Sorry I was unclear - to clarify - I would want to know now. I would want to be able to make an informed decision about all parts of my marriage. If I was cheated on then obvioulsy there is something serious going on that I feel I should be made aware of and able to deal with however I felt was right for me.

what if?
 

what if the spouse said (PRIOR TO THIS ISSUE);


if you cheat? and it isnt going to cause you to leave me?


i dont want to know.


what then?

************************************************** ********

still so sure that she should tell?

and if you are?

who is her telling going to make feel better?

YOU?

cause she did what she is SUPPOSED to?


who decides what she is SUPPOSED to do?


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and i ask again.....who wants to pin the BIG RED A on her?


step right up. but be sure you are sure.

cause by doing so?
you ARE judging.
you are condemning.
and you are putting yourself above God.

he forgave her the second she asked and repented.

the marriage vows dont include the words "never ever screw up cause if you do-your marriage is null and void"

it says "forsaking all others".

she broke her vows.
but by condemning her and saying if she doesnt do ( fill in the blank with what YOU want her to do) HER marriage is a lie.

what are you doing?

Where has anyone said they are applying advice to her they do not apply to themselves. Yes, I will be comfortable facing my higher power [not sure I believe in one, but whatever] and explaining my treatment. It is the same treatment I feel obligated, from my higher power, to apply to my own life.


julie,

exactly my point.

when your higher power says to you?
did you JUDGE this woman?

what will you say?

back to the bible.

what did Jesus say to the stone throwers?

if you are without sin----cast the first stone.

very specifically, my question was "will YOU be comfortable explaing to your higher power your treatment of this woman"?

if so?

BRAVO to you.

I'm beginning to be confused here.....

You've gotten lots of responses to your original question, why keep on asking "new" questions and changing the equation? Are you doing a research paper based on "real life" and we're not supposed to know?

Do the opinions of people who have been cheated on matter more? How do you know who has or hasn't been if they don't specify in their posts? Your posts seem to indicate that the 3 people who have confessed to being cheated on are the only ones that have any merit--all of the rest of us are being judgmental. Why didn't you specify that you only wanted to hear from those who had been cheated on?

Maybe I'm just being obtuse?

Really? In the years that you've been married you've NEVER just had sex with your husband? Ever? Every time it was some deep, emotional act?

I'm jealous of you. I can't work up that much care at 4 in the morning. :devil:

Good grief, that's not what you asked. That is entirely different.

Good grief, no one has said to do anything to her. I can see why you're so frustrated with this thread, because you think people are saying things they Have. Not. Said. I'll repeat that. You keep talking about people doing something to her - but no one has said that. Can you stop making that straw-man argument, please?

This doesn't make much sense. Adultery is grounds for divorce. It does make the marriage null and void (ignoring semantic issues here, as "null" is not actually true here, as it does have specific meaning in relationship to marriages) if the partner so chooses.

julie...............i really like you!


and just like in life?

i added in more info.

i am not frustrated a bit.

this thread went somewhere i didnt expect and i am going with it.


and by making the statement (implied or otherwise) that if she doesnt tell?

her marriage is a lie.

IS JUDGING.
there is no way around that. it is taking our viewpoint and making a blanket statement about ALL people.

************************************************** *******

and this is for everyone.

i ask again.....who says she has to tell or she is wrong?

it wasnt my initial questions but it is now.

and if you believe that?

are you ready to brand her as a adulterer? (handing you the BIG RED A to pin on her)
and if you do?

what would your higher power say?

are you sinless that you may judge others?

if you dont have a higher power?

do you believe in karma?

would you want your treatment of her (or others in your life) to boomerang back to you?

just asking

Are you kidding...we have 3 kids and one on the way...all we have time for are quickies while the kids are asleep. ;)

I was more referring to the act outside of the marriage/realtionship based on the topic. Meaning in a cheating type situation with someone you are not already connected and share a bond with (meaning your signifigant other). I can't imagine thinking that it is ok to cheat based on the thought of "sex is just sex" mentality and that it means nothing so it is ok to act upon.

4 myself?

all opinions matter. i am intrigued that the people who specified they were the cheated on? are far less dogmatic and far less determined that she should tell or her marriage is a lie.

maybe because they have a frame of reference?
and you are correct that i (we) have no way to know if anyone has been the cheated on or the cheated unless they say. which they dont have to.


and no on the paper. i am just being catalytic and exploring all subjects emerging. and i agree on the 4 in the moring sex comment.


can you imagine how exhausted one would be if it was a deep emotional experience every time.

:bravo:I could not agree more with you.

i agree also, kim



i believe that men need a place; women need a reason.


refering to sex- not infidility.

Gotcha!

And totally understand, too, especially since we had to remove the railing from the baby's bed! :o

Sign my name with Jersey and lovin' overhead. SPOT ON!

Purely out of curiosity, and feel free to deny to answer if you think it's taking the thread in too different a direction :p... why does this "scare" you? Are you scared for yourself (maybe that you'd be seen as "weird") or for other women? Or men? Or is it a religious/moral thing?