Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 11-09-2010, 10:07 AM   #1  
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Unhappy Meh


Last edited by ScrappyJay; 03-07-2012 at 09:07 PM.
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Old 11-09-2010, 10:21 AM   #2  
OMW to a brand new me!
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I know exactly how you feel. I have a sibling like that, the only difference is that she is the baby and my "step" sister. I put step in quotes because in my family we have never differentiated between step and full. Anyway, she has had problem after problem after problem. She makes BEYOND bad mistakes and then blames everyone else for them. The straw for me was when I had her kids for months and months, without a penny or a thank you from her, and then she turned around and talked all KINDS of trash to our parents about how horrible I was to her. Blah blah blah. Now mind you, at that point I was the ONLY one in the family who ever did anything for her, and had not completely turned their back to her. I cut her out, much the same way you are talking about.

I think that the reason we feel bad about that is because we are good honest, caring people. We know what family is about, and we know how we are "supposed" to be treated and how we are supposed to treat people. It is very hard to walk away from what you know is the "right" thing to do, even when you know that it is for the benefit of yourself. Like every relationship that ends, there is a period of mourning. And this relationship with your brother has ended. He will always be your "brother" and maybe some day he will grow up and realize what a great sister he has and has always had. But just because he is blood, does not mean that you have to be his doormat.

Good job taking a stand, and sticking to it. It sounds like you have been more than supportive to him. You are making changes for yourself, so you can be happy and healthy. Yay for you! Keep it up. Eventually he will come around and realize, or he won't. Either way, you are better of not having him around right now.
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Old 11-09-2010, 10:22 AM   #3  
Happiness is not a weight
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First of all, hugs - I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with your relationship with your brother

Family is such a goofy thing. We attach all of these societal expectations to our familial relationships (like, what a brother *should* be like), but at the end of the day, our family members are just other people - and like everyone else in the world, some of them are good or bad. Just because we're tied by genetics doesn't mean that the relationships we have with our family members are inherently positive.

I mean, if you had a friend who was doing all of the things you describe above, would you even hesitate to cut ties? Why would it be okay to continue to allow another person to treat you this way, just because he's a family member?
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Old 11-21-2010, 07:31 PM   #4  
Finding my wings...
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Family may the only group of people who will be there for you in the end... but truly, will you want that type of people hovering over you at the end?

Like someone said above, they are people... be they good or bad people. And bad people, well... it seems you've started to learn the art of cutting toxic people out of your life. Its not so easy when those toxic people are family, blood doth create ties and all that.... but to me that just means you've got to be more creative and more firm about your boundaries with them, and if need be more firm about those you cut from your life.

My dad is one of those toxic people and truly, the only reason why I let him back into my life was because I took his mother's care from him a few years ago (I was afraid for her, living with him) and it wouldn't be right to her to not have her son around her in the last few years of her life. After 50 years, she STILL can't see what a bum and see-through, shallow guy he is... so I really don't think it's my place to take her from him completely. When she goes though... the cut will be far more serious (as it was years ago, when I didn't have her). Holidays, if anything. The less you give, the less they expect... over time.

Last edited by starfishkitty; 11-21-2010 at 07:32 PM.
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Old 11-21-2010, 08:33 PM   #5  
Back in Action
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Why do you have to "cut him out" of your life? You rarely see him anyway. You, by your own admission, don't really talk to him much. It's not like he's a constant thorn in your side now that he's in the military. You know what I mean? Just go on with life. Don't go out of your way to kiss his A$$ but don't just ban him for life. Life is to short for hate. If you happen to see him...great. Give him a hug and tell him it's good to see him, and move on (quickly) before he starts asking you to taxi him.

*Sometimes* the Marines makes dumb boys into respectable men. Give him a year or so to grow up. My brother was a jerk in HS, but now that he's a man he has become much more mature and responsible. I'm glad I didn't ditch him for being a dumb a$$. People grow up, even annoying brothers.

You brother might not ever grow up, and if he doesn't just keep your distance, but you don't have to have all this drama. Just don't go out of your way for him.
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Old 11-21-2010, 09:20 PM   #6  
Bella Signora ♥
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I, sadly, have stopped talking to a lot
of my family members. My dad, for example.

Who I don't even refer to as my dad
anymore, I call him by his first name.

Well, he did tons of horrible stuff
around me when I was growing up.
He would never physically hurt me,
but he and his girlfriend would constantly
get into physical altercations. Drugs
were also important to him and as
much as my mother had tried to get
custody of me, I would always say
I wanted to be with my daddy. I gave
him unconditional love when he wouldn't
do the same for me.

Just a couple months ago he tried calling
me and telling me happy birthday. I've
ignored him and moved on. He's never
going to change. He's been in and out of
jail his whole life and just this past summer
he got out again for, you guessed it,
domestic violence. I got tired of his
crap and I'm happier than ever.

Sending much hugs and support to you!
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Old 11-21-2010, 10:20 PM   #7  
Food Can Eat Me =p
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I stopped talking to my mom for over a year a couple years ago and then after some therapy I decided to let her back into my life a little bit because she is my mom even though she can be selfish, irritating, childish, and just loopy. But I know she loves me in her strange way. I just had to accept that she won't change (even though my sister swears she is trying) and I take her in small doses.

Don't let your brother use you like a taxi. It's not your job to drive him around when he's in town. Yeah, don't cut him out but don't go out of your way to prove what a great sister you are. You've already done that.
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