Eh, I already have a lifetime of coping with not being beautiful. So I would pass on learning to cope with not being intelligent
And actually, coping is the wrong word, because being beautiful is just not that important. It's just another trait that some people have, like any other. Not being "beautiful" by mainstream / media standards has nothing to do with real life and real guys. No desire to be skinny, although obviously everyone has their own interpretation of what "thin" means.
I didn't have to "cope" with not being thin & beautiful. I had to "cope" with not being thin & beautiful *and* not knowing it didn't matter.
If I want to train my mind and increase my knowledge, I'm just trying to please me. But if I feel a need to be thin and beautiful (as opposed to feminine and healthy), who am I trying to please? It's not for love. Millions of women are not thin & beautiful by media standards and have rewarding relationships. It's for some artificial crazy standard.
I'm assuming I would be faced with the following circumstances if I had to PICK one:
I would be sentenced to a life of an average looking face and an overweight body but would be allowed to keep the same intelligent mind I've already been blessed with
OR
I would have to lose 50 IQ points (putting me in the average range), but I would be considered a 9 or 10 on most people's 1-10 scales, have a slim body with no scars, stretch marks, or loose skin, and I would be drop dead gorgeous in almost everyone's eyes.
I'll take the average face, overweight body, and intelligent mind. As others have said, looks DO fade. I dislike it when people have no personality and find it extremely frustrating when some people are incapable of having a real conversation. If I was less intelligent and drop dead gorgeous, I might be happier with my life (I've always said stupid people are simply too dense to realize their lives stink), BUT I would not be perceptive or interesting. I have fought to live an unconventional path and would not have it any other way - being robbed of my mind would make me no different than any other nameless blob. I don't want to be conventional, boring, or stupid if I can help it!
I also truly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For instance, my husband has absolutely NO attraction to tall, thin, women with blonde hair and blue eyes-and this is something that many, many people see as ideal. It is the same way with myself-I have never, ever dated a man who was blonde, blue eyed, and tan. Do I think that men and women who look like the classic California Girl and the California surfer guy are attractive-of course I do. I can look at someone and think that they are handsome or pretty...but it doesn't mean that I will be attracted to them as a partner.
My husband, for instance, prefers paler, curvier women-preferably with dark hair or red hair. I, on the other hand, tend to be more attracted to someone with darker coloring-brown eyes, and brown or black hair, such as Italian or Native American descent. It is just what is attractive to "me".
This is one of the reasons that I would definitely choose intelligence over being thin and beautiful, because I think that no matter WHAT your body type is, or hair color is, or facial structure is like...you are going to be attractive to SOMEONE out there, even if you aren't the ideal on the cover of a magazine.
When I was in high school I was never, ever asked out by the football players-they always preferred the tan cheerleaders...instead I was asked out by those in the art and music classes, and the skaters. To this day, when I get hit on by someone-they always tend to be more the artsy or the cute geeky types.
I guess my tastes are just different. I would never want to look like a Baywatch beauty or one of the Desperate Housewives. I would rather look like Bebe Neuworth (Lilith from Frasier/Cheers) or Gillian Anderson. My perception of beautiful is different from many...
Aphil, I believe you and I have the same unconventional standards for what is considered beautiful. I rarely found tanned, blonde girls to be hot or sexy; I always was drawn to wild, crazy hair, tattoos, piercings, and styles that were commonly considered different.
I'm a strange case.
I'm capable of being that blonde, tanned, slim girl with the hour glass figure. I was her for a few years, solely for the point of experiencing popularity. I had a rather scarring childhood and was called ugly so frequently (kids said things like, "if you want to see horrorland, look in the mirror!") that once I entered high school, I just wanted to be the most beautiful person in the world. I had long blonde hair, wore Abercrombie/American Eagle/Banana Republic/The Gap type clothes, and a perpetually fake tan.
On my 18th birthday, I hacked all my hair off, dyed it dark brown with mahogany highlights, and got a tattoo. Piercings came soon after. I didn't do these things to rebel; I was a rocker chick at heart all along (I was listening to The Ramones, GnR, The Descendents, and The Misfits while my so-called friends were listening to hip hop and Top 40) and finally found the courage to express myself. My current style is rather ironic; I will shop pretty much anywhere - including plenty of preppy places - and just accessorize my clothes in such a way that makes it just a little bit different.
