you guys are right, I know.
Today was a bit better, I just kept thinking about how nasty he was ...and it's kind of hard to explain but I finally had "opportunity" and didn't act on it at all. (I didn't know I was going to be faced with that today..)
As for underage, I don't know his exact age but I know he's in grade 12.
The age of consent here is 14. So I know he is over that..but still very young compared to me! Its just weird becasue I feel like it was just yesterday I was in HS myself...
If you were his school teacher, you'd be thrown in jail!! BACK OFF!! You are getting into freaky territory!! Seriously!!
Um, so what exactly do you have in common with a high school student???? This isn't about anything other than physical attraction, so get over it! Life and love are choices, nothing more. If you love YOURSELF, and you aren't happy in your current situation, then by all means, get help, get out of it if necessary, and find someone more age/experience/lifestyle appropriate! I mean, aren't you a bit embarrased about desiring someone who can't even have a beer legally yet? YIKES!!!!
Oh, Natalia, I have so been exactly where you are. And my obsession lasted 2 full years! I was certain there was a spark between us, that he was my soul mate -- and I know he liked being around me. Fortunately, time passed and with hindsight I could realize that it was exactly that -- an obsession fueld by my fantasies, my reading all sorts of stuff into the most innocent things, talks with my best friend. I loved being alone, so that I could daydream about him. What it is, really, is a crush.
The deal is that it is a very dangerous thing to let your (and it is YOURS, not his) obsession get so overboard that your focus causes you to diminish what's real. Even if it were a possibility, it wouldn't be good. You know why? Because the obsession feeds itself, and when (heaven forbid) you actually get what you think you want, it just ain't up to snuff because it is the obsessive nature of it all that gives the zing.
Sometimes these things are the unfortunate result of hormonal and life changes superimposed on what else is going on in our lives, such as boredom, depression, our children growing into different stages, wondering if we are still attractive, craving some well-deserved attention, dry spells in the marriage, you name it. And it is really surprising how many women actually do experience this, just like you, about somebody so totally inappropriate.
And that's another thing. Sometimes we obsess on somebody so inappropriate precisely because it keeps it closer to fantasy than reality, and we can hang on to this thing we've created.
This is not to say the May-December thing is non-exisent, nor that soul-matings have distinct parameters. But it is odd if not downright bizarre (eg, Mary Kay LeTourneau), and it is unlikely. And it is almost always wrong. For him, and especially for YOU.
chipchump, thank you so much for posting.
I feel you really get it.
I have had obsessive crushes on guys in the past..tho they were roughly the same age as me at the time..the biggest one for 3.5 years.I would drive by this person's house hundreds of times..
It took them going away to university for me to get over it.
to Maya, yes of course I am embarrassed! and ashamed! But I posted that several times already here..and to make me feel even more desperate and pathetic probably isn't going to help.
Part of the creep factor (for me) about Mary Kay LeTourneau was she was his teacher, there is a huge air of impropriety there. And can't you only get put in jail if the person is under the age of consent? But. I 'm still going to ignore every fiber of my being and stay away from him..thats the plan
Today was severe. but I didn't touch or speak to him even though he was leaning way over me for like 5 whole minutes and I was so incluned to say something. You see the obsessive freak in me was thinking that of course he wanted me to, since he never was in that location, leaning over me before..and that he was all about it..
But then I tried to think it's just my imagination and I'm sure it was all totally innocent. Maybe he didn't even notice I was there? It is going to be a loooooooong 5 days..(don't see him again til next week)
I have had obsessive crushes on guys in the past..tho they were roughly the same age as me at the time...
I endure crushes all the time! On plenty of people! Sometimes even women! As a matter of fact, I am completely crushing on a guy right now who is 15 years my junior (late 20's) - heck, my husband is 8 years younger than me... (keep in mind I'm nearly 44). This "guy crush" makes me weak in the knees. Makes me wanna run away with him because he is soooooo hot... and yet, I just look at him & melt a little... all the while keeping my THOUGHTS to myself.
You see - Crushes are really quite NATURAL. I'm accustomed to experiencing them. Some last a few days, others last weeks or months, even. But my marriage stays on course. I'm happily married SOMETIMES. Other times I swear I could throttle that husband of mine, he can frustrate me so with his procrastination, etc. But OMG how I love him! :
My advice is to remember that crushes, fantasies, attractions - they come & they go. Marriage - even when not perfect (& who's is, right?) - can be so fulfilling, because when we realize that even if our FEELINGS may change, that's when commitment kicks in. And also remember while crushes are very consuming, they're temporary. And love is a CHOICE.
