Hello :) I hoped I could join in. I am slowly but steadily recovering from major depression that ruined the last 8 years of my young adult life. I am 25 now and trying to live on day by day.

I read the whole thread by the way.

Marie, about your kid, my boyfriend has dyslexia and he managed to get a master's degree in Food science with an A. His mother used to tape his lessons when he was a kid so that he could listen to them instead of reading. Perhaps this could help? Also there are many more special ways to help dyslexic people study. Also let her type her schoolwork on the PC if she has problems writing. (unless you already do that :) ) It is saddening when other kids laugh at the writing of dyslexic kids and the pc can give them at least there some comfort and help. Many times dyslexic kids give up trying to learn to read and write better because they see their peers do it easier. The pc can help with that. I hope this helps.

Vermontmom, my condolences about your mother's death, may she rest in peace. I wish you and your family lots of strength and better times ahead.

Have a nice week everyone and sorry for just barging into the conversations

Chubbykins, it is nice to meet you :) and you are not barging in at all. I'm so so sorry you lost so many years to depression!! Good advice you passed on about the dyslexia. and thanks for the condolences :)

Iris, what does the farm job entail? sounds very interesting.

momof4, thanks for your prayers too :) I think I need them! I keep saying to people "i'm okay" but maybe I'm not. I'm in a rotten 'what's the point of life' frame of mind. You're born, you live a bit, then you die. Bleh. I'm back to that terrible apathetic mode. I'm too chicken to be suicidal, don't worry about that, but I'm not even looking forward to my great summer job at all.

Mailed a check for THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS to the IRS today. We had penalties because we borrowed from our IRA. So that dug into my 'motorcycle only' money. I should be thankful we have the money but still, ugh.

Doesn't help that we had SNOW last night, there is total cloud cover today and its in the 40's. Haven't seen the sun for more than a peek since the day of my speeding ticket a week or so ago. I have all this time off and I want to be outside to keep occupied but its so cold and unpleasant. I could tackle things in here, but what's the point?? I look at corners i tackled 6 months ago and they're back to crap.

I waited til husband left the house for work, then went back to bed. Stayed there til noon. I'm only up because I FORCED myself.

Really 'down' state. Hope I get over it soon. Thanks for listening :hug:

hey Chubbykins welcome and thank you for the advise we are trying everything we can with her and all suggestions are more then welcome.

Vermont, so sorry about you mum passing on, I will be thinking of you and I hope your down states passes soon. Don't dwell on your day in bed if I was in your situation I would be in bed to. take time to grieve honey, dont rush things. :hug:

Iris, the farm job sounds great and it will be great for you to be close it your folks for a while, I would love the chance to move closer to my parents.

Mom, hope you are ok today and the anger is not to bad.

Well today was ok im not enjoying the med tweak i am feeling zombie like again and i didnt sleep last night, but you know i am just going to kick on trough hopeful the meds will liven me up in a couple of day

Take care everyone x

Hey everyone hope your all well :D

Marie i had a great time in london thanks and the weather was wicked :D i am sorry to hear u had a rough week in work but least you told the bloke straight. I can understand u being abit jealous i would be aswell if i had been through what u have been through but it willhappen one day when u least expect it :d

Holly i hope your ok and your doing well ?

momof4 i hope your ok and things are better with you?

Hello to everyone else hope your all well x

I am ready to just start punching a wall and bawling.....any indication of how today is?? I didnt get a long workout in...tired....then wasted like an hour and half watching a show online instead of finishing my work. My oldest son decided to choke his brother in the van this morning. He torments everyone. then after being TOLD NOT TO get the koolaid he got the FULL pitcher out of the fridge and because it was so full dumped half of it all over the fridge and the floor. Then his punishment was to write he will not choke his brother well instead he tried playing his ds well and i caught him and sent him up to write and hour later he wrote nothing. lied to me and said he lost his paper then he lost his pencil it was laying right on his dresser. then he said he was "Watching" his brother play HIS ds... then I put him at the table to write while i went out to clean the van. Well I cleaned out the van and dusted and cleaned the windows and he had only wrote one sentence. I am to the point I have never been...He frustrates me EVERY day. I want to send him to school but not really...I dont know what to do I am bout to go crazy. Some of it is if I redirected them and kept them busy some of this would go away but I cant even keep myself going....Back in the I hate how I am and Im such a horrible person.......I really hate TOM....I ALWAYS get like this the worst around that time...is there some type of depression that kicks up around TOM?
Errrrr then while cleaning my van I ran out the battery in my van...my flippin luck.. ok gotta go get supper....dh called said hes on his way...lata

ugh, what a day you had, momof4!! :tantrum: sure hope tomorrow is better.

