[Aunty Jam]

I can't remember what Charles Shultz said about puppies... something like "Happiness is a warm puppy". Either way I totally agree... I wish you were near me Raven... I'd let you snuggle mine, even if they're not puppies they're still awfully cute

I'm doing pretty good... still really torn about school. I'm just going crazy over money and the fact that we don't have nearly enough for anything. I make sure I wake hubby up every morning before I leave for work. If I don't get to sleep in neither does he. I think my car is about to die... I had a flat tire yesterday, there's no hole so it must be a slow leak. I feel horrible I haven't been to see my Dad and I haven't taken the pups to the off leash area. But my old dog is really old and she can't do much anymore... so I tend not to take the young one since I don't like leaving the old one alone. It's even tougher now with the time change! I like my extra hour of light in the evening.. not the morning Oh wow.. look at me rant. ZIP. No point... I'm doing fairly well and if I start thinking about all of this it will just pull me down.

Mom - do you get any me time at all?

Vermont - you are absolutely right... you DO matter! Phooey on him.

Hope - you and me both!!! Lets get our butts in gear shall we?

Leenie

Hi Summershine, Raven, Amym.. and everyone else... I hope I didn't miss anyone but if I did it wasn't on purpose!

[buddly]

Just popping to say Hi!!
and yes I'm still alive!
Just scanning things are looking down for so many. Its a tough time of the year. Hang tight all, in two months the days get longer again! Unless you are down under.
I'll try and catch up later.
((hugs))
K

[VermontMom]

*****BUDDLY!!!!**** so good to know youre still around!!

Aunty Jam - lol @ waking DH up sorry you feel bad at not seeing your Dad and about the doggies run and the money and school thing

amym - not eating any birthday cake is a huge thing!

summershine - OMG. Cheap tequila will get you SO sick (I'm preaching to the choir, right) One word - Souza

Ravengirl - aw, I wish you could have a puppy, sure sounds like you want one and thanks for being our cheerleader!

Hi Leenie

Hey hope are you enjoying the new job? are you still working like 2 jobs? I will try to do better with eating if I know you are too

Hi momof4!

Still feeling better (using my Happy Light right now) but still haven't heard from insurance company. But I think I'm over my mourning period for my beautiful bike. I can think of it wