would say your response is DELETE because shes an EX for REASON!! he knew what he was doing. but if this is his first time messing up give him another chance THEN make a decision
Of course I would. Interesting people will get my new one, people that do not interest me don't. Simple, clean and clear. I meet tons of people every day, I can't possibly carry old baggage around.
That said I never let down friends and people I know need me or care for me.
I think what you call old baggage I would call life. Maybe I'm older, and I guess all my break ups happened in a time when contact info wasn't as easy to change, but this seems extreme. I have a lot of people in my life that I don't have frequent contact with, but I wouldn't want to lose all possibility of contact. Why should I lose them along with the ex? At this point, one of those people I wouldn't want to lose complete contact with IS an ex. There's a reason he's an ex, but there's also a reason we liked each other 20 years ago.
Sorry, this is a total hijacking of the thread, but people's attitudes towards exes is fascinating!
Oh and I totally missed that there was a 2nd page to the replies. Whoops!
I'm glad you didn't ditch him over this. Nude photos of a hot ex would send my emotions to the toilet too, but I think you're probably right that it's more about your feelings than his actions.
I am afraid this man has nothing going for him. If he ever gets his act together and gets a job, chances are he will leave you because you have seen him in this stay at home bum mode. I can't imagine why you want to keep him around. You found some pics, wonder what else has gone on that you haven't found, and the biggest thing is HE LIED. Liars lie. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you asked for opinions and that's mine based on personal experience of having a live in boyfriend who didn't contribute much. When someone is that dependent on you, you can never know the real reason they are there, how their attitudes, needs, goals etc might change if they had other options. Heck, he might be looking for a new woman to support him. Have you looked for him on cheating/dating sites?
Sorry, I too missed the second page. IMO you did not over react, for pete's sake, it has been proven that biologically men are not monogamous, that it takes great effort for men to be faithful (applause for all the great men out there), and to make this about how you feel about you is taking a wrong turn. again, he lied, that is the biggest flaw here for me.
I do hope it works out for the two of you though.
