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SocialWorkMama,
It is so lovely to see you. I am so glad you are back. :) You would be right, this program is very intense. There is so much to learn and I am not kidding. I wish I could tell you have much info I have to study for this quiz tomorrow. It is ridiculous. I pray I get a decent grade. I am so happy that you and hubby had a nice night together. :) Well, I am tired tonight. I will check back tomorrow. |
Lisaluvs - sorry you're feeling so poorly! I hope things look up soon. Is there a reason you're trying to come off your meds (sorry if you already posted it and I missed it).
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dcapulet,
I wasn't trying to come off Clonazpam, I was simply trying to not use it to get through STNA classes. My Clonazapam is prescribed as needed. Needless to say, I am taking it now, to calm myself down so that I can think clearer. Ladies, Tonight I have a quiz. I am so nervous that I am going to flunk. There is so much memorization. I am not kidding either when i say there is so much to remember and know. I will let you know how I do. Much love to all. |
Lisa- good luck!!! Let us know how you do!
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Lisa - wondering how you did last night :hug:
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Dear friends,
I was told that my anxiety is a problem and that I probably wouldn't make a very good STNA. She worded it nicer that that but bascially that is what it came down to. I shall have to continue to look for a second job. I hope you all are well. |
Lisa, so sorry to hear that. Thinking about you. What are you thinking about doing?! Sending big hugs your way.
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SocialWorkMama,
I just wanted to stop in and say hi to everyone. I am still really sad about my STNA training not working out. I guess maybe, I know in my heart my instructor might have been right but it still hurts. For everyone 30 residents, there is 1 STNA (state tested nursing assistant) who has to take care of them. They did call me about another position, it's low stress and only every other weekend but I took it anyway. |
Hello friends :)
Lisa - I am so sorry that the instructor was negative about your efforts towards STNA, yes I would also be feeling hurt about that :( but I'm glad they called you about another position that is low-stress. You haven't spoken about your daughter, is she with you now for a bit? and doing any better, I hope?? SocialWorkMama, regarding the therapy light, it has actually been in a corner gathering dust for 2 years, I guess I felt it wasn't giving me too much bonus or else I'd have it on all day. it is the Verilux brand, I think I got it directly from the company. Maybe it did give me some relief and I was extra "down" then so it didn't seem like much help? I dunno. Sorry this wasn't very helpful :p I am VERY glad that we don't have snow on the ground yet, in fact I was on my motorcycle on Wednesday :D :D Our motorcycle organization donates 10 turkeys every year and my husband connected up the trailer to his motorcycle and we delivered them by 2 wheels :moped: which in late November in Vermont is freakin AWESOME :cool: One of my co-workers, a dumb young girl, saw my husband's car (when he came to say hi to me) and made the comment "do you know you've got a big chunk missing from your car". Well YES you dumb little jerk, I know it and I'm embarrassed about it, and now I'm even more embarrassed. It will cost like $600 to get it repaired and we've just put it off for now (piece of bumper in front). I hate when people say stupid and unthinking crap like that. I feel I need to tell her how that made me feel, but I am not good at conversations like this, i tend to get flustered and upset and seems to be worse than if I said nothing. oh well :) I am proud to say I have been working out almost every day, maybe for 20 minutes, maybe for 40. Just to keep limber and have some strength for every day stuff. hope you are all well and please check in to say HI |
HI again :) well I didn't say anything to my young dumb co-worker and that is probably for the best, I'll save the conversation for something really important :D
have a good night :cool: |
Hi everyone,
I don't really know what to say. I am just very sad. I am going to have to put one of my cats down. Hopefully, they can get him in tomorrow. He's in pain. I feel like ****. I'll write more later. http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psae55adb0.jpg |
Lisa, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now. Sending you lots of hugs and support, so sorry to hear about your kitty.
Holly, I am sorry that your coworker said that! I would have been embarrassed too. I am very self conscious about my car, it is old and also damaged but I am a poor student and have no money to get it fixed or get a nicer car. Some people just don't think before they speak! |
I am doing okay, still in a weird funk though. I don't know what it is, maybe the time of year, I just feel anxious and an overall sense of depression. I am still functioning, just not at my best level. I am ready for spring! Lol. What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving? We are going to my parents house so hopefully it will be fun, I find holidays with my parents stressful, my mom is always stressed and my parents bicker. Ugh. Lol.
