Thank you for forgiving my outburst. I'm not doing great I guess. My weight is up, I eat to much, drink to much, sit around to much and don't sleep enough. I volunteer for a dog rescue which I love but at times it becomes over whelming. I'm also over whelmed by life, bills etc. Hubby is only working now and then and I'm getting really sick of it. I'm thinking of making some changes there. I hide all of this from everyone e. I was half cut when the husband got home but not enough that he noticed. Drinking on a Tuesday. Nice.

Aunty Jam - half cut?? we are here for you, for whatever its worth!!!

Lisa - To clarify - I got my sheets secondhand from my parents over a decade ago, not from a secondhand store. They are very worn but did the job, so I never replaced them. I also felt for years that replacing them was a luxury. That said, I'm liking my new sheets. They are so soft and not threadbare! I never realized how threadbare my previous sheets were! I've never had new sheets, so I never knew they could feel this awesome!

I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but my husband and I were going to buy new comforters when we bought our bedroom set. Funny enough, the next day his mom (who did not know we were looking to buy) gave us three basically brand new comforter sets that she had. It feels so nice.

I am glad you are loving your new home Lisa I am sorry to hear that things aren't going so well with your sister. Once I was seeing a counsellor and was telling her about someone who was draining the life away from me basically but who I could not think of leaving because I was afraid of what would become of him/how he would take care of himself. She told me - Humans are very adaptive. He will adapt without you; he won't have a choice. And eventually I got the courage to leave and although I am not in contact with this person and have no idea what became of them - the idea that people adapt without us was very useful with other people who were in my life and her words gave me freedom. You deserve to be happy and focus on you Lisa

Holly - Thankfully I am almost never sick so I almost never have to encounter my family doctor. The doctor pretty much acts like this to everyone/for every visit. It's terrible.

That said - guess what??? I was able to start seeing an employment counsellor every two weeks! She is a trained regular counsellor so we are going to work on my self esteem, CBT techniques to help with anxiety etc and then look at the work-related stuff after. I don't need help with a resume or anything like that, I just need counselling on finding out what job best suits me,if that makes sense, and help having the confidence to apply to jobs and go on interviews. Work is such a huge stressor for me and having no self esteem makes everything so much worse..so I am so happy to be starting to see a counsellor regularly who can help me with both things.The work I have done so far in the last week with her has given me so much hope.

Also, best yet - she prefers focusing on mindfulness, changing your behaviours and perceptions etc instead of rehashing the past so that is a plus.

I also got a new haircut and new shoes to have for my eventual job interviews. Also, exercise and eating has gone well the last 2 weeks. It's still a huge daily challenge but I'm still so grateful.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Ladies, it is lovely seeing the forum so busy, BUT you don't make it easy to stop by for a quick catch up I'm using my phone just now, which is difficult for reading and responding, but I'll try to reply individually soon

I've been feeling a bit blue lately, but I made it back to the gym tonight, and I feel much better. It's great what a little exercise can do. I need to do it more often.

I've been noticing how badly my confidence has dropped lately - especially around work. I've got that feeling like they're probably wondering why they hired me, and like nobody likes me, and i talk nonsense. I don't really know how to get back from there... It's silly things, like I bought new glasses that are a complete change of style, but I'm too nervous to wear them out, because i know everyone will comment... I've always been low confidence, but it's grown worse since my mum died. I need to look into mental exercises or something! What are you meant to do? The gym has helped my mood a little though.

I'll try to get through all your posts later on tonight!

LOL Coop! I know, right?

I don't have much time now, but will be back soon to read/reply to everyone as well.

Have a fantastic day everyone

Sorry I have been away and am feeling a bit overwhelmed with trying to catch up on reading. I hope no one takes is personally that I can't right now - it ended up being a rough couple of days, as I binged on Tuesday after trying intuitive eating and along with feeling like a failure, have been suffering some serious gastrointestinal issues as a result. I guess the good thing is I can't binge like I used, too? It was significantly harder to put away as many calories as I used to. I'm back to bite counting, though. I need the structure for now.
Hope everyone is doing well this Thursday.

Coop - I have felt as you have also, about you not wanting to wear your new eyeglasses for not wanting to hear comments...even if the comments are complimentary ,is it because you don't want attention drawn to yourself? or are you fearing comments that aren't completely positive? it is such a shame for us to live our lives that way, lacking self-confidence . I don't have any advice, just friendship I'm glad that the visit to the gym helped you. good reminder that physical exertion is almost always helpful for us.

Britt - don't worry about feeling the need to comment on everyone we do it when we can and if not, ,not a biggie!! just coming here to share what's going on with yourself is helpful isn't it. very sorry to hear that you are down on yourself due to losing some control, that's so rough isnt it.

Hey to JesikaBeth

I started out the day good...felt the urge to clean off my desk, which made the surrounding area look twice as messy, so then started to try to eliminate some books/papers/clutter on some bookshelves, and discovered a little photo album that my grandmother made of my mother, and it just slayed me Photos of the past are a BIG depressive trigger for me. People who I loved who are now dead, loved family homes that are probably bulldozed into rubble and rebuilt into condos, beloved pets that are long gone. Looking at the pics is bad for me, but then should I get rid of them?? that seems worse. It is a sunny day but it could be black clouds for all it means to me (don't tell me to go out and enjoy becuase its still friggin winter) Not a cheery message from me today. Gonna force myself to put on exercise gear and do a youtube or dvd workout, if I do that then I won't feel like my day off is a complete waste of my life.

