Good afternoon everyone!

Hope4Me, I hope your car issues aren't anything major. Car issues SUCK!!!

VermontMom, Hope you hear something about your car soon also! You've inspired me to clean my house. I tackled the kitchen today, it went pretty well.

AuntyJam, we understand! Take care of yourself. And here's some

Me - my last few days have been pretty decent, but of course, I have to take it one day at a time. I am going to a Recovery International meeting tonight to see if it helps me with my coping skills.

I'm almost scared when I feel like this, though. I get kind of cocky and feel like my depression issues are under control, and think "I don't need those meetings or therapy. I'm good now...I'm not depressed". And a few days later, something happens, and I end up super depressed. Does that even make sense?

My workouts have been good, I went to SET class last night and worked my a** off! The weather here is nice and warm but it's cloudy. I want to see the SUN! Especially on the weekends!

GEM, I can't believe I inspired someone to do housecleaning I am the worst housekeeper ever. BUT guess what, I did my kitchen today too! took everything down (I have measuring cups and such on hooks) scrubbed everything including the woodwork and trim, THEN got inspired to PAINT! it looks SO much better.

DS got home and said "WOW! looks terrific!!"
DH got home and said, 'What's for dinner?"
Where is Ravengirl to tell me not to let it bother me Well I won't let it bother me that he didn't gush over how much work it was, how good it looks, etc. I'M pleased and that's all that matters!

but back to you, GEM. I 'm so glad that your last few days have been decent! and I can understand wanting to let go of some of the things that you think you don't need.

What is a SET class?

Hope, have you heard about your Jeep?

this morning I did my newer dvd, Anni's Cardio Force. OMG. That woman is FIERCE!! she must be middle-aged..and she's leading the workout with four 20-somethings that have the most beautiful fit tummies..but Anni's doing the workout PLUS constant verbal encouragement...this is a tough one and I feel proud for being able to do it!

good morning chicks! Yesterday I did have my first ride on my bike for the season it was great And I did more cleaning/paint trim in the kitchen. Oh and at night DH said he appreciated the hard work that went into it. Finally

Me again jCold here this morning!! 30 degrees but sunny. Another agonizing day at work, well not agonizing but I just remembered that it's St. Pat's Day and there will be corned beef and cabbage at work, ugh I hate that smell. And I had to lock the door against people trying to come in last night past our posted closing time, I could see they were mad but I do not care anymore. One..more...month and I'm outta there

well have a good day, everyone!

VermontMom Hope work's not too crappy, lucky you only have a month left also the whole corned beef thing is funny, it's not really Irish at all.. Irish American only.. I don't think I've ever eaten corned beef haha (not even sure what it is..)

I'm back too and I'm off today. Df is actually working today. He owns a construction business and has been really slow. That has meant that on my only day off I've had no time to myself in ages. Now that he is gone I have so much I want to do that I don't know where to start. I want to do a little shopping too but that means I won't get anything in the house done and won't get to watch any chick flicks that he doesn't like to watch, so I'm torn as to what to do first.

That's funny about the corned beef b/c I actually bought one and plan to try to fix it today. I didn't grow up eating it but a friend made one and it wasn't bad. I thought it would be something different for us. We'll see how it turns out.

hope4me that sucks, I know how important it is to have some alone time. Hope you had a nice day anyway.

Yeah, the Irish equivalent is bacon and cabbage (a big lump of ham!) .. yum yum.


I was feeling ok earlier today but in the evening I just broke down, I don't know, just feeling kind of hopeless. I guess it's good to let it out and I feel a bit better already.

oh my goodness!! Thanks LeilaJey, I LOVE that an person from Ireland commented about the smelly corned beef oh and reuben sandwiches, they're not Irish are they?? and yes I'm very lucky I have only one month left there, then a little break, then to the summer job I love.

Hi hope!! what did you choose to do today? and how did your corned beef turn out, hopefully not smelly Ya know I guess it's the smell of the cabbage that I don't care for either .

I thought that was awesome too that LeilaJey commented! She would know more about corned beef than we would here for sure.

Leila-nice to meet you. I hope you stick around. I too hit bottom at the end of the day. I had a really good day but at the end of it I just crashed and felt terrible. I didn't cry but would have probably felt better if I did. It was that hopeless feeling you talked about. That's so annoying isn't it?

Vermont- I got up and made myself french toast and bacon and watched Food Network while I cooked and ate. Then I looked up some corned beef recipes and put mine in the oven. It had to cook for 4 hours so I went shopping hoping to get some short sleeved tops for summer that I could wear to work. I got 3 shirts but 2 are three quarter length sleeves and still really to hot to wear when it hits the 90's. I have to admit, when I walked back in the door the corned beef didn't have the best smell. Cabbage always stinks when you cook it but I do like it. Df was home when I got back but he took a nap and gave me some time to watch a little tv alone.

The corned beef actually was really good. I made a honey mustard glaze that I found in one of the recipes and the meat just fell apart. Df said it was the best corned beef he'd ever had so I think it was a success. I cleaned up the kitchen but that's all of the cleaning I got done today. I really wish I was off tomorrow. There's so much around here I need to do. It's so tempting to call out but I really need the money. Oh well.

Great job on painting! I'm glad your hubby finally gave you the credit you deserve for doing it. It sounds like you are slowly getting the things done in your house that you have wanted to do. I want to do the same.

Mustang- how are you? Are you still working out and feeling good? I hope so.

Aunty Jam, it was great to see you again. As you know I go through periods where I don't post also but I hope you come back often.

LeilaJey, I'm sorry i didn't see your post right away about feeling down..i sure hope you do feel free to come here as often as you want/need and talk to us. Even if we have no solutions we can commiserate!!

Hope, glad your cb dinner turned out so well My boss offered me some of the cabbage, carrots and potatoes left over from work that day (but no meat) I said yes please, and then when I went to find it, it was gone Indian giver

I rode my motorcycle to work yesterday, yay!! we have been having record-breaking warm temperatures and will continue this week. It most probably will still snow before May, but at least I will have the yard cleaned up some. And our dog Eddie has been very considerate all winter, I see..he's chosen to 'go' way beyond the yard line, in the woods part, so that means much much less poop flinging for me, HOORAY.

love to all here!!!

Reuben sandwich? I had to Google it.. haha, so no, not Irish at all.

What's your Summer job if you don't mind me asking? Love that you have a motorcycle, that's great! Oh and no need to be sorry thanks. It's nice to be able to talk about it, that's always been my problem - pretending everything's ok. Too scared to admit it.

hope4me: You too, thanks very much for the warm welcome And let yourself cry, I'm learning that it's easier that way. There's always hope but it's difficult to see it at moments. Hope you're feeling better.

LeilaJey, I found it so very hard to tell anyone about the depression thing. The hardest person was my husband!

I am in a very good place now, I have not had any bad thoughts for months and months. I don't know what I"m doing but it's wonderful. And I wish it for everyone here!! Do you speak to a therapist or anyone professional, or confide in friends? I don't see anyone professional, though i think I would like to .

My summer job is seasonal, it's a privately owned one-hundred-year-old fly fishing club, deep in the woods. We serve 3 meals every day and have lodging.I do the pastry baking for every meal (yes!!) and cook breakfast 2 mornings a week (to give the full-time day cook 2 mornings off) I ... Love...It...There!! I get all kinds of freedom to make whatever goodies I want, and I ride my motorcycle there almost every day from mid-May to mid-October. 23 miles of beautiful Vermont roads then 3 miles on a dirt road into the woods, isolated and it's all so kewl!

Hope - Yes, I am maybe chipping away at the cleaning projects in the house. However, one area that I cleaned up last year is totally cluttered again, with other people's stuff. that is a little discouraging.

Rode m'cycle to work again today, then got caught in the rain on the way home. First, it is unheard of for me to ride to work in March...second, to be caught in the rain (not snow, lol) and seeing a beautiful rainbow was even more bizarre.