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Lisa, sorry to hear of your cat. It's horrible having to take a pet to be pit down, I hope you can have someone there to hold you hand.
I've lost my momentum with the forum, but I'm having a rough time at the moment, and I'm not having a good night, so I thought I'd pop by. My OH's dad is sick, we're waiting to find out how bad it is, but in the meantime my OH has moved back in to provide moral support. I absolutely support him, but I'm used to having him around here, and I'm feeling a bit lonely. I'm trying to be constructive and look into things I can do to be around people, but until we know how serious this illness is, I don't want to commit to anything. Anyway, I'm just in for a general moan... |
Hang in there!
Hello everyone! Just popping in to say hi and let you know that I'm reading along.
Lisa: I am so sorry about your cat. :( Not much worse than having to put a beloved pet down. I am especially sorry this has to happen when you are already having a rough time. Also sorry to hear that your anxiety is getting in the way of you being a STNA. That must have been difficult to hear, even if you already thought it might be true. So does that mean you still will or won't be taking the class that you had so much work in? How is Jennifer? Will she be home with you for Thanksgiving? Hope things in your world begin looking UP soon! :hug: Holly: How rude of your co-worker to ask you if you knew that there was a chunk of your car missing!!! :devil: Too bad you didn't come back with, "What do YOU think, a@@hole?!?" That is irritating! So nice of your motorcycle organization to donate turkeys and for you and your hubby to deliver them! That is what the season is all about! :) So happy to hear that you have still been able to get out on your motorcycle some. Happy riding!!! :) (trying to insert the motorcycle emoji, but my damn computer is acting up again) Sorry to hear that some of you are really struggling lately. I can definitely relate. I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next. It makes it hard to plan anything. I am also avoiding public events right now for this very reason. Part of me feels guilty about it, but part of me knows that I need to do it to take care of my mental and emotional health. My therapist is helping me to recognize my negative cyclical thinking, but even though I know I am doing it, it is SO difficult for me to STOP the negative spiral downward with my thinking. My mind swirls continuously with worst case "what if" scenarios. I think I am really missing my Buspar (anti-anxiety med that they took me off of in the hospital this summer), but my psychiatrist doesn't want to put me back on it because it can trigger a manic episode. I don't really want to go on any more meds, but I am having a hard time dealing with my anxiety lately. It has been extra heightened and I'm not sure why. Then I bash myself for worrying about everything and for not enjoying life more. I realize that I am being hard on myself, but I can't seem to stop. I feel so fragile and unproductive lately. It is not good for my self-esteem. Sorry to be such a downer with this post. I am hanging in there, but not doing nearly as well as I would like to be. Probably feeling some added pressure with the holidays quickly approaching. I do have plenty to be thankful for, so I am really trying to focus on that and make that a priority. Easier said than done, though, as many of you know. I need to remind myself to take baby steps and to focus (as much as possible) on the positive! BIG HUGS :hug: to all of you! :hug: |
Hi ladies,
You all are so wonderful for caring about me. I am struggling. I am so down, don't feel like talking or being around anyone. I'm glad I'm alone today. I didn't realize how much Oliver being gone would effect me. It was so damn hard to put him down even though he was very sick. I feel like ****. Man, I hope I feel better tomorrow. Kathleen, Hon, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I know you don't want to take anymore meds but it sounds like you might need them. You don't sound very happy and that makes me very sad. Don't you dare feel bad for venting here, that is what we are for. I won't be taking anymore STNA classes, the one I had to do so much homework in, but I did get a position at the nursing home that is low stress. I go for orientation tomorrow, I will be a hospitality aide but it won't be very many hours. I'm hoping once they see what a good worker I am, I might pick up a few more hours. Jennifer's med is working, she was done a 180 and seems to be doing well. She will be going back to work soon, she took a medical leave but is due to go back soon. I hope she does ok. I am still worried about her going back as her job is hard on her. She is a drug and alcohol therapist and those clients are not easy to work with. Holly, Did you see above about Jennifer? She is doing well, I hope she is ok when she goes back to work. You just ignore that awful co-worker and just be grateful you have a car to get back and forth with. *hug* SocialWorkMama, You and me both, being in a funk is no good. I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. I will say, I am so glad you are here with us. I love reading your posts. Keep venting, maybe it will help you to feel a bit better. I find the holidays with my family stressful too. I doubt I will spend much time with them, other than Jennifer and my mom. Coop, I am glad you came back. :) Sorry that you too are struggling. Just keep posting here and we will try to be a good sense of support for you. Hugs to you all. |
It's 2 am and I am awake. I need to go back to bed, I have a long day ahead of me. Orientation is about 6 hours long and it starts at 9 am. I heard it is really boring, just lots of videos.
