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Hi everyone....
It's been a while for me around here. I poke around and peek at posts but lately I don't know what has been wrong with me... computer crashed this morning and fixed it this afternoon, been slacking on homework, not feeling so well physically/mentally but was happy.. was. I don't know. I probably shouldn't be writing a post while I'm upset. My... the guy I love.. well.. he told me tonight that he "doesn't think he's loved anyone before" and so he "doesn't know" if he loves me.... after telling me for over a year and a half he did.... I hate doing this to myself. I hate these thoughts.. I hate the lack of motivation.. I hate the pain. I hate being selfish. I hate being me. I need to pick up my Bible and sit here and pray. I need to clear my mind but it won't. How do I focus on productive things? How do I make things better? |
Hilary: You know, when you're feeling like you just expressed - that's when you NEED to let others know. We care about the bad times as well as the good. My prayers are with you that you will find joy again. Just remember that God loves you best and HE never leaves you.
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Wilma, thank you so much for your response.. it's what I needed, it made me feel better:).
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Hi everyone! Just a quick update. I got my first blood test results back and they clearly showed that I was pregnant. :bb: The HCG (hormone) levels were on the low side of normal for the stage that I'm in. They took another sample yesterday to make sure that my levels are increasing appropriately, and I'll find out today :crossed: If the #s look good, the pregnancy is probably viable, otherwise I may be in the early stages of miscarriage. Thanks for the prayers everyone!
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I just wanted to tell you that I actually got up this morning and did WATP 1 mile walk. It's not very long but I did it. I think I'm going to try to do it in the mornings and then when I get my fitness trainer I'll do it in the evenings. I'm going to lick this BP monster!!:carrot: :carrot:
Kirsten: How did your weigh in go? Christina: You're still in my prayers!! Lydia: Weight watchers is the good healthy program. Keep us posted on how you're doing! Hilary: Glad I could be there for you! Keep on keeping on! do any of you watch Biggest Loser? I do for the inspiration. I don't think I could work out as much as they do but the results are amazing. Have a great day! |
Update: thanks everyone for your prayers, but my hormone level dropped from 254 to 47 over the last 48 hours. The doctor told me that I am having a miscarriage. I know that my baby is now an :angel: in heaven, but it just hurts beyond belief. :cry:
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New Here
Good Morning everyone - I found 3FC last week have been reading everyday since so I feel like I already know you a little. I couldn't post for several days because of the server switch and my acct. not being activated, but I'm here now :D This is just what I need to help me finish the transformation God started on me 2 years ago...
Brief background, I'm originally from NJ (born and raised) but moved to Florida 2 1/2 yrs. ago on a whim (with hubby and 3 sons). Didn't know it then, but do now that it was a "God thing". He brought us here and started our personal relationship with Him on its way. I am a stay-at-home/home-schooling mom and teach 4-yr. old & Kindergarten Sunday school as well as 1st grade Awana. My sons are 10, 6 and 3. OK, on Dec. 29 I decided I was going to start changing mine & my family's life for the better and to that end am determined to lose 100+ lbs. and get my family exercising and eating right. It's not easy though as 1 of my kids is VERY picky and won't try anything. I told my kids if they don't eat what I make they'll get it for the next meal, etc., etc. So far, so good. On the 1st of the year I went on a 3 day full-fast to begin a new me/new year for our Father and grow closer to him. It was an awesome experience and I highly recommend it to anyone who has never done one and is capable of doing it (health-wise). One perk was that I lost 15 lbs.! I am very determined, although my motivation does not alway measure up. My hardest obstacle to overcome is making time for me, well, first it's making time for God, then for me. I struggle daily with doing what I know I need to do - quiet time with God & exercise... but then don't we all? OK, 'nuf about me, I'm so excited to be here and support and encourage everyone else along our mutual journey! May God richly bless you all! |
{{{{Christina}}}}
Christina, I am so sorry for your loss :hug: I've been there myself, twice before, one at 4 1/2 months along and one at 10 weeks. Surround yourself with love and support, and go ahead and cry, and remember that God wouldn't bring you to it, if He weren't going to get you through it!
