for me it's really more about dishonest and lies- that i will not tolerate in any form. period. and that includes cheating.
I am thinking about the emotional aspect of this and I think I have emotionally strayed from time to time - but it is a really gray area- you can't get ALL your needs met from one person. ever. but which needs are solely supposed to be fulfilled by a spouse and which ones can be fulfilled by a friend? that is a much harder thing to define then just having sex w/ someone who is not your partner.
you can't get ALL your needs met from one person. ever.
not all the time but at various times in our relationship my husband has been all the things I need. just not all at once.
I think personally emotional cheating is much worse than physical cheating. I would leave over long-term emotional cheating.
I mean seriously right now my marriage bed is on hiatus due to circumstances beyond my control (my husband is injured) and it may be on hiatus for a long time. I've joked with my husband that I love having my best friend around but would he mind terribly if I got a HUSBAND now too... he knows i'm kidding.
There are nuances to every realationship that people who are NOT in the relationship don't get.
For both me and my husband, the physical is very tied to the emotional. I couldn't have the physical connection without first having the emotional connection. So really the physical aspects fulfill an emotional need for me and sometimes when the physical aspects can't be met, I'm perfectly happy with things that fulfill my emotional needs. If that makes sense.
Hmmm, yes, I cheated once after i found out my boyfriend has cheated on me. It doesn't make it right at ALL. I felt sick for 2 days afterwards because I was so disgusted with myself. I would not forgive a cheater unless it was under certian circumstances. For instance, they were vulnerable due to loss of a family member or something and I was away, I would, like other, forgive it ONCE. Maybe...
1. Not really... I was accused of it by a junior high boyfriend for sending another boy I liked souvenirs while I was on vacation. :P
2. Sort of... it wasn't a completely monogamous relationship, and we were too young and stupid to discuss our boundaries, so while I thought he overstepped them, he didn't know he was doing anything wrong.
3. I might forgive it, but at the same time, it's a sign of a deeper problem (or character flaw) that I don't need in a relationship!
I'm in a not-totally-monogamous relationship with my husband, and we have very clear "rules," mostly about communication: what we must tell the other person and when we must tell them. My rules for him and his rules for me are quite different. And after spending hours and hours defining them, it seems ridiculous to cheat, what a waste of time and effort.
3. If my fiance/soon-to-be husband cheated on me, I don't think I would be able to forgive him for it. For me, cheating is totally unacceptable; a complete betrayal. But hopefully this is something I will never have to deal with...
Quote:
Originally Posted by FoodObsessed
1. Have you ever cheated?
2. Has someone cheated on you?
3. Would you forgive someone who cheated on you?
Well. My husband thinks so. I was a commitment-phobe when we met and he knew it, so he would try to convince me we should date by saying "What relationship have you had that didn't end? What's to worry about?" when I kept telling him we only had a week left to see each other (I was moving to Washington from Texas when he got up the courage to suggest it). That only further cemented my idea that any semblance of a relationship would be *poof* within a few weeks after I moved. I figured we could hang out for what I had left and that'd be the end of it so I resisted dating him exclusively.
I had ended a 3 year relationship with a guy I'd met online 6 months before future husband and I met. I'd already paid for a plane ticket to visit the ex (To the UK so I'd been paying it out in increments over a year.) and I realized it just wasn't going to work long distance, but we were still best friends, so a month after moving to Washington, I got on the plane and went anyway. It was a big tear-jerking event to see my ex/best friend in person and we kissed goodbye as I left the UK for home. A peck, not a makeout, with no intention of getting back together. Of course when I returned, future husband asked if anything "happened" alluding to anything sexual, I quickly admitted to the kiss while denying anything sexual. Suddenly I was a Jezebel.
Our official declaration (and our anniversary we still celebrate & got married on) happened a month later.
Husband says I cheated, I say it was crappy timing. But we've agreed to disagree.
2. Has someone cheated on you?
Umm, not that I'm aware of. Current husband thought about it, probably to "get back at me" but I don't think he did, and we've been together for five years so I don't think he will start now. We're happier than we've ever been and all those late night fights about a peck in the UK are long over.
3. Would you forgive someone who cheated on you?
That's a tough one, one of the reasons I stayed with the guy I have. He forgave me and even though we don't see eye to eye about what happened, I know it was a big struggle for him to overcome. I think if you can overcome cheating, you can overcome anything, and it's definitely worth a shot if both parties are willing to put it behind them... especially the cheater...
Nope, I never have.
Nope, never has been done to me.. yet. lol. hopefully never
to forgive? depending on the reason, and if I can change it, if its worth it.
but my trust for them would definitely need work.
1. Yes..but I was young
2. Yes..old boyfriends
3. I have forgiven them..because I was young and stupid and cuz I was doing it too. But now that I'm married, I dont know if I could forgive my hubby if he ever cheated on me. We'd probably have to see a marriage counselor.
Would I forgive them? No (and we're not together anymore so I don't really see the need). I've never actually known someone who has cheated where it has been a one time mistake- they've always returned to "old ways" and I wouldn't stay with someone who repeatedly strayed.
1. Yes, I have cheated but on a fiance of 5 yrs, not my husband ...overlap
of 1.5 yrs until I broke it off. Fiance never found out, the man who
became my husband knew before we started seeing eachother.
2. No... not as far as I am aware... I pick good boys.
3. No... they would be OUTTA here faster than you can say "see ya"
I am glad not everyone is like me though, because I married the man I
cheated on my fiance with and while my actions were dumb, it worked out
just perfectly. We couldn't be happier (aside from the fact that the
cheating incident is still brought up every now and again).
Our relationship unfortunately was built on it, so he has to share equal responsibility. He knew what he was getting into.
