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Can you say "tacky"?
A few of you heard my rant a few weeks ago after a wedding.....in short, the invitation said the wedding was at 6 PM. Not one to be late, we show up at 5:45 PM--to an empty wedding/reception hall. We search out and find the wedding planner who tells us the wedding is scheduled for 7:30. Wait, what? 7:30?!?! We go find a bar to occupy us (we drove to another state for the wedding and just drove 45 minutes from our hotel to get there on time). A few phone calls later and we find out that the invitations were done like this ON PURPOSE because some of the groom's friends were habitually late so they made the time early (but didn't inform those of us who are punctual).
So. What's your story? What has happened to you that you feel is the epitome of tackiness? |
Yes! They are TACKY. In fact, I don't even think I'd accept invitations from those people ever again without some distinct clarification.
OK. Went to a party thrown by the boss. This was one of my late husband's bosses. There was a wicker tray on the counter. Everyone was supposed to put in $10 for themselves and each guest. INCLUDING CHILDREN! This guy was a millionaire. Guess that is how he got that way. Oh! And it was BYOB and anything else you wanted to drink. He provided hamburgers and hot dogs. |
Allison - I would have been completely livid. I am a very punctual person and would hate killing an unncessary 1.5 hours in my fancy dress up clothes. Not to mention, I plan when I eat pretty carefully and that would have seriously messed me up.
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i would have left when I found out, and would have sent them a letter too. That is just not okay to do to people.
I can't think of anything too horrible - unless you count my mother in law who on multiple (read: most) occasions would be anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours late meeting me and then casually saying "Well, I'm on time for IMPORTANT things" GRRRR! |
That's awful!!! I've never heard of anyone doing that before! They should have printed them separate invitations!
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I don't have wedding etiquette story, but have you ever read through some of the things at http://www.etiquettehell.com/?
My favorite tacky story was about a co-worker who I will call L. L was the most singularly cheap person I have ever met. L didn't have a car and bought a desk a Crate & Barrel. She didn't want to pay to have it shipped, so she asked M, another co-worker who had a minivan, to help her pick it up. M agreed, assuming that L was asking for a ride over to the store. Not so - L was asking M to go pick up the desk for her and deliver it to her house. M was a mother of two who was extremely busy and didn't even live nearby. Of course M declined to be a delivery person for L, and L didn't forgive M for months for "being selfish". |
That is aweful. I am a very punctual person and lateness drives me nuts.
As for tacky, I went to a wedding recently. The couple was registered with stores and had very expensive gifts listed. So, most everyone at the wedding had given pricey gifts. Then to top it off, the groomsmen sent around a shoe at the reception asking all the guests to donate money to pay for the honeymoon. (This may be expected some places, but I've definitely never seen it done before). This same bride is now having a baby. The list of items she wants are all very expensive and color-coordinated. I was told that we are expected to get her the stroller that is over $200.00. (she is from the DH's family,BTW). I told DH that I'm not buying it and will glady pick up a nice baby outfit for the baby. Just plain tacky, IMHO. To top it all off, we didnt' receive an invitation to the baby shower. |
WOW!! That's definitely one I've never heard. Tacky is right!
Umm, I think the epitome of tacky is that dollar dance thing. I've never actually seen it at a wedding but I've known a few people who have done it. |
Oh! Those are terrible wedding-etiquette stories.
Tacky is ... a sibling who complains about "all the damn gifts" they received for their wedding. It was at that time I decided to make a donation in their name to OxFam for their wedding present. Tacky is ... friends who find ways to pawn off their errands and other less desirable to-do's onto unsuspecting friends. Or giving someone a retro piece of furniture as a gift for helping them move, but then suggesting that they might want that back someday. ?? |
Hmmm, Lily, I think if you're not invited to the shower, you don't "owe" them a gift either - maybe something small when the baby is actually born. :)
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People are amazing!
I was at a funeral a couple of months back and 20 or so minutes into it someone's cell phone went off. I thought, gee that person probably feels awful - I'm glad it wasn't me and I quickly checked mine even though I was sure I had turned it off. Now for the tacky part - FOUR other cell phones went off befor the funeral was over! |
Yep...All the ones mentioned are tacky!! Some people!!???