Hi, IBelieve. Since I'm not a parent, I don't want to speak to the experience, but I just think the fact that you are aware that things you do and say can deeply impact your children is the sign of a much parent than many people get! I know it's easier said than done, but try to be kind to yourself. You're not perfect, but you are trying.
Also, you're absolutely right. I need to try incorporating daily meditation again. I didn't binge last night, but the associated behaviors (waiting until my fiance left so I could eat what I wanted instead of appearing to be following this "perfect, in control" diet) arose. I need to recenter myself and to understand that I have to figure out how to not feel like I have to be perfect (practice what I preach - ugh!) and to eat what I want in healthy portions instead of restricting myself so much.

Hey ladies,

I'm right there with most of you. I'm not up for personals today, maybe tomorrow.

Instead of ordering piyo, I ordered 2 chair aerobic videos. I think it will be best for me. I think Piyo would have been way too much for me. The chair dvds enable you to strengthen your heart, lungs, back and arms.

I am working on the house, again, tonight. I'm washing up smokey (is it smokey or smoky?) clothes of Jennifer's that are going to be donated. I have been frustrated all day. Just wish I this place was done.

Elvira met the neighbor Rottweiler today. No fur flew so hopefully in time, they will become friends. BTW, she makes Elvira look small. Good lord.

I've started reading The Thorn Birds again. I read it when I was a young girl and came across it after I moved in. It's actually a really good read.

Since i've moved in here, I have lost so many pair of socks. How can 1 person lose that many socks? I had to buy another 10 pack today. grrrrrrrr

Anyway, sorry about personals. Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Much love to all.

I will say this. Kathleen, whatever I had in my lungs has loosened and is now gone. I'm fine, sweetie and thank you for worrying about me. Hopefully, no more future coughing spells when I'm driving.

Holly - half cut means half drunk up here. Is that what you were asking? We had sort of a fight tonight. He's been talking about a cruise (seriously???). He has a fear of open water so said he thinks he could do an Alaska. Cruise because it stays close to shore. He said it's not as great as the Rhine cruise I did with my family but still good. I said I'd settle for being able to get new glasses and go to the dentist. He thanked me for killing the conversation and slammed the door behind him. I'm not sorry one bit. I plan to be in bed and "asleep" before he comes back in.

Believeinme - thanks for your kind words.

I think I've figured out part of my problem. No matter how stupid it sounds. I knew he could t live forever but I never thought of or planned for life without him. It came as something of a shock to be honest.

I'm sorry I can't acknowledge others in my posts. Anyone who knows me at all knows how much trying to reply to and/or acknowledge everyone gives me serious anxiety. It stresses me out just thinking about trying. I just don't want anyone to think I'm being rude.

Hey everyone, I am sorry I haven't been on. My life has been testing me tremendously. I can barely keep up.....I feel like I am getting overwhelmed, But I have been soo busy I am exhausted and can't really keep up. Its really frustrating. I have somehow been able to loose a few more pounds which is awesome but I was terrified to get on the scale last night. only 4 lbs but I would have been happy to just maintained but the loss of a few pounds was nice. I just hope it was not because of stress. I haven't even been able to keep on basic house tasks and hygiene. Its really im just so exhausted. I hope everyone is doing good and much better than I am

Hey nerdbling it is good to hear from you although sad to hear you are not doing well, I hope things get better for you!!

AuntyJam, I did not know that expression, I thought it meant you were thinking of self-harm cutting. Um...I would also NOT be happy at the thought of a cruise, when basic necessities are needed!!!

Lisa, it does take a long time to get things done for moving in doesn't it! and I think it's usually the washing machine monster that gets our socks I'm glad Elvira had a good meet and greet with teh neighbor Rottie, hope they become good sniffing friends

and HI to everyone else

I'm thankfully over my horrible sad crying fit about the pics of my mom, grandparents, etc. Afterwards, I tried to shift my perspective, instead of being so horribly sad that all of that is gone, I tried to focus on, that they were such loving and great people (grandparents) to take all the childhood pics of my mom .

TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY will be my last day with the Rat B@stard Boss and the frustrating winter job. And this Wednesday, I have my first cataract operation, which I am both fearing and looking forward to.

Happy Sunday, everyone!
I'm sending you all positive vibes today.

Vermont, a friend of mine recently left her job and she absolutely LOVES it. She had a terrible boss as well. My boss isn't bad, but the institution is terrible, and I can't wait to leave in July. I will NOT be looking back.

thanks for the positive vibes Britt!

I have 2 seasonal jobs, I am finishing up the 6 month crappy one and going into the one I love I've put up with the crappy one for 10 years now only because it enables me to keep being at the summer one. I gripe about it ALOT i know but it pays the bills and suits my needs. We are hoping July comes quickly for you to leave your terrible workplace!