My MIL tried to report me as deceased so she could try to get SSA funds due to my husband who passed away in 1999. So yeah, she sucks and I no longer have any contact with her or her daughters.
My MIL tried to report me as deceased so she could try to get SSA funds due to my husband who passed away in 1999. So yeah, she sucks and I no longer have any contact with her or her daughters.
Wow! That's insane. Do you all ever wonder if the men if your lives are worth the pain and misery these women put us through? What about if the mother lives with the son? How does that work? I've heard there can only be one alpha female in a household.
Those are some really sucky stories! And situations that I would NOT handle well.
With that being said, I have a slightly different perspective. I am the single mom of one amazing, brilliant, devestatingly handsome and hilarious little boy and nothing makes me quite as sad or uncomfortable or...let's just say it, jealous and bitter, as the thought of raising him and nurturing him and devoting the large majority of my life to HIM...only to have some other woman come sweep him off his feet and out of my house one day. I know, I know, that's a long way down the road...and of course I will be happy for my son as long as he is happy. I want him to find love...but I'm just being honest. From a moms perspective, it's rather sad. I can imagine that a lot of dads feel the same way about their daughters. There is just a different dynamic between a child and an opposite gender parent...in a lot of ways, it's the relationship that provides the foundation for future interactions with the opposite sex.
There's nothing I enjoy more than folding his underwear, making him a snack or watching cartoons with him. Or hearing him laugh, helping him read, teaching him how to tie his shoes. And I love when he hugs me and kisses me and tells me he wants to marry me (yes, yes, he does this)...is it bad that I don't want that to end?
Those are some really sucky stories! And situations that I would NOT handle well.
With that being said, I have a slightly different perspective. I am the single mom of one amazing, brilliant, devestatingly handsome and hilarious little boy and nothing makes me quite as sad or uncomfortable or...let's just say it, jealous and bitter, as the thought of raising him and nurturing him and devoting the large majority of my life to HIM...only to have some other woman come sweep him off his feet and out of my house one day. I know, I know, that's a long way down the road...and of course I will be happy for my son as long as he is happy. I want him to find love...but I'm just being honest. From a moms perspective, it's rather sad. I can imagine that a lot of dads feel the same way about their daughters. There is just a different dynamic between a child and an opposite gender parent...in a lot of ways, it's the relationship that provides the foundation for future interactions with the opposite sex.
There's nothing I enjoy more than folding his underwear, making him a snack or watching cartoons with him. Or hearing him laugh, helping him read, teaching him how to tie his shoes. And I love when he hugs me and kisses me and tells me he wants to marry me (yes, yes, he does this)...is it bad that I don't want that to end?
This is my MIL's perspective, but she never let it go. DH is an only child.
I have two boys myself. I think about it sometimes. But honestly, I've seen bad MIL on both sides, both my mom and his mom. I have lots and lots of examples on how NOT to behave toward a DIL.
When I think about my boys being under another woman's "care", I then remind myself that they are capable of caring for themselves and SHOULD be. I have taught them to be independent so I hope I don't feel like someone has taken my place when I get to be a MIL.
When I think about my boys being under another woman's "care", I then remind myself that they are capable of caring for themselves and SHOULD be. I have taught them to be independent so I hope I don't feel like someone has taken my place when I get to be a MIL.
I don't know...something to ponder, huh?
I think that is a fantastic perspective.
My own MIL is pretty harmless. I wonder if she had a bad MIL experience because she is great about staying out of our affairs. Sure, she says stuff that gets on my nerves, but I think she probably feels like she did her job raising him and he can take care of the rest
mine is a nice person on the surface- but underneath it very manipulative. i'm glad my hubby can see through it- unfortunately some of his siblings still fall for her crap.
some of the things she has pulled with us. planning a family vacation, waiting for us to get to our destination then pulling my hubby aside to tell him he's going to have to pay for it all because she has no money.
insisting on taking me out to dinner for my birthday, then telling me the place i picked was too expensive, then not even paying for my dinner at the cheap place i went to.
cleaning out her daughters savings account when she was a minor and was working two jobs and saving up all her money. repeatedly needing money from her kids and basically making them feel guilty because she had to clothe and feed them. umm... all parents have to do that and she had a lot of kids, she could have stopped after two, three, four...
we finally had to cut her off completely when it comes to money- but she still finds ways to use and abuse us. coming over for a visit- then pulling out her laptop to surf the internet on our network and then leaving... sucking us into her drama.
the worst part for me is- of all the rude things she's done and said- if i were to ever say anything about any of it- she would go to every member of the family and tell them how i did her wrong and what a bad person i am and how she's been victimized.
once she was two hours late coming to get me- and then told me "well i'm on time for important things"
Those are some really sucky stories! And situations that I would NOT handle well.
