Hello Everyone!

I only have time for a quick check-in. This morning, I had another breast exam, an ultrasound on my left breast, and 2 biopsies! We were at the hospital much longer than I expected. But all went pretty well, despite being painful and scary. They will contact me within 48 hours to give me results from the biopsies. Just trying to wait patiently and think positive in the meantime. I have read all of your posts and will try to post personals soon. Please know that I am thinking about all of you and wishing you well! My coaching program is still going well. I have just been crazy busy and really need to focus to be successful. Working on slowing things down, remembering to breathe through it all and pay close attention to my body's physical hunger and satisfaction cues. I have a private call lined up tomorrow afternoon with my coach. That should help. Take good care everyone and remember to be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend!!! ❤

ibelieveinme2
my thoughts are with you i hope the results are good
please check in & let us know

I'm puzzled today, because I'm down to -2, the beginnings of depression pain—which I experience as physical pain, mostly in my chest, underneath my sternum (breast bone). Maybe it's because I've run out of a couple of my medications, and will soon be fighting with my insurance company to get them to pay part of the bill for getting a 2-week supply at my local pharmacy. (Unless I screw up and run out, I get all my meds by mail order.) I'm on six different psych meds, plus a supplement, and they're a b*tch to keep up with.

The kittens are so sweet, though. Nénu now likes to climb onto my chest while I'm reading or using the iPad, and today Oscar didn't just curl up to take a nap with me, he got onto my pillow and put his soft face right up against my cheek. He can be such a nuisance—stealing everything he can get to and using it all as cat toys, throwing Bob's mouse onto the floor, scooping whole shelves' worth of books & papers onto the floor. They both have the size & strength to climb all the way to the ceiling in many places, and are engaged in their own reversed version of the BERP: instead of reducing entropy, they're constantly increasing it. The primates may be in charge, but the felines sure make a lot of messes. It's the two of them pitted against the two of us, and now that they're fixed they don't have those sex hormones causing hours of pitched battles with each other: we are the focus of their attention. Orientals are famous for never growing up, for having kitten energy and kitten creativity all their lives, but I hope they'll soon reach a point where they don't have to assert themselves so destructively.

Anyway, I don't feel very good, as I'm sitting here waiting for the meds to kick in. And my eating behavior is chaotic. I'll go as long as a day and a half or two days totally on plan, and then act out by buying donuts or cookies.

But Grace and Mike (my Qigong instructor) bring so much light into my life. Not all of the stress I'm feelin' these days is negative stress: a lot of it is positive. I showed that black-&-white collage ("a journey of light") to Mike, and he liked it so much, I gave it to him. I felt really good about that. Art is so marvelous that way: it conveys complex emotions quickly & immediately.

But I can't do art in a -2 mood state. I can't even daydream about it. The meds don't seem to be working, so I gotta stop now.

(((((((((((((((((positive thoughts for Kathleen!)))))))))))))))))

I missed the doctor's call tonight, so have to wait until morning to get my results from the breast biopsies. I have to say that the doctor sounded pretty somber and concerned on the message he left, so I am preparing for/thinking the worst. The reality is sinking in a bit more, so I am feeling a lot of anxiety tonight, but I will bounce back and think positive and move forward IF this is cancer! Anyway, that's about all I have to say for now. Gonna try to get a decent night's sleep. Will check back in ASAP. Fi, sorry that you are feeling -2 depression pain and the meds aren't working. So kind of you to give the collage to your Qigong instructor! Holly and lira, thank you for your messages of support and concern. Nicolas89, sorry you are feeling hopeless and helpless. Please hang in there and keep posting! We are here to support you.

Guys, I do have breast cancer so please help me to keep thinking and visualizing all POSITIVE things!!! Will have surgery in next 4-6 weeks. Left breast mastectomy and possibly right breast, too, just to be safe. They will determine if I need chemo and if it's in the lymph nodes at the time of surgery. Please keep me and my family in your prayers and pray that it is NOT in lymph nodes! Thanks! I have to tell my kids (18 yrs and 15 yrs) after school today. Thankfully, they have Friday and Monday off school, so we are going to our lake house for long weekend.

Oh my, Kathleen, my prayers are with you, of course! Like all of us, I'm sure, I've had both friends and relatives (by marriage) with that diagnosis. You poor gal...you're so brave to be looking for positives.... =moment of silence in your honor=

Kathleen, I have been praying for you since you first mentioned the problem. You will get through this. One of my close friends just finished radiation; she has been strong and upbeat throughout it because she decided that she had to be; she believes that will help her.

Please take care of yourself and TRY to stay upbeat and take it one day at a time. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Oh Kathleen that is very rough news and you must feel rocked badly...YES I will be praying for you and your family to get through this and with your faith and your wonderful kids and family you WILL!!!

Starting each post with positive thoughts to Kathleen for her cancer diagnosis and the BEST possible outcome!