I have to be awake at 5 am for job #1, 6 am - 8 am. Like I said, it's going to be a long day, I am going to try to go back to bed and sleep. *yawn* I'll post again later today. |
Lisa, I am sooo sorry about handsome Oliver :( You did absolutely the right thing but Oh my gosh it is so sad!! :( :( I know you will always remember him.
I hope you got some sleep?? I am sorry about your present state of mind not being good, when I hear you are struggling that is so sad. When you are feeling good, your posts are really, really helpful to me, and probably to others too, you help me to see the positive and I hope so much you feel better SOON. Kathleen, I am sorry you are feeling so anxious now, do NOT feel guilty about avoiding social things right now because you know how to take care of yourself as only you know how, and that is no one else's business. Hang in there!! SocialWorkMama, LOL I am ready for Spring too :D it is not too bad for me now because we don't have any of that white crap yet :devil: I am trying to shrug off the comment from the co-worker, HER car is bashed up because her druggie boyfriend took it and crashed it...but do I say anything about THAT? no, because I am semi-normal :devil: Yes we are just glad we have cars that take us to work and back :) Coop27, I am sorry that you are struggling now. I hope the illness is not serious. You can pop in for a moan anytime, :D and HI to everyone else :hug: I realize that I have a hard time 'living for the moment'. Like I am always thinkng ahead to when the weather is nicer, to when maybe I lose some of my chub, etc. I know I am losing out on a LOT by not being able to love the moment I am in :?: but generally I am in a good frame of mind. I think back to when I had suicidal thoughts and I think, jeez, only crazy people think like that :devil: but it didn't seem crazy at the time. I did a workout this morning :strong: and I am so glad I did. Every little bit helps, I mostly just looking to keep limber and flexible and relatively strong to handle everyday life, because the damn shoveling will start soon :devil: I hope everyone has a good day :hug: |
Thanks for the well wishes guys, it has helped perk me up. I'm feeling a little better for being back in the office today and being around people! We hope to hear more about the OH's dad tomorrow - the worst bit is the waiting. We are on hold until we know what care he is going to need, and I can't really talk to anyone about it until we know the prognosis. I don't know how on earth the OH and his Dad are keeping sane.
Lisa - hope you managed to get some sleep. We had to put our dog down a few years ago, and I know how awful it feels. They become a surrogate part of the family, and it's horrible when you lose them. Take care x Ibelieveinme2 - if we get to be downers, then we can't complain about you being down - so don't feel bad. I hope your therapy continues to help. Vermontmom - hoping the snow holds off for a little while longer :) |
VM and Coop, thank your for the kind words. Oliver will always be in my mind. 15 years is a long time, he was with us through thick and thin. I will forever miss him.
I really don't have a lot to say, I'm kinda quiet tonight. Sweet dreams. |
HI there,
I had a pretty calm day today. Tomorrow afternoon, I work 4 pm-8 pm at the nursing home. I dread it but am excited at the same time. I am worried is all. Hope I don't mess things up. I went and got a couple of things that I am going to make for Thanksgiving, instant potatoes and stuffing. We already have the turkey, thanks to my new job. They gave us one yesterday. I think I am going to try to make corn souffle, I don't even know how to make it. I'll figure it out. Well, have a great night and I'll be back tomorrow. |
Just wanted to check in. I hope everyone is doing okay. It is snowing here today. I am feeling frustrated, sometimes I don't understand why my anxiety and depression is so much worse some years than others. This year for some reason it is really flaring up. I am 5 months away from graduating with my MSW degree and am doing a lot of outreach work for the local women's and children's shelter here, in fact last week I did a news interview. All I could think about when I saw the interview on tv was how fat I look. Ugh. I am just being really hard on myself right now. I know I have a lot going for me I just wish that my self esteem wasn't so directly tied to my weight.
