Is it common for you to get grief from your partner.......
I have been doing a fitness bootcamp since June 09. I had lost 65 pounds before doing that. Now I am firming up as well as losing the last pounds. I have found an exercise program that I can commit to, I can feel good about doing, and I am fairly good at. However my new husband (married May 09) seems to be resentful about it. He has made a few comments and then when I say something, he says he has no bad feelings, but last night in the middle of the night.... we had "words" about it. Anyway, this AM when he called to say he was sorry, I told him that I would not cheat on him (his ex's cheated so I thought that maybe part of the issue), that I only wanted to be fit. He still says that he is not resentful.
He is overweight, he will NOT go with me. He always has an excuse.
I will not give up my exercise, b/c I don't want to go back to being as big as I was.
:hugs: I'm sorry. That has to be really tough, but you're doing the right thing taking care of you first. It sounds like he's insecure about his own image and worried that you looking good is going to affect the relationship. I think really the only thing to do is continue to reinforce how much you love him and are committed. Maybe someone else has some better advice.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this- it's a shame when a spouse doesn't jump on the bandwagon with you to at least be healthier. My husband doesn't need to lose weight but he's supportive cuz he knows this is important to me. At first he was resistant to change but now he eats what I eat and has even said he enjoys eating healthier! I'm wondering if he was kidnapped by aliens and replaced with this guy lol
It's good you talked but if the subject comes up again I'd ask him to join you in your journey (I am sure you've asked before) and if he says no ask him why not, and tell him that his support means a lot to you and it's hurtful when he makes remarks, even if he says he's not resentful his actions tell another story.
first, you are not home as often because you are exercising (possibly when the two of you could be cuddling together or something like that)
second, you have obviously changed your eating COMPLETELY and that also has him a bit sour.
third, don't even mention the fact that he should join you to improve his health. that will just make him hate you.
I know - my mom used to MAKE me diet when I was younger - I never lost and I resented her for it.
I would suggest never ever talking to him about his extra weight. ever. for some reason, people must come around on their own in terms of weight loss and exercise.
If I were you, I would invite him - but ONLY because it is a fun activity you can do together - not for health or weight loss.
Is there another activity that you could do together as a couple and perhaps involves other people as well? Several years ago I invited my DH to join a local cycling group with me. I made it clear I was joining with or without him. To my surprise, he joined and it was a wonderful experience. We made lots of new friends and enjoyed the exercise together. That was years ago and we still camp with a group of 10-12 people from that group because we discovered we had that in common as well as cycling. Another time, I decided I wanted to learn to scuba dive. Was going to do it with or without him. We did that together, joined a scuba club, made new friends and even went on the most wonderful dive vacation with them. My DH is not adventurous socially and it is totally up to me. The point is, he may not be wanting to work on his own weight or health issues if it is coming from you, but the reinforcement from a group that is involved in active and healthy lifestyles could be what he needs to get him motivated.
My husband is very anti-social and insecure with lots of abandonement issues in his past....after 24 years he stills gets insecure when I start losing...He never had a problem with weight gain until the past few years...he is now ready to do something with me instead of working against me. I am so excited!!
Wahoo, Jules! Two is always better than one when it comes to weight loss. Just don't divorce your husband when he sheds five pounds for every half-pound you lose.
My husband can be very supportive of me, but there are also times he seems somewhat resentful of me too. I know deep down he is very proud of what I have accomplished, but I do think there is part of him that actually misses the old me (you know, the girl who would say: Pizza buffet? Heck ya, I'm there!). In some ways I think it's like he is in mourning. Afterall, I changed and he didn't and that in itself changes the dynamics of things. I just keep reminding myself that as much as I love him, and as much as he loves me, that I am doing this for myself irregardless of what anyone else thinks. I think that for us it's just a matter of settling into a new lifestyle, and it's going to take some time to get used to. It's just that change isn't always easy for everyone, but in the end I feel confident that it will all work out.
Oh my gosh, I'm going through this right now also.
Hubby's asked me twice in the last month if I'm having an affair!!
Just because I've lost weight and am feeling better about myself, and have been a little MORE amorous, he thinks I'm fooling around??? I don't get it.
I would think if I was having an affair, I wouldn't want anything to do with him???
Your relationship is so new - that must be part of it. Give it time. He will see that, no, you aren't less interested in him or having a relationship with someone else. Be very reassuring and gentle.
My poor husband never knows who his wife is going to be this week - I've lost and gained and exercised and starved and cut my hair short, grown it long, colored it, went natural, tanned, stayed pale, etc. He just nods when I have a new idea and knows it's just part of me. We've been married 10 years and together for 15, so we have a different comfort level with each other than a new marrieage would.
Wether its weight issues or something else, new marriages take time to build that trust. I have a feeling that he would be struggling with this whether you were losing weight or not. Be consistant with your weight loss routines. He needs a little security right now. I agree with previous posters, I wouldn't discuss the idea of him losing weight right now. Let him get used to your changes first. Then, like was said, find an active activity you both like - softball team, or a hiking trail, or maybe get a basketball hoop.
Is it common for you to get grief from your partner.......
