March Ups and Downs Depression Fighting Thread
 

Welcome!! :welcome: we are a small but mighty group that supports each other in our struggles AND good times. Always welcoming everyone! Post as little or as much as you like.

here are our last posts from the end of February -


Lisa - oh no!! :( let us know how you are, when you feel up to it!! :hug:


Flower - I *think* I am getting some relief with the supplements. thank you for the info on the naturopath :) Yes Daylight Savings in a week! sure wish our Spring arrived at the same time. But it's getting closer :cool: I know you have the power to get your food cravings under control, you are strong! :strong:

it seems like I just got over my cold, well the final endless sniffles part, and BAM yesterday was sore throat, then super-scratchy throat, and now runny nose again :rolleyes: I don't feel awful, but definitely another cold. Maybe it won't be a severe one!!

HI to every one else! :wave:

almost forgot - Flower - this was so funny, a couple days after the 'suspected theft', I was trained to do a substation that was similar to another, and I spoke of it to a supervisor, I said "I'm glad that I know how to do the E-machine kits now" and the supervisor said, "there are only 2 people that Jake trusts to do those, you and Cierra" and I was dumbfounded!! and then wanted to :rofl: at the contradictory feelings :D

My breathing isn't totally 100% but it's a lot better.

I had fluid on both lungs and my heart was slightly enlarged, when they admitted me.

I go see Trudy on Friday for a follow up.

Thanks for understanding. It's hard for me to post. I'm a little down.

Flower, Holly, Coop and all you ladies!!

Just wanted to say hi. I don't like being rude. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I'm at the laundry mat doing 1 load of laundry. I get my hair trimmed tomorrow and i am in great need of clean clothes.

I'm still feeling shaky but life goes on.

Lisa - I concur with Flower, you are NEVER rude and we know that you are a part of us here whether we hear from you or not! we are concerned that you had to be in the hospital!!! Is today the day for a follow-up? hoping for good news!! our best to you Lisa :hug:

Flower - I love that phrase 'all the promise of what's to come', for our location, that would be May, our April is usually still very chilly, lots of winter remnant to be rid of, but YES with Hope in sight!!

Hi to Coop, Kathleen!

I had JUST gotten over a cold, maybe 2 weeks, and bam I've got another. Over - the - counter drugs are enabling me to be at work but ugh. At work I have to carry around my box of Puffs with Lotion tissues (because the ones at work are made of white sandpaper) and my sanitizer, because you really need to sanitize your hands after blowing your nose. And a little tube of Vaseline, it's like in a Chapstick form but I discreetly use it for my nose! Haven't had any coughing fits yet, those are the worst when you're at work.

Yay for Friday!!! Having weekends off is still a novelty for me that I love.

have a great day my friends!!

Lisa how are you doing? Any more news to report re doctors report? I hope you are doing much better. Sending gentle :hug: if that's okay

Holly sorry to read that you have a cold again. I take Isatis Gold. It works so well for me. Its a combination of anti viral herbs. I get mine from the naturopath. But I have ordered it online. https://www.amazon.com/Health-Concer.../dp/B000S94PUO Not cheap. But for me its invaluable. I like your description of what you use to keep your nose from hurting too much. Puffs with lotion. And Vaseline stick. I didnt know they make it in stick form. Hoping that by now you are feeling better. Yes, our spring comes sometime in May. I remember in the 1980s when we had earlier springs for a while. It was great. But now so different, colder winters and warmer summers. On Thursday they say the temp will be 59. This will be short lived. But no arctic front dipping down in the 10 day forecast. yay.

Hi to Kathleen and Coop

I have been dealing with intense anxiety. Its due to something that is going on. Something very frightening. I will explain. but not atm. Not my health. Living alone with almost no support from day to day has been difficult under these circumstances. Trying to keep my mind from going to the very worst place. Terrified would describe where I have been.Maybe the good news is that because of that, I am not wanting to eat quite as much.

Hoping you all have a great day

flower - that is VERY worrisome to hear my friend!! tell us about it when you want...until then, from us to you :grouphug:

My cold is so much better, I will be over it soon. don't even need to carry my Puffs around anymore, yay. Thank you for the links for the supplement, flower!

I tripped and fell at work yesterday, I know the Safety Officer will ask 'could this have been prevented?' and of course, yes, if I was not trying to hurry because I felt I was going to be behind in my task!! I was carrying a 26 kg box (yes, that is over 50 pounds!) and tripped on *something* in a narrow passage, either a container that was kinda sticking out, or my own two feet :rolleyes: anyway, I am SO lucky, hardly any bruising on my leg/knee or my forearm. And they have surveillance going all the time, everywhere, so I'm sure they can look at it and see me go splat :rofl:

We are supposed to get some warmer temperatures, that will be good for our spirits but the snow is so deep still.

Holly
Thanks for the words of support. I appreciate it.
So glad you are recovering from the cold. yay
ykes. You were carrying such a heavy box. And the passageway was narrow. Maybe this was not just your own feet getting in the way. I am sorry you went splat and got even minimal bruises. Sometimes having rigid time frames can be physically dangerous in many different jobs. From assembly work to amazon.com drivers. Anyway, I am glad your injuries were not worse. Re the deep snow. That is something we have much less of in the Champ Valley. Yes there is snow cover. But I would guess much less deep than where you are.

Hoping everyone has a good, and physically safe day today <3

Lisa I'm so sorry to see you've been so poorly! I am just catching up now. Please let us know you're ok now!

Flower I'm really sorry you've been suffering so much with anxiety, I hope you're starting to feel a bit better now! The cold winter doesn't help much, but maybe now spring is on its way, and you'll get out in the garden again soon :)

Holly how is you're cold now? I'm sorry to read about your fall, but hope the bruises are healing! My work goes daft if anything like that happens, your CCTV footage would probably be shown in our monthly H&S briefing :lol: so just be thankful for that!

I hope all the bad weather has passed for everyone!

Not a huge amount to report here. My weight loss has stalled recently, I still have a few Christmas lbs, and a bit more to go to reach my goal. I think I've been pushing myself a bit too much, I can feel myself getting run down.

I've been seeing a therapist for a chronic pain condition - it was a referral through my doctor, but I don't like her that much. She latches onto a random word you use, and over-analyses it. Like in my first paragraph, when I say I'm getting "run down" she would pick on the phrase, and ask me to explain why those words. It makes me very self-conscious about everything I say. I'm going to look for someone else my OH and I can maybe see together, because I think it will help to have him on my side.

I'm really looking forward to summer now! Our heating broke again, just as we got another nasty cold snap. It will be nice to not need heating again soon!

Holly, my friend, falls are no good. Hear me on this.

No more falls!!!! :)

Coop,

Don't you find that certain Dr's give off bad vibes?

I am not going back to that dermatologist from last month. Just did not like him.

I'm off one of my meds. I've lost it here in the house and I can't find it. My insurance won't fill another bottle until the 24th.

I'm just taking it day by day.

Hi Lisa I am hoping your doctor can get more medication for you. Sometimes that may mean writing the prescription for a different dosage. So insurance will pay for it. Wishing you very best. I know this is a challenging time for you <3

Coop thats terrible that your pain therapist does that. You deserve someone who is not so overly analytical. I hope you find someone great very soon!
AND I hope the pain becomes more under control.

:wave: Holly and Kathleen

Welcome Follena!

I got my med today. I'm starting back down at 75 mg for a week or so.

My original mg per day is 150 but I don't think I'm going back to it. Maybe 125? I didnt realize, until i went off it, thst 150 makes me a little zombie-like. It's hard to explain the difference.

I know i need the med but maybe a little bit lower.

Flower,
The secretary wouldnt do that for me. Im not a happy camper.

I never bug the Dr, I never ask her for anything. So this one time when I need something....

I'm not happy.

Hi Follela, and welcome to the site :)

I'm very sorry you lost your mom - I know how hard it can be, we lost ours 4 years ago, and there's a great big void left behind now.

I think my sister has been a bit like you - trying to fill the void by growing relationships with others. It's a tough one - we'll never fill the void mum left behind, but it doesn't mean we don't love her. No one will argue with you like family does, or forgive you that way either.

I hope you'll be able to find some comfort in your faith, and growing the interests you and your mom shared. :hug:

Lisa I'm sorry you lost your medication, I'm glad it's been a blessing in disguise, and allowed you to realise your dose needs altered.

Thank-you flower - I guess it's just her style! She must be a big fan of Freudian slips. I just feel like pointing out to her that I'm not a thesaurus who knows 8 alternative words I could have used, but picked that one because I'm crying out to let her know I'm messed up inside :dz:

I hope you're feeling a bit better from your family gathering :)

I got dizzy Friday night and fell again. I've never been dizzy like that in my life. The world spun and spun. I tried so hard not to fall. I do remember falling against the wall before landing on my back.

I'm going to call a pulmonologist in the morning. It was suggested to me in the hospital and I think it's best.

Lisa I hope you did not do any harm to your back when you fell back on it. Will you let us know what the Pulminologist said when you called? :hug: you sure have been through a lot lately.

Coop Sigh I think sometimes therapist get locked into a pattern. and hopefully draw people who relate to that pattern. If she is even partially a Freudian analyst, that for me would be a problem. I hope you find another name of something who is able/willing to accommodate YOUR agenda rather than her or his own. :(

hello friends!!

Lisa - oh that is too scary, hearing that you got that dizzy!!! yes we want to know right away what you find out and what can be done. Thinking of you this morning! :grouphug: and I will take heed of your words of No More Falls for any of us!!

Coop - we don't like that therapist either :tantrum: that she makes you feel so uncomfortable when trying to dig deep and explain things! I hope someone else is available whom seems to be a better match for you! and that is a darn shame about the heating pipe, yes won't it be nice when we don't have to have the heat on! My cold is just about gone, just the remnants that I have to blow my nose/clear my throat pretty often.

flower - how are you, we are all concerned about your brief words of what you are struggling with .... we are here for you my friend :grouphug: whenever you want to vent.

was there a new person, but they deleted their post?

We had SO much melting occur on Friday, it was great!! Still have lots and lots of deep snow but at least the 12 foot snowbanks along the driveway have shrunk to maybe 8 feet . Sunny today :sun: which is always nice.

Back to work in a few hours, the weekend goes by too fast! Didn't do much of anything, which is needed sometimes. Caught up on sleep, brushed EddieDog so much that he does look sleeker and even more handsome, put handfuls of fur in the garbage!

We were able to pay our property taxes with what we had in the bank, which is a major feat, considering how much less I'm making this year. Thankful for small things!!

Hoping our Miss Kathleen will pop in soon! and still missing PandaCupcake

I'm glad you guys think the therapist is a bit dodgy too... Did I mention I have to go 8 weeks between appointments too? She's subsidised because I was referred to her through my doctor. If I see someone else, we have to pay full price. But I think it'll be worth it, if that someone else is more frequent and more understanding.

Holly I'm so glad the snow is starting to melt :) I can't imagine being stuck with 12ft snow mounds next to my drive! I hope you have some money left over after property taxes to treat yourself to something nice too :)

hello! we have sun here :sunny: and temperature climbing, up to 37! when I took Eddiedog out, and there was a few minutes of no cars going by, I could hear the snowbanks melting! they are all craggy and aerated due to the salt from the road, and those little pockets are collapsing in the sun , yay!! we are expecting more sn*w this weekend though, ugh.

Lisa we are wondering if you were able to find out the cause of the dizzyness?

and HI to everyone else :grouphug:

Coop I am really glad you are going to change therapist. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Perhaps if you can find someone else, your Dr can refer you thus it can be subsidized? Either way, you are worth more than a therapist who is not willing or able to accommodate your needs. Totally and completely.

Lisa, how are you doing? What did the doctor say? We all care. When you can, please let us know. I totally understand that you have been unable to post an update <3

Holly 3 glorious days of sunshine. Its a miracle, lol. So exciting.
Now comes the March 'noreaster. . 6 to 12 inches here. Hope no more where you are in them there hills :lol: Great that you were able to easily pay your property tax. I didn't know you were making less at your current job. Hopefully the pay raises will come frequently. And even a upgrade in position aka promotion at the factory. You certainly are intelligent, trustworthy and hard working enough to earn a higher position after having learned enough of the ropes. Have you heard anything from the summer job?
Thanks for mentioning the current situation I alluded to. In time I will hopefully be able to write about it. In the meantime I discovered something very caring and sweet in VT. There is a peer crisis line that any resident can call to just be listened to, heard and understood. The guy I spoke with the other day said that the average call lasts 1 hour. and Vermonters can call as often as they needed. He was SO sweet !! This is very good to know about. You are such an awesome CARING woman Holly. That is a blessing for others. And a great gift for you to have/be

Flower,

Hey you. I feel ok. I have an appt on April 8th with a pulmonologist.

I'll keep you all updated.

Holly,

Hi you.

I had some stuff wrong with me.

My iron was low.

My potassium was really low and they informed me I could have a stroke. Scared me for sure. They even put potassium in my IV.

Pulmonary edema

Pulmonary hypertension which affects the lungs

Lisa, those things sound scary! what kind of steps do you have to take to handle them? thinking of you!! :hug:

Flower I am so glad you found that resource! what a kind person on the phone with you. So glad it was helpful for you. How is your mother doing?? so much for you to worry about. And the family interaction to deal with :(
The latest snowstorm :eek: I was OK driving home in it Friday night, but what the State plows left on the top of our driveway looked like a glacier field on Everest. I haven't heard from the summer job place, but that is the way it always is. I don't need to contact them usually until mid-April, when I 'check in ' and let them know I am as eager as always to start back there.

I've been "given" 3 trainees in the past 2 weeks, the place where I work is SO very strict about attendance, that they will fire someone, if they call out too much, even if the person is extremely skilled. It seems to be cutting one's nose off to spite their face! I don't see how it is good business to fire people and then hire completely green newbies to replace them...whatever. I still get 38 to 40 hours even in this 'slow' period so it's OK to me. Unfortunately there is NO opportunity for raises, you could be there 3 years and make the same $14.50 an hour. Again, it's OK because it's temporary for me. And I can certainly keep my eyes and ears open for something else this winter.

Hello to Coop and Kathleen!

Lisa I read all thats going on with you with. So glad you are going to see the pulmonary specialist soon . WHEW you surely have been through a lot. I am sorry you are going through so much stuff. :hug: PLEASE keep us informed. Please!

Holly, wow, no opportunity for raises. and firing people for minor offenses. Sounds like they do not want highly skilled labor there. Glad its temporary. But also glad you have it right now.

Thank you for asking how my mother is doing. She is not doing well at all. I am going down to Boston on Tuesday. Will see her wednesday and Thursday at the hospital. IDK if it is the last time I will see her. She may live longer with this. But its a very rought condition. The anxiety--full throttle or beyond if there is such a thing. And I love my mother so deeply. I never individuated from her. so thats also another issue. Its like I just cannot handle losing her. The only one left will be a brother who I am very afraid of because of his anger. And he has zero compassion tolerance or acceptance for anxiety or agoraphobia etc. He refuses to accept it on any level. So its quite a challenge going through all of this. I feel completely alone.

Cannot drive in Boston. So I have to take a bus there and then rely on people for rides. And I have to stay in her condo. I get very triggered even being there. the whole thing is like a terrified child. I will be staying there for three days. It feels sort of nightmarish. Not really in my body. Trying to pack all my supplements is quite an ordeal,lol. Trying to pack in general is an ordeal. I will be living out of my suitcase and sleeping on her sofa. I cannot cook in her home for reasons I will not go into. So I may be having crackers for 3 days. on top of all that, my brother seems to not be talking to me. He goes into silent extreme anger. and its horrible for me, And seeing my mother in the condition she is in will be frightening. I have heard what condition she is in. Plus I am not permitted to cry. And I am highly emotional. Okay, how was that for TMI, lol. On the up side, I have lost weight. The weather is going to be GORGEOUS here in days to come. Thank god. Some days it will rain but no snow. And many sunny days with high(ish) temps I think. Okay. enough of that book I just wrote, lol. BTW, thanks for asking :lol: Anxiety and agoraphobia are brutal.

Hi Coop, Kathleen, Panda and anyone else <3

Flower - I think you are beyond courageous to make the trip to Boston!! with all the circumstances you have to face. Any ONE of those circumstances would keep anyone from committing to the trip...let along the multitude of hard issues!!! You have our long-distance support (for what that's worth :D ) but truly, you are so strong to do this. wow. And yes the sun :sunny: is so very helpful for us now!! and the warming that is expected for this week will lift our spirits and give us hope for the gorgeous, wonderful, life-inspiring month of May :)

Holly Thank you. I went to Boston on Tuesday. Came home on Saturday. Stayed the amount of time I thought was appropriate. The greyhound bus back home made 7 stops before mine. 2 stops on Manchester NH (one at the airport). Then in Concord. Then Hannover Then WRJ. Then Montpelier. Then downtown Burlington. THEN finally at BTV Airport. which is closest to my home. Time spent on the bus is around 6 hours. So strange.

My mother was transferred to a rehab facility. But she cannot and will not eat. Partially due to sores in her mouth. And partially due to her being a very stubborn PITA. So she is not getting nourishment to regain strength even to sit up. It is beyond painful for me to see her refusing to eat. She had been allowed to only have her food chopped or flaked.looked good to me. But she turned up her nose at it. Now that has changes. Still turns up her nose at the food which is very good quality. Makes me so sad to see her not eating enough to stay alive. If she would eat then she could gain back strength. I believe she wants to stay alive. She just is the opposite of compliant. She always has been. She tempts fate all the time. anyway, its excruciating to watch her be her own worst enemy. Not fighting back by eating. Such a helpless feeling. I know I have just made this all about my feelings. But I need to talk somewhere about me. So I am doing that here. Just very sad and terrified. My prayer at this time is she will just eat.

Strangely my ankles and legs swelled up when i was there. Still very swollen. I am not sodium sensitive. So IDK what its all about. Very odd. I hope you and everyone here are doing well. <3

Flower - first, the trip by bus...I know the ads used to say "let someone else do the driving" - Greyhound, or maybe ride Amtrak...it is great to not have to worry about navigating traffic but wow the time that you have to give up! but welcome back :)

You absolutely need to be able to talk about this somewhere! and we are always here!! I have admiration that you can analyze your thoughts and feelings to the extent that you say 'I've made this about me' - but it IS about you!! what your mother is doing directly affects you ,how can it not be 'about you' :hug: . I would be angry, angry that the mother seems to be showing that she doesn't care enough about life (children) to make an effort? I would have SUCH a hard time understanding this or thinking "this is about her, not me". Does she have directives in place, to make efforts like tube feeding? or is that up to family? such a horrible situation for you :(

IDK either what to make of the swelling, if you had traveled on a plane we have heard of that...I hope it subsides for your comfort!

Was Boston any greener/Spring-like than what we have here?

Hello to everyone else :) :wave: and check in when you can!

I forget if I wrote about last weekend, we had planned to go away for something fun but the weather (15" of snow) and lack of sleep for both husband and I prevented it :tantrum: we NEVER go away and do fun stuff and it was our one opportunity, I was a little bitter. But it just couldn't be helped. This weekend has been bleh, I am glad of rain because it is getting rid of snow big time, but it is SO dreary and is creating mud, it's just the process here. It will get worse before it gets better :eek:

Kinda down about work, a supervisor said something completely inappropriate, "a (insert word meaning developmentally disabled) monkey could do this job". Isn't that sucky?! Jerk. Because it is NOT that easy for everyone. I would like to plunk his jerk-@ss into a kitchen and tell him to make 120 servings of cheesecake, with a sauce, and garnishes, and see how he does. Even a little worse, my co-worker "friend" (if we didn't work together, she really isn't a person I would have chosen to be friends with) laughed and said "it's true". SHE has struggled with stations at work! I don't know why she thought it was OK to agree with that crappy statement. I am tired of hanging around with her at work, she interrupts, asks really witless, dunderheaded questions, thinks it's okay to return from lunch a few minutes late (I don't like to be late!!) ugh! Five more weeks!!

Holly IKD about advance directives. I dont really want to go there in my mind. I do not think they would do that for her. She is too old TBH. She is quite lucid. and has been involved with all decisions made for her throughout this entire time lasting more than 3 weeks. But the great news is that she ate something Sunday night. She had a crab cake for dinner. Thank god. That was such a relief that I went out and celebrated by buying too much food for myself. Each day is like a rollercoaster. Some days good news. Other days, not so much at all. Monday was not good, it seems. So the anxiety, intense at times and depression I feel has been challenging. BUT I managed to not eat my feelings on Monday. Boston was definitely greener than VT. No snow left. Interesting riding home and seeing the ground become whiter as we progressed north

Ouch re last weekend not being able to get away, I hope you can reschedule for another time... after snow season. Re mud season, yes it is going to soon be here. Many people not know about mud season. In VT we do.

Re what a supervisor said.... completely inappropriate on all levels. Says a lot about him. And sorry about the work friend. Such low self esteem to agree with the supervisor. So you have 5 more weeks of that job until next winter? Or will you be done for good there? Do you yet have something lined up for the summer?
This job has had its benefits. eg weekends off. Closer to home than the food industry jobs. But you deserve a job where you are treated well. A job where you are remunerated for your gifts and skills on all levels. A job where you can use your gifts and talents, which are many. So again, have you heard anything about summer job?

Leaving tomorrow to say goodbye to my mother. Will return after she has passed

I'm so incredibly sorry flower.

I wish we could help somehow.