Hey everyone... Thanks for all the hello's, I'm feeling better, tired but better. My husband is being incredibly supportive and understanding of my latest crash... He's really trying to understand what I'm going through and why... I wish I could give him a better reason for it but I'm not sure myself. I told him it just is what it is... he accepted that.

I've been trying to train for a 10k but I'm having a hard time sticking to the plan, something always comes up and my run gets put off. I'll never get there if I don't stick to the plan! I wish I could register for a race, that would get my butt moving! We just don't have the cash right now and what we do have I have other plans for (agility classes for Snoop!). I missed my run on Sunday, some friends came over during the time I would have ran, I guess I could have but I didn't want to kick them out. Monday morning I slept through my alarm so didn't run in the morning. I take my Mom grocery shopping Monday nights so I figured that was out... I was home just after 9 and I mentioned to hubby that I thought about running if I was home early enough but I wasn't... he said "Are you kidding me?? I know you, you'll be up for another hour easy, go for a run!". I debated because I wasn't sure if it would get me reved up and keep me awake but I thought I'd try. A quick 20 minutes turned into 35 minutes. After I showered and crawled into bed and was asleep within 1/2 hour. It was late and I'm a little tired today but I think it's about the same as if I had gotten up and ran in the morning. So I'm kind of toying with going back to working out at night again though I just feel I really don't have time with my regular activities. I guess we'll see... also, as I was laying in bed hubby came in (he's a night owl) and I was lamanting the fact that I can only run at 8k (5 miles) an hour and I couldn't figure out how anyone could ever run 10k (6.3 miles) in an hour and I'd never be able to do it. He crawled in next to me and gave me a hug... said "You'll get there! You can do it!". Who is this man and what has he done with my husband?!!??!?!? He wasn't even mad that my very early running alarm woke him up on Monday. He said "At least you're trying to put in the effort!"

Anyway... i'm sorry, here I am rambling on and on....

Vermont - Come paint my kitchen please? Would love to see before and after pics. My house is just gross... ick, between a husband, step D, 2 dogs (one who licks floors) it's just crazy.

GEM - Thank you so much for the will power dust... know what? It worked!!! LoL - I'm eating better and working out more now.

Hope - :hugs: I'm glad to see you too dear. Glad to hear your dinner worked out... sounds very yummy.

LJ - I'm glad you're feeling a bit better... they are a great bunch here, you can tell them anything.

Hello everyone! I'm actually having a fairly decent day today, but I had one of my "episodes" during the weekend. I went out of town to visit my college roommate, and somehow that turned into the "I'm going to be alone forever/guys don't find me attractive" pity party. I am trying to figure out what "sets me off" and how to stop these "episodes" - but I do think that drinking seems to add fuel to the fire, so to speak. So I've been thinking about giving up alcohol altogether, because sometimes I don't like the person I become when I'm drinking. Plus I think I might also be pushing people away from me, because I think that at some point, they don't want to hear the pity party anymore. Today I've been on plan...had a great lunch (homemade grilled chicken salad) and going to SET class later.

I've been thinking, and I wonder if I need to "be alone" for a few weeks. You know, hang out by myself and clear my mind. Focus on me and trying to get myself out of this depressive cycle I seem to be in. Does that make any sense? Is that a good idea? It's funny, I did tell my two friends who witnessed my episode that I suffer from depression. I think that also may have something to do with why I want to isolate right now. I am actually kind of embarrassed. Plus these "episodes" seem to be occurring more frequently, which is why I started therapy. I don't want to be "that girl" who is always "bringing the party down" - so to speak.

Oh yeah, Vermont - SET class is "Strength Endurance Training". It's like circuit training, we do 5 minutes of step aerobics, 5 minutes of weights, and we do it for an hour. It's great, I loooooooove SET class.

The motorcycle ride sounds like a lot of fun, especially in great weather!

Leila, hang in there. I had a 'hopeless day' yesterday so I totally understand how you feel. I wasn't really sad about anything, but not motivated either. Maybe after effects from my weekend episode, I guess...

Aunty, good luck with the 10k training! I need to do the same.

Here's to a good day everyone!