I feel sorry for the next woman who lets this guy into her life. He's looking for a lifelong victim. Any person who stoops as low as this guy is NOT relationship material...or any material at all.
The pain you have is more about you and your lack of control. The second you see his true personality, your brain knows you should have nothing to do with this guy. However, this rejection has sent you over the edge. Was there another time in your life when you felt this type of rejection? Perhaps by a parent? I'm not saying this is the case, but sometimes it can happen and then we invite these types of people who will reject us into our lives so that we can relive what we know and also so that we can have a chance to get our parents (and boyfriends) love us back and accept us.
If this has never happened to you, then you just have a bruised ego. Time will heal. You're not the first person to go through this type of a situation. Unfortunately, it's all too common and it can really shake your world when someone that you've trusted implicitly turns on you so dramatically.
Like was suggested before, try to do something for you. Give yourself time to heal but don't let yourself wallow in misery endlessly. Allow a good cry and move on as often as possible. Make a list of all the things you look for in your dream man and see if this jerk was any of those things....I seriously doubt it. He put on a facade. Some men (like Scott Peterson, for example) put on such a show to such an extent that it actually ends up deadly or with some sort of violence.
Consider yourself lucky to find out the truth about him in this way. You are so much better than what he has offered you. Ask yourself what you've learned from this experience. If you take it as a chance to learn and grow, then you will feel empowered! Forget about all his lies...they are like a cancer and the more you think about them or are exposed to them, the sicker it will make you. Go and work out and lift some heavy weights! Treat yourself like the wonderful woman that you are!!!
I know a guy exactly like that.
He just so happens to be my ex-boyfriend...
He went to Alaska to be a fishing guide, didn't contact me for a month BUT put up fake engagment pictures on facebook. Uh, really? Just break up with me so I could move on(I had no idea anything was wrong in the relationship).
I immediately changed my status to single and deleted his phone number.
But within 10 mins of me changing my status he sends me a message trying to make me fell like the jerk.
Yeah...
Boys are fools sometimes.
But give it time and you will find the one who treats you right!!
A couple months later the love of my life came and I couldn't be happier.
GOOD LUCK!!
It's a common ploy for cheaters to accuse the other person of doing what they are doing. This man is toxic. Instead of being sad, be happy that you found out now (rather than years down the line) what he is and didn't waste your time on him. Judging by your comment it sounds like this isn't his first time at this particular rodeo, and his next victim will probably be treated the same way.
Yep. And not only did he physically abuse you with the cheating but now he's going for the emotional abuse. Do yourself a favor and forget he ever existed. He is so not worth your time. Nothing there for you but heartbreak.
His lack of remorse says it all. He sounds like a master manipulator, perpetual victim, and an all-around toxic person.
You deserve better. I know it hurts like ****, but listen to your brain. Your body and emotions will eventually follow. It takes time to process loss, but it will get better.
Thank your lucky stars this happened early on, and not after living together, being married, or having children.
Oh, and 4star is spot on - forget he ever existed. You will look back one day and say, "WHAT was I thinking??!" Trust me - I have a whole spreadsheet of what-was-I-thinking ex-boyfriends and potential romantic partners. The list ends with my current boyfriend, and in the "Glaring Faults" column, I have a comment that says "Nothing ???"
I have a whole spreadsheet of what-was-I-thinking ex-boyfriends and potential romantic partners. The list ends with my current boyfriend, and in the "Glaring Faults" column, I have a comment that says "Nothing ???"
You literally have a spreadsheet?? That would freak. me. out. if I was dating someone or married to someone and found that.
You literally have a spreadsheet?? That would freak. me. out. if I was dating someone or married to someone and found that.
A spreadsheet is simplified database, and a database is the backbone of most digital content management. So, if you have an Outlook Contacts file, you have a spreadsheet of information for people, too.