Speaking of tacky: How about giving a $45.00 picture frame for a wedding gift and then see it in their yard sale for $2.00 6 months later UNUSED!!! :lol: That's what happened to a friend of mine! (BTW: The frame WAS on their gift register). |
Okay, so I got a wedding present -- a beatiful frame -- but the card INSIDE was from the giver's wedding -- to _________ from Aunt _____________ !!! I'm not totally against regifting, just be careful!!!
The dollar dance -- hate it!! I used to see it done when I was little, not so much any more -- you got to the wedding, shower, etc. give a gift and then they want you to fill their bag with cash!!! |
My cousin told me all about her wedding and wedding shower but I wasn't invited to either. Instead inviting a mutual friend of ours and her entire family, when she's always complaining about this friend and her family to me. Now she expects me to help her move this weekend but the other friend is nowhere in sight. As a present, I got her some Diet soda and got rid of a couch for her. It struck me as funny that when I looked at the items on the gift registry they were all things she'd never buy for herself, not because she didn't want them but because she couldn't afford them. I guess though, I'm the type of person who asks for practical things rather than $200 decorations that do nothing for me or a $300 set of dishes when well, they're just dishes and they are all glass or ceramic which isn't practical when you have a 2yo and another baby on the way. I'd love to have some that match someday but until then, as long as I have some that work, I'm happy.
My aunt on my dad's side made a comment to my aunt on my mom's side (her own sister, not an in-law) about how my mom was a bad parent and was being ridiculous in asking for more child support from her brother. She said this all at my graduation party, at my mom's house. I know that's how that side of the family is but the location and who she said it to was pretty bad, it pretty much ruined my day, not to mention my mom's. As far as the time thing goes, that is a little ridiculous. I've done that with little things like graduations and confirmations but never more than a half hour and usually I just say something to my mom about the start time being an hour earlier so she'll show up on time. But if they're going to put the start time on there as that far in advance, they should at least tell the people they aren't worried about or probably just print separate invitations like mentioned above. |
Originally Posted by chevyjnova: |
Originally Posted by lilybelle: Now here is something tacky... it didn't happen to me but my relative did this to some of my other relatives... you ask your family to help you move but on moving day you don't even have anything packed and then you sit and watch as your relatives pack stuff for you. |
how about asking a family member for help cleaning the overwhelming amount of clutter from you home- only to not help them clean up your mess, fight them all the way on the things that needed to be purged (like expired canned goods that had no label) - only to turn around and pull everything out of the garbage and donation bins and put them back where they started the moment said helpful family member leaves. ooh, i was mad.
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I've got one for you.
My moms side of the family is big, so at Christmas we draw names so we dont have to buy for everyone. The limit is about 20 bucks. Nothing wrong there right? Practical and makes sense. Here is the tacky part. My then dh was picked by my cousin and my uncle was picked by this same cousins wife. Christmas came around and no gift. New years came around and no gift. Valentines day came around, no gift. Then at the end of February my mom gets a package in the mail. Inside is a shoe box for my uncle and a shoe box for my then dh. Inside these shoe boxes? Armor All for your car, tube socks, cough drops, and a package of pens that were broken. UH??? I later found at these were all leftovers from her mission trip to china! The next year, same family, I drew my other cousins name and his wife drew mine. We all kinda go around and see who gets our names. I spent a month looking for a c.d. my cousin loves. It ended up costing more then the 20 dollar limit. What did I get from them? A ceramic santa potpourri thing from the dollar store. Needless to say we no longer do this. |
i always get ripped off on the draw a name w/ my in-laws too. :(
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Originally Posted by lizziness: |
Not being invited to the wedding or reception or shower, but to the "post-wedding BBQ where we can collect presents from everyone we didn't invite to the wedding"....
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SFJ - That happened to me too! We drew names and I didn't get a gift for christmas and neither did someone else. Happened to be a relative and his wife, neither of them bought gifts for anyone but they happily collected the gifts. They never should've drew names if they didn't want to give a gift. I don't do name draws with my family any more.
