[Sonjae]

I was thinking the same thing as some of the other posts about him wanting you to see it so he doesn't have to break up with you and unfortunatly there are many out there who will do something really bad so that you walk out, but I think they also do it because they don't love themselves and they have to have others see them the same way. I have had the great misfortune of being with many men who were cheating lying *******s and it is very hard and some how shocking everytime. (you would think the shock would stop but a good person still can't fathom doing what a bad person does)

Moving on can be really hard! It will be one of those things that just clicks. You will look back and go "what the heck was I thinking...why was I so up set. He wasn't that great! Was I on something?" (at least it was that way for me) After being upset for so long one day I just said wow why was I upset.
Then one day when you least expect it you will meet a great man that will treat you right. Things wont be perfect (they never are) but it will all be worth it and you will laugh at the past.
Just keep your head up because
This to shall pass

[doopdoop]

I know it sounds cut and dry, but just think of it this way: He was clearly not the right one for you, and now that you are rid of him, you are able to actually meet a man that will fit correctly into your life.

[happiness]

Thank you so much for everybody that posted.

Your kind words helped me so much.

I still feel so sad and empty inside. I wonder around my house and I just want to sleep.

My brain has told me that he is not the one for me. That I deserve better, but my heart still hurt so much.

The worst thing is that he has tried to turn the tables. He has changed his relationship status to 'Widowed' on his Facebook profile and told me that I have been sending messages on Facebook to people all along. This is not true. I don't know a more faithful person than myself. We sent each other some emails after and had one telephone conversation - All this happened on Friday.

I have now cut all contact and try to forget about him. But it still hurts so much and I am so angry with him.

He started to accuse me of cheating and that I flirt with colleagues in Friday's email / call. I don't even know where this has come from. He has never ever mentioned this at all during the relationship. It is not true.

I know that it should not bother me, but I know that he probably received lots of messages on FB regarding his status change (I am no longer his FB friend and can't see his wall) and they all will see him as the victim. As we don't have any FB friends in common, nobody will ever know the truth. He is playing the victim and everybody will believe him.

Another thing that hurst me so much is that only 4 days after this has happened, he updated his Plenty of Fish profile and is looking for 'Long term'. He also is looking for a girl that loves 'looking at the stars with your arm around your loved one'. I took him out on a date a week or two ago. We went to the park at night and looked at the stars with our arms around each other. He said that he hasn't done that ever. Now it is on his profile.

How could he do this.

What hurts the most is that he isn't hurt by this. He doesn't miss me. He is just going on with his life and is flirting online as we speak and probably arranging dates.

I wish he could feel the hurt that I am feeling. I don't think that we were meant to be together and everything wasn't going that great. But the betrayal hurts so much. Why didn't he just left me (or why, oh why, didn't I leave him!).

I wish that we had a lot of friends in common, so that somebody out there can tell him that he is wrong! But as we only met 4 or 5 months ago, and we met online, we don't have many friends in common. He met my friends and I met his friends, but his friends were not my friends yet.

I wish I can give you ladies his Plenty of Fish profile name to go do a bashing... but I also know that, that is the anger inside me talking. I know that I will regret such a thing later.

Oh, the pain, please go away.

[BerkshireGrl]

I'm so sorry you're miserable about his behavior. But he just revealed himself to be more of a thoughtless jerk. In time, your sadness will turn to just anger then gladness that you aren't with him anymore. You've done the right thing in cutting contact with him. Try not to let how he spins the break-up bother you, it's not the truth, he's a liar and not worth your grief.

Hold your head up, get busy with friends and activities... heck, I'd even try cleaning to feel better... anything to get your mind off him and his rotten behavior. Most of us get duped at some point; I know I have. But your kindness and trust will be a gift to someone with integrity, who is out there for you.

[MiZTaCCen]

Some men are spiteful they'll do anything to make sure they hurt you in the process. Who cares if he makes himself look like the victim you and him both know he's pathetic. He's an insecure asshat who needs to bring you down so he can feel better. He'll play the blame game on you because he knows he was the one in the wrong doing the cheating. It's what men like him do. Don't bother looking at his POF profile, just get off of POF and for a while and allow yourself to heal. No other man is going to want to put up with your baggage you have with your ex. Woman need time to heal and move on with their lives.

[Robsia]

Whether it's technically cheating or not, it is still unacceptable behaviour. My dh and I met on POF and we both deleted our profiles within about two weeks of our first real life meeting. We both knew we didn't need to look any more. If I had found out that he was still flirting with other women online I would take it as meaning he wasn't serious about me and was keeping me going while looking for something better.

When I was online dating, I considered it perfectly acceptable to email more than one person, to MSN more than one person, even to arrange first dates with more than one person - my dh and I BOTH had dates with other people in between our first email and our first meeting. Mine had an IQ of two digits and was obsessed with his motorbike, and his unfortunately looked like a horse and also had an IQ of two digits.

But there comes a point when you consider yourself to be properly dating and from that point onwards, it is not right to consider romantic interest, which includes emailing, messaging and flirting, with another person.

[Thighs Be Gone]

The greatest gift you can give yourself in this situation is to believe who he is the FIRST time he shows you. A tiger rarely changes his stripes. This has nothing to do with you--it is everything to do with him.

[Thighs Be Gone]

Oh, and I hope I am not stepping over the line here but if you have been intimate I would be in my doctor's office ASAP!!!!

[MrsMomOrtiz]

It's good you got out of their immediately, instead of giving him time to give you excuses. I go through this same thing with my husband almost yearly. Last year it was worse when I discovered one of his receptionists was sending him nude photos on a secret email account he created (he left it logged in when I went to log in to mine on his laptop). I was horrified and heart broken. It's easier when you're single and children aren't involved. You did right by leaving him. My advice, don't go back. It's likely to happen over and over and over again. No matter how 'casual' he or others may make it sounds. The morals are still the same, right and wrong don't change. It's sad how common this issue has become in relationships. I wish you the best in your next dating ventures. God bless.

[Txalupa]

Originally Posted by JohnP

When you're cheated on it's natural to ask WHY. The answer is always the same. They lack integrity.

It doesn't matter if you weren't perfect. It doesn't matter if you weren't satisfying his ______ needs. (Fill in the blank)

If you're in a committed monogomous relationship you don't cheat. THE END.

On the bright side you weren't married and there are no kids.

THIS!!!!

He was not 'The One'

'The One' would never be such a creep. Move along, it's hard, but you already did the right thing for running out on him and not listening to any lame excuses and deleting communication lines.

[Txalupa]

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone

Oh, and I hope I am not stepping over the line here but if you have been intimate I would be in my doctor's office ASAP!!!!

Oh yeah, this too.

[Beck]

The best revenge is to move on and live well!

I know the hurt you're feeling, and it's completely normal to mourn the relationship that you've lost, but don't get so down that it brings you to your knees.

Wishing you healing and happiness!

[Ciao]

I hope things get better for you. <3

[Kaonashi]

The worst thing is that he has tried to turn the tables. He has changed his relationship status to 'Widowed' on his Facebook profile and told me that I have been sending messages on Facebook to people all along. This is not true. I don't know a more faithful person than myself. We sent each other some emails after and had one telephone conversation - All this happened on Friday.

It's a common ploy for cheaters to accuse the other person of doing what they are doing. This man is toxic. Instead of being sad, be happy that you found out now (rather than years down the line) what he is and didn't waste your time on him. Judging by your comment it sounds like this isn't his first time at this particular rodeo, and his next victim will probably be treated the same way.

[Munchy]

Psychologist, Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., wrote the best article on guys like this:

http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/4...ingLosers.html