I did a stint with online dating, and I was finding it hard to keep information straight on the hordes of single men looking for who-knows-what. They weren't all "boyfriends", or even men I met in person. This is a safety measure, because if I met someone for the first time I would tell a close friend where I was going and who I was meeting and where any information I had on the person was stored (in a spreadsheet), in case whoever I was meeting turned out to be a psycho. Anyway, I was stupefied by the vast diversity of things these men wanted, and thought even about writing a blog or book about it, thus kept notes about it.
Actually, my whole life is in spreadsheets and databases, as I am an analyst by profession. I told my partner about it not too long ago, and he (also a spreadsheet geek by profession) didn't bat an eye about it.
From the stuff you posted on here, I swear you're going out with my ex. He cheated on me constantly during our year and a half relationship, He got someone else pregnant, he e-mailed and text other girls, he did the whole dating website too except his site of choice was adult friend finder.
I found his profile because he left it logged in on my computer and I can remember clear as day what it said and sometimes that still makes me angry when I think about it.
My biggest mistake was that I forgave him, time and time again I forgave him because everytime I asked him why he had done that to me, he'd say he didn't know and I'd jump to the conclusion that it was me. Somehow I thought I was lacking. At first, when I caught him he would cry and cry. He once grabbed on to my leg and dragged me back inside when I tried to leave. But as the relationship went on he really started to show no remorse until in the end it was like he didn't care what he'd done.
Something shifted in me one day after I found out that he'd been e-mailing another girl and I realised that it wasn't my fault. It was like a fog cleared and all feelings I had for him, my desire to be with him, my fear of being alone just completely vanished instantly. I was on the phone to him at the time going through the same old motions of forgiving him and I hung up because I realised that I couldn't listen to it anymore.
I ignored his calls and never phoned back and eventually he stopped contacting me. Although I got a text six months later asking me how dare I hang up on him and a letter about a year later telling me how he'd got a job and sent me presents.
I think when he got the other girl pregnant I tore her apart, I blamed her and not him and it many ways it was my biggest mistake because she was just as trapped as I was. We spent months trying to destroy each other in the most pathetic ways. She spread rumours and wrote ridiculous stories on the internet about me being murdered. I took every opportunity to undermine her about her lies and her weight to her face, via e-mail and via friends. I found that when I finally left this guy, they got back together but she finally had the strength to leave him too.
Now he's with another person and the last I heard was that she's had his baby and he's treating her exactly the same way that he treated me. I googled his preferred username and location and he's still on those dating websites. Some people never change and he probably never will. But I changed and now I'm in a longterm relationship with someone who in my opinion is perfect for me and I'm so grateful to have that experience, I know what it feels to be in love. He will never get that. So hang in there because it's a rough road but there is light, even if you can't see it from the trenches.
I think women spend way TOO much time dating the wrong guy and then break up without thinking about why or how it happened. What happens? They find themselves back in another loser relationship with another loser guy. (AKA, same crap, different day)! I think sometimes getting it on paper is key. Some people journal, some keep spreadsheets. In any book I have ever read on goal setting, plannning and success it has pinpointed the importance of getting your thoughts on paper.
KUDOS FOR YOU FOR KEEPING A SPREADSHEET!
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 05-08-2011 at 11:19 AM.
Some men fit the cliché "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater." Some cheating men will string a girl along and when they think they've found someone else better (in their minds) their down the road to infidelity. Some men even have the audacity to come back if the new hot chick dumbs them only to repeat the process. It’s better to cut your losses early and be thankful it didn’t cost you any money. Some men never learn.
Sure it hurts now but you have to find ways to occupy your mind and better yourself and move on. Eventually the right one will come along. Get together with family or girlfriends and socialize keep on your weight loss journey and become one of those hot chicks that will always dump his likes. Guys like him never wise up.
The worst thing is that he has tried to turn the tables. He has changed his relationship status to 'Widowed' on his Facebook profile and told me that I have been sending messages on Facebook to people all along. This is not true. I don't know a more faithful person than myself. We sent each other some emails after and had one telephone conversation - All this happened on Friday.