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Nelie, we had that same moving situation. We were asked to help move DH's aunt and his GM from Iowa to Oklahoma. We used our own vehicles, trailer, gas, paid for our own meals.(To top it off, it was in January and we were freezing our butts off and trying to avoid the ice on the highways). When we got to Iowa, nothing had been packed. We were told ahead of time that it was a small 2 bedroom duplex that we would be moving and that everything was ready. It turned out to be a 2 story house which there was no way the stuff would fit on the trailer. The GM was mormon and had a humongous room full of stored canned food that would have taken up the whole trailer. DH was pretty furious since this trip also costed him his vacation days at work. The GM and Aunt also brought back 2 old clunker cars, (one of which I had to drive since the GM no longer had a license to drive). The car I was driving blew the transmission on the way and costed her over $1200.00 to fix which was more than the car was worth. Needless to say, a second trip to get the rest of the junk was required. We didn't offer to go the second time, DH's mother and his sister went back and got their stuff. With the cost we were out, the car problems, the second trip and such, it would have been WAY less expensive for them to have used a moving company. My DH still refers to it as the Trip to **** and gets pi@@ed when he thinks about it.
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I'm from a big family and we do the name drawing thing at Christmas too. One year my sister got my name, she followed me shopping while I admired a blouse. She got me that blouse as a gift. I later returned to the store and bought that blouse for myself, not knowing she had drawn my name. When she found out that i had already bought the same thing, she kept the blouse for herself but never bothered to get me anything else. Whenever we draw names now, we leave her out.
Oh, I have another tacky story. I don't know if this is a common practice where you are, but I got invited to two different baby showers (for the same individual) where there were also a concurrent candle party and a cosmetic presentation--where the consultants for each were saying if we guests didn't want to buy anything, could still buy for the guest of honor. I didn't like being blindsided by these people at all. I'm sorry, but I don't feel like candles or make-up are a suitable gift for a mother to be, I'd rather buy something for the baby. |
OK, I have to admit, I HATE the dollar dance too, but dh's family always does it and despite my instructions to the contrary, there it was at mine. I guess it is a midwest thing
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Originally Posted by melekalikimaka: |
The dollar dance was also done at my wedding (I always thought it had hispanic roots?) and my aunt was the first to actually pin money on my veil--I was pissed! :lol: It disrupts the married couples 'first dance' and even though we had the emcee ask people not to go up to the dance floor until the 1st dance was over, they did it anyway :rolleyes:
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glory - yes there is definately a hoarding problem w/ her. and it is one of her lesser problems. *LOL*
my best friend did the dollar dance at her wedding. i agree it's kinda .. well.. it felt kinda country to me. plus i was also obliged as maid of honor to dance with the groom and stuff money into his shirt - well where the **** is a maid of honor supposed to stash cash? in her shoe? it was awkward. |
Originally Posted by junebug41: OMG yes, i agree, that might be really one of the tackiest practices ever. If I'm ever invited to one of those, there's no WAY I'd go. About the name drawing thing- WOW. Some stories! I've only seen that done once, the first time I met part of my girlfriend's extended family, and it seemed like a really nice idea... because they all got something nice. But I can only imagine how terrible it must be, going the other way. Regifting- HA! these stories are great.. i don't know how I'd be able to keep my big mouth shut! And all these moving stories.. my goodness... what is wrong with people?? :?: |
Wow I started this post last night and got pulled away by the kids
tacky - yup we've done the "go to help move" and NOTHING is packed. tackier - not only was nothing packed, they had asked dh to "pick up beer on the way" which we assumed meant "because we are busy packing will you pick up the beer that we need to buy and we will reimburse you when you get here" NO. tackiest - not ONLY did they not reimburse us for the beer, they took the leftover beer and hid it and when they ordered pizza for the group who helped them move they took up a collection to pay for it. And kept those leftovers too. tacky gift - receiving a used deck of playing cards for a wedding gift. tacky baby shower. A coworker who had older kids spent most of her pregnancy bemoaning how she hadnt planned on a third so she had gotten rid of all her baby stuff. So we threw her an elaborate shower as did her church and her friends ...3 showers. She had registered at BRU and target and people were going in together for some big ticket stuff - cribs, etc. Only to find out later that she hadn't gotten rid of any of her baby stuff until AFTER the showers were planned, and then she started e-baying her old stuff. And she returned the crib because she still had one and it didnt sell on ebay. |
Originally Posted by alinnell: We have also done the whole "help them move" when NOTHING is packed. After we loaded up the large furniture items I left and told her to call me when her crap was packed. |
My own sister also has a way with tackiness. She usually insists that the whole family come to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Then she takes each of the wives aside and tells us how much the food costed and how much we Owe according to how many family members we each brought. Since she is a couple hrs. away and gas costs are enormous, I told her that next time me, DH and our kids would just plan our own holiday meal at home. BTW, she doesn't ask for money in front of her DH as he would be horrified.