AWWW mom thanks....I appreciate you even caring when I know your having a hard time...THAT little ICON is exactly how I felt!!! :) It ended well. Everyone scarfed down dinner seconds and thirds. I made the frenchs french fried onion covered chicken, steamed veggies with cheese, and fries and they clean everything out and wanted more..haha... I think when I go to the gym I am going to just run them all around the basketball court haha!!! I just hate feeling that frustrated and aggravated with my child (never been that aggravated) I didn't even want to see him or listen to him...would tell him that cause my dad told me that and it made me feel horrible! But i dont want to feel like that. If instead I could stop what I was doing and redirect his actions to a craft or something for him to concentrate on....sigh I am going to TRY and MAKE tomorrow better!!!

Hey everyone! Today was one of these days when getting up from bed feels like a marathon. I watched the ceiling for an hour and thankfully hunger persuaded me to get up. Study, excersize and hunger is today's programm *sigh*. I know I should focus on the GOOD things in my life. I was doing better until my dad got hospitalized a month ago with severe pneumonia because of the swine flu. He is getting better now thankfully, but I can't get over that feeling of sadness that I get when I see my parents growing older and sicker... sorry for the rant.

How have you all been?

Momo perhaps your little boy needs some really tiring hobby? Most kids that I knew that like to bully usually got better if they found more positive ways to vent agitation and extra energy (well they also got better with age).

Damn I hope I get better until I have my own kids, because I'd be crying like an idiot in your shoes.

Have a good day everyone!

Hi everyone,

Mom, that sounds a total nightmare hope things improve for you. My youngest it a little git I do what chubbykins said and keep her mega active until she falls down, but its hard esp if you have other children to keep in check to.

Ems, glad you had a good time London really is a beautiful city.

how you doing today Vermont? I was thinking of you last night I hope your ok.

I have skipped work, i just couldn't be bothered I thought i would stay at home and sunbath BUT i discovered he mountain of laundry that lovely husband had not folded so I have done that and I am looking around at all the things HD doesnt do (he is the house husband) Its making me angry that I am going to have to do it as well as get my butt to work every day, some times I think i would be so better of on my own.
Luckily the kids are out for the day with their gran and HD has gone to do some DIY at his sisters so I have the day to myself.
I have switched of my blackberry and I'm not answering to the house phone everything can wait!
Oh well back to the housework - Housewife Chicks I dont know how you do it, give me my office job any day!

Hope today is a good day for all of you xxx

Chubby- lol thanks...I hope he gets better with age...

Marie-I need to do more things with them. If I keep them focused and doing things they dont get bored and fight

I need to like make a mega schedule and plan certain crafts and activities and keep everything changed up instead of me just doing the basics and sitting and doing NOTHING....haha. Went to the gym this morning and played with all of them on the basketball court. We played ball then freeze tag, then ice and sun tag, then freeze tag you have to crawl under the legs to untag, then we raced...LOL I WANT them to have good memories of me. I want them to remember mom played with us and did things with them...LIKE THIS IS MY JOB!!! If I was being paid and had a boss I'd be fired for SURE!!! haha Like yeah my kids will be fine but I want them to be the BEST they can. When I get old I don't want to look back and WISH I did things differently! I have to remember to EXPECT to clean up messes thats my job (it just makes me mad that the messes happen because they were goofying off or NOT listening)
The gym was good but I just consumed the calories I worked for haha!
Hope everyone has a good day. I have a LIST a mile long...hoping I can get to it because then I can focus on THEM!!!

Hey everyone... sorry for being MIA, I only have a quick few minutes. Hi and welcome chubbykins.

Vermont - I am very sorry to hear about your Mom :( I'm sending you mental hugs. I didn't run in my sheer socks but I will be running tomorrow!!!

Mom - I think I would be so tempted to spank that kid! I know parents aren't supposed to do that any more but wow.. talk about frustrating!

Marie - I want to skip work too! It's finally nice out here.

Hubby let slip that he has something planned already for our 10th in June. He also said the only way we would ever break up is if I broke up with him (don't worry, we're not talking about it, some friends of ours broke up.. about bloody well time actually). He's helping out with the stuff that needs to be done to adopt the new dog. Home check next week! He had another interview, we'll know by friday, not getting excited anymore.

Aunty- we do still spank. In our state you are allowed as long as your not leaving bruising and only on their behind! God gave them extra cushion there for a reason..LOL. I personally do not do much spanky its exhausting and it would be in the heat of the moment so i feel I would be doing it cause I am angry. HOWEVER they get three strikes (like not just hey knock it off but like they wont listen or stop strikes) When my husband gets home He will spank if needed because he wasn't in the situation and is not angry so therefore it is done properly! BUT WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID. They have been giving me a hard time (the boys) for like a week and fri and sat. they both got swats on fri and the trouble one on sat. But he still didnt learn so obviously thats not working. So we stripped ALL priveldges (snacks, tv, games, ipod, wii, ds.. everything) Each day he is good he can pick one to get back! SO FAR it worked today!! He went above and beyond...did my breakfast dishes, cleaned the counters off, took the trash out....so apparently those things mean more than the 5 minutes of his butt hurting...IDK
Just know I cant have to many more days like last week!!! haha

Well I got my school room finished and organized!!! YAA!!! I added some pictures...You wouldnt believe HOW much stress disappeared with that mess!! I can walk through that room and not get mad!! haha! My husband was like what you do just set all that stuff on fire out there haha!! I labeled things too! It looks beautiful!!! I love it!!

Have a good night!!

Oh, what an accomplishment, momof4!!! :cheer3::cheer2::cheer3::cheer2:

Hi Aunty Jam, thanks for the hugs. And quietly hoping for the best for the interview results.

I wasted about 3/4 of the day again today, same as yesterday; went back to bed and pulled the covers over my head. I'm trying to tell myself its Okay to be sad!! I feel like I'm wasting my days off, when there is so much I could do (like the way momof4 cleared/decluttered) but have zero motivation.

Hi All

Mom, well done on getting the room done I love tidy things you want to see my office my OCD shines through lol

Hi Aunty Jam fingers crossed for your doggie adoption hope it all goes through for you

Vermont, :hug:

So today is my leaving drinks at work we are all going for drinks after work people are coming from all over the country so say good bye, I am feeling a little sad as most of them have become like family, but I have to move on, I need the money more then anything.
The a*se that I work with the guy i was arguing with last week I have promised if he turns up tonight for drinks I will throw whatever drink I am holding over his head I plan to stick with this plan but I think he is to much of a wimp to turn up lol
Today has been a mix of feeling not all together bad I just coasting through, this med tweak is still playing havock with me, if it doesnt improve by tuesday I am going back to the docs

XX

marie - best wishes on your last day!! (and wouldn't it be fun to dump your drink over that guy's head if he did arrive) :devil:

Maybe today will be the one that I won't waste, by hiding in bed. I think I'm getting bedsores :eek: just kidding.

haha Marie, I have only once thrown a drink on someone but man it felt good! (and he totally deserved it).

Momof4, congrats on the decluttering! That would definitely make me feel better, too, but I just don't have the energy and ambition to do it =(

Vermontmom, I hope you day is a little better today, and each coming day. Things do take time. :hug:

I am seriously up and down in mood lately, and unable to make decisions. It's really frustrating me. I got offered the farm job - it is a lot of grunt work, weeding, planting, harvesting, washing, packing, and markets for an organic farm. But also they have FFA kids working there who I would kind of mentor. And it's the kind of situation where I'd be learning a lot, which I love - with the big giant bonus of being with my family on the east coast.