Some people think I'm a ridiculous idiot for giving up that supposedly precious blonde existance. I sometimes want to revert back to it (now that I'm slim again and naturally tanned) but I realize that I probably would just grow out my hair just to cut and dye it yet again
Last edited by NightengaleShane; 07-30-2008 at 04:29 PM.
I have always been very intelligent. I have not always been beautiful. When I was in my early twenties, everything sort of came together and for a few years I was strikingly physically attractive. I met a lot of people, lived the social high life, partied a lot, and had a lot of fun. When I got pregnant with my first child, I gained a LOT of weight. Afterward, I noticed that a lot of my "friends" would not hang out with me. Some of them would not even speak to me. Some would not acknowledge that they EVER knew me. So if I had to choose, I would keep my brains and be ugly. I would rather know full well where I stand with my friends than to have "friends" that make me wonder if I'm "good enough" based on some superficial standard.
On another note....I had been seeing this beautiful specimen of male all around town. He was probably in the top three of most gorgeous men I have ever seen. Stunning, jaw dropping, amazing. After several months of seeing him around, he stopped by the bar that I worked in. He was was not only amazingly beautiful, he was amazingly stupid. The most interesting conversation he could offer was Scooby Doo impressions (yes, I'm dead serious.) Needless to say, he was no longer the least bit attractive to me.
I would rather be smart -so I can teach my son that women can be smart too, and to teach my daughter that her beauty will only get her so far. I'm actually a little worried that she is so beautiful... I want her to develop everything about herself, not just depend on looks.
I can guarantee you that Playboy, Sports Illustrated, GQ or any other men's mag have NEVER had a quiz called "Would you rather be buff and handsome or intelligent"> and no man has ever had that question enter their head! So I really don't care! I plan on being both LOL
When I was 24, and in graduate school my aunt has horrified and told my mother I was making myself unmarriageable. In her mind, women went to college only to find a college-educated husband (but then again she encouraged her own daughter to marry a jerk because she was getting to be too old for marriage - at the scandalous age of 24. By the way, this was in 1980, not 1920).
According to my aunt, being overweight (and therefore unattractive) and old (at 24?) AND educated meant no man would have me (All men in my Aunt's world wanted young, pretty, dumb wives or at least women who are younger, prettier and dumber than themselves, and of course no man would marry a woman older, more educated, or making more money than themselves).
Apparently no one told my husband this, as he's four years younger than I am, doesn't have a college degree, and was making a bit less money than I was when we met.
Most people wouldn't consider us a beautiful couple, but we do. And I'd rather be considered beautiful by the only two people who matter to me (my husband and myself) than to be considered beautiful by all the people who don't.
Hubby and I find each other extremely smokin' hot gorgeous, as we did when we began dating at about 90 lbs heavier (both of us). It wasn't lust at first sight, but it's amazing how a trait you didn't notice or found unpleasant, can become appealing because of the person.
I never would have picked my husband out of a mail-order-catalog, but we got to know each other over the phone and internet before meeting (he had seen a picture of me placed with my ad, but I didn't see a pic of him until right before we met in person). At 6'2", with long auburn hair (and flaming orange-red beard and moustache), he had a bit of a biker-viking vibe. Which I never would have expected to find it attractive, but having half fallen for him already over the phone, I found his appearance incredibly sexy. And yet if I had met him without knowing him, I would have been completely oblivious. I wouldn't have been repelled, but I wouldn't have been attracted either.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and it's a lot more flexible than most people realize.
I see this question on forums a lot and it's funny how many people say, "Oh, obviously I'd rather be smart! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder/only skin deep/fleeing/shallow" or whatever but in anonymous surveys, thin and beautiful will win by a landslide.
I've been fighting my weight my whole life. I would have been fine with missing out on this battle and just having to study a little harder.
At least being thin/beautiful in this context may mean that I would be blissfully ignorant of my lack of intelligence.
And being super duper smart would hopefully put me on a higher plane of self-worth where I wouldn't care what society thought of my looks.
So if I were to choose out of those extremes, then it would certainly be intelligence that I would go with. That'll make the relationships, the money, and a positive impact on the world hopefully.
Otherwise, I'll settle for being smart enough and happy with my overall beauty except for the bugger 20 lbs that needs to go.
To this day, when I get hit on by someone-they always tend to be more the artsy or the cute geeky types.
I'm just saying 
I plan on being both LOL