You see the obsessive freak in me was thinking that of course he wanted me to, since he never was in that location, leaning over me before..and that he was all about it..
Of COURSE he wanted you to. He's a KID. He's a young BOY with raging hormones and he's like "Oh man! To get an older woman in the sack and go brag about it to all my buds...I wonder if I stand a chance." Its every young BOY'S fantasy. Older woman. MARRIED older woman...even better. For him. For you, not so much. You end up with the reputation on the block, the failed marriage, and a laughing stock of all the boys in his school who will know about it tomorrow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beach Patrol
You see - Crushes are really quite NATURAL. I'm accustomed to experiencing them. Some last a few days, others last weeks or months, even. But my marriage stays on course. I'm happily married SOMETIMES. Other times I swear I could throttle that husband of mine, he can frustrate me so with his procrastination, etc. But OMG how I love him! :
My advice is to remember that crushes, fantasies, attractions - they come & they go. Marriage - even when not perfect (& who's is, right?) - can be so fulfilling, because when we realize that even if our FEELINGS may change, that's when commitment kicks in. And also remember while crushes are very consuming, they're temporary. And love is a CHOICE.
Exactly! I think that's why we were given imaginations and the ability to have fantasies. So do we fantasize about the good looking guy and what we wanna do with him...in our minds? Or about being that secret agent narrowly missing being blown up...all while getting it on with the sexy male secret agent in between being shot at and blown up. I think I've been watching too many Mission Impossibles, Lethal Weapons, Die Hards, etc. etc. Its True Lies all over again. The middle class housewife with the secret agent hubby, longing for some excitement and didn't realize it was there all along.
I've got to say I'm totally creeped out by this entire thread! Not only about some 30 yr old obsessing over a kid (sick enough in itself) but by all the acceptance of that obsessing. Are you kidding me????? If it was my son (I have 2 in the high school years) and I found out some 30 yr old was fantasizing about him I would seriously be looking for some help in keeping her away legally. I'm talking TRO, here!
Get help. No sex for 4 years in a marriage IS a marital problem and NOT A SIGN of a "happy marriage". Get help for your marriage, for you, for whatever. The word "pedophile" comes to mind....it isn't just a label for men, you know. Who the heck cares about "age of consent".....you're wanting sex with a kid! Get help!!!
I've got to say I'm totally creeped out by this entire thread! Not only about some 30 yr old obsessing over a kid (sick enough in itself) but by all the acceptance of that obsessing. Are you kidding me????? If it was my son (I have 2 in the high school years) and I found out some 30 yr old was fantasizing about him I would seriously be looking for some help in keeping her away legally. I'm talking TRO, here!
Get help. No sex for 4 years in a marriage IS a marital problem and NOT A SIGN of a "happy marriage". Get help for your marriage, for you, for whatever. The word "pedophile" comes to mind....it isn't just a label for men, you know. Who the heck cares about "age of consent".....you're wanting sex with a kid! Get help!!!
Thank you...I've been forcing myself to bite my tongue on this thread, but you said exactly my thoughts...not only is she asking for acceptance for being a pedophile/child stalker, in a way, so many are validating her and giving her permission to act on it! Its just CREEPY!!
Everybody obsesses over something. For some people, it's other people. For some, it's dieting. For some it's exercising. For some, it's drugs. For some, it's gambling. For some, it's shopping. For some, it's work. For some, it's cleanliness. For some, it's that skin tag, or the perfect hairstyle, or the right car, or the house, or the .....
You get my meaning.
Obsession is like anything else - it's a totally natural human thing. A defienciency of sorts, but very natural.
Better to embrace it & understand it (therefore taking the thrill out of it) than fight it, because fighting it seems to make it that more wanted. The more you try NOT to think about something, the more you will think about it. Better to distract yourself otherwise, eh?
and if said teen is 17 it's very hard to distinguish between 17 and 18 trust me.
i have a 14 yr old daughter who looks 17 because she's tall... man or woman better not touch her.
i have two grown sons 23 and 20 the 20 yr old was tall and at 16 could pass for 21...
i'm not saying I agree with the situation as originally stated.... but as the wife of a younger man I can say that a blanket statement won't cover this.
BACK OFF!! You are getting into freaky territory!! Seriously!!
But OMG how I love him! 
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