Of course the BF is NOT happy about this. He's not mad (if he were I think I'd just tell him off) but maybe hurt or something? It's only 6 months... I don't think it's such a big deal but last night he was all mopey and drank a lot, which he doesn't usually do on a weeknight.

Hey all :)
It's been another day like all the rest. I try hard to stay motivated and thankfully it is beginning to work.

Mom well done in cleaning up!

Vermont perhaps try and do something you really REALLY like each day? (but nothing food related). Think of something you wanted to do for a long time and haven't yet? Now is the time to offer yourself the pleasure if you can. Or just try a new hobby out of the blue? I don't want to sound pushy or something but don't let anything make your depression worse. I know from myself that if I don't stop myself my sadness gets only deeper and worse... I wish you lots and lots of strength! :hug:

Marie I hope all works out with your last day at your job. Don't get a hangover :D

Cya all

thank you Chubbykins, I actually had a good day today even though usually the outside weather really affects me, and it was total rain and 40 degrees and wind..but I did not go back to bed today!! I worked out, and did spent about 3 hours on the computer, but I did wash the kitchen floor, took the garbage and recycling to the top of the driveway (3 trips) and vacuumed. The most I've done in 3 days. And stayed OP on my diet.

and I just noticed you're from Greece? kewl!

BLAHHHHHH....great workout today...had a puddle of sweat under my machine. Ran a great mile. Did a hard setting on the eliptical...wouldnt you know I ate like a freaking pig.....I know I know Tom is to be here any minute...but that should be an excuse...its like the harder I TRY to eat right I go FURTHER in the wrong direction.....IT MAKES ME MAD!!!!! I should save myself the beating at the gym....ewwwwwwwwwwww.....I HATE THIS!!!
Thats all....thanks for all you girls compliments on the cleaning...it still looks nice but still left with loads and loads of baskets to fold....yuck!!

So its my last day at work, I am sitting at my desk hungover but it was so worth it.
The a*se didnt show up so i didnt have the satisfaction of throwing my drink over him, never mind I am going to sabatarge his work later :)

I am heading up to my Dads tomorrow for the easter break which will be nice I only see him twice a year as he lives far from me so really looking forward to it. not looking forward to the 5 hours on a coach with my lovely little daughter and her hyper activeness, should be fun

My dieting has gone right out of the window this week and I really dont want to know the damage I did with the amount of booze I put away last night. I am going T Total next month when I come of the sleeping pills so I am going to have a healthy life style, just got to work on packing up the ciggies once I concure the pills.

I am not going to be posting while I am away so I hope you all have a lovely Easter xxxxx

thanks for letting us know that you'll be away, marie, so we won't be worried when we don't hear from you for a bit :) Hope you have a smooth trip to your dads and enjoy Easter with him.

momof4, yay for you on the sweaty workout!

Hi :wave: to everyone else.

It's snowing here :mad:

Had another completely on program day yesterday. Don't want to jinx myself but I think that each day on program makes the next day a little easier. There is most always 'that' feeling in my tum, but I am trying to train myself that it is NOT hunger, it just isn't full.

hey everyone hope your all well? i lost 1.5lbs this week and got my stone and a half and my 10% since starting back in novmber woohooo

Hey all.

Vermont I am from Greece indeed :D It is already nice and warm here, but that is kind of normal for a mediteranean country. I'm glad you had a good day. Shows how strong you are.

Marie have fun on your trip.

Easter is a big fuss here in greece, so I won't post probably for a few days, I don't know. It is probably part of my depression but since I got "sick" I don't like holidays anymore. They depress me badly. I hate it how everyone remembers to be a good family member or friend during holidays and changes back to "normal" after. I hate it that we celebrate with unhealthy amounts of fattening food and if you say no they think you insult god or jesus or something... I'll eat my salad and let my friends look at me with that "you party pooper you" face. They can have the lamb brains for all I care, I hate that stuff.

Ehm sorry for the rant. Just had to vent some steam *sigh* :o

Chubbykins - I am 100% with you on the holidays. My birthday is the hardest one for me. Everyone expects you to be happy - hey, it's your birthday, what do you have to feel sad about? But you can't switch on happiness.

