Hey, Hey Everybody!!!

Okay, seriously not feeling the energy this morning but I have a reputation to uphold ya know! I worked a hellish day yesterday and I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night was bad (I am blaming TOM at the moment) So, yesterday went a little like this...had to start inventory while simultaneously getting stuff together to sell off the beer cart...thought the refrigerator had stopped working (brief panic, thankfully it is fine) sold like one round while they all complained I wasn't going to be out there longer...was late getting behind the counter but luckily the bossman was there and able to cover...had to then FINISH said inventory on everything but the counter stuff which had to be done later...oh...did I mention that was all on top of closing stuff that I am still getting the hang of? Yeah...I think I rolled in about 7:30 or so last night...I hadn't had anything to eat except a Snicker's and a diet coke at work because work was insane!!! Then when I got home I had my usual destress light mocha frappucino (best 100 calories ever!!!) and my 3 mint oreos...now we also are running low on all groceries and by that time I was more tired than hungry...some multigrain scoops and salsa...I know!!! Bad, bad, bad! That is actually the biggest challenge I am having right now...eating properly when things are crazy...did I mention that TOM is here? Luckily if I stay dosed on enough Tylenol it seems to be managable so far...

I have this week off until my next class starts...I work today and tomorrow and possibly this weekend because bossman has less than full confidence in the new girl to pull off a tournament alone...he might want me there...

So! There you have it! Mom! How you doin' girl? Hope!!! Chica!!! How goes it??? Holly, you beautiful biker you...how you feelin'? Rose! Girl! Good to see you here! Oh man! Brvsfan! I am soooo sorry about your week, I hope it has already turned around for you!! Mustang...your guns are legendary they make me jealous every time! hehehe Buddly???? You out there???? Anyone I missed...I blame no sleep...sorry...love ya though!!

~Raven~

Yeah I'm having fun with TOM to so I feel for you my friend. Sleeping problems are the WORST. I hope you get back your energy soon. Sorry for the rough day yesterday. Stressful days like that really aren't too fun. When my day is really hectic my eating is just awful. Pair that up with TOM and it's honestly scary. Don't you just love mother nature? Honestly just TOM or chaos by itself is more than enough to deal with. Best of luck to you @ work and I sincerely hope you feel better soon. <3

There are 2 Roses here, Rose Centered, and myself, Rose Elizabeth. To eliminate confusion in the future I'll go by "Elizabeth", "Liz", "Rose #2", or something. Whatever floats your boat I guess.

I'm doing alright, TOM aside. I'm attempting to knit a hat for my grandmother. She's losing her hair due to her chemo and she's upset about it. Unfortunately the key word of the day is "attempting". My knitting skills are rusty- not that they were ever on par with the skills my grandma has. Hopefully she'll like it. My mom has been really stressed about grandma lately so I went out and got her flowers. It cheered her up a bit. I haven't seen her smile like that in quite a while. Seeing her happier made my day a bit brighter. I'm frustrated that I can't do more though. I guess I'll just take it day by day. At any rate I'm just stressed about my deadline for my rough draft. With all the craziness that's been going on the past few months... it's been pushed to the back burner. However now I'm exhausted and it's getting really hard to make progress. That and despite the fact I'm working towards a life dream I'm having a surprisingly hard time finding motivation. Well tomorrow is a new day.

Hey everyone - I didn't know there would be a whole group of people dealing with this too. Or at least I didn't think I'd stumbled onto a group of them... glad I have.

I was actually just diagnosed with depression a few months ago. I had been medicated for manic-depression before, but it didn't help. This time I've decided to try and deal with it all naturally rather than get medication. I find that my go-to natural med is food, though... so it's been a tough week! My fiance, for the first time in over four years, told me that ...while he loves and supports me... he thinks I need to lose weight for myself and for the relationship. (And I think he'd be more attracted to me if I were skinnier.) For some reason this just... destroyed me!

After dealing with it - I decided the best thing to do was to lose the weight. But I find the depression and thinking about him just makes it really difficult.

I did resist a plate of fries put in front of me today, so I think that counts for something.

Rose - I love that you're knitting for your grandmother, that's so sweet. I've tried repeatedly to knit before but it's always a pretty big failure.

Sweet, sweet, sleep! Ahhhh.... I slept well for the first time in days! I haven't quite caught up but damn it feels good! Yesterday wasn't a bad work day...I was a little later closing because a customer left their phone in a cart and I was arranging to get it back to them.

Eating was much better...went like this...protein bar and coffee...2 slices of Wasa cracker w/Earth Balance spread (before work) I actually drank my protein shake at work instead of just carrying it around (yay!) one cheese wheel (you know...the kind in the waxy red thing) water (instead of soda at work) a couple handfuls of granola (all this at work) then when I got off I stopped at Subway to pick up dinner for us all...I had a six inch with bacon and avocado and a light frappucino (no cookies!) I don't know if it will stick but I saw 186 on the scale this morning. Woo hoo!!!

Rose...I will just call you Liz okay? I had read your story...I am so sorry you are going through all this and especially before your life has even really begun. You are an incredible person and they are all lucky to have them in their lives... There is an old quote that reads roughly "Out of suffering emerges the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars." That is you Sweetie.

Welcome Katie, I am sorry that your boyfriend hurt you...it is always a good thing to try your best to be the healthiest that you can be but that is more than a number on a scale... You are always more than your weight and I just hope that he is a person that realizes that as well. Welcome....

I gotta run...I work today from like 11-6:30...I have tomorrow off and most likely I will have to work the weekend...the beer cart person that they hired kinda gave notice and it looks like she won't be able to work the tournament this weekend after all...

Everyone have a wonderful day! Breathe, stretch, hug a tree or an animal or both!!! Hug someone you love, read a book that you love, listen to music that give you goose bumps and revel in every moment...

~Raven~

Hey! welcome to katiekish, and to Rose Elizabeth. R.E., you sound so mature for a junior! so sorry that you've had to deal with anxiety and depression at such a young age. And real sorry about your grandma. Katiekish, hi and

Hey Raven! thanks for starting our August chat love you posts, girl!

I had my first bad day in months. Started crying in the grocery store, couldn't stop, cried all the way home, hanging up laundry, etc. Could be approaching TOM (yeah, you'd think a 51 yr old would be DONE with that deal!) ...some frustrations at work...and last night at our motorcycle meeting, a dude made a blatantly stupid remark to myself (I am Vice President) and our treasurer (a lady of about 65) and NO ONE stuck up for us!!! not my husband, not her husband, not our President, not any of the members...I still can't believe it. Really sucks when you feel that your friends don't have your back!!

And this evening I did something I havent done in so very long, I drove to the store and bought potato chips, and and an ice cream sandwich, and some chocolate. I feel like i've regressed YEARS

Hello ladies.

VM, I am so sorry you had a rotton day. I didn't have the best day myself either but it wasn't near as bad as yours.


I had a Dr's appt today. She upped my anxiety medicine today. I am glad, I really need the help. I am so tired of feeling awful and the constant worry really wears me down. To a certain extent, I have learned how to compartmentalize my worry and push it aside, not think about it 24/7 but I simply cannot do that all the time. Most of the time, it is there in my mind, making me sick to my stomach. I worry about everything, even when there is nothing to worry about, I create things.


I hope you all are doing ok.

Ok, let's go for three of us having a bad day... I didn't get the job. It's been a rotten day. Now back to starting from scratch. I will pick myself up but I just don't feel like it right now.

Vermont and Ohio:

Katie, welcome.

Rose and Raven;

YIKES....seems like August isn't starting off well for everyone!!! I hate TOM...those are my worst times...should be coming soon!

Just wanted to pop in and see how everyone is. I am in the middle of unpacking the last room (school room/office) Its the huge den downstairs, but I need to get it done and ready for school and tired of digging and digging when I need something. So trying to unpack and organize! I don't want to procrastinate like I normally do.

I am getting better with organizing and not procrastinating as much.

One thing I have learned is I am AGAIN struggling with the food addiction (when everyone goes to bed I am eating again and watching shows)
In trying to figure out what is doing it and still small anger issues...I realized that after I was molested by my Pastor at age 13 I kept it quiet till I was 20 because I was FORCED to and threatened. I did somewhat forgive him and left it go but after I dealt with it I STILL didn't deal with the emotional issues because my dad wanted to press charges against his best friend (the pastor) and i DID NOT want in that mess so I HAD to again make it look like it was great.

Well I am now realizing I am ANGRY, not for what he did but that I WAS FORCED to deal with it and have NO help getting thru it. I am angry that the people I tried to tell didn't believe me! I am angry I had to just be the peacemaker and say everything was ok when I was A MESS EMOTIONALLY. There it all is! I don't see any purpose in tell the person how mad I am because he asked me to forgive him 100 times and I did but NOBODY else bothered to help me...just oh wow thats horrible, or I don't believe you! After he admitted it some still didn't believe me!

