April Chat
 

Okay marie I took the plunge :) for starting the April Chat :carrot:

Lots of interaction here lately, it's great :cool:

hope, I also hope it warms up for me but stays cool for you ;) We did NOT get the 14" of snow predicted for the 1st, just got an inch or two but we still have FEET of it laying deep in the yard. I will gladly take a week of rain to get rid of it.

marie congrats on getting that load off your mind (giving your notice)

10 more days until I'm out of the winter job! and then I have a good 2 1/2 weeks off. I have so many things to tackle, inside and out. Unless we have miraculous weather change I won't be doing the outside things, grr, but I can work inside (again, just getting at clutter, throwing out clutter while I am alone during the day with no one to get in my way)

I have lost my waist ...that is so hard to admit because even if I felt fat all over else, I had a good waist but it is hidden under a roll of fat..yet I still shove high calorie sugary junk from work in my pie hole :devil: Even the thought of my employers noticing and commenting to each other (as I know they do) doesn't curb me. Gah.

well I have been keeping up with exercising even though it doesn't do much against the total calorie overload...I will find my groove soon, i hope!!!

Hi Holly your waist will be back in no time keep at it hun :D it is really nice here in wales no snow and the temp is going up i love it :D

Marie well done on quitting your job you can finally be happy about not having to go there each day :D hope your feeling better. I down in London from this froday for 5 days :D

Thanks everyone for all your support and kind words im hoping to get a 14lbs off by july for my 30th birthday :D xxx

I enjoyed the retreat but I was sore the whole time from my training session... I need to vent about soo much don't know where
I referred 2 people to the gym and so I get a free training session at the gym. WELL I scheduled it with the trainer that I had the group session with and after the group session I told him that my knee was hurting...well 30 mins I was on machines and then did like 3 exercises with him and then he brought in the other girl who was training with him (shed been training since sept with him) So instead of me worrying about me and what I could do I was trying to keep up with here (she was probably 60 lbs lighter too) So instead of it being a personal one on one training it was a you go on machines while i wonder around then Ill throw someone else in with you....ERRRRRR....Well he wanted me to do 10 mins on the stepper and I only did 8...could have pushed myself to do more but I knew my knee would suffer...then after I reminded him im taking it easy on my knee he wants me to do swats.... Just aggravates me...well NOW I can hardly walk on my bad knee..took non inflammatories the whole weekend and been heating it but dont have time to really sit with my leg propped up....im just flat out mad...if your a trainer you should know HOW to work AROUND an injured knee...flat out you should just know....Didn't go to the gym today but gonna go tomorrow and use the pool if I have to just to get some exercise in....

Today just aggrivated with the kids...they drag their feet, dont listen...Then from not going to the gym in several days I can feel it mentally and have house work that I need to do so I can be caught up and not get further behind but you think I wanna do it....um NO...
then feeling this way makes me just hate myself and how I act...sigh
ok thats all for now
Hope everyone else has a better Monday :(

momOf4, glad you enjoyed the retreat! That is a real bummer about the free training session, though. I don't know where you go or how the train/hire, but there's a huge degree of variation in the amount of training one may have in order to be a "trainer." Some places just train in house, while others actually hire those with degrees. If you don't have injuries or special considerations, it's probably fine either way - but it's a problem if you do!

Ems, London sounds fun, hope you enjoy it!

Holly, after your winter job ends will you have less temptation from the sugary stuff? Way to go on sticking with the exercise either way... personally I have this tendency to skip the exercise when I overdo it on junk and that never ends well!

Not sure how much I posted about this previously, but my current job is a temporary position and things are winding down which means two things: first, I need to find another job; and second, my hours are dwindling so I am bringing home smaller paychecks (I'm paid hourly). I'm actually excited about moving on to another job, but the process is daunting. The two places I already applied didn't even call me. But the biggest thing is that I spend so much more time sitting at home getting down on myself. I don't need to have every waking hour of my life spent doing something concrete, but when I'm not busy at least half the day I start to get really depressed.

Iris, I'm the same way, too much time on my hands equals depression and beating myself up. I hope you find another job quickly and without a lot of stress.

Mom, that does stink about your training session. I had a bad experience once with that. I had a trainer who was young and good looking ( not my choice, sadly I don't trust this type of person). And sure enough, he was more interested in other better looking girls in the gym than working with me. This was partly his age and his ego but I was wishing I had someone who was more mature or had dealt with this problem themselves.