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Originally Posted by lilybelle: I cannot believe that she insisted that you come to her house for a holiday and THEN wanted to CHARGE you for it?!?!?!?? I would never go back there again. Invite people to your place this year - be sure to put on the invite "NO CHARGE". What ever happend to bringing a dish or a bottle of wine? |
tacky funeral behavior? My grandfather died and his first wife's sisters came in, sat in the front right behind me, and started asking me if I'd gone through all of his stuff yet and who was getting what. Not only did I completely ignore them, but I haven't seen or spoken to them since and intend to keep it that way.
These are the same people who packed up all of greant grandma's house - knowing my parents were moving into it - and too EVERYthing... including the toilet paper off the roll!! |
Oh I have another one.
My soon to be hubby was married before. Whenever her family came to town he was all but ignored. It was Thanksgiving, they hosted. When it was time to sit down and eat, my fiance noticed his moms name not at the table. All her family was at the table as was him. His mom? Out on the back porch with friends of the family! |
I think the dollar dance is tacky as well. I think any public display of giving money (and also pinning it on a woman in a very expensive dress!!!) is just not up my alley. You may as well set up a tip jar at the bride and groom's table.
As for tacky funeral beahvior- I'm sorry, but it kinda freaks me out when I see people walking around with camcorders at funerals. Is this wrong? |
Originally Posted by ennay: I have to say that I have been to quite a few weddings in the last 10 years. My own kids in the last year, their friends weddings (Angie and I are the cool parents...oh yeah...so we get invited to those) and several of Angie's teacher friend's weddings. A couple of those teacher friends Twice ;) Although their "second" marraiges were more of the BBQ type and No presents involved. So....being an expert on some of these matters I want to share my take on them. I don't wish to offend anyone. #1 ~ My wedding to my first wife was her and I only in Vegas for a long week-end. We had lived :o together for four years and I didn't feel it was right to marry in a church at that time...my views and morals have certainly changed in the almost 30 years now, actually they changed many years ago. Anyway, we did not want or need gifts. We had a big party at the VFW hall for about 100 people with a very popular and local live band, we had pizza, sandwiches (I owned a sandwich shop at the time), fried chicken and of course an open bar. It was a freakin' BLAST!! That was US! We paid for the entire thing which was over a grand...in '79 that was a lot of money for a PAR-TAY! :carrot: for simple folks. Angie and I were married in our church by our Pastor...with...our kids, my sister and nieces...Angie's mom and brother were there. We just told family the day before, anyone wants to come and has the day off come, we will take you to lunch. That was US My daughter and her :p husband :p did not want to have a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance :dance: at their wedding....That was THEM My son and :love: daughter in law :love: had a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance :carrot: That was THEM She had a little purse...no pins involved. JUNEBUG ~ The dance can be done in good taste. I will be doing my fly-by Friday...Pretty sure my goddaughter will have a $$$ dance ;) ...the couple is NAVY and broke! I would say about half of the weddings I have been to have the $$$ dance...I think it is FINE either way! It ain't about ME! I don't :dance: well...but I pay pretty good ;) at least $10 for every time I step on glass slipper :D As far as a BBQ for the "B" list. Personally I don't see any problem with that. Although I do see how people's feelings can be hurt :( . All I will say is that with my son and daughter both getting married in 6 months recently...we have been through this. They both paid a big chunk of their own wedding costs, Angie and I and their mom gave a generous gift to each of them towards it and the other families paid substantial too...but they were quite expensive for sure. The food tab at my daughter's was over $7,000 alone. Anyway, each wedding had 150 guests. Now I would have thought that would be enough to include everyone we would like to have there...:lol3: :lol3: :rofl: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :lol3: :lol3: Not even close...just our immediate family (what we consider immediate) is over 50 alone! This does not include any of the kids high school ~ college ~ sports ~ work ~ church friends or the parents friends we might liked to have included. Folks there is only so much $$$ that can be afforded...at least we all ended up wedding debt free after them!! All paid for in cash. Anyway, although they