Good luck with easter. Don't worry about what people think of what you're eating. A lot of the time I find that the same people who mock me for having a salad are the ones whispering behind my back when I put on weight. So STAY STRONG.

Just stopping by...
 

Hi Joanne :) and Happy Easter to you too :easter: :egg:

we had a nice breakfast with our sons and now its just the dog and I in the house, yay :D I haven't had any Easter chocolate, yay to that also. Been pretty withdrawn, we had an invite from good friends to get together yesterday but I bailed..no good reason. I should have probably accepted, it would have been a 'fake it till you make it' but I just didn't care.

same for today, I could have gone to my (half) brother's house for Easter dinner, but I just don't enjoy being with my sister and it would have been a 1 1/2 hour each way drive there and back with her. I hope they're not mad at me for declining.

I'm puzzled why my husband has dropped some kinda mean things about me - someone was talking about a long motorcycle trip that they were inviting us on; first, my husband probably won't ride much again; second, he doesn't even really like the people who were inviting us; but he points to me and said "She has to work on weekends".

All I said was, 'its rude to point, and don't call me 'she' when I'm right in front of you". The other thing was him saying in front of our son, "you never took an interest in my work". And I took issue with that (calmly) and pointed out that I ALWAYS ask how his work is, each day, it is his fault if he couldn't bring up a specific matter at work that he wanted praise on, but I had no idea about it.

Minor things but still annoying. There is SO VERY MUCH I could gripe about him, to him :devil: but i manage to keep my mouth shut.

Well I didn't work out yesterday so I need to pick a video and do it. Hope everyone has a good day.

I would like to join in.

I really don't know how to introduce myself but I am glad I found this thread. I read it everyday but have been reluctant to post I don't know why? I have struggled with depression for quite awhile. My father's maternal family of origin has a history of depression. It's nice to have a place to share my weight issue and the related depression. I have a emotional/binge eating problem. I lost my father in 1996 to lung and brain cancer and I have felt lost ever since, in alot of ways. I miss him and the confidence he gave me which now I know was something I need to give myself. He was my biggest cheerleader in some ways my only cheerleader. I think there are alot of emotions that can cause one to give into unhealthy eating habits but the most difficult, for me, has been sorrow/sadness.

Thanks so much for listening!:)

Hello bonnie and welcome :) we're glad to have you. It does help to know others are suffering too, I know we help each other. Im sorry you're still mourning the loss of your dad :( Please join in whenever you need to; you have probably seen that we all can't always directly respond to each other's post personally, sometimes we just come here to vent or cry but I know we all really care.

Hi everyone and a belated happy easter to you all

I am back from my dads we had a lovely time and it was nice just to see my dad. the kids enjoyed the change of scenery too
I ate ALOT over the 3 days so i am going to have to bust some next week to get back down, i only have a week until i start my new job and i want to look my best when i do.
I'm not feeling to bad today I was angry earlier today as I got paid and my employer has screwed me over in my final pay packet, but I plan to go up there tomorrow and sort that one out. Its the same very month the money comes in one day and out the next its very depressing :)

My dad kindly reminded me that my 30th Birthday is fast approaching, im still not dealing with that one very well, they are planning a big party and im not to sure about that one. my dad is one cool dad and is taking me to see Bon Jovi in Hyde park in June (you know you are getting old when you would rather rock out with your 60yr old dad then your mates) I would rather that be my birthday treat. I have threatened Dad and Family any thing with 30 on it will sharply be removed from birthday celebrations but i think that has spured them on to make it even more dreadful from me, they think its funny i really dont iv even told my children i am only 28.

Bonnie - Hi and welcome

Vermont - Well done on staying away from the chocs i was not so good on that front.

