Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
ok here i am back again hehe
didn't go for the walk instead i spoke on the phone to one of those 24 hour counselling services called lifeline. i was at my wits end and overloaded.
reading the comments i may be overreacting the house might be okay. really it's okay it's just that people seem to want so much. it's nice to know it has some appeal hehe
oh marie that's a bright idea. imagine leaving the puppies here!!! they are nice girls. the lady on the phone gave me an idea of a place to take the dogs that i didn't know about. it's a big park. most of the ones around here are so small it takes 5 mins to walk around them
marie - wow what self control you are amazing. seems like you've quite balance now and that is helping you keep on top of things
Not my birthday, today was my daughter Olivia's 5th birthday.
I'm anxious tonight. Just took some klonopin, it's been awhile since i've had to take any. I'm tired..but there is just too much on my mind. I feel overwhelmed kinda....sad,
and i feel like a whale.
campbellredhead-The avatar page will tell you the dimensions, and then if you have picture manager or something similar you can edit the size of your pictures there. That's what I did.
JENNY i hope you feel well soon i am in the same boat. i just had a big pig out on pasta, garlic bread, chocolate mousse etc. i feel bloated. i don't know why i ate it all. i've just taken a klonopin too. i need to calm down
the loneliness is getting to me today. i simply don't have enough real life friends. and no one who i feel really close to. i am thinking of taking a holiday. i am not sure when i would do it tho because of selling the house. in the meantime i think i will look into going to massage or a day spa or something for some pampering. last night the klonopin didn't help my sleep but i will try again. i have a script for something else but i have lost it oops!!!!
anyway i am sure if i get some sleep and some r+r and get my head around a few things i will feel much better!
i started reading a book today and spent a lot of time humming and hawing about curtains.
marcie is that pix of you at your current weight? you look slim in that picture lol. i tried to change my avatar to one i saw but i don't think i copied it right. i will have to hunt around and find something else
I dont' feel any better than i did last night,
And the klonopin didn't help me either last night,
i don’t feel good, i was up until 2am, so i’m tired, and have to take care of my 5 yr old.
I feel like hiding in bed, i feel like crying, screaming, breaking things, just...feel like sh*t.
Gosh the day is starting out....completely awful.
Supposed to do some fun things with daughter today.
Tried on several clothes, yuck-don’t like to look in the mirror…
Oh my......
What a day so far........................stresssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
and it isn't the time of the month, i almost wish it was, then i'd feel a little better about my mood...
I'm married, but not to Olivia's daddy, we live in Ga, her daddy lives in Fl.
and she struggles with going back and forth, she always wants to know why i didn't marry her dad, and stuff, she was tired yesterday evening, and crying about wanting to be with her dad, and that extended family on dads side hadn't called to sing her happy birthday, and her birthday was a disaster, etc...
it completely and totally breaks my heart when she talks like that and she is sad.
Why didn't i marry her dad?
How do i explain that at first i wanted to marry her dad, but we had issues, he had issues and wouldn't get help.
How do i explain drinking and drugs, and addiction, and cheating.
How do i explain someone who verbally abuses you, someone who messes with your mind, until you think you are going crazy.
How do i explain that her entire life, i've done everything
in my power to do what is best for her and her dad makes
life difficult, and fights everything, and lies about me,
and makes her watch scary movies, and go on scary rides,
and he doesn't follow her medicine regime right-she has asthma
and acid reflux, How do i explain why at our house, she has to sleep
in her room, and at daddys she sleeps with him, How do i explain so many
things, and sometimes i get gripped with the worst fear that something will
happen to me, and i'll never get the chance when she is older to explain
things to her,and her dad, would blame it all on me, like he does now, and
i'd be the enemy.
She adores my husband and calls him daddy bear-he is hairy*S*
i never asked her to call him that-she came up with it, her dad wants her to call him by his first name.
She deserves a life with parents who are together, loving one another, not what she has.
Please just keep us in your prayers today, i don't want to ruin the day, but i have little to no patience, and Olivia is very energetic and spunky, i dont' want to yell at her today...
thanks for listening..
i wish right now...you could all give me a big hug...
sorry if that sounds lame...
How do i explain all that....i can't she is too young.
So that is why i feel like i've been run over by a truck.
My counselor is on vacation too, i don't see her till 4/18 that is way to far away.............................................. ............................................
Welcome Campbellredhead I sure hope you feel better today It sounds to me that you need a good nights sleep, when I can get one I feel better. Happy Birthday to Olivia, five is a big year!
Sweet_pea hope you are feeling better as well Must be a change in the weather thats making things so tough for a lot of us. Your house is quite lovely. I would think the back yard would be a big selling point as well.
Hi Marie, Maricie, Kristen!
Sorry I haven't been around much. My DD14 and I are going to be going to another judo tournament this weekend and I'm stressing a little about that. (Its and 8 - 9 hours drive away) The plans keep changing. And this morning DD14 got her monthly visitor, so of course she doesn't want to go to the tournament and deal with it as well.