Don't let him make you feel bad. Of course he's going to accuse you because he is doing it. I'm glad you have cut contact with him because even if you swore up and down that you never cheated he'll NEVER SAY he believes you. The sooner you realize he's crazy the faster you'll get over him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by happiness
How could he do this.
What hurts the most is that he isn't hurt by this. He doesn't miss me. He is just going on with his life and is flirting online as we speak and probably arranging dates.
I wish he could feel the hurt that I am feeling. I don't think that we were meant to be together and everything wasn't going that great. But the betrayal hurts so much. Why didn't he just left me (or why, oh why, didn't I leave him!).
I wish that we had a lot of friends in common, so that somebody out there can tell him that he is wrong! But as we only met 4 or 5 months ago, and we met online, we don't have many friends in common. He met my friends and I met his friends, but his friends were not my friends yet.
He could do this because he doesn't know how to be a good person in a relationship. He obviously has issues (thank goodness you won't have to deal with that cuz over time he would have gotten WORSE). He'll never feel the hurt you feel because he's not a good person like you are. His friends probably wouldn't waste their breath telling him he's wrong. And honestly do you think he'll tell his friends the truth? He'll probably just say it didn't work out or if he's a real jerk say it's your fault that the relationship was over. But most guys don't talk about that stuff it seems.
I feel your pain...about 6 years ago i was dating a guy 10 years older then me...we dated for 5 years but something wasnt right. Me being the self consious nut case i tend to be kept asking questions. I knew he had kids and HAD been married before i was totaly ok with that (single fathers need love too) He wouldnt spend the night with me because of the kids (totaly understood) and i was always super busy so we spent little time together (red flag that i ignored entirely)
I found a court case search website for my state and i thought it would be fun to look at his past...when i looked i noticed there was another child that he was paying child support for (ok you didnt tell me that) and there was no record of divorce...I WAS MAD! i confronted him about it and he said that maybe it just didnt go on that site. So i demanded to see the paper work...never came always an excuse of why he couldnt get it. There were red flags everywhere. Mind you i was at my highest weight 310ish at the time so i just wanted attention and didnt really care....but to know i was with a married man with beautiful children whom i had met upset me. (my parents divorced because my father did the same thing) I didnt want to be that person. So our last day together i told him how i felt and that i couldnt do it anymore. I cried...for 5 minutes then i was fine! amazing i must have just wanted that attention bad. He kept saying they werent married blah blah blah...
Heres the kicker. I went to walmart with a friend maybe a week after the break up. I got out of the car and i heard his voice...i looked at my friend and looked behind us. He was getting out of the car with his beautiful wife (whom he kept telling me was ugly as dirt and a b****) and 2 children (the 3rd was with its mother somewhere else) He took 1 look at me and bolted. I was in shock...i slowly walked up to the store to see his wife struggling with prying carts apart...so naturally the nice person i am i helped her she was so polite and sweet it killed me. I walked around that store DYING to say something to him or her but because the kids were there i didnt want to cause a scene. I was stupid the signs were there, but i ignored it all because i hated who i was and to have someone tell me they love me just felt good.
We all have our stupidity leaks. Looks like this guy had one...he wanted to be caught because he was letting you see the emails. You WILL pull through this. I have since learned myself that i dont need a man to make me happy. I have one but i dont need one. You need to realize that he was the jerk. Guilty shows its ugly head in the worst ways and saying you did something when you know good and well you didnt shouldnt get you down. You should laugh about it. Let him say what he wants to say. Show him you can do much better then him. Walk with a strut, smile on your face and head held high. No man that does this to a woman is worth the tears.
Just remember you are beautiful and he is scum! i do hope you start feeling better. Try not to dwell on it. Consider it a lesson learned. I did.
I don't know a more faithful person than myself. We sent each other some emails after and had one telephone conversation - All this happened on Friday.
