What I don't understand is how she has had three guys want to marry her and most of the guys I go out with won't even say "I love you". And then they marry the next girl they go out with. That's happened to me SEVEN times now.
Oh story of my life..All my ex's have married the next girl right after me...but you want to know the truth about those ex's I wouldn't marry them anyways. They have all said I love you to me and the relationship had fail in one way or another and the next girl that came along they were engaged and ended up getting married.
I understand your frusteration but the only thing I see with your sister is she has clearly NEVER been in love and to her marriage is a game. Like when we were kids we'd play house. Let her get married, then get divorce god knows how many times it will happen but that's her choice in life and as much as it sucks...be happy that it's not YOU go through that crap.
A lot of people around me are married, have married young, having children la de da da...but you want to know something I've noticed with these "young" married couples. They're husbands cheat. They continue on having kids with them in order to think that they will stay. Eventually it's going to become a world of hurt and then what? I'm sorry but what man is really going to want a young 20 something with 3 or 5 kids from another man...good luck with that. (not all theres like 1 or 2 out of the married people I know in their 20's that have a good man by their sides...but thats hard to find)
Just be happy with yourself, and be happy for your sister though she seems a little off to me...no offence. One day someone great will come for you and you'll be happy you don't have to say..."yea I was young dumb and divorce once before"
tattoodles, 24 is so young! I was supposed to get married at 22(finace broke off the engagement) and looking back, I think, what was I thinking? I spent way too much of my 20's worrying about getting married instead of focusing on things like travel, career, getting an advanced degree, and improving myself. I met my husband at 24, we married at 29, and I really wish I'd met him later. We raised his children from a previous marriage and now have a child together, and it will be years before I can focus on myself again. Enjoy every minute!!!
I have no intention of settling. And I generally LIKE being single. I like having free time, not having to check in with anyone, etc. . .the only time it's really bothered me is with these engagements (hers and all my exes). Especially cuz a couple of the guys ended up with really mean wives. It's a bit of a blow to the self esteem when a guy marries someone who's mean and controlling but doesn't even say they loved me.
Sure, your sister has been engaged three times, but one was called off, and the other ended in divorce. It's nice to hear those words but only when the man means it and when it sticks. You don't want to be in your sister's situation. Divorce sucks. And I thunk its really telling that a couple of your exes wound up with mean and controlling wives. Some guys like controlling women, or they just can't have enough confidence to stand up to them so they marry them. I think it means that you're not like that. You're not mean and controlling. And simply put, every guy that breaks up with you isn't meant for
you. Don't fall for the first guy who says it either. I think you might be in love with the idea of being in love, theres nothing wrong with that. Sure, its nice to have that, but at the end of the day, you're in a much better situation than your sister and all of your exes who married mean women.
When its the right time and the right person, it'll happen, and it'll be awesome.
Another thing, this might sound weird, but the whole children thing, for a lot of men, it has to do with passing down the family name. My fiancé is the last one in the family to pass down the name, he is an only child (technically he has a half sister) and two female cousins. Not having kids isn't an option, and further, not having a boy isnt an option. Lame, I know. But I'd date older men with brothers. Try an online dating site and men in their early 30s. A lot of guys in their 20s still don't know what they want. But there are plenty of men who don't want children.
Try an online dating site and men in their early 30s. A lot of guys in their 20s still don't know what they want. But there are plenty of men who don't want children.
I can't do online dating. I tried once and lasted about three days. I was getting a lot of messages, but they'd be from guys going, "Your name starts with a K?! My middle name ends with a 'K'; we have so much in common!!!!" or they'd fixate on one thing that I wrote down and ask a million questions about it. I know it's a way to break the ice but was way too overwhelming for me.
And I don't like dating. All the guys I've gone out with have been friends first and we enjoyed spending time together and then went out. My most recent ex was my tattoo artist and after working on my back piece for 10 months (and talking for hours after each session) we knew each other pretty well and started going out.