With that being said, I have a slightly different perspective. I am the single mom of one amazing, brilliant, devestatingly handsome and hilarious little boy and nothing makes me quite as sad or uncomfortable or...let's just say it, jealous and bitter, as the thought of raising him and nurturing him and devoting the large majority of my life to HIM...only to have some other woman come sweep him off his feet and out of my house one day. I know, I know, that's a long way down the road...and of course I will be happy for my son as long as he is happy. I want him to find love...but I'm just being honest.
I felt this way the first time my oldest son fell in love with a girl in his early 20's. She was a lovely girl, but I felt that jealousy and panic, that she would take him away and it would be the end of the special relationship that he and I share. But then I realized that, if he were to marry her, it would be my attitude that would drive him away. So I worked to shift my attitude; she wasn't taking my son away, he was bringing a daughter to me. The daughter that I didn't have. So I started imagining shopping trips, helping her with her new (theoretical) baby, and all the fun stuff that would come with having an adult daughter.
Then they broke up. And I cried every time I saw her for a year after that, LOL. So it didn't work out so well in this situation, but hey--if I want to keep my relationship with my boys, I had better well consider my (potential) daughters-in-law as daughters, not as the usurper who stole my son and is my comptetitor.
Besides, what's the alternative? Having my sons live with me till they are old men?
I feel bad for those of you with bad MILs. Life is difficult enough, isn't it?
Mine is awesome. I love her to pieces, and wish she lived closer (she's in CA, we're DE). She never interferes in our parenting, or our lives, really, she comes and enjoys doing everything with the kids -- bathing our youngest, walking the oldest to the bus stop, making their meals, playing board games or whatever they want all day long. She also enjoys cooking for us, letting me take naps , shoes, and going shopping and for pedicures with me. We have such a good time when she's here and the entire family looks forward to her visits.
maybe this is very inappropriate but my MIL passed away suddenly the beginning of this past summer and while I thought she died way too young & should have not given up on life, my life is different now and I feel a little relieved. I know its horrible but the tension & pressure is off between she & I now that she is no longer here-havent said this to anyone at all. Very very domineering(sp?) woman to deal with over the yrs & since I married her only son who walks on water....
I know I shouldnt feel this way but there is some degree of relief now...
oh poor ladies! I know how you feel! MY Mother in law from the very day we got married told me" oh you know my son doesn't usually go for a girl like you, he like extremely thin french girls" (they are from France). And mind you back then I was a gorgeous size 4 with full breasts and hips not at all chubby. She is a small little thing with a flat chest so I think she thinks that is what is the most beautiful.
Anyway she got sick and moved in with us and promptly made my life a living ****. She claims to be depressed and cries suicide anytime that she want DH attention or just to get him mad at me saying that I cause her emotional destress because I don't do things the way she wants or "the way they should be done". She tells us how to live our lives and unfortunetly my husband falls for everyone owes me ****.
My father in law is awesome and he left her when they were in their early thirties cuz he says she was like that even back then. she remarried and was left again. and FIL still pays her money every month because she has convinced DH that he promised to take care of her and he owes her. FIL doesn't want to upset DH so he does it.
once I was taking a shower and she came banging on the door to tell me to hurry up cuz she needed to be somewhere and it was the last straw and I let her have it. That was 4 years ago and I patched things up (she has never apologized for a damn mean thing she has ever said, her reasoning is she is 60 and why should she lower herself down to my level? SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO MY FACE!) and this year she made a big scene by telling my husband she will use a neighbors bathroom. 4YEARS LATER! give me a break. He was pissed of course.
2 years ago we gave birth to our daughter and she became brain damaged due to a nurse;s medical negligence. She has a lot of physical issues and that was when I gained alot of this weight because we didn't have time to cook or anything, she rarely slept and we were just making it day to day. well I gained weight and my husband got sick as his response to stress is to not eat and his immune went down. It took some time to get him healthy and of course his mom tells me " I will never forgive you for not taking care of him properly. All you do is research and take care of your daughter. You are responsible to make sure he takes his vitamins and cooking proper meals" I couldn't believe it.
Needless to say I hate that manipulative person. I act civilly even though I wish I could tell her off. My husband loves his mother of course and I don't want to put him a bad position. But man life is a ***** sometimes!
futuresize6 You don't need to feel sorry at all for you feelings. They are natural. My own grandmother was a horrible MIL and my Aunt felt so much relief when she passed away( she lived with them until she died) that she became an emotional wreck trying to come to terms with this sense of relief and guilt and just finally being free, I hope you can let is go soon and enjoy this freedom to just be you without anyone meddling and putting you down.
@SUN-thanks...none of my friends have been in this position so no one can relate. my story is long regarding dealing w my late MIL & obviously somewhat typical as I can read amongst this group-which makes me feel better. I have one son who is 13-I hope my future DIL doesnt feel this way about me someday. My hubby is still mourning understandably we go for long walks where he talks about how he feels which is great for him-and I feel like I dodged a firing squad w her death-honestly. didn't hate her at all just yrs of resentment that prob would never be resolved anyway....
