[Munchy]

Originally Posted by Aclai4067

I tend to like guys from about a year younger than me to 5 years older. Outside of that range, he has to be pretty exceptional to get my attention.

As someone else mentioned, teaching high schoolers will pretty much kill any scrap physical attraction to that age group.



It's interesting to me that you put Bowow and Bieber in the same group. I guess since I am closer to Bowwow's age I see it as a bigger gap. Bowwow is totally hot, Bieber just looks like a little kid.

It's likely because I just remember Bowwow as a child and not in his current state and I'm pretty sure I was in college when he was blowing up. That's the categorization in my mind.

I absolutely had warning bells. Honestly, the clarification from you, pfw, does make them ring a bit louder. There doesn't have to be sex for a relationship between a child and an adult to be inappropriate.

[MissKoo]

[QUOTE=marie81;3747845]

Originally Posted by MissKoo

OLD?? George and I are the exact same age. Aw geez . . . I'm old, too

Sorry MissKoo I didnt mean to imply that George's age was old just that the men mentioned would be older then me.

sorry darling

All is forgiven and forgotten, Marie!

Especially forgotten - my memory is going!!

[astrophe]

i realize i'm not 100% sound mentally and i'm surprised not more people have commented on that part, but to clarify, the ones i have in mind are in the 16-19 range, and my version of having a crush has always been more "i think he's a nice guy" than "he's hot and i want to have wild sex with him."

Well, I wasn't going to say anything about the mentally well bit because I thought we were just idly chatting about crushing from afar. Like "Ooh, a cute one!" Not actually serious or doing anything about it other than enjoying the eye candy. If that is the case -- carry on. You are fine, enjoy your own thoughts. Nothing wrong with enjoying human beauty.

Now to carry my thoughts out further...

I think if the person is in that teenage bracket, then it's fine to date there.

If not in that age bracket... it gets creepy the father out the age goes. You might let an 18 & 20 slide. But a 16 and 22? A 17 and 30? Ngggh... that starts getting hairy.

And on top of that, the idea that teens are somehow innocent and sweet... not IME. When I was a teen some of the guys already had their smarmy "I'm a sweet lost little boy" schtick together. There are the truly nice guys, of course, but no age group is without its smarmies. One year my locker was over a teen rapist's locker and I refused to use it. I used my friend's or my boyfriends until that guy was kicked out of school!

I have no problems with a May-December thing if both parties are 21+. I just can't see where a May-December thing is cool if the younger party is a teen. That's lopsided.

in all the years i've spent on the internet, i've noticed that while a man expressing interest in young girls may raise some eyebrows, there would always be those quick to point out "as long as they don't do anything until she's 18, who cares?"

I care!

A thing doesn't have to be sexual to be totally NOT appropriate. Because the older adult should know better and should keep healthy boundaries even if the kid is all over the map, or crushing on the adult, or whatever. The adult should put the kid firmly in place. To allow that sort of thing is blurring boundaries. Even if Adult A means no real harm but still allows too much loosey goosey overfriendly behaviour... it sets the kid up as even easier prey for Adult B who may actually have predatory intent. The kid doesn't know where the limit is or how to recognize the red flags. Adult A should shape up and be a good role model and put the kid in their place. It isn't being "friendly" to the kid to be all loosey goosey with the boundaries.

We constantly go over this with our church sunday school teachers and youth advisors. Friendly to the kids, but NOT their friend. You are their teacher or advisor, not their pal. Esp the advisors who are often 20's people... the teens want to treat them like cool older pals. And sometimes the job attracts 20's adults who are in arrested development or something who want to prolong their own teenagerdom.

But blurry boundaries between a minor and an adult -- ugh.

A.

[plasticfoodwrap]

Originally Posted by astrophe

A thing doesn't have to be sexual to be totally NOT appropriate. Because the older adult should know better and should keep healthy boundaries even if the kid is all over the map, or crushing on the adult, or whatever.

i agree with this. i think fully-grown men should know better and stay away from girls who are significantly younger than they are, and this is the one point i've been trying to get across to my own brother, who at twenty-seven insists on dating on college girls, who he shouldn't even have anything in common with other than perhaps mutual (mostly physical) attraction.

however, i've come to realize that the imbalance power between men and women is so great that some issues simply don't affect men the way they affect women. i've noticed that while women tend to be divided on the (relatively)-huge-age-difference issue, the vast majority of men tend to be of the "as long as it's legal and consensual who cares?" mindset.

[Nola Celeste]

Originally Posted by plasticfoodwrap

i agree with this. i think fully-grown men should know better and stay away from girls who are significantly younger than they are, and this is the one point i've been trying to get across to my own brother, who at twenty-seven insists on dating on college girls, who he shouldn't even have anything in common with other than perhaps mutual (mostly physical) attraction.

however, i've come to realize that the imbalance power between men and women is so great that some issues simply don't affect men the way they affect women. i've noticed that while women tend to be divided on the (relatively)-huge-age-difference issue, the vast majority of men tend to be of the "as long as it's legal and consensual who cares?" mindset.

I absolutely and vehemently disagree with the notion that it's somehow more acceptable for an older person to prey on a younger person if the older person is female and the younger is male because of a "power imbalance" between men and women. That does NOT apply in this case because one of the people in this equation is not a man, he is a BOY. There is no justifying a dramatic age difference when one of the partners is significantly underage--period.

You're right that there's a divide between how men SAY they would react to, for example, an older female teacher having a relationship with a high school student. I disagree, though, that there's a genuine gender divide on how they really DO handle such situations. Yeah, guys are going to say things like, "Well, it depends--was she hot?" but if it had really happened to them, it would've messed them up just as surely as it messes a high-school-age girl up to have an adult interfere with her. Don't believe for a second that "gender power imbalances" in any way offset the dramatic maturity power imbalance.

I'm aware that in other cultures and at various times in history, teens--even young teens--got married, went to war, had children as soon as they were physically capable, ruled nations, and so forth. That is not applicable to modern times; adolescence and development lasts longer now than it did for people whose average lifespan was 40. A medieval kid had to grow up quickly and fit plenty of life into a smaller time frame than what most of us enjoy today.

You might also want to consider that it was also considered acceptable to bathe yearly, attend public burnings of people belonging to disfavored religions, and eat with only a knife and your hands. Social mores change.

[Munchy]

NolaCeleste, I agree 100%.

[mom4life]

I've never found anyone my age or younger attractive. Even in my teens, I was not at all flattered by guys my age who wanted to date me. My husband is 6 years older then me and I love it. In reality he's not at all a father figure or whatever, I just like that he's older then me.
This might all come from the fact that my step-dad was 6 yrs younger then my mom and he was oh so immature. He was 18 when they married and he cheated every chance he got and didn't think anything of it. Finally 20+ yrs later my mom divorced him.

[Arctic Mama]

I am attracted to older guys, but my family thought my husband was a little creepy before they met him and realized our attraction had nothing to do with age. I was 19 and he was 28 when we got married, we're still over the moon and highly compatible five years later.

I am generally hesitant to validate people's issues, but this wouldn't set off warning bells unless the OP was significantly older or acted criminally.