Vermont, I know you are having a hard time but I still admire that you are working out. I can't seem to get myself back into doing that. I know it would change everything and yet I don't. I know what you mean about people looking at you and seeing the weight gain and talking about you. I know it's happening to me at work. I know it even though I don't have any evidence of it. I've gained about 25 lbs since October. That's ridiculous, and yet even that knowledge doesn't stop me. What is wrong with me?

Hate when I get into sticky situations and get out but they still stick to you when you walk away...sigh...Im sure that probably didn't make sense but i cant really get into details...nyway

Today wasn't as bad...let me share..I am really really having a hard time with my temper....I lose it over stupid things....With kids I remember their just kids but not ALWAYS in the heat of the moment. Because its a struggle for me to do everything I do when they mess stuff up or spill stuff cause they are just goofing off it makes me soo angry...I guess because I knew how much effort and time it took for me to clean what they just messed up and when they destroy stuff or waste stuff I dont have money to just throw around we are on a tight budget and so it makes me MAD when they waste things or destroy things cause its no big deal to them. I have gotten better at organization...keeping up on my laundry and my dishes....only one small area upstairs to organize and one area downstairs...so i have been working HARD to eliminate those areas so I don't snap because im stressed....but I cant seem to get a hold of this....I know I have to change my thoughts...its just hard :(

hope-I didn't think he was like this...he does not act very egotistic but he does seem to find all the girls but he is nice guy...I went to him cause they said he was the most aggressive (like would push me) but I expected that meant to also pay attention to my issues. Just frustrated I wasted my free session on him and I don't have 30 + dollars for another session with someone else!

iris-my friend just split from her bf and she called me and asked me to find something to help her keep busy cause the more she sits at home thinking the worse it gets...So true it gets worse when you just have time to think!

ems-Im sure you can do it your on a roll!!

Vermont- that is soo hard to know its going the wrong way and not be able to stop it...I hate that feeling! That is awesome most people would stop the exercise also...so thats wonderful you kept up with it!!

momof4, I hope you get "unstuck" from your situation. =) I also have trouble with my temper when I'm down. Lately I've been snapping at my BF and I feel horrible- it's always about something stupid that really doesn't matter but I get frustrated sooooooo easily sometimes.

Hello Hope and everyone else! Hope your week is off to a good start.

I'm applying for two more jobs today: one is back east and is also a temp position (would last till about October). I'd like to go back but I know my BF can't move at the moment... but I think this job and being around family and friends would be good for me. I love my BF but he is really my ONLY support out here and that gets rough. The other job is here in the desert and might be more oriented toward my future goals, but will definitely ground me here for awhile and I'm concerned that may continue to fuel my depression. I've been agonizing over this job situation, but I figure I should just go ahead and submit my resume to both and see where it goes from there.

hiya, iv had a really ****ty day but i want to share it with you. my family is multi racial and multi sexual (I have a lot of gay aunties and uncles) but I have never experienced racism 1st hand, I was in a taxi going to the train station this morning and when it pulled up at the station i saw my father in law who is anglo indian so i cheerfully said to the cab driver, oh cool theres my father in law i can get the train with him, he said what the packi...... i flipped out and went mad at the guy how dare someone talk about someone i love like this!
anyway i carried on my day as normal, i got the train with FIL and had a good chat and i forgot about things, when i got home tonight my husband asked me about my day and i told him what had happened & i havent stopped crying. never in my 30 years have i had this even with my black cousins and my husbands asian step family this is the 1st time so one has said to my face something racist i am hurt to the core!
I am fighting the urge to rant about small minded racist people (sorry i wont bore you)
I have been brought up to love everyone unless they hurt you and it makes me sick that his cab driver can make comments like that without knowing what a descent man he is talking about.
I cant stop crying i know its only a little thing and i should let it roll even my FIL said forget about it, we know we are better then then as we get to know people 1st before casting opinion.
its no different to people not liking us because we are overweight, it really does make me angry.

I also had parents evening and it was confirmed my youngest has learning difficulties she is very intelegent but cant read or wright at aged 7yrs i had a feeling but it was confirmed tonight. I cant wright very well and my spelling is bad, i have had to spend the evening telling my little girl just because she is dyslexic doesnt mean she is stupid, the poor little lamb is so upset i called my dad who is a very sucessfull and dyslexic man to tell my baby how he got through it and made something of himself. she has massive support i hope she embrassis it like i did. the sad thing is my eldest is a very cleaver girl with high grades i just hope bubs doesn't compare against her. my heart is all over the place.