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My feet are killing me and I only worked 4 hours. lol How pathetic is that?
How is everyone doing? I am going to clean the kitchen tonight and get up early tomorrow to put the turkey in the oven. I am really worn-out and tired but I need to clean the kitchen. SocialWorkMama, I am sorry you are struggling. I used to be hard on myself and I still don't look good in pictures but I love myself. Other than my weight, there is nothing I would change. I am blessed in my life. I hope things get better for you. We love you here, just know that. I hope you have a great night and I miss you all. |
Lisa, hope you are able to get some rest!
I am working on homework tonight and mentally preparing myself for Thanksgiving with my parents tomorrow. |
Hello friends!!
Lisa, I hope you got a good night's sleep last night :) Sorry about your feet hurting from work! but other than that, it went well? I hope so! Yeah, if your feet aren't happy, the rest of you isn't happy. I always buy those foamy inserts for my shoes, they help me alot. Hope the pain of saying goodbye to Oliver does not get you down too much. And have a wonderful day :hug: SocialWorkMama, congrats on the news invertview! and being so close to your degree, in a field that helps people!! I hear ya on the self-defeating attitude, we have that in common also. My self-worth is totally dependent on how I think I look, or even worse, what I think others think of me. Lisa is a wonderful person to help us try to overcome that . HI to everyone else!! I have to finish a bunch of mini pastries that we are taking to our son's fiance's grandmother's house. She is a sweet lady, but the fiance's mother is the weird one :devil: The sun is shining here, and 30 degrees, which isn't bad at all. I procrastinated about my snow tires and have to wait 2 weeks for the appointment :shock: please think "no snow in Vermont" for me during that time...sorry SocialWorkMama that you have the white crap now! I wish you all, all the best. |
VM, Everything last night seemed to go well. I'll get better at it the more I do it. I need to get used to being on my feet but with that means losing some weight. I think this job will help. My feet are still sore this morning. The rest of me isn't so bad. Four hour shifts, I love that. I couldn't really take, physically, any more hours then that, a shift. If it wasn't for getting so sore, I couldn't wait to go for another shift. I think Monday is my next shift.
I'll check back in soon. You all have a fantastic Thanksgiving!!!!!!!! :) |
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone.
Holly, what would the holiday be like without at least one weird one at the table? Kathleen, I know you are struggling, but think of how far you have come after all you have been through. Lisa, your feet will get get better as you continue to be on them more. Hello to everyone else. I would love to hear from Lil Turtle , Fi and others. I foolishly weighed myself this morning to find I am back up - five pounds since Halloween! Weird how I tend to weigh myself on holidays. I am not going to let it spoil my day, but I have decided I am quitting all sugar starting tomorrow. All sweets will leave my home tonight. I do not want this five to turn to 10! Have a wonderful day with your families and friends. |
We just had our worst fears confirmed - my OH's Dad has developed cancer, and it doesn't look curable. I miss having my mum as the person to call on for some comfort just now, it's a cliché, but she'd have the answer. I don't feel like I have the strength to be dealing with her death and this, but somehow we'll have to.
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Hi everyone,
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!!!! My meal turned out so good!!! It couldn't have been better. The sides were good and the turkey was soooooooo juicy and skin crisp and I am not exaggerating. Jennifer said it was the best turkey she has ever had. It made me feel so good. EasySpirit, It is lovely to see you again, we have missed you so much. :) I hope you are right about my feet adjusting to working. I just have to lose some weight, it is hard on them. My back is also sore today, hopefully, again, it will adjust. Best of luck at giving up sugar, we are here for you. *hug* Coop, I am so sorry about your father-law. I wish I had some sage advice for you. It is very important that you take care of yourself during this difficult time. Post here and we will try to help you. The girls here are very wise. Best of Thanksgivings to you all. I will check back in later. http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2...ted_Gifs_7.gif |
I put my tree up tonight, it is not done though.I still need a tree skirt, some decorations and an extension cord for the star.
