So my friend is having some serious mother-in-law issues. I've heard that this is a common thing. Is it true? Do you all have any crazy MIL stories you are willing to share?
Her situation is, her husband's mom refuses to cut the cord from him. She lives with them, and all she does is talk on the phone, and watch TV. She doesn't pay ANY bills. Nice life huh? Anyway, they are trying to work through it, but I know I've heard some funny/sad/scary/WOW stories about MIL's before, but I'd just like to know what your all's experience is in this department.
p.s. the MIL HATES my dear friend. I say it's a jealousy thing. But who knows, my only MIL experience was from my last marriage and she lived 500+ miles away from us and only visited once a year if that. It was GREAT!
My MIL is like this! She HATES me and has from the day I met hubby. To hear her tell it everything bad that happens in the world is because of me LOL she hates me with a passion...but he had always lived with her before we met, she did absolutely everything for him, helped him make all his decisions, etc. and she still wants it to be that way.
We have nearly split up many times because of drama she started between the two of us. Now I feel like I won because I packed up and moved me and my kids 8 hours away and he was faced with a decision...he quickly packed up and followed us and we are now living away from her. I am much happier, she can no longer meddle in the middle of our relationship and I have absolutely no contact with her.
Of course, she is blaming me for "taking him away" from her, etc. and hates me even more...so Thanksgiving is gonna be fun with her this year
My advice to your friend is to stand up for what she wants out of the relationship and let her hubby know. if she needs him to lean on her more and less on mommy then he needs to do so or they will never be happy. Tell her not to let the momma get in the middle of their relationship...I had to learn to decipher when he was saying something because he thought it and when his mama had been in his ear and pumped him full of BS.
If he really loves her then she will win out over mom in the end. He has to learn to let go some...and honestly the mom may never like her. My MIL never gave me a chance, doesn't really know at all, and I am sure will always hate me with a passion regardless. I have just accepted that's how it is. today he has a relationship with me and a relationship with her and we don't mix it. that has kept us happier and her more miserable, but she will always be miserable anyway because she can't tell him what to do and baby him anymore.
I'm lucky, I have a pretty good MIL. She gets a little annoying when it comes to my son, but nothing too bad. If my in-laws lived closer, I'd probably be much more annoyed with them.
My friend, however, had an evil MIL. My friend used to have a chandelier with faulty wiring, so whenever she cleaned it, she'd end up getting little shocks. For Christmas one year, her MIL (knowing full well about the shocking problem) gave her polish for her chandelier!
Chandelier polish? Seriously? How RUDE!
Purplefirefly- That's crazy how territorial these women become. There should be a bus that comes by and picks up the crazy "can't let go" mothers and let their sons live their lives! Maybe I should tell her to consider moving! Was she living with you all at the time?
I love my MIL!! She is so sweet and she really welcomed me into the family with open arms, even so far as goading DH not to "mess it up" with me! haha!
She comes to visit and beings homemade meals, we go shopping together... She is really completely adorable. I am so lucky!!
The only thing that bugs me is that she tends to give VERY little notice that she is coming to visit. It is usually a phone call that says "I'm in the city, I'll be there in 15 minutes!" DH and I let the housework slack a bit and the frenzy to clean before she shows up is killer!!
HAHA
Unfortunately, DH could share some stories about HIS mil! (My mother!) She HATES him and goes so far as to still try to hook me up with younger men that she happens to meet!!
Well my MIL wrote the book about the nasty MIL ! LOL ! Seriously , after 38 years you would think she would stop trying to break Dh & I up but she still gets her little digs in ! Fortunately we don't live in the same town as her but she has a very LONG reach ! LOL !
My MIL was a real sly old so-and-so! She would always give my husband advice on what he should or shouldn't do and then if it went askew would laugh and put on her "Oh, I'm only a country girl" thing - meaning that she was a bit silly so what did he expect! But her interference was continual as was my OH continually asking her advice. We had sat and made plans about how we were going to decorate our sitting room and I had particularly said to him "Now we have decided so there is no need for you to ask your mother as that is what we want. okay?" to which he agreed. The next night he came home and said "Mum doesn't think that will look right so we will do it like this - " and proceeded to give his mothers input. It may sound petty but when that happens ALL the time it can be a real bugbare!
He went off with another woman (HOORAY!!!) and she was still the same with her so at least it wasn't just me.
I just hope that I am not a nuisance to my son-in-law. He always says that he appreciates my visits as his mum vary rarely goes to see them and they have only about 2hrs drive whereas it takes me nearly a whole day with a coach, plane and then car drive and having a bad back as well.
About my MIL..Hmm, now that is an interesting story..
She had hubs when she was 14, and he was basically raised by his grandma. Somewhere along the line, after having 4 other children young..she started doing drugs. And I'm talking hardcore drugs too. She lost custody of her kids, and they went into the foster care system. They were all separated too..which is really sad. After some time in foster care..the family in Phx got them out and took them all in. Hubs stopped speaking to his mom after that. When we were planning our wedding..he was unsure if he wanted to invite her or not. But since he was deployed, he had his sister do their guest list, and she was added. She did come to the wedding..but the whole thing was really weird. He barely spoke to her..he was weirdly polite. That was the last time he saw her until 2009. He went to Tucson for a funeral, and stayed with his aunt. His mom was there of course..and they barely spoke. He told me that it didn't feel like she was his mom, but more like a very distant relative. However..ever since then, they talk on the phone every now & then. After many failed attempts, she's clean now. She's been clean for a year & a half. She wants to see him again, but he's unsure..