On top of that as i am leaving my job in 2 weeks i am getting all the ****ty job i feel like just walking out but i need the income so i an suffering it!

Thanks for reading i needed a rant

For all you girls having a tough time i hope it gets better for you soon. sometimes i think im not depressed at all life is just this ****, and i am the only one that reilses it xxx

iris-that would be hard to decide where to go...I am sure it will work out!

marie-I don't know how bad it is but I am sure she will do better with help. My 7 year old was behind in reading until this year then he really took off. I am dyslexic I actually said my words all backwords until like 2nd grade. I had it very bad but turned out pretty normal. I do better in English than my husband lol....Get whatever you can find to work at home. It doesn't all have to be HARD work they have matching word games and all kinds of stuff...computer games!!!! Make it fun. I will find some of the sites I used for mine online with learning games!!! Sorry about people being rude!! Its not ok no matter what the reason! I hope you enjoy a quiet night with your family!!!

Ouch, Marie, lousy day! I think tomorrow can only be better... and hopefully your up and coming new job will be an improvement.

I wanted to report that I actually went and applied for the job here in person (as stipulated) which was quite an inner struggle. Tonight I talked to both my BF and my mom about the two jobs... I know which I would rather have but I think the other one is best for me. For now I have nothing to lose by applying to both - who's to say either will even want to hire me? Maybe fate will decide.

Tomorrow I have a big meeting for my current job which I am not looking forward to. I'm in research so basically we are going to be troubleshooting and trying to figure out where to go from where we are. I feel like I haven't been doing enough lately, but it's not entirely my fault - my supervisor at the lab has been non-responsive and I don't want to waste resources trying procedures he hasn't approved. I don't know how things will go down, I just hope I don't look like the slacker.

Hello chicks :)

Iris, that is a tough dilemna about the jobs, always tough to decide between what you would like better or what would be best in the long run...best wishes for that decision to be resolved :) Good luck with the meeting today :hug: and yes, once I am out of the winter job (ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!) I will be removed from the temptations. I realize there is temptation everywhere but it is especially hard there, because I don't get a break to eat something proper that I bring, and that just makes me so resentful.

Marie, Oh you did have a terrible day! First i'm so sorry about the ignorant taxi driver and his comment...you did right to defend your dad-in-law, people just open their mouths without thinking but it sure was wrong. I'm not even familiar with the bad name that the taxi driver used, I mean I know what its in reference to, but is it on the same level as using the 'n' word for an African American? We have a member in our motorcycle forum that uses that word and I just don't even want him to be a member of our group because of that.

and so sorry to hear of your daughter's learning problem, that must be hard to take, dear! but I hope that now that she is diagnosed, she can get specialized attention to help her. Yay to our momof4 who beat dyslexia!

momof4, that trainer was a tool for just sticking you on a machine!! you SHOULD have received one-on-one training. Can you go to the desk (or whoever) and explain that you were shortchanged, and get another 1/2 hour? I hope your knee is better!! and YAY To you for keeping up with your laundry and dishes, to help your stress level!!

hi ems, how is London :cool: and you are always so nice and upbeat, it is a pleasure to read what you have to say :) and we will support you on your birthday goal losses! :carrot::carrot:

hi hope :wave: Is it staying relatively cool for you where you are? I do know I am always yacking about wanting the cold and snow gone but it's true, do I want such warm weather that I have to wear a t shirt and show these ham-like arms. Are you still with 2 jobs, and is that a long-term thing? that must be so tiring, and then to find time to do things at home.

HI to Aunty Jam, and buddly, and I hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

I am feeling soooo self-conscious at work because of being bigger, and they (employers; and they encourage my co-workers to gossip) are so shallow and rude. I really, really should make THAT my focus for self-control; to lose the roll around my waist and get super fit so I can make their mouth drop when they see me in a month after our time off :devil: I would LOVE it for them to say, 'wow, you've lost alot of weight' and then try to embarass them by saying, 'oh, you're saying I was fat before? why are you looking so closely at your employees that way?' or something like that :devil::devil: I can't seem to find any other motivation goals so I might as well focus on a shallow goal like that, lol.

Hi everyone and thanks for all your comments, I was really in a bad way last night it was like everything come on top of me at once, I am ok today just feeling down and unmotovated, im stuck at work and all i want to do is go home and see my babies.
Iv been eating crap all day as well normally i am really good at work but today its all gone to the dogs and I have pigged out. I will do better tomorrow!!

Vermont, its the same as using the "n" word but to relate to asiain's. not nice hey. your work people sound awful, but you stick at it honey and throw it back in there face when your slimmer and feeling and looking good! (that is so my kind of goal) :)

Iris well done on applying for the jobs fingers crossed for you I hope you get offered both so you can take you pick

Mom, thanks for what you said it helps, if you wouldnt mind could you send me some links to web sites you used with your son please?

ems, 5 days in London you sure you dont want to move here :) have a great time. Im 30 in July to (on the 26th) that is one of my main focus for weight loss I want to have a beach theamed party but no one whats to se me i a bikini this size.

Hi hope how you doing at the moment?

Thanks everyone xxxx

thanks marie :D I'm glad that you agree that is a wicked good goal for me :devil:

Hey, hopeforme, look what I found - I was going through last summer's Chats (I wanted to read what I wrote, when I am feeling GOOD and trying to remember what it feels like to feel GOOD) and came across this -

Wasn't that fantastic?! I sometimes need reminding that YES WE CAN DIG DOWN DEEP AND DO THIS and this is a reminder that you did!

Hope, that's awesome that you won a biggest loser challenge for $400! What an inspiration =)

VermontMom, sometimes showing off to people who snubbed you can be a great motive. I really don't care if it's petty - it's very satisfying! Two years ago on New Year's eve I saw some people from my past and I felt great flaunting my weight loss in my little black dress.

Marie, I hope you feel more in control of your eating tomorrow. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress (this always makes me want to eat crap) but try to think about your new job and how much nicer it will be!

I got an interview for the job I think will be good for my "professional development" but is not in the location I want. I'm going to give it my best and see where it goes, and I have to remember that it's ultimately my decision - they could offer it and I could still say NO. I am just not sure what is best for me right now. I am also concerned that the pay might not be enough, but again, will have to wait and see if they offer me the position at all!

:) Vermont, YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!! :hug:

Thank You!!

Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been around lately... I can't even say I've been really busy, I guess I just haven't had much to say. My ultimatum deadline passed... on the last day I was seriously stressed, b!tchy and talking to hubby. He asked me why I was in such a bad mood and I said it was because today was the last day and he still wasn't working. Now I had to decide what I was going to do. He said he'd been doing everything in his power to find work and he's at least gotten contracts. I told him that wasn't the type of working I had in mind when I gave him the ultimatum... he said I guess I'll find another place to live then but I couldn't let him go. He is trying, really hard now, it just really sucks out there. Don't worry, if I see him slipping back into bad habbits I'll kick his arse so hard he won't sit for a week. I have resolved to be very firm about that.

So something good... although I'm sick again (strep), I've been working out a bit more now that I'm not so depressed. I've decided to bite the bullet and sign up for the races I promised my co-worker I'd run with him. But I really need new running pants... the ones I have have holes in them!!! So I asked my Mom if she would get me an early bday present and so we're going shopping on Saturday. Now I just have to keep her from buying me to much! She's like that... tries to buy me everything I like, it's really hard to resist sometimes! She says it's because I do so much for them (my parents - both disabled), I try to tell her it goes both ways but she doesn't agree, silly woman... I love my Mommy.

Marie - I totally understand about the inter-racial family... mine is as well. Anytime anyone says anything remotely racist I snap, my ex brother in law was bad for that. I'm glad you said something :) And good for you, quitting your job! I bet that's a load off your mind!

Vermont - Good job, digging that up.

Hope - What Vermont said!

Iris - If the job is good for your professional development maybe you should take it anyway.... just a thought.

Mom - That stinks about your free training session. Maybe he wasn't interested because he probably wasn't getting paid much (if any) for it? Still, he shouldn't have done that. Could you complain to the gym maybe? See if they'll give you another or one at half price?

Sorry if I missed anyone.... I had a lot of reading to catch up on.

Oh aunty jam you poor thing and being ill on top of it, hope it passes soon.
I am in a similar situation with my husband he hasn't worked for 6 years now, every time I go to kick him out he comes up with some thing. The last thing was go back to collage, so he did but that ended last july and he is back to not working or doing much. Its all my fault though as I told him to give up work all them years ago so he could look after the kids as the childminders where not working out and my career was taking of, so he did but the girls are in full time school now so there is no excuse . Anyway I have told him that once I start my new job and the bucks are flying in, I'm not giving him any money until he has a job. It won't work but its got him making a bit of an effort. But we will see what happens.