I have issues with the idea of two people basically trying to "sell" themselves as a good potential dating/marriage partner. And have had a couple of VERY bad experieces being set up on dates by friends.
Unfortunately I have a job where I do not have any co-workers (male or female) and the only men I'm around are married and have children. So that's part of what gets irritating too.
I'm not in love with love at all. I want to be loved, but all people are that way. I honestly think that's why so many people have kids is to fill that void and have that sort of unconditional love.
Also (a couple of people have eluded to this, so just to claridy) I have never said that I just want someone to be throwing the word "love" around, I want someone to say it and mean it. I don't think it's a lot to ask.
Of course that's not too much to ask, but it just sounded like you were comparing yourself to your sister.
I think a question you need to ask yourself is if you really do want a partner. You say you don't like dating and have wound up dating friends and have never sought out partners, that it just kind of happens. And while I think that is the best way to meet someone, and have a relationship, you honestly dont sound too enthusiastic about having a relationship, at least right now.
I think you shouldn't focus on your sister or your exes getting married. Sure, it's nice to have someone, and to be loved, but you are loved by your friends and family.
My sister is 24 & has been married & divorced once - she's now engaged to be married again, with a bub on the way..... & I'm just as single as ever... it makes me kind of jealous...
Try not to let it bother you....I know I am being a hypocrite, cause it isn't as easily done as it is said.
I will say this....I have had those times (often), when I see other people getting married and proposed to and just generally wanted romantically, and well, it makes me a bit bitter and upset and hurt at times.
Why?
Well, when it is a good person like my best friend or someone I respect, then it doesn't bother me at all. But when I see people who are focused a bit too much on the exterior, or feel they are superior to others because of how much money they have, or, can't put together a sentence but have men fighting over them, then yeah, I start getting kind of upset and I guess people would call it bitter.
I feel like I have a lot to offer emotionally and mentally, but because I am not thin I don't know if there is a decent guy out there that wants to make my eggs happy. Sigh.
BUT, you can't let that kind of frustration and bitterness upset you.
Be happy for your sister and be happy for the marriage proposal. YOU WILL MEET THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU! Just be strong and keep the faith, and keep yourself focused on making yourself happy. A great guy will see and be attracted to your level of good self-esteem and happiness.
i know it sucks. But once you meet that one guy that ells you he loves you, and means it, the wait will be worth it. To hear someone tell you those three magical words and truly deeply mean it is a wonderful feeling.
try not to think about dating too much. Once you place your needs and things in order, the perfect guy will come along.
So...my sis and I were discussing this whole situation and she said she'd rather be me, almost 25 and never married than be 23 and divorced. I guess we always want what someone else has.
I'm sorry you feel bad. And I hope you feel better soon.
To me it sounds like your sister is rushing for some reason... who knows why. So far it isn't ending up in choosing permanent partners wisely... so while it is her life, and her own process to figure out... don't be getting jealous of that! She's only 23 and she's living life awfully fast!
To me it sounds like you know what you want for yourself -- def.. child-free. Not ready right this minute, but open to marriage... eventually.
And just because past BF's wanted something different doesn't mean that what YOU want for YOU is wrong or flawed somehow. It's simply going to take a bit longer to find.
It will happen for you when it happens. Just have fun in the meanwhile circulating, being social with your friends, doing your activities, hobbies, etc.
And when you date, lay that out what it is you are looking for on the table a little sooner. Say you aren't ready for marriage, but open to it eventually. Say you want no children. Weed out the ones that aren't even going to be a runner for you early because they are def. about wanting kids, or def about marrying ASAP or on some other kind of speed/timetable.
When you find yourself in a relationship that looks like it might be a long distance runner... You can be the first one to say "I love you" or the first one to propose. You don't have to wait on the guy.
Just as you want to be told you are loved and have it MEAN something, you too can wait to say it til it MEANS something.
I agree with everyone else.