Anyway I hope everyone is doing ok today

xxxx

Hey all.
I am back from the worst easter of my life. If was just one major depression day. Nobody did anything wrong of course, the sun was shining, the food was fatty as expected, my salad was fresh...
And it makes me double sad... I really am sick in the head. I know I am supposed to be HAPPY when nothing is wrong and all is great. But I just could not stop thinking about awful stuff.
The food reminded me of the people who die of heart attack on easter because of it, of the poor that will scavenge the trash for our leftovers, of the animals that died so that my overweight family can get fatter and closer to disease... My smiling family just reminded me of the many things that cause them NOT to smile when it isn't a holiday. The perfect weather reminded me of Japanese people now sitting homeless in tents and the streets. I am sick and pathetic. My own thought remind me of some ungrateful brat and then the guilt starts and all goes black.
I just ruin other people's celebrations, looking down while they want to be happy.

I'm sorry for my rant. I do hope you all had a great time!

Oh cubbykins you poor thing, its horrible to feel like that, are you on any meds?
the things you mention are out of your control darling, the japan thing was so awful but it was no ones fault this plant is angry at the moment.
There is so much wrong in this world I watch the news and just cry, i do as much as I can to help but can one woman do.
I really feel for you darling and its easy to say dont worry but i am a fine one to talk I worry about everything all the time, mainly my kids but I am working through it with meds and therapy.
I hope you fell better tomorrow honey, and darling you are losing the weight and doing good try and focus on the positive

Big hugs xxx

Hey everyone! Sorry for being MIA :( I've been doing pretty good! We're still waiting for our home visit from the rescue. It's spured us to clean the house LoL. I know they aren't looking at the mess but still... it had to be done. Saturday night, long weekend, hubby & step daughter were going to be gone ALL night to separate events... I had the house to myself until Sunday afternoon... what did I do? Did I rent a romantic movie and drink some wine? Maybe a bubble bath? No.... I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!??!?!??!?!? I have no idea. But they seriously needed it.. they haven't been properly cleaned in a long time... step d usually does it. Anyway, the house is better and like Mom I feel so much better when it's clean.

Mom - I totally get you... the clean, less cluttered area really lifts my mood. Even if I had to do it and not the hubby. I'm not going to do it all though, he has his "chores" that I set out for him. As well he's fixing my truck this week.. the thing is leaking oil like a BP offshore well :( (Sorry... to soon?), it's so embarresing, my spot at work is just black.. ick.

Vermont - Is it possible he's feeling kind of depressed himself and taking it out on you?

Chubby - I have the same problem with some of my friends only it's with drinks. If you aren't drinking and getting sloshed at one of their parties they go the whole "I'm very dissapointed in you...." route. You just have to hold your head up and say I DON"T CARE. BTW I've always wanted to visit Greece, it's one of my dreams.

Marie - To bad you didn't get to throw the drink in his face... but maybe it's for the better, who knows where that would have led. I agree the news is disheartening... there's so much going on, it's hard to watch.

Bonnie - Hi... glad you found us. It's hard to lose your biggest fan, we really work to support each other around here but (and I know how this sounds) you've really got to learn to be your own biggest fan. Easier said then done, absolutely. Hope you stick around.

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone... break time is over! :(

Trying to catch up on posts....positive I weighed in today to see how i was doing on the competition at the gym and I lost 12 lbs since the beginning of march (like officially on their scale) BUT also I am on my period and hold several lbs...lol SO it ends on the 3rd and hopefully I can at least lose 3 more by then!!! That will be 15 lbs in 2 months! SLOW and steady haha!! Going to retire my size 22 pants cause I really cant keep them off. Bought size 18 for Easter and they weren't tight. I have 20 jeans on and they fit nice... I just didnt want to OFFICIALLY put the 22's away in case the 20s got tight...you know just stupid but how my mind works..

Easter was nice with the family but got heartbreaking news. A dear friend of mine and her husband have been trying to have a baby for 7 years and miscarriage after miscarriage well finally they had a baby girl on Tuesday. On Easter Sunday morning they were getting up to go introduce her to the church and my dear friends husband had a heart attack and died. They tried to revive him twice but were not able to. I just cant get them off my mind. This is to be a happy time for them not a tragedy. Today was his birthday to. I have just been heart broken. How do you take care of a week old baby and plan your husbands funeral??? But it made me be more thankful for my family cause you never know when they will be taken. Then a local family had to pull the chord on their 11 year old daughter who suddenly got sick a month ago and bleeding in her lungs. They tried everything they could but finally last Tuesday the drs said there was nothing more they could do. So Wed they left her go and no more suffering. Easter was her viewing and Monday her funeral. So me being the compassionate person cant just say oh im so sorry for your loss and go on with my life like normal. It sits in my brain and just constant thinking of them and their pain....ok well enough from me

HAVE A WHOLE HOUSE TO CLEAN...its OUTTA control for real....Can't walk in any room without like spazzing...so I need to do a deep cleaning..most everything is de-cluttered but things now need scrubbed down!

if this is any indication of how on edge I am...I gave the kids lunch and thats when I get a few minutes to type on here without them bugging me...well my 8 year old is trying to show my some tiny cant even see scratch on his leg..I did the look and "mmmmhmmmm" and he has to go turn the light on then continue to bug me so i just slammed my hand on the desk and like yelled and pushed the chair which fell over....LIKE it irritates me when I only have a few minutes and they have to be up my butt....I know I know they dont understand that but I tell them to wait and try acknowledge what they are telling me but it just drives me freaking insane...Now that you all think I am totally a crazy person I am going to shut up and go clean!

im the opposite marie i bought banner ballons and other things ready for my 30th birthday party in july woohoo i can not wait x

Hi everyone

Aunty jam, good luck with the rescue people, I wish i could do the same but i live in a rented place and animals are of limits, so i will stick with feeding the foxes and hedgehog's and next doors cat when it wonders in. i actually buy cat food for the foxes when i do the weekly shop :)

Mom - 12lbs is fantastic i am jealous, iv been doing so badly this month esp with easter.
So sad about your friends husband and the little girl that passed on, i really don't know what to say its truly heartbreaking i'm the same i feel others pain and loss, just reading it made my heart hurt. lots of love to you darling xx

ems - my sister called me a few days ago to take the p1ss out of getting older, she is older then me but don't care we all young looking, i got asked for ID getting a bottle of wine in sainsbury's I did like that :) I have to face my age soon but not yet, but good on you embracing it i wish i was more like that, I think i am just a vain cow

Vermont, how you doing this week honey?

Chubbykins, are you ok today?

Today was ok for me i went back and got my money from where i worked, i went in all guns blazing only to find out it was a little admin mistake i felt a bit of a fool to be honest but the £400 cheque in my hand made me feel better about it
tonight we had my mother-in-law over for her birthday and HD spent the day in the kitchen cooking up a tapas meal for 7 people, i was impressed it was very good. MIL is coming over tomorrow to read HD the riot act on not working i am glad i have some one on side and with some luck he will get out there and work even part time in a supermarket would be good i just want him to do something.
a close friend of mine had a good chat today, we stoped talking a while ago (my fault and my choice) today i put it behind me a realized i was being a i spoilt brat about things, i am so glad to have that person back in my life.
I really think my new meds are helping a lot i feel so much better, maybe today is just a good day but i hoping its just me getting better.
I am still on the sleepers but i have lowered the dose and not feeling to bad with it, i don't want to be branded an addict so working on coming off them completely in the next few weeks, fingers crossed

Love to everyone xxx

Oh, I hope so too, marie!! don't we deserve at least SOME times when we feel just plain good. And that is so sweet that you budget to buy food for the foxes and hedgehogs :hug: GLAD that you did not have to fight for your remaining pay. And from your avatar, I would have thought you were a young twenty-something!