If I can help you in anyway, even if just to "talk" please feel free to pm or e-mail me! Blessings, Veronica |
Thanks HisGirl (and a big welcome to you!) It's just so hard to believe because I just went through a miscarriage in October and I hoped that God would spare us this time. I know I'll make it through somehow, and it definitely helps to have the support of family and friends. Oh, and an understanding boss who is giving me today off so I can have a much-needed "mental health day".
I have to go back to the doctor for MORE bloodwork next week to make sure my levels go back to zero - that is going to be awful because every time I have to go back there, it just reminds me of what I'm going through. :( Especially since the waiting room is usually full of pregnant women waiting for their checkups. Thanks for your kind words. :hug: |
I Know All To Well
Christina -
I know EXACTLY how you feel! When I had the first miscarriage, it was at 4-1/2 months, however the only blessing was that the fetus had stopped growing at 12 wks., otherwise I would have had to deliver, etc., etc. This all happened 10 days after my mother's identical twin sister died :( , so needless to say was a very traumatic time! I'm sure you know it will hurt for a while too, I used to see babies and cry, saying that my son would have been about that age, etc... which is NOT healthy! You obviously have great support, and one thing I didn't have back then... a relationship with God! So, use it, lean on Him, know that He and your loved ones will always be there for you, and it's all in His time, not ours! I do have one suggestion, start taking folic acid now and continue to take it during child bearing years. Obviously it's something you should talk to your doc about, but it is a major reason pregnancies are lost, and also a contributing factor in some birth defects. In many cases there isn't enough folic acid in pre-natal vitamins, so just something to check on. I am a labor and post-partum doula, so I have done much research on having healthy pregnancies and babies :bb: . Although I do not currently practice (I'm raising my own family) I have lots of books and a good amount of knowledge in this area, most of which stresses a natural holistic and/or homeopathich approach - if there's anything I can help you with, I'm here. P.S. Where in Florida are you? I live near UCF in Orlando - Waterford Lakes area. |
Good morning everyone
Another beautiful day here - sun is shining and it is really not that cold considering I live in Canada and it is only February. Mind you I wouldn't go for to long of a walk outside as it is one thing to look out the window and think 'how nice it is today' but when you get out there - cold.
We had a talk with our bank yesterday re options about getting a car and refinancing the house. Had mix feelings about refinancing due to our age but it would have been one way to get a newer vehicle. Norm thought he would like to go that way. Well they called back today and said they wouldn't do it for another year - the refinancing - and of course because Norm is retiring in June they won't refinance after then - I believe this is God's will us that is not the way to go. So on that note I have been busy checking out a few things around here. We have a friend from church that is real estate and have talked to him previously about selling - called him this morning asking him to call back - he hasn't seen the house for some time but has told us what he believe he could get for it - so am going to have him come out and have a look - even though we do need to do some work on it - painting and new flooring for the main floor. We have the monies for the livingroom and kitchen floor (hardwood) but am not sure whether we should hardwood the hallway and bedrooms or put down 'cheap' carpet for selling. We don't want to invest a lot of money in fixing it up but enough to get something out of it. Also in the basement when we bought the place they had partitioned off part to make 2 small bedrooms - going to ask the real estate fellow whether we should put up the walls and make one more bedroom down there so that the house could be listed as 4 bedrooms rather than 3. He told us back in December that he believed he could get $100,000 for the house - but we need to talk to him about it as we know what we need to pay off the mortgage and what we 'want' to have clear for us. When / should the house sell, we are going to see about getting a newer vehicle - CASH - have looked at a few 2005 Ford Taurus and see that we can get them for about $18,000 but would like to get it for $15,000. Then we are going to rent rather than buying again. There are some new nice looking low house senior complexes here that I was told we could get into for $500 - $600 - and this with us not being accountable for upkeep or yard work. Have to get more paper work on this. Norm said this morning when he came home that going the 'renting' that he would want to stay in town for another year so get the best deal we could for renting - and in this year we would go over to Kamloops BC (where