[AliLewis328]

I am 25 and have battled depression a good portion of my life. Just when I think everything is going great and I try to focus a little on myself I start to get depressed. Last month my weight loss goal was 15 pounds... I lost every bit of it proudly! The first 10 days in September I managed to gain 12 of it back, so now for month 2 I am in the same spot I was last month. I started benging and I could not stop. I still cut out my between meal snacks but my meals are huge. How do I control this? I have gained over 60 pounds in the last 18 months. This does not even include the 30 I lost last fall and then gained back. Why can't I do this. I can be so motivated one day, then the next day think there is no way I can do it anyway and benge all day. The next day i am back on and serious mainly b/c I am mad at myself. What should I do. I have tried weekly goals, daily goals, monthly goals... I am at a total loss. I know this rapid weight gain is not good on my body and I am really feeling the toll from it.

P.S. Ignore my ticker, I haven't got the energy to change it back to the added weight.

[Leenie]

Hi Ali,

I think most of not all of us can relate to the constant weight loss and gain that you are experiencing. I for one can, except that I seem to gain alot more than I lose.

Are you seeing a doctor for your depression? are you on medication? if not than maybe thats what you need. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? That would be my first words of advice for you. See your doctor.

For support, keep posting, keep journaling because its so important.

Hugs

[manicbelle]

Hi, I know exactly how you feel...I have been yo-yo dieting for 10 years, and I'm so tired of it. I recently had one of those "relapses"...But now I am trying to focus on enjoying the small things. In other words, let myself enjoy a great movie...let myself get so engrossed in it that I don't even think about wanting popcorn, ice cream, and chips...going for walks and looking at the stars...observing other people and thinking about what makes them who they are...basically, taking in the world and letting my mind be occupied with other thoughts than food. It seems if I am able to lighten my depression, I am able to eat less and exercise more. I still am working on actually developing a real routine (like exercising every day), but I think I am making progress. My ticker is also wrong by about 15 pounds, but I'm not going to change it because I know I am going to get those pounds off again. Another thing that seems to be helping is to actually "see" yourself in smaller clothes, going places you don't go now, etc etc...Put a picture of someone who is at a weight you are working towards on your refrigerator. Go window shopping...plan out outfits you will someday wear....make plans! Trick your mind into thinking this is what is going to happen, no matter what. I have no idea if this works, but I'm trying it.

Good luck to you!!!!

[AliLewis328]

Thanks. Today I had a depressing day food wise, but decided I would not let my food choices totally ruin my day, so I am ending it with my 30 minutes (2 miles) on my gazelle, and the whole 5 minutes I can tolerate on my elliptical trainer. It is making me feel like I accomplished something now that I am heading to the shower and to bed worn out.
I did not complete any of my daily goals today, not even my water which is the one goal I tend to finish before anything else. Maybe tomorrow I will try to just stick to a water goal.

To answer a few questions... I am on Lexapro and have been for 2 years. I weaned off of it about 6 months ago and then after a month started birth control... the extra hormones make me really depressed so I went back on the Lexapro and it was not totally helping so I discontinued the birth control. I have been on a real up and down roller coaster with depression for the last two years since my divorce. Things really seemed to get better when I met my boyfriend 16 months ago, but when the newness excitement wore off I started finding myself falling into the same old "not so happy" routine. Another little back ground... All of the weight I have gained in the last couple of years has been since I have been with him. John is a great guy but is very obese (400+ pounds) his doctor has prescribed him Phentermine and has recommended gastro bypass and he won't do either, he loves to eat, and uncontrollably, not to mention the money we spend on nice places b/c he hates fast food. (My doc or therapist do not recommend meds for me at all and I have the desire to lose!) This is not so much a bad thing as I do not want to be dependant on a drug to lose, but it is frustrating. Health wise he is okay other than the swelling and discoloration of his legs which his doc really seems to tone down the seriousness of it so he does not see a need to lose weight. His attitude of not even want to work to lose with me depresses me a lot, not just that it is like he does not support me, but also that I feel like he urges me not to lose.

[Jen]

Ali, I'm just reading through your last post and the statement about the doctor downplaying your boyfriends swollen and discoloured legs really alarmed me. I'm a nurse so I might know what this is all about. It is something to be worried about as it may indicate that the circulation in his legs is breaking down which could lead to tissue death and having his legs amputated. Personally I would want to get another doctor's opinion! Has he been tested for diabetes?