I'm doing good now, having a steady stream of zeros on my mood chart since Monday morning, but I had some real struggles at the end of last week and over the weekend. But it wasn't depression I was suffering from, it was mania! Yes, folks, I am bipolar, so my moods can swing up into +1 (which is fun for me, but annoying to those around me, since my tho'ts are racing very fast and I'm talking, talking, talking, talking) and +2 (very very jittery, freaking out, often gets into what's called a "mixed state" of +2 and -3 at the same time: yucky beyond belief).
I started swinging into the plus direction right after my Thursday session with my Qigong instructor. He taught me a new exercise, and for a few days there I was literally frightened to try it at home, because I thought it had made me manic. I used a lot of medications to chill myself out, though, and by Monday morning I finally got myself back on track. Now I'm doing the new exercise multiple times a day, and I love how much energy it gives me! Today it even kept me from getting hungry for lunch: it was weird, because usually afternoons are my worst time of day, when I just rest and try not to get depressed, but today, wow, today not only was I not hungry for lunch, I made a trip to the arts & crafts supply store and handled all the stress of the drive and that exasperating store which has tons of gaudy crap and not much in the way of the supplies I need. When I got home I was completely exhausted, but still in a happy frame of mind. I didn't eat lunch until 6 PM! I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing, but I love all this Qi flowing through me, now that I've stopped going +1 and +2. =whew=
I have had full-blown manic episodes in the past, going up into +3 and +4, and let me tell you, I am as crazy as can be when that happens, a danger to myself and others, and super-super-miserable. It's not something to mess around with, which is why these recent +2 experiences had me quaking in my boots.
On Thursday I'm going to tell my Qigong instructor about my mania struggles over the weekend. He is so wise, I bet he'll be able to tell me what to do if that ever happens again.
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Reminder!!!
