Yes, you really can. By making your exercise contingent on your husband's participation, you've given yourself an excuse (and a way to blame it on him, rather than seeing it as 100% your choice)...
Don't mistake this for anything other than your choice. This doesn't have to be the only form of motivation you have, you're choosing to reject all other forms of motivation. It's a way to defer responsibility (After all, this way it's not really your choice, it's his.... but that isn't really true. It's always your choice).
I completely agree. You can walk without your husband. You say you're afraid you'll be bored and quit. Does this mean you've never tried it?
My fiance won't work out with me, either. It used to bug me but now it mostly doesn't.
I often will walk with my dog (and I did see you recently lost yours). One thing I often do when I walk is talk to God. I don't know if you're religious, but if you are perhaps you could try that. I find that it helps me spiritually and I don't feel like I was walking alone. I also stay more aware of my surroundings because I'm often looking around and being thankful for what I see around me.
I actually have a plausible excuse as to why I can't make friends, though. I can't drive. I carpool with my mom (I'm learning slowly, but it's slow, because I'm super tense and scared the entire time). Husband can't drive, either. He was never able to at his home, so I have to learn, and teach us both.
You missed my point entirely. "Excuses" (plausible or otherwise) aren't the issue.
That's why I said: If you truly want exercise buddies - go out and find them (and if you instantly think of 10 reasons why you can't, challenge yourself to come up with 20 ways you can).
"I can't drive" isn't a reason, it's an obstacle. Plausibility and legitimacy aren't the issue, because ALL OBSTACLES physical, emotional and even imaginary are plausible and legitimate. They're all real - but your ability to work around and break through them is just as real.
I'm not criticising your choices, just trying to show you that this is choice we're talking about and not circumstance preventing the choice (impeding your choice, yes, but not preventing it).
I know driving is a big obstacle. I don't drive either, because of health issues. It's a significant barrier, but it's not the "preventer" that it seems.
If, for example there is a TOPS group in your area, and you can get transportation to just one meeting, you can explain your transportation dilemma in the first meeting and ask if any of the ladies live close enough to pick you up and take you home. Friendship, weight loss, exercise buddies, transportation to all three - the opportunities for all.
If you can't even get a ride to the first meeting, there's still a good chance that can be arranged.
The biggest obstacle often is feeling good about our choices. We sometimes use excuses, reasons, and other justifications for our choices as a way to relieve guilt. Instead of being ok with our choices, we give ourselves reasons why it's really ok not to do what we (think/say) we want rather than admit that we really don't want it as much as we say we do.
If you don't want to put forth the effort it would take to make friends without transportation, that's a legitimate choice. It's a choice I've made myself. I also give up and put off a lot of things because I don't drive. Only I get to judge the choice, but it's still a choice (at least until I've exhausted every possible effort I can imagine in working or finding a way around the obstacles).
You have a right to any choice, but I wanted you to see the choice, because you can't make a choice you don't recognize as a choice.
I've enjoyed reading this thread; it helps me understand my blocks also.
My DH will not walk, will not exercise, will not eat right. I am trying to change my life and am being successful.
If you are serious, really, you will do this NO MATTER WHAT. There will be setbacks, and days that you don't do what is right, but, in the main, do what is good for you. Don't let anything get in the way.
You might call your local public health department and see if they have any walking groups. If they say no, tell them you need them to organize them. Also, there are shopping malls that often sponsor walking groups and you might find a buddy and a ride to the mall.
If not, just open your front door and start walking!
Although I understand your frustration, you should not push your husband to walk with you. He doesn't like it, it bores him, he will eventually resent it.
Also, quite frankly, if you walk and have comfortable conversation with your husband you are not pushing yourself hard enough. I don't think you burn a whole lot of calories by walking slowly. Find something that would keep your mind occupied while you walk if you must (audio books, perhaps?) and increase the pace. You won't miss your husband.
I walk my dogs 3 km every day and I would not WANT anybody with me. I walk so fast that I would not be able to sustain conversation. I do it both for myself and my dogs who need the exercise, too.
I ran into a similar issue last night with my fiance. He said he wanted to go on the walks with me to be my motivator. Well i wanted to go around 4ish after hes off work...he didnt get off until 5:30 and didnt bother to tell me so i angrily walked out the door and went on my walk. I used the anger to drive me harder to walk faster and further then the day before. Maybe that would be a good way to go about it for yourself as well? Im also in your shoes when it comes to not having a licence im 26 and to scared to drive so i dont. I have 2 feet, and 2 wheels thats all i need. I dont have excersize friends because all of my friends are the small girls who id rather see beef up! So i depend on myself.