some family members live) and look for reasonable rent there. We would then be closer to the grandchildren which would be nice. So am putting this all in the hands of the Lord as He already has plans for us and knows our circumstances. Just stressful / unnerving not knowing what to do. But I am feeling the sooner we 'get out of this duplex' the better - seems we have had nothing but problems since we have lived in it - in fact our son feels the house has been the undoing of our family in respect to him. So time will tell. HisGirl - :welcome: looking forward to getting to know you better Christina - so sorry to hear about the miscarriage - praying for you and your hubby. Have not been there myself but have a niece that has had numerous miscarriages. They have been married 14 years and she had fnally 'given' up on having a family - when low and behold she got pregnant and has not miscarried this time - she is due in March - we are all so excited for her - she is 38 and this is her first so you can imagine how 'spoiled' this child will be. So don't give up - when it is the correct time God will give you the child of your heart. Wilma - good job on the walking. Doing that 1 mile tape - it takes 15 minutes amazing to walk 1 mile in 15 minutes isn't it. Keep going - you might end up walking 'right past' me here in BC if you are heading this way. ;) pixiefalls - how's it going? Well have to clean up this computer room in order to put daughters one in here also - she is so excited as it has arrived today - just waiting for Norm to have some sleep before we go down and pick up. Am actually going to give her my tower and I will have the new one - it has a burner in it which is nice. So when I get it up and running I will let you know Journal for the day to come |
Journal for February 9, 2006
Write down your sins of commission; then write down your sins of ommission.
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HisGirl - thanks for the support and the words of wisdom.
I can't even imagine how it felt to go through your miscarriage then your mother losing her sister. I'm sorry that you and your family had to endure that pain. I have to admit that I'm not looking forward to Jun 22 (what would have been my first due date) and Oct 8 (the due date for this one). Then followed up by Oct 15, the anniversary of miscarriage #1. That's going to be a rough week! At the recommendation of my Dr. I started taking pre-natal vitamins about six months ago "just in case". One thing I am also going to try and have checked is my progesterone levels, as it's possible they may be an issue... |
Computers ! ! ! !
As I might have mentioned before I homeschool Priscilla - our daughter. Well the school that I use for curriculum has approved just over $500 for an updated tower - YEAH - and the place where we deal at got the cheque yesterday - so this afternoon we went to pick it up.
I had to transfer a number of files from my harddrve to the new one (I am going to be using the new one as it as a CD burner on it and she does not need this.) So between doing the transfer, moving over all the email addresses, getting into the 'favorites' and making sure I had some of them read for the new computer (which I am using at this time) - man has it taken a good portion of my time today!! Does my 'favorities' ever look nice though - nice and short - as I did not move every thing over - just some search engines that I like to use, the different groups - like this one - that I am in - and a few others. Will find the other sites as time permits. Am looking forward to being able to use the CD burner. Norm has an older tower with a burner in it also and I was always giving him a number of things to burn - he didnt' mind of course and we would not have gotten another one except that the school wanted Priscilla to be able to use a computer more - soe they got her one. She is so excited to have her own so that she can 'play games' - we have some educational games for her that she thinks is just 'fun games' but they are actually teaching her reading and math. Anyway now that I have spent some time getting this settled around I have to go back to getting the house cleaned - having a real estate agent (a friend of ours) come tomorrow moring to do a walk through and to give us an idea how much we could get for the house Ok will check in again either before bed if possible otherwise will stop by tomorrow. |
Originally Posted by crk05: Wilma -- what you told me was *really* what I needed.. I woke up early this morning and was still upset and then I thought about what you said and what my youth minister said.. no one is going to love me and do the right thing all the time as much as I want them to. Only God will be the one who loves me no matter what and who will always be there and that made me feel so much better:). Marilyn, thanks for your concern.. I'm doing a little better but I still hurt.. it's hard when you actually love someone and augh. It's just hard. Prayers for everyone (where are you other guys?)<3. |
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