Chubbykins, gosh dear, really sorry about how you felt on Easter. I can follow that dangerous path sometimes too...nothing can be wrong yet I focus on something, wonder how it 'might' turn out and then create a whole stupid scenario. I guess I have heard of the kind of thinking you're supposed to try to train yourself to follow, when you start to have negative thoughts? I am an idiot for not thinking of the term now :?:

Aunty Jam, YAY to hear from you :) LOL at your taking the 'alone' time to scrub, but you were motivated and it got done! Yeah, maybe my DH was feeling left out of things at that meeting, it was our motorcyclist meeting and he's not very talkative; yet I had people all around me, because I AM a social person and like to visit with them. So it is kinda his fault if he feels left out..and yeah maybe he feels resentful of his injury and his possible non-motorcycling future. He's gotta open up to me , though, I'm not a mind reader!

momof4, OH i can remember just trying to be in the bathroom to pee, with the door closed, and a crying child hanging on the doorknob outside, calling Mommeeeeeee...I wanted to scream! And you have so many kids. It must be so hard. BUT big congrats on being TWELVE POUNDS DOWN! :cheer3:
So very sad about your friend's husband, how tragic!! and for the other family's loss of their daughter.

ems hello and congrats to you too :cheer3: for your losses!

and hi Bonnie :wave:

And HI to hopeforme, I know you're out there! :hug:

Well I just bit the bullet and went online searching for a motorcycle ("motorbike" to our King's English folk :D ) and using Paypal, put a deposit on one south of Boston. Called a friend for a favor, and he is driving me in his pickup truck there to pick it up!!

and I have had TWO great days in a row. I didn't waste any extra time in bed; I have done yard work and even gotten up on the ladder to do some minor repairs. Then today, maybe this was not right, but i gathered up some of my late dad's jewelry (rings) and took them to a gold/jewelry buyer. These things were just sitting in a box for 9 years. I have plenty of other memorbilia related to my dad and I think (hope) this was OK for me to do. They were worth quite a bit of money :eek: I was VERY pleasantly surprised. It all goes towards our general fund but I like to think of some of it going towards my $227 speeding ticket :devil:

vermontmom your new motorcycle sounds exciting! My father collected silver coins for my brothers and I. We sold them a couple years ago. I know dad was glad that we got the money from them and used it as we saw fit. I am sure your dad feels the same way about the rings. It was hard to part with them but they were coins. My memories of him is what I treasure most. :) If this is too nosy let me know but my curiosity is gotten the best of me, how fast were you going when you got your ticket??

Everyone have a wonderful Wednesday!

Bonnie , that is not nosy at all :D I was going 72 in a 50 zone...a long stretch of deserted country road. Yes I was speeding. I probably would have slowed down to 60-ish soon, but just bad luck that he got me at that second. Two points and the $$$ fine. I know my insurance will go up :( And yes I was on my way to visit my terminally ill mother.

i went to the Vermont State statutes and saw that by law, he could have issued me 5 points!! Maybe he did give me a little sympathy, about my mom. I've read all about trying to go to court to fight it but I'm just going to pay it. And now I am SUPER careful about not speeding. Lesson learned.

My friend, who had offered time and time again to help me in any way to get my bike, now says he's not sure his truck is road-trip worthy. Sigh.

update - YES friend is going to drive me down there :carrot: he just wasn't sure about his 10 yr old truck but will bring tools andI have AAA with alot of free towing. So he's picking me up at 6 am Friday and we're headed down there! :carrot::carrot:

Hey all :) Thank you for your support people, it means really a lot for me, moreso since I am a shy person and rarely speak out my feelings when "not on the internet".

@Marie Foxes??? For real? That is absolutely cool :D Aren't they dangerous? Hedgehogs we have a lot on my island, but I've only seen a fox in the mortuary :( and that wasn't... fascinating in the good way.
I don't take any meds by the way because they make me suicidal, like... very much. I'm trying to get through this with talk therapy and excersize. The latter actually works miracles some days.

@Vermont I am so happy you're better :D The motorcycle sounds like JUST the thing to get your mind off of things. Do a road trip or something on those magical american roads I see in the vids and can't believe they are real. In greece roads are all curves, too thin lanes and hills. Not to mention the holes caused by the trucks.

@Mom congrats on your weight loss. It is really sad about the losses of your acquaintances. When a kid dies it feels so... worse. I know all death is sad, but a kid with all her life before her can't compare to a 90-something year old passing on. My grandma never forgave herself when she lost my aunt when she was 2. It wasn't her faunt since it was WW2 and all, but I know when she cries without no obvious reason she is thinking about that. Parents should never have to burry their children. :(

And greetings to the rest of you :D