NEXT- My biological mother who gave me up at 18 months in the middle of the evening cause she didn't want me any more. She had a baby girl 8 years ago on my exact birthday. I knew it was her way of healing herself and proving she could do it and a do over again. We have a speaking relationship now. But everytime I look at her pictures of her with her daughter at the beach, at the amusement park, at the zoos, on vacation with her...IT MAKES ME MAD I MISSED ALL THAT. My parents were ok but my dad did a lot of empty promises even to the point of this very day I wont believe anything until it actually happens and I WILL NOT tell my kids of any events or trips until the morning of because I don't want them to feel what I felt.

I will get thru all this anger but I AM FIGHTING THAT MONSTER EVERY DAY!!

WOW...sorry to be so deep but there is not a soul in "real" life I feel I can say any of this too right now!!! :'(

first - thanks ohio for the and I hope the doc's meds adjustment work for you. I can't imagine dealing with the hourly anxiety that you do!!

Hope - aw...darn about the job!!!!

momof4 - Oh my god girl. I cannot imagine how you got through those years. THE FIRST JOB OF A PARENT IS TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN!!! and you were given away by your mom..then to endure the molestation by a "trusted" person, then people didn't believe you???? No wonder you feel the need for 'something else'. Thank goodness it isn't drugs or alcohol, though food addiction is awful also. Is this the first time you've been able to 'speak' of this?? you poor thing You are a GOOD person that you never went after that pastor with a gun..I'd like to do that for you .

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

momof4 - Oh gosh, that is all so horrible. being abused by someone in a trusted position is something that should never happen to anyone, I am so sorry you went through that and are still dealing with the after effects today. I'm so glad this space is here to help you FIGHT THAT MONSTER. It's important to talk about it. Food addiction is so hard... try and be strong.

Make that unanimous Peeps!!! Yesterday sucked for me too!!! It started off okay but then went to **** at the end...A, found out I had miscounted on **** day and left 160.00 instead of 150.00 in my box! Dammit!! I HATE making mistakes... Then my boss yelled at me without yelling at me about being too late closing...well f**k...I have been working behind the counter maybe about 2 weeks and closing for only a week maybe...plus I actually do customer service and if I have a customer or the phone rings I don't ignore it..and I tend to not want to make ANY mistakes...sigh...okay...whatever...

Was all ready to get out early...had a bunch of stuff all prepared...then it happened...I goofed on a form...panicked and tried to fix it..then remembered white out wasn't allowed...then called co-worker to see what the **** to do...turns out I had to re do it and then she has to re do her side...BALLS!!! Then the computer wouldn't spit out the report properly...she said I had to call anotherco-worker, couldn't get the phone to work but then luckily the computer straightened up and spit it out!!! I had to leave them a note explaining what a dumbass I was and I do indeed have to work this weekend...so no days off for me after today for like 6 days...ugh... Oh, and today I have to do laundry, go shopping, get gas, and go to the bank...restful huh? :-)

Holly....I don't know what to say...Hugs? I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and appreciate just how strong, beautiful, and amazing you are.

Mom & Hope...that goes for you both too. Reading what Mom has been through and what she is doing for the lives of others only makes her more amazing in my book. Sometimes people don't do what they are supposed to do, they are blinded by their own issues, faults, and things that were done or happened to them...and that seems to be what happened to you...people did not do what they should have done...now you are your own person and you have the ability to get the help you need now...you don't have to depend on them to get it for you..you can take charge of your healing now, you are no longer a helpless child... But I give that child a big hug...and the adult woman that stands here now...

Hope...it is their loss...you are skilled...smart...warm...funny...and worth it, someone will recognize that very soon. I have been seeing this saying everywhere and it just seems so simple, so hard, and so profound... "Keep calm, and carry on" What else is there, right?

Morning Katie & Liz!!!

Ohio, I hope the upped meds is just what you need!!!

Everyone! Have a better day today!!!!

~Raven~

Hey everyone! Sad to hear about bad days . I'm so sorry about the job Hope. We're always here for you!

Good evening everyone! I had a surprisingly great day today after 3 really low ones. I got myself up and off the couch to go sit by the river and really appreciated what was around me.

Hope everyone is doing well!

I hope everyone had a better day today.


I had a pretty good day at work today. I love when my work days go smoothly.


s for everyone.

Today was a little better for me too. I made myself vacuum and wash the dogs and clean the house. Thanks everybody about the job.

Vermont, are you feeling better? Was the bad day an isolated incident? P.S. you should post on the August exercise challenge thread since you are an avid exerciser anyway. I am sucking at it so far.

Mom, I'm so sorry to read your story. It's amazing how you are so giving and nurturing to everyone and anyone who needs it. You give to everyone what you didn't get.

So much more to say but I've got to get to bed. I hope we all have a better weekend.