Having someone to motivate you is a wonderful thing yes but its time you let go of that and depend on no one but yourself. Depending on others (from personal experiance) is the shy big girls that we are. Being independent is the thin chick taking over inside. You need to listen to that thin voice and remind yourself why you want to lose the weight to start with. And if its not for him then dont depend on him Depend on yourself and you will do wonderful! (plus you always have us!)
Depending on others (from personal experiance) is the shy big girls that we are. Being independent is the thin chick taking over inside. You need to listen to that thin voice and remind yourself why you want to lose the weight to start with. And if its not for him then dont depend on him Depend on yourself and you will do wonderful! (plus you always have us!)
Chase, that is so motivational. Thank you so much.
Well, I will admit I only skimmed through this tread.
First of all, ment in the kindest of ways, this is your responsibility to make your journey work, not his. You can find all of the excuses you want but when you are ready you will see that only you count in this process.
Second, I see an iPod pr cd player as essential, just like good walking shoes. You can get a used iPod from the apple site or even a shuffle that is somewhere around $50. A cd player is even cheeper than that. I personally like audiobooks. Tons are available on cd from the library...also may places have walking groups. You could find one in your area.
So as I like to say, pull up your big girl panties, knock the cobwebs out of your head and move, just move..This is all about you and what you really want.
I can relate to where you're coming from. I moved to FL from NH a few years ago and haven't had anyone to exercise with since the beginning of my weight loss journey (started in july, then restarted in jan lol). My husband won't go with me, but I can't let myself depend on anyone. Occasionally my mom goes for a bike ride with me but not all the time. One thing that might help... Do you have any friends you can "walk n talk" with? I use my evening walk as a way to catch up with friends fOr 45 min to an hour at a time I have an iPod, but if I have someone to chat with, I'd rather that!
You said your husband plays videogames... Does he have an xbox 360? If so you could look into getting a kinect for it. I used our kinect as my primary exercise when I lost my first 30 pounds because I was too afraid to exercise in public. I highly recommend dance central!
Just commit to walking by yourself 3x's a week. Even if the first week is only 20 min a day, then the next 25 and so on. Or... Instead of walking just to walk... Do you have a grocery store nearby? My closest one is 2.5 miles away. If I need some things (that won't go bad), I just walk the 5 miles round trip.
I'm just trying to help you out- I know how much it can suck exercising alone but I promise, you'll feel so much better about it once you start doing it!
Last edited by Kendrab1223; 05-11-2011 at 04:01 PM.
Oh- one thing Kendrab1223 made me think of, and maybe this is what she meant by "walk and talk" but I once read an article about two friends that lived a long way apart but they kept their friendship strong by going for walks at the same time and talking to each other on the phone. So that was sort of like walking together.
wolflikeme: Thank you. That was very motivational. I actually spend more time in the bathroom than I should, for that same reason (being alone and thinking). I know it's sounds weird, but I write, and I come up with my best ideas when I'm alone. So, I might try using a walk to do this instead of sitting inside my bathroom. lol.
Hyacinth: I don't have a cell phone, or any phone for that matter, but once we get one, I was thinking of doing that.
Stopfat: Those are all great ideas. I love nature and taking pictures. Thank you.
LandonsBaby: I tried it when I was younger, when my parents forced me to walk for exercise, but didn't want to go with me, and it worked for a little while, until some jerk from my high school drove past my house and made fun of me (which is the weirdest thing, since I live far out of town). Now, I know that isn't going to happen again, but I know myself too, I always start out good, but something eventually gets in my way, and I stop. I want to change that so badly.
EagleRiverDee: I am religious.
kaplods: You're exactly right. I do make excuses, so I won't feel guilty about my choices. That's such a good point, and it's totally true. I have a HUGE guilt problem, that if I even start to feel uncomfortable in a situation with someone, I will start apologizing even if I didn't do anything.
Tomato: I'm pretty sure I wasn't burning much. I took my heart-rate monitor a couple times and it said I burned 140-230 in a 25 minute time limit. I'm not sure if that's good or what, but sometime we would playfully race each other to up the burn. lol.
chase1984: Thank you. That's motivational.
Kendrab1223: I have a Kinect and Dance Central, but my floor is messed up in the bedroom, and I don't have room to play it. We're looking into buying something to set our other television on in the living room, so we can play those types of games again. I live about a 20 minute drive from town, and wouldn't be able to walk it. Also, a lot of my neighbors don't keep their dogs pinned up, and so the walk is never that far because of that. I like dogs, I just don't know theirs personally, so I'm afraid that might be mean.
Oh, today my husband actually did 20 minutes of Turbo jam with me. Yesterday, I got him and my Mom to play Frisbee with my brother and me. He will exercise with me when he's in a good mood, but I really do think I'm going to start trying to walk by myself sometimes anyway.
Last edited by 3FCer344892; 05-11-2011 at 09:31 PM.
Depend on yourself and you will do wonderful! (plus you always have us!)