So basically..I don't have a relantionship with her, because he doesn't. The only time I ever spoke to her was 6 yrs ago at our wedding! I dunno..it's his decision on what he wants to do. I'll just be here to support him.
My husband suffers from depression. During one of his suicidal bouts he lamented to his parents. MIL's brilliant solution was to write me a letter telling me it was my fault, that I was a horrible mother and house keeper. She went very Dr. Phil on me and told me how I should be raising the children instead of how I am. I had lost a baby about a year prior and she wrote that she probably shouldn't say it but she was relieved we'd lost baby number 3 because we couldn't handle the two we had.
I don't know about the mothering part. I think I'm a pretty darn good one. But as for house keeping...I'm anal retentive! My friends know me to be the one they can always count on to have a clean house. They don't believe me when I tell them it's a wreck!
It's been three years since that letter and I have yet to forgive her.
From what I've gathered from my friend, it's as though the mother compares herself to my friend with EVERYTHING. Kind of like "Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you" That old song. Yikes!
Eliana-I'm so sorry you've experienced that! I have a feeling my future MIL isn't going to be as pleasant as my last one. Her and my fiance' are very close as well, and he's never settled down, never had kids (Except the one I have on the way) so I have a feeling i'm in for a bumpy ride too!
Promise I'll be able to vent to you guys if I ever need to!
My husband suffers from depression. During one of his suicidal bouts he lamented to his parents. MIL's brilliant solution was to write me a letter telling me it was my fault, that I was a horrible mother and house keeper. She went very Dr. Phil on me and told me how I should be raising the children instead of how I am. I had lost a baby about a year prior and she wrote that she probably shouldn't say it but she was relieved we'd lost baby number 3 because we couldn't handle the two we had.
I don't know about the mothering part. I think I'm a pretty darn good one. But as for house keeping...I'm anal retentive! My friends know me to be the one they can always count on to have a clean house. They don't believe me when I tell them it's a wreck!
It's been three years since that letter and I have yet to forgive her.
What an insensitive jerk!
My MIL story is . . . well. . . I don't really have one. SO's parents live in another country, and in 7 years we have not visited them, nor have they visited us. He speaks with them over the phone and Skype, but I'm exempt from that since none of us speak the other's language. I'm still not sure if they approve of me, love me, hate me, or are indifferent!
Now, ex MIL's boy where do you want me to start. XH1's mom shared her opinion that I was bringing him down, preventing him from getting a good education, and that she thought I was white trash. Okay, never had Christmas with her again.
XH2's mom is my dd's grandmother, so it's very strained, but pretty much the same. She didn't approve of me being with her baby, since I had a "past" and he was younger than me. She wasn't very vocal about it, more passive aggressive and sneaky. That's okay, never have Christmas with her anymore either.
I have a very low tolerance for people who openly dislike me, and have no desire to spend time with them.
My husband and I can tolerate our in-laws better than our own parents. I think it's a case of "different crazy" seemling less crazy somehow.
My mom is aggressive. She's loud and opinionated and mostly hates everything.
Hubby's mom is far more passive-aggressive, and it took me years to figure out that she had a way of wounding with sweetness. And if there is any unpleasantness, she has a way of forgetting that it ever happened (in fact, swearing that it did not happen).
My hubby likes my mom, because "you always know where you stand," and I always liked the peacefullness of his mom. The more contact we have with our in-laws though, the more we experience the "be careful what you wish for."
I'm only starting to understand how destructive my MIL's "sweetness" can be. You can't discuss anything seriously with her, because unpleasant topics just don't exist. It feels like being trapped in a 50's sitcom.
Unfortunately I never really got to know my MIL she passed right after we were married. This is my second marriage and while number 1 wasn't perfect I didn't hate her, still don't. None of us are perfect or will ever be like our mothers but I don't talk about MILs because I AM one and my DIL is definitely not perfect but she is married to my son and for that reason alone we make it work. Plus I have three grandchildren that I want to be a part of their lives.
Hmmm. I hear that a lot too. It sucks... I don't know how they deal with it. I don't really have a MIL yet, but I love my boyfriends mom. I think of her as one of my best friends. She's really funny and awesome and knows what it's like to be 20, but she's just strict enough to where we know how to stay in line lol. I love her to death! I dunno, I think I really lucked out though.
We had sat and made plans about how we were going to decorate our sitting room and I had particularly said to him "Now we have decided so there is no need for you to ask your mother as that is what we want. okay?" to which he agreed. The next night he came home and said "Mum doesn't think that will look right so we will do it like this - " and proceeded to give his mothers input. It may sound petty but when that happens ALL the time it can be a real bugbare!
I had the same issues with my hubby & MIL before we moved. They would make decisions together and i was always the last one to know about things that would affect my finances and my life. I remember telling him once that he should have married her instead of me because he consulted her like his wife.
He even went out with her one day and bought a motorcycle. I had no clue he was even thinking about a motorcycle until he drove home on it. When I acted shocked he shrugged his shoulders and said his mama had been shopping around to find him a good deal. i was so mad because we couldn't afford it at that time but his mama told him he could afford it so he bought it without event talking to me.
It doesn't happen now that we live 8 hours away. He is talking to me and making plans with me instead of her and she doesn't like that very much...but oh well, she is not his wife, I am. These are decisions we have to make together, without her.
Mother-In-Law Stories
What an insensitive jerk!