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psmerm61go.jpg Where is everyone? Busy shopping I guess. :) |
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psnhousae2.jpg
Here it is with the star lit and the tree skirt. |
Tree looks lovely Lisa! I'm waiting untilnext weekend before I put ours up, the OH will never let me live it down if I put it up before December!
Managed to get the worst of the shock out of my system now, but comfort eating has always been a problem of mine. I had an organic veg box delivered yesterday though, and all my meals are now planned around using that up, so it's looking healthy. |
Coop, so sorry your family is going through this. *hug*
I just kept seeing decorations going up around the neighborhood and it made me want to put up my tree. It is small and goes up easily. I think I've lost a few pounds. :) Man, I am tired tonight. Sometimes, I think my Saraquel makes me sleepy during the day. I take it at night before bed and there are times when I get so tired during the day. I think I'm going to sleep good tonight. Where is everyone? I am working for my boss this weekend so I have to go take care of "the ladies" this weekend. Morning and evening, Friday, Sat. and Sunday I have to make sure they eat and take their meds. It kinda sucks, breaks up my day and I don't think I'll ever do it again. I like my Monday-Friday 6-8am shift. I also have to work at the nursing home 4-8pm on Monday. I'm still nervous but I kinda look forward to it. I'm only nervous because it's new. I've been watching college football and movies all day, when I wasn't working. I have a DVR so I record shows, movies and sporting events I want to see. I love it, couldn't live without it now that I have it. My mom has DishNetwork and doesn't have the ability to DVR things. I have Directv. I'm going to try to stay up a little later tonight. The more time i get to just relax, the easier it is for me to work. If I went to bed right now, it would seem, in no time, it would be morning and time for me to work. Have a great Saturday night. Much love to all. |
A quick hello!
Well, I finally got a new computer and I had personal posts written out to all of you..... and as I was finishing up, it said, "Internet Explorer has stopped working. Please close the program"..... and I lost my entire post. :mad: ARRGH!!! I don't have the time or energy to rewrite everything. It's really late and I need some rest. Just wanted to say hello to everyone and let you know that I am still here and reading along. I will try to check back in soon and write more. Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your families! I guess now it's on to the Christmas rush! :dizzy:
Lisa: Since you are my fellow Ohioan, I wondered how you liked the Ohio State vs. Michigan game. Don't want to say more than that in case that is one of the games you DVR'd. ;) |
Hello all,
I can't for the life of me remember seeing this thread in the depression section. I decided that today I would get a group of people with similar problems with depression and weight gain, who can help with the rough patch I'm going through now. I started losing weight about a year ago, and I successfully shed 25 lbs. For the past 2 months however, life has been punching me up and down again. The blows are heavy, non stop and regular. Giving too many details would be overwhelming. But I can say that, I recently came to discover some disturbing family secrets in a rather brutal way. In addition, I'm under a lot of pressure right now at work. Now I'm on the floor again. And I'm going back to food for comfort again. I can't stop eating...or thinking about the next meal. I lean towards sugary and fatty food (ice cream, chocolate, chips, etc) even when I'm not hungry. The more I feel guilty over that, the more miserable I become, and the cycle continues. Any words to help me with this? Thank you all in advance!! |
I'm done with the ladies for this weekend. My boss called me this afternoon and wanted to know if I wanted her to take the 5 pm shift. I said yes!!!!!! I never want to take care of them for that long again, it's just breaks up my day too much. Besides I have to go to work at 6 am in the morning and i've been tired all day. I have my jammies on already, it's only 6 pm, and I feel much better.
Kathleen, I did watch the Buckeyes and they absolutely jammed the ball down Michigan's throat. I was so tickled and proud of them. Go Bucks!!!! It's so great to see you post, Kathleen!!!!!! Come back soon ok? thirti4thirty, Welcome to the thread!!!!!! We have many wise women here can give you sage advice. I wish I was one of them. I have gone through spells where I can't seem to stop eating. I have to come to the realization that I need to stop. I am big enough as it is and don't need to get any bigger. Maybe one of the other girls can give you better advice. Once again, welcome!!!!!! I am watching the Steelers/Seahawks game but may turn on my DVR and watch Pioneer Woman. I'm in one of those moods where I don't know what I want to watch. Actually, there has been nothing on tv all day. I shouldn't be so tired, I slept most of the afternoon. Once again, I think it's my Saraquel making me so tired. I love it though, it takes care of most of my anxiety so I'll put up with the side effects. Have a great Sunday night and I'll check back in tomorrow to see if anyone has posted. |
Hello!!! We had no internet for FIVE FLIPPIN DAYS and just got it back tonight, will everyone give blessings to Ronald from Tech Support :D he apparently is THE ONLY EMPLOYEE OF FAIRPOINT COMMUNICATIONS WHO KNOWS ANYTHING :devil:
Anyway, HI !!! thirti4thirty, :welcome: and I can only say, that somehow you must just want to be healthier more than the urge to eat when you're stressed or not hungry. I know it is hard!! It's like when you're trying so hard to not think about food, its ALL you can think about!! I am not doing good in that department myself, so i am focusing on doing a workout 5 days a week. then I can tell myself 'at least you're doing something' and that helps me some. Very glad you found us!! Coop27, very sorry about the illness :( best wishes for treatments that help!! Kathleen, Oh don't you want to scream when posts disappear into cyberspace!! please try again when you have time ! :) EasySpirit, LOL you are right, there's always one weirdo at the holiday table :rofl: You are wise to weigh yourself once in a while to see what is going on, then catch it before it goes up more. Lisa! your tree is beautiful!! and Oh my your T-giving dinner sounded sooo good ! :) I hope you can get your work schedule just the way you want it. I agree that your feetsies will adjust to the time spent on them, I sure hope they are not hurting now. We had a rush at work the other day, and wouldn't you know, that is the time I decide to wipe a knife carelessly and took a little chunk of flesh out, damn then I had to wrap it quickly and then try to write down people's sandwich orders without them noticing the blood seeping out of my makeshift bandage :devil: then my co-worker picked up the knife I had just used and I had to hiss at him "DON'T USE THAT!! it has my blood on it!' He just calmly took it to the sink and washed it, winked at me then proceeded to make the dozens of sandwiches, lol. Oh boy , the mistakes you make when you are in a hurry. I am in a pretty good mood, despite my POS car decided to stop putting out any heat :shock: and today it was 18 degrees in the morning. The mechanic is backed up and can't take me in til the 9th!! oh well at least it runs, right :devil::devil: time to play Candy Crush which I haven't in days, due to no internet. bye for now!! |
Hi,
I called in this morning for my 6 am job. I was just just feeling very burnt out and needed a day off. I slept in, got a good sleep and was still down when I awoke. I realized I only have a couple more days before I get paid which made me feel better. I went to my nursing home job this afternoon and I'm home now, tired but satisfied. I need to get a good nights sleep so I can go back to work in the morning. That is about all that is going on here. I will check back in tomorrow. Much love to all. :) |
Vermontmom - glad you have internet again! Everything is a nightmare without internet... Hope the cut heals fast!
Thirty4thirti - welcome! I'm really keen to see what others say to your question, I'm no use I'm afraid! Same problem over here. Lisa - not long til Christmas, will you get a few days off? I'm looking forward to a break myself! |
VM, I hope you are right about my feet adjusting. Tonight, my right knee is bugging me, it keeps slipping from the inside and man, does it hurt when it does it. I know it is just my weight bothering my joints but it can't be helped. I like my nursing home job and I'm not giving it up. I like being a apart of a family, that is the way they are making it feel.
I am sorry that you did not have internet for 5 days. That would seem like an eternity to me. How is your cut? I hope it heals fast. It was so lovely to see your post, it always makes me day when you pop in here and fill us in on what is going on with you. Thank you for liking my tree. It is small but pretty. I love it. Coop, thanks for stopping by. Always glad to see you post. :) I will check back in tomorrow. Much love to all. |
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