My day was boring today my manager told me to look busy even though he knows I'm not doing anymore work before I leave. He is quite sweet really shame they where not all like him I would of stayed.
Back to the docs tomorrow for my monthly mad appointment. The pills are working so fingers crossed its not to painful

Hope everyone is feeling ok today xxxx

sorry ive been reading....but things have been a mess....sticky situation is back and has me a mess...a whirlwind of emotions..angry, sad, hurt, angry, scared, angry.....you got the idea...I will never allow someone to make me feel powerless EVER again...I can guarantee that.

knee and leg has been sore all week by today I couldnt put full pressure on it...but it gets better with anti inflammatory pills so I really think its just muscles I have to work thru i dont know....

ok thats it I will have to do personals another time i just cant right now..sorry

Hi to everyone :) It's my last Saturday at the crummy winter job; today and then 4 more days to endure :carrot: I think I'm feeling my usual 'brightening' of my spirit because of the time of year. I'm not feeling that 'what is the point of life' horrible listlessness. Though there is the nervous anticipation of getting 'that' call about my mom (just started chemo and she is just a living skeleton)

Aunty Jam, I'm glad that you have kept your resolve about the ultimatum, but I'm also kinda glad that you didn't have to kick him out and deal with being on your own! Did you get some running pants?

momof4, real sorry things are a mess for you now :(

Hi Marie; ems; iris; buddly and hope4me :wave:

hey everyone

mom, i dont know what your situation is but but I hope things get better for you.

ems, you picked a cracking week for london, if you fancy a drink this week let me know your not far from me :)

Vermont, glad your feeling more bright, as the seasons change its always an uplifter. 4 more days you can do it honey then kiss goodbye and move on. stay strong babe

love to everyone else

So i went back for my check up and it was ok, they have uped my AD meds which i am pleased about, but they are trying to take me of my sleeping pills, i know i am addicted to them and I want to come off them I have even talked to the NA people for help, i am just so scared I am never gonna sleep if I dont take them. they have cut the dose but i know on the "bad" nights I will take double the dose, i do that as it is so i am not in a good way with that.
Today was a good day the weather in London has been amazing the last few days so I took the kids to Hide park for a long walk and a picnic then off to the doctor who experience, it was a lovely family day out i liked it just a shame my husband was there.

is anyone weighting in tomorrow? I am I am scared i had such a big loss last week I doubt there will be much tomorrow :(

Take care everyone xxxx

Was able to get to the gym today and worked out a solid hour on machines...felt great!
I have 26 more lbs to lose and hope I can be in the 100's by our vacation in June!

Im trucking along...I think I need to go to school to be a counseler. Yesterday a friend texted me he was ending it all done with everyone and he usually does what he says so I drove to his house had to make him open up the door. He looked like a little kid there just lost and confused....his wife acts like his mother and he has a lot of other stuff going on. Then my sis in law calls at supper and told me call her back and I did and she just burst out bawling...and was like i dont wanna talk i was like yes you do you called me...she went into the sobbing cant breath cry...so we finally worked through her issues. Im used to people calling me bawling cause i have teens that call me at like midnight....I do ok at helping people but would like more knowledge.....
If I could just get through my issues id be great. I have to figure out where this anger is coming from and resolve it and get RID of it!! lol

ok thats it sorry bout not doing personals...maybe tomorrow!

Mom you sound like such a help to so many people, deinatly go to back school and get the quolls to help others.
Your so beautiful by doing this. And the anger get some pills if u can, without mine I'm a loon I need to be a ***** at work but try and leave it there, unless husband pisses me of at home.

You have such a caring nature working these people though there problems it in you bad the anger maybe just a vent.

Hope things get better for you xxx

Aunty Jam - have fun training for the races! =) Are you going to run with your coworker?

Momof4, I hope things get better soon with your situation and your leg/knee. Sounds miserable :( I think you would make a great counselor! You should definitely look into it.

Vermont, glad to hear you are feeling "brighter"! I am sorry to hear your mom isn't doing well, though. That is so tough with parents.

Marie, that will be tough with the sleeping pills I am sure but you can do it! You'll probably have some sleepless nights but you WILL sleep again.