didn't have one due to the honeymoons and work...the kids did discuss having a party for the "B" list...but with NO presents! Now keep in mind, the people on their "B" list may actually be closer to them than the A list...family from out of town etc. Any how, many of the "B" listers gave presents anyway because they HAVE BEEN THERE with their own wedding costs. As far as "showers" go...As long as the shower "theme" is NOTED on the announcement, I see nothing wrong with having a "candle/avon/whatever" party" One is not obligated to buy from the hostess, but if you like what they are selling why not? Why give to Wally World or another box joint. And NO I do not know anyone that sells things but Angie does have friends that need to earn money that way. Again, as long as it isn't a secret :sssh: before you get there. As far as the registry goes...why not click on expensive items...some people DO have money and want to buy expensive stuff. The kids I talk to don't really think they will get all the stuff...they have been to weddings, they see that most of the gifts (at the weddings we go to weddings anyway) are around $25-$50) I know that there were couples that went together on gifts for my kids. As for me...they all get the same thing...everytime...$100 to Home Depot if it is a young couple just starting out or $50 for friend already playing house. That is for the first wedding....a hug for the second! ;) If they are family or close friends I find other ways to help out financially...but they all get the same gift...makes it easy on Angie and I. As far as funerals go...it is a sad time for sure. We have tried in our family to get away from funerals and have memorials. Sometimes several weeks after the death. We find it gives people a chance to grieve and then come together, although sad, but happy that our loved one has gone home! My family knows WITHOUT A DOUBT that there better be a BBQ in my honor when I go!! Angie and I didn't buy this shuuffleboard court and pour over 5 grand in cement for nothing! Seriously, I even have the list of songs I want played at the memorial...if they choose to have one. Angie and I are fine to just have our bodies donated to research if needed or cremated. Then we want our family to focus on having a cool :wave: GOOD-BYE :wave: party. You see...WE KNOW where we are going...it isn't going to be a sad day for us. Again I don't want to offend anyone at all...but if I am looking down...and my grandkids...even my adopted ones ENNAY are having a snack....hey! I am all for it! Little ones don't quite get it. I almost always have bags of fun fruits in my pocket at church, have quieted many a kid down over the years. Angie and I sit on the side with little kids ON PURPOSE! We love the activity...and I don't mean RUDE behavior either...there is a big difference...common sense PEOPLE! My daughter had coloring books and crayons at her wedding for the little guys...wouldn't be a bad idea at a funeral either I suppose. Pictures should be taken at weddings! But use your head PEOPLE! Don't infringe on the professional photographer that has been hired...don't be rude...if they are...do as my brother did at my daughter's...say "GET THE blankity blank OUT OF MY WAY...I WAS HERE FIRST!"...they will back down. ;) and wait to take cake pictures...everyone must be respectful of each other and know THEIR place in the "moment"! |
These are all so tacky!
I don't know if this counts, but it just happened to me yesterday. My brother is getting married next July. He's had this girlfriend for over 5 years, they live together, I see them often. My sister calls me yesterday and says "Pam wanted me to call you and tell you the dress and shoes she wants us to order for the wedding, and to order them today because they're from a catalog." I was like, "I'm in the wedding?" I was NEVER asked... or even TOLD... just supposed to assume, I guess. Still haven't heard from Pam... |
Tracy...some people are just not that smart....
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Hey Gary- I didn't mean to offend you and yours. I've been to so.many.weddings. that I have some definite ideas on what I want to do. But you are right- to each his own. I do have to say that the most tasteful affair I ever attended was probably the most inexpensive wedding and the most FUN I ever had at a wedding was at a VFW ;)!
I guess as far as the dollar dance goes, I just never understood the idea of pinning money on the bride as I've seen done and I think that's what turned me off to it (but I'm all about the dress). Now this is truly tacky: I attended a family member's wedding wayyyyyy down south a few years back and the combination of the bride wearing verrrrry exposed pink slippers and the sight of people SMOKING as she as walking down the aisle made for some interesting commentary. I think the groom may have even had a chew in.... |
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