On Saturday our septic box flooded, it turned out run off water was getting in through a pipe under our modular home and the pump couldn't keep up with it. So I'm not really sleeping and of course in PMS and letting all this stuff get to me, so I've been hiding. Sleeping away my days and reading until the wee hours. At least the weather has been beautiful with blue skies and sunshine Oh and the culvert at the end of our driveway is now open so no more lakes yea! After this weekend we have two more tournaments in town and then she will just have to work on her belt test, so it will just be the normal stuff, a lot less stress for me. I have to start working on my DD18's costume as she is planning on going to an anime convention this summer and wants to dress up.
Anyway I should get going I have to do a quick trip to town to pick up a few last minute things as my DD18 and DD16 will be home alone for the one night while I'm gone and DD18 only has her learners license and isn't allowed to drive alone yet. So I need to make sure they are well stocked at home here.
Take care everyone and I hope you have a wonderfull day and take it easy!
K
Hi everyone, can you believe it??? I'm at work, and I actually had to work!!!!! The nerve.
Campbell, I am so sorry that you're the "bad" one when it's her father that's the problem. I think you've done something amazing - making sure she didn't grow up in that atmosphere and you don't bad mouth the father. Go job to you. I think to ward off the worry of if something happens to you, who will protect her image of you has to be you. Write her a letter telling her how you feel at her age 5 and why you've done what you've done. Seal it and put it with your will. Maybe she'll never see it and if the worst does happen she has the love letter and will know you. But if nothing else, it'll put your mind at ease about something you need not worry about. Wish I could giv eyou the big hug, it's not lame. It's human. I hope your night goes better.
You, too SweetPea. I really hope that you get some good rest. good for you for calling the hotline. Definitely use it when you need it. Hey, one thing that I've noticed during my life is that I don't make friends easily. I was severely burned by "friends" in high school and I protect myself with a cloak of armor. In the middle of the night, I have only one friend I would call. And I'd probably wait till morning. My DH is by far my best friend in the world and if I didn't have him, I'd be very alone too. See we are twins. Anyway, what I learned is that I have 2 friends (DH and my friend whose mom died) and many acquaintances. By expecting less of my acquaintances, I'm better able to deal with the fact that I have two friends. Labels, I know. But it helped. I have low expectations for "friends". You all are way better friends than most of my acquaintances. Scary, huh?
Okay, off the soap box.
I got up early to exercise. YEAH!!!! But the weather is sort of sunny so I'm going to go for another walk with the doggies. Exercise two times today. I should be able to have that Oreo in my other desk. Right??? No, Marie. Bad, Marie.
Buddly, I'd hate to have to go to the tournament too. Too far from home. And I don't blame DD for not wanting to deal with TOM and a loose fitting (usually white, right??) outfit. Nope, I don't blame her at all.
Campbell- BIG HUGS COMING YOUR WAY!!!!! What a hard thing to deal with. Your daughter will understand when she gets older. You are doing the right thing by not stooping to her dad's level. Just try to do on;y what has to be done today. Don't put any more stress and pressure on yourself than you already have. I think the letter to your dd is a good idea. At least you would get it all out. But hang in there. We are all here for you.
Sweet Pea-It is a current pic. But I had to have my daughter take about 40 pictures before I found one that didn't make me look like a complete cow. You definately need some you time. I know how you feel not having real life friends. I always feel I am putting them out when I call, so I don't. That's one thing about this site I love. Everyone comes because they want to, and respond when they want to.
Buddly-Wow, take a few deep breaths. Sounds like it's going to be a busy trip. I don't envy you the drive.
Marie-Good job on the exercise! I'm so glad your dh is your best friend. I have wished for that for so long, but I just don't think I can make it happen. It takes two and all that.
I'm not doing so hot myself today. The lamictal I started 2 days ago seems to rev me up when I take it, and she told me to be sure to take it at night. So then I can't sleep. I am SO tired today, and feeling down. Too bad life doesn't stop when we do. I really hate night. Always have. That is when my mind and thoughts get out of control, and all the worst case scenerios (sp?) race through my feeble brain. That's why I read until I can't see anymore. So I can't think. Also, and I'm trying to get away from this, but I tend to drink at night. Wine to dull the fear. Bad, I know. I'm trying to stop doing that. But then I usually end up having to take xanax. Just something, anything, to stop the thoughts. The longer I am awake at night, the better. Morning is so much safer, it's easier to sleep then. I don't know why the night scares me so much, except that maybe I feel so alone. Esp. with kids. Whatever happens, I am responsible, and I don't feel I can handle it.