I've had this ear infection which keeps coming back for the past couple of months. Of course this is during the first few months of my life where I am without health insurance... grr. I am seeing a specialist tomorrow morning, the other docs think there might be something anatomical wrong, like a bend or a growth in one of my ear canals. Can't wait to see what the bill will be. :dizzy:

Iris - so sory about the ear infection, what did the specialist say? and yes, OMG to having to pay doctors without insurance!

Hello to everyone else :hug:

I'm tacking each day as it comes. My mom is struggling to stay alive, we thought she had made an informed decison to go ahead with chemo, but last night a nurse pulled me and my sis aside, and gently said, 'you girls do know your mom is dying? is this how we want our loved ones to come to the end?' :(

and our basement is flooded, never happened in 25 years we've been here. it is being sump pumped but slowly. And we had to shut off all water but I have dealt with that before, its not that bad when there are no small children in house.

My second-to-last day at the crappy winter job, that's one good thing. And my bike insurance money is in the bank, its just supposed to be to get my bike replaced, but its a nice buffer.

Try to have a good day :hug:

You guys keep making me glad I'm in Canada with all of your doctor bills talk. Of course you guys don't have to wait 6 months for a specialist visit like we do either.

Marie - If you are really that unhappy maybe you should re-evalulate your relationship with your hubby. Do you love him? I know I'm one to talk but I really love mine. Please work with the doctor to get off the sleeping pills.

Mom - All of these people call you when they have problems... do you have someone to call?

Vermont - I'm sorry to hear about your Mom.. my dad is terminal to but with something different. It is very hard on everyone. There is a song by a local artist that gets played on the country station here... basically a woman telling her dad that it's ok to let go... makes me bawl every time. On a better note, not only did I get pants, I got a shirt, a bra and a water belt too. My sisters birthday just past and my Mom spent extra on her so she spent extra on me too.

Iris - :sigh: my co-worker is out of town! The first race is tomorrow and I'm tied up in knots wondering if I should go. I don't know anyone there, I checked the results of last years series and the slowest time of a 60+ year old woman is about the same as my pace. How embarrassing. So yeah, I haven't paid yet so I may pull out. Co-worker will be gone for this race and probably the next also. Besides... he runs 5k in 25 or so minutes. Way faster then me on my best day, so it's not like we would be actually running together.

Aunty Jam, bummer your co-worker won't actually be there! I have run a few 5ks and most of them were for charity fundraisers so there were people who ran competitively as well as those who just walked - very nice because I could place in the middle of the pack. Maybe if you don't want to do this one you could look for one more like that?

:hug: Vermontmom, that is so hard with your mom. I used to work in a long-term care facility and I am TERRIFIED of the time when the end for my parents becomes imminent. That seems a bit insensitive, what the nurse said though.

The ear infection basically cleared up on it's own... dr. thinks it was probably allergy based (which is good, really, because previously I was told it could be a growth in my ear canal or something else wrong anatomically). Which is all good news, but I won't go in to the ridiculous amount they charged to tell me that. :dizzy:

Hi Everyone, hope your all ok

Iv had a quite few days after running out of meds at the weekend I have just taken this week slowly until my meds are fully back in my system.
Also on Sunday I pulled the muscle in my leg so I have been limping around it seams to be alot better today so hopefully I can start working out again.

Aunty Jam - I cant leave and because of the UK law as my husband is the stay at home parent I will not get full custady of my kids, so I am staying until the children are old enough to come with me with out having to go through all the legal things. Its a very depressing life but it would be even worse with out my children.
Did you do the run in the end?

Vermont, have you finished the job yet? thats sch a shame about the flooding, hope it doesnt take long to get it dried out and back to normal.

Glad your feeling better Iris.

Tonight will be my 1st night on the reduced dose of sleeping pills, im not looking forward to it but I am going to try and keep calm and give it a go I need to come of these!

Have a good day everyone xxxx

im here...just cant really bring myself to post....having a hard time getting back into routine after being outta the gym most of last week..Its crazy what the missed time did to the depression...sigh...sick today....lata

^ Sorry to hear that Mom :(

Marie - That's tough but I understand. I couldn't leave without my "kids" either. How did it go with the reduced dose?

Iris - So glad you're feeling better and nothing is wrong with your ear!!!