__________________________________________________ _____________

Good morning to everyone, freeezing cold here, -17F. A little weak sun so that is always helpful. My 2 days off are over, back to work in a couple hours, it is SO hard not to go in with a terrible attitude. But just the smallest thing will set me off, because I'm just on a hairtrigger with things that irritate the crap out of me (overly chatty and inane young co-worker, jerk customers, a-hole boss)

whew, maybe that rant made me better Hope everyone has a good day.

ibelieveinme2 (kathleen),
my thoughts & prayers are with you.
you are a very positive person who warmly welcome me in this thread. stay strong & keep us updated always.

vermontmom
LOL i have also dealt with annoying colleagues on friday at work. i think i will start sending resumes to other companies slowly but sure.
today i just did groceries & so tired. i still have major cleaning to do at home. whew! cleaning on the weekend what a bummer!
i wish i'm now vacationing at the beach, sunset watching at the beachside cafe..
too bad i can't leave work, weather is bad
oh well we all hang on and think happy thoughts
i am trying to do better this week

Thank you for your messages of support, Fi's moment of silence in my honor, and Holly's positive encouragement at the top of each of her messages! I am doing fine. Actually and ironically, I feel better than ever both physically and mentally! Kind of strange. I do have my "moments," don't get me wrong. I definitely do NOT want to leave my kids and hubby any time soon. THAT gets me upset when I think of it. Otherwise, I am receiving constant messages of love and support from my family and friends. So many people are praying and I very strongly believe that prayer changes things. I am praying very specifically that my lymph nodes are clear and for a complete recovery (eventually..... after surgery). But we are also praying for and expecting miracles along the way. I am trusting God to handle the details and to give my doctors and nurses the knowledge and skill and compassion they will need to guide me through this journey as easily as possible and with the best possible outcome. I will have an MRI this coming Tuesday, the 17th, which will give us more info on both breasts and lymph nodes for staging the cancer. Currently, we are talking to others who have gone through this process and gathering information and contact names of doctors so that we can move forward with surgery as soon as possible. At this stage of the game, I just want this crap OUT of my body as quickly as possible!!!!! The sooner the better. I will check back in again with an update probably sometime after the MRI. Did I mention that I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks this past Thursday morning and now I am DOWN a total of 15 pounds since I began the coaching program on January 12th!!!!! That is 15 pounds in exactly 1 month!!!!! I can't wait to see where this program leads me!

Positive thoughts and hugs your way, Kathleen! If you need anything, please let me know. Ohio isn't THAT big.

I've been out of the loop for about a month, but I'm doing okay. I'd started a new med and then went back off it because I couldn't handle the side effects. Started taking a few new supplements, so we'll see how that affects the weight loss! I'm down a couple of pounds, but I don't want to have an "official" weigh in yet lol.

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their weekends!

Positive thoughts, moments of silence, prayers for the lymph nodes to be clear... you want it, you got it, Kathleen. I changed my color for other posters from that hot pink they call "magenta" to a more soothing "yellow green": 'looks like a nice spring green to me. I've been thinking about you a lot, and holding my big chunk of rose quartz during my prayers...

We got a bit of snow last night! (Sorry, but this gal from tropical Houston still gets excited by the white stuff.) But there was such a fierce wind blowing all night long, there's not much of it on the ground. Where does the snow go when the wind takes it away from us?

In other news... Nénu (the female on the left) and Oscar (male on the right) looked so elegant yesterday, I couldn't resist grabbing a quick photo. Kinda blurry & backlit, but what the hey... They turned 10 months old on February 12th. They're still crazy kittens in their behavior, but as you can see, they do have an occasional dignified moment. (For those who don't know yet, they are pedigreed oriental shorthairs.) My breeder thinks they have beautiful eyes. =smile=

I don't know how long it's been since I last posted. I hope no one was worried about me. I had a weird day on Thursday of aches and pains in my right arm and both my legs—not sure what that was about, but I decided it would be a good idea to cancel my usual Friday with Grace (my great niece and art student). I needed the rest, for both body and psyche. And then yesterday (Saturday), I needed even more, but I did manage to get out to pick up my meds and some groceries. Boy was I wiped out after running those errands!

I haven't made a collage since the dinos-on-the-sofa piece. I hope I'll have the energy to make one today.

Anyway, I have some things to do, the most important of which is my Qigong (chee-GUNG) exercises. Thinking of all of y'all, and wishing you well!

Positive thoughts to Kathleen!

---------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone! Kathleen , down 15 pounds in a months is fantastic!! down 15 pounds in ANY amount of time is awesome! congrats! I'm so glad that you say that you actually feel good, despite what is going on. Yay to you for your positive outlook and you know we are all thinking of you

Hi Fi, that pic is great!!!

Hi Penmage hope the new med works for you.

and Hi to all others, we have not heard from Lisa in a while!!

Nothing new here except I eat too much I loathe my work I'm sick of winter

Today is our older son's 32nd birthday, hard to believe.

Well I need to find a workout that makes me sweat because I am cold sitting here. Have a good day!!