So I have to try to make it through today. Well, what's left of it. Talk to you all later tonight.
kristen - don't push yourself too hard with exercise. try and find something gentle and low key as you may set yourself back days or weeks if you overdo things. take care!
i will come back and finish this later LOL
sunshine calls me (and food)
am a bit frustrated - my publisher is changing things on me and i am ready to throw the towel in so instead i will go9 outside and take a few deep breaths then come back and read all your news!!! plus i will eat and eat haha
Back again!!! still feeling a bit overwhelmed but hoping to just sort out one little thing at a time...
i ended up emailing the publisher telling them to return the countersigned contract and that nothing could happen without it. i know there is a risk they may decide to pull out. i will just accept that risk as i won't let them change the contract. the contract wording is that my chapter will be submitted and be included. now they are saying it is included subject to their approval!!! so i am cross. anyway i have sent the email so we will see.
i am still highly irritated and wanting to maim kill scream MKS!!!
hi keira. sounds like the judo is keeping you busy busy! ugh flooding septic tank nasty you are as busy as ever
jenny - oh i really relate. stresssssssssssss it's tough. i can only suggest you do what i am trying to do. just deal with one thing at a time. choose one thing and try to sort it out and leave the rest. 80% of what we do is unimportant anyway
jenny you're right you can't explain all that to her. it wouldn't be fair right now and it is a big burden for you to carry, but one day she will learn. you are being wonderfully unselfish and you deserve big hugs for that. we will support you as much as we can
marie - i started crying when i read about you and friends because altho you may not think it is much to me having 2 friends and in particular your DH is so much more than i have. i really have noone right now. and that's the god honest truth. i have one friend that is simply too busy for me. we talked about it and she said i was being realistic. that in her mind she has put me in the category of being a movie buddy and that's really all it is to her. i mean she likes to chat to me and all that but we see each other once every month or 2. i have another i talk to all the time but i would never call her at midnight and i don't think she would either. it's hard to explain. although we talk every day there isn;t that feeling of intimacy. we do talk about some deep stuff but there's somethng missing. it's not a warm fuzzy place to land. none of the are friends they are all associates. the first person i described energises me in teh way that friends you have a bond with do, the other i enjoy and like but not that click. the rest of the people i know are definitely jsut associates. some of them are very very nice people but we don't spend time together. we know each other say through toastmasters and that's the only time we spend together.
i think i feel more of a "click" with some of my online friends.
marcie it sounds like you're going through a tough time too. those first few days with meds can have nasty side effects that's for sure. and i sense that like me you feel isolated. it's so good we have all found each other.
oh the wine. yes that is familiar. i used to self medicate with wine. i still have occasional binges but thankfully i have lost the "taste" for it of late. how often do you see your therapist marcie? i have been thinking of getting one but it is hard to find one you feel comfortable with. some of them are too clinical and i just feel like it is just a job that they really don't care. i should hunt around for one but i guess i keep hoping i will do it on my own!!! maybe i will. i can't give up that would be a bad idea
Hi again,
Oh Sweet_pea I don't know what to say, its just one thing after another. The only thing I can think of is breath and take things 15 minutes at a time. I'm so sorry.
Marcie I understand about the night time thing. I've done that so much, I always figured that I had dealt with everything and I could finally relax, no phone calls, no demands, kids sleeping etc so I'd stay up reading till 3 or 4 am. But then of course I'd be exhausted the next day and it would start all over again. Another thing I use to do was to stay up till 3 and then I'd convince myself I could go to sleep as my neighbour across the street would be getting up at 4am and I knew he would be able to keep an eye on everything. I have a little blue golite that I've been using and I'm finding that is helping with getting me to sleep at night. Other things I use are "Calms" "rescue remedy" or "gelsemium" They are all homeopathic remedies. The gelsemium is for stage fright and it helps with the butterflies. The rescue remedy seems to help a little for the nerves. I still need my paxil those are alternatives that I've found helpfull.
Marie - I sure don't blame my daughter about not wanting to compete at this time. I bought her some bike short to hold everything in place. We got her a blue gi so that she wouldn't have to worry so much during practices as I would let her skip practices during TOM. Thankfully it will just be the two of us in the hotel room. The last tournament we shared the room with another mom and two other girls. She's feeling a bit better tonight. I'm just not looking foreward to the long drive. I'll feel better Sunday night when we drive back into the driveway. One good thing is that we are travelling with someone else in their van, so I don't have to worry about the car and driving.
Kristen I hope you feel better soon.
Well I have to go and get packed, so take care everyone,
K
i am in the same boat. i just had a big pig out on pasta, garlic bread, chocolate mousse etc. i feel bloated. i don't know why i ate it all. i've just taken a klonopin too. i need to calm down
I sure hope you feel better today
Oh and the culvert at the end of our driveway is now open so no more lakes yea! After this weekend we have two more tournaments in town and then she will just have to work on her belt test, so it will just be the normal stuff, a lot less stress for me. I have to start working on my DD18's costume as she is planning on going to an anime convention this summer and wants to dress up.
it's tough. i can only suggest you do what i am trying to do. just deal with one thing at a time. choose one thing and try to sort it out and leave the rest. 80% of what we do is unimportant anyway 