I have an outdoor run tonight... I have a bag packed with all of my gear ready to go in the back of my truck... but... I forgot my sports socks :( I don't think it's going to work to try run in my sheer office socks :( ? I'm not sure if I'm upset about that or not... I don't have time to get back home and get them before the run. It's cold out there today and we're supposed to get our annual spring snow storm :( I am NOT happy about that.

hey everyone one hope your all well? i have been away to london and went way off track but now im back home and il be starting a fresh. I lost 3lbs last week woohooo I PROPERLY PUT IT BACK ON NOW LMFAO xxx

Hey ems, you had lovely weather for it, it was so gorgeous this weekend in london, i spent saturday on hide park with my children it was lovely :)

Im am having a sh*t day the total arse I worked with gave me hassle and i thought as i am leaving i will give it back and oh boy did I... 3 years of giving me **** I pulled him to sheards profesionally speaking. he is a rubish design manager so I told him and then some, I am getting the 3rd degree from HR tomorrow morning which i am not looking forward to, but F*** them im off to better things so I am trying to relax and not let it get to me tonight

I am going to have to take my sleeping pills at the normal dose as I am so stressed and I am drinking red wine and have eaten loads, I am so rubbish when I get stressed!
Lets hope I get fired tomorrow while I am on notice period so I can sue the arses of them, I have enough evidence to get £1000's. I am so sick of men taking the p*ss out of me I will show them!!!

Ok.... sorry I had to rant I am so angry right now

XX

Good Morning :)

Just popping in to say hello and to let you know I am still here LOL

:hug: hope everyone has a fantastic week.

Love you and sorry I haven't had time to post more... its been hectic.

;)

First post in this forum. Wondering if this is the right place for me- I have Bipolar DIsorder.

Rebekkag - I have BPD too, alone with a few other issues, your in the right place honey

Work was ok today I fronted out the telling of from HR today which turned out to ok and I am getting my point across, the man is a fool and he has shown it to them. right im not going to think about it again as i will just get stressed.

Hope everyone is having a good day xx

Hi RebekkahG , we are happy to have you here :)

marie - oh my gosh you are so courageous, I am just a wimp when it comes to wanting to tell people off, I admire you for that :hug: and I hope you don't stress about it any more (even though I brought it up, sorry!)

Aunty Jam - did you do the run in the sheer socks, and was it OK? did you get more of the awful white stuff? (sn*w)

hi momof4, how are you, sorry you were feeling sick the other day!

ems, welcome back :hug: glad you had a great time in London! and you will kick those few little pounds away.

Hi Iris, how are you today :hug:

hopeforme, I'm thinking of you :hug: and buddly :hug:

well today is the first day of freedom from the yuck winter job :carrot: and we still have no hot water and today the heater is working, brrr. LOL, it would have been warmer at work but I won't think that :devil: I just have to be patient for when DH can work on things. I should visit my mom but I am such a coward :( I know she doesn't remember that I was even there. I know I should go anyway.

Still haven't found a replacement motorcycle. Everyone says, 'dont' worry, you'll find something'. Yeah, I can find a teeny little one with lots of dings and scratches and dents, real nice :rolleyes:

EHH I don't know why I have no umph to post....i come and read just don't feel like writing..... Still dealing with my anger issues and getting my eating under control. Exercise is good After lunch today I am still negative 400 cals from working out!! If I can just do well with my eating tonight I will make it a good day.
Today I was working out beside another bigger girl and all the sudden like 20 young guys came in and took over the gym...They only stayed on machines for lik 5 or 10 minutes...here they are training for baseball season...LOL But it was intimidating a first 3 girls with 25 guys and being fat but I coulda taken them!!!! haha

Feels like a Monday
Dropped my locker key down in my locker and had to get the lock cut off
THEN THE FUNNY PART
I have 4 bowls of cereal on the counter for the kids and opened the drawer to get spoons and next thing I know the cupboard above my head opened and like 5 kids plates started flying out. They hit the bowls of cereal and the one bowl flew over me and landed on the floor. I still have kix cereal every including in my spoon drawer so I have all that to clean up....UHH I figured today would be the day I feel off a machine so I stayed away from the treadmill HAHA!!
So now on top of being behind on laundry I have dishes to do the floors to sweep and scrub. The kids rooms are clean thanks to my Chuckie Cheese Charts...they get free tokens if they keep their room clean for 2 weeks!!!

Thats about it!

Vermont-Hope you find a bike my dh is chopping to get his bike inspected and on the road...LOL

Marie-at least your leaving there not feeling tramped on and silent...Your able to speak up!!!!!

leenie-good to see you!!!

Reb-the more the merrier!!

