I'm not sure that I'd marry someone 2 weeks after I met them but I sincerely believe that one's chances of making a successful marriage depend on good, open communications, honesty, accepting each other for what you are and not trying to change too much about the other and most importantly realizing that as you travel life's road, you ARE going to change - your interests, your priorities and life does a good job of poking you in the back every once in a while. IF you can both be flexible, then you can make it. DH and I have had some good times and some bad ones but there's no other person I'd rather be with.
This is so well said.
We met in Jan 07 and Married Nov 07. We never had a lets get married conversation. We had a lot of conversations that people planing to get married have but we were just dating. Even at 43 I said I couldn't marry anyone that wasn't man enough to ask my dad to marry me. My parents lived 700 miles away. He had met my mom and she liked him almost immediately. I phoned my dad and told him we were coming so he could meet him. He wasn't interested in meeting anyone. They met got along great which was scary because my dad is very no nonsense. Well the day we were flying back home he called me into the kitchen and asked my dad for my hand in marriage. We (my dad and me) were both in shock. I had no idea he was going to do that. The odd thing was our first flight was canceled and we had come back to my parents house because it would be four hours before we were going to fly out. I guess he figured it was now or never. But here we are 2 years later and doing well. No one ever said "seems like you all are moving too fast." I guess it was because we seemed like we had been together for a long time.
Fully agree with "happy2bme," the only reason dh and I knew we were a good match was because we talked about everything...hopes, dreams, future. I would ask every guy I dated questions that meant everything to me, such as: "Do you want to have kids?" Do you see yourself moving out of state or living here for the rest of your life?" there were others just can't remember them all. When it came to religion, I only dated those that were serious and were in my church. The thing about moving out of state was very important to me because I wanted to move out of state and didn't want to be with someone that didn't want that.
I think its very important to talk about things and not leave it all up to chance. Dh and I would spend hours talking about everything. Even after being broken up and maturing after a few years, our desires might have changed but what's weird is that we still thought the same way. Even now, we agree pretty much 95% of things.
I have Dr. Laura to thank for all this. LOL
I'm actually not married yet (engaged - planning a wedding late this year or early next year). We are common-law. We dated for 7 years before we got engaged and 1 year later still not married (only just started planning!).
But I personally don't think there is a standard as to how long you should date someone before you get engaged, you will know if it is right when it is right. We waited for so long because there was really no reason for us to get married, we have been living together for 4 years now so getting married really wouldn't change anything for us - it would just cost us money! (Which we just don't have owning a house and such ...)
My sister and BIL were in the same boat as me, actually they dated for about 10 years before he proposed. They got married within 4 months of that and had a baby 5 months later.
We dated for over two years and married as soon as we finished college. ETA: We have been married 17 years and yep, there has been really good and pretty damned bad but there is no place on this earth and no one on this earth that is more desirable to me than where I currently am. I don't think getting engaged after 4 months is a big deal at all. I find it odd when people marry after one week or something. But those things work out all the time.
In fact, this brings me to another point. After giving it careful thought and much deliberation and conversation and studying I am thinking that arranged marriages (when it's mutually agreeable to spouses) are a good thing. In fact, the majority of marriages in the world are arranged. When marriages begin to go awry there are TWO WHOLE FAMILIES to help them through the dilemma rather than two poeple muddling through. That benefit is just for starters. Now, whether or not my girls will think it's a good idea is another story.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 01-19-2010 at 02:58 PM.
lets see - met the hubby in 0ctober 1999, we moved in by January 2000, I really do not remember when we got engaged, which is kinda sad lol. got married May 2002. And here we are today- we've been together over ten years, married going on 8. Times aren't always great, but we seem to be in it for the win.
We got a lot of crap for moving too fast- especially moving in together so fast, but I was living w/ my parents and so was he and it was unbearable for us both and we got out as soon as we could. Besides, I came home after our first meeting and told my mom I was going to marry him.
I agree w/ Thighs in regards to arranged marriage. Coming into a marriage without passion and love ... can make things easier I think. I think about all the times I've been so furious with my husband, wanted to leave, etc and I think that I wouldn't have felt so strongly if we weren't in love. And now that we've been together longer - I see marriage more as a partnership then love, not that I don't love him, just that I now see it as more of having a family. I certainly didn't always love my parents or brother but we were a family and we stuck together. That's how I see marriage- a partner in life above all else.
My Hubby and I never actually dated. He would come by occasionally, we would talk, we would go for a drive, but we did it as friends. This lasted about two years. I had fallen in love by this time {as had he, I found out later, but we didnt' want to mess up the 'friendship' in case the other didn't feel the same.} He came by one night to tell me that he had joined the Navy, and would be leaving for bootcamp in about a month. I was surprised because he had mentioned joining because its a family thing, but never told me he was seriously considering it. He left, he was stationed near family, and I didn't hear from him for a while then he called me up one night and we talked, catching up. {I had been dating other people and he had been dating other people} A few days later he called, we talked and he ended the call with "I love you", but I thought it was a friend thing. A few days later he called again and told me he was going to try his hardest to convince me to marry him. I said 'yes' immediatly.
Hubby and I met in grade 8, started dating in grade 11. Got married two years after high school grad. That was almost 24 years ago, boy are we getting old
We started dating our senior year, and were together 9 months before he proposed. We married the following year when I was 19 and he was 20. We had been together for a year by then (was almost to the 2 year mark..we married in Dec. Started dating in Jan). We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in December. And saturday marks 7 years since we've been together. I've known him since 8th grade.
My husband and I were friends/coworkers for years. We started dating and within 3 months, I knew we'd be married some day. We made plans to move to the same state (he had moved away shortly before we started dating) and we both moved 2 months later. A year after we started dating, we got engaged and 4 months later, we got married.
My husband and I met 3 years before we got married. We started dating 10 months before we got married and got engaged 2 weeks before (even though we planned the wedding...the formatlity of asking just wasn't reached until 2 weeks before the date.) We're still in the newlywed stages at this point, it'll be a year of wedded bliss in april...but I wouldn't change a thing. We eloped, so we're still planning a big wedding for later this year...I'm still just as excited as the first one (I think that's a good sign).
We were engaged 11 months after meeting and married a year after that BUT We knew we wanted to marry each other and would have done it if not for formalities with in the first 3 months! We have been married for 1.5 years and very happy. They say the first 18 months are hard... I have loved them.
5 years. We started dating in HS and got married right after college (we were engaged for the last year and a half of college). We've been married for almost 7 years now.