Hey everyone how was your weekends? :grouphug:

My work week finished of ok after my little out burst no one messed with me for the rest of the week, which was nice. Construction is no place for a women i am so glad i only have 8 working days left there.:encore:

This week end has been a nightmare i have struggled to keep myself calm and the manicness under wraps, i feel i want to lash out every time my husband talks to me, its not good. some times i dont think i am mentally ill i think its him and he just makes me angry.

My sister came over on Saturday for a bar-B-que he had a lovely afternoon in the garden. she is 6 months pregnant I am so happy for her but now she has a little bump i got jealous. I have 2 children but I have always wanted a 3rd but after 7 years of trying and miscarriages I gave up i could'nt do it to myself any more. i was shocked that I felt jealous I never normally get like that epically with my baby sister, it made me feel very sad.

Anyway I am trying to chill out tonight but i feel abit on edge, even with my sleeping pills i havent been sleeping through the night for the last 4 nights (so much for coming off then) and i dont feel great.
I am going to go back to the docs this week i really dont feel right, its not like a depression its more a feeling of failure with everything and the anger that
goes with it.

Thanks for reading i needed a rant, Hope you all have a good week ahead :hug:

Hello friends :) momof4, oh gosh I imagined the cereal bowls getting knocked over and Kix flying everywhere! great idea to let the kids work towards a reward. What kind of bike does husband have?

marie, hugs to you, like I said I admire you for speaking your mind to those men and YAY for only a few days left there for you. So very sorry about the anger that fills you, regarding husband :hug:

well my sad news is my mother passed away Friday morning. I spend Thursday night in her hospital room, they gave me warmed blankets and a recliner right next to her bed. at 7 a.m. they (nurses) told me they thought the time was near..I was right by her bedside stroking her forehead and telling her we lovd her, as she took her last breath. very very sad but I am doing OK. My uncle (her only sibling ) is here to stay until he gets her affairs in order and such. thank goodness for that.

big hello to everyone else :hug:

Vermont-I am soooo sorry...my mom had a hard time for a year after her mom died. She also took care of her 24/7.....But my mom didn't take the time to grieve with family coming and hosting them and cleaning and handling grams stuff then taking care of kids...she never grieved like she should have...so make sure you take the time for you. You don't have to be strong ALL the time!!! I'll be praying for you!

Marie-Glad your jobs almost out and no one is messing with you...hehe... I feel you with the other crap and anger. My husband said tonight do you need to go run around the track or something? I was just agitated and up the kids butts for every little thing...just a witch..BUT TOM should be coming this week and I am BAD the week before and the older I get the worse it seems to be getting. Like the last two days I could barely get myself off the couch!! but my anger issue comes from stress. When I am stressed I snap out at everyone.
Right now I am up cleaning because my laundry was behind I have 9 baskets waiting to be folded (2 to be put away) 4 still to be washed, one in washer and one in the dryer...I was doing well with being caught up till I cleaned all the kids room it sent me in a downward screw it spiral...haha...then had a big dinner today and tons of pans from it...then a floor to scrub...a drink was spilled not once but TWICE at dinner...err...
I just know if I DO NOT clean this stuff tonight I will wake up stressed and agitated AGAIN tomorrow and want to just lay on the couch cause there is tooo much to do....This is what I used to do ALL the time the clutter would get bad and it was overwhelming and I would just quit trying. Its and AMAZING feeling to wake up to a clean house and not have a running list already of housework to catch up on!! Im struggling to keep moving and it may take me all night but I WILL GET IT DONE...Im tired of this aggravation and anger and meanness...My family don't deserve it at ALL!!

Thats about it!!! Hope everyone has a good monday!!

Vermontmom, :hug: I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure your mom was glad to have you with her when the time came.

Momof4, good luck with all of the piled up housework! That always makes me a little edgy and of course when TOM is around all bets are off. I hope you can find a little time to yourself to relax too =)

Marie, I'm glad to hear your coworkers aren't giving you a hard time here at the end of your days with them. You're so close now, that has to be such a positive feeling!

It looks like I might get an offer of the farm job on the other side of the country. My BF does not want me to go and he called it a "piss ant" job. True it doesn't pay well but it's with great people and I would enjoy it and learn a lot. Plus, at my age this is probably the last time in my life (and I'm pushing it already) where I will get to spend so much time with my family. I'd be living at my parents house again for about 6 months. We had a really rocky relationship (well, my dad and I) when I was younger but things are sooooo much better now and they aren't getting younger. My dad had a stroke a few months ago - minor, thankfully, but I want to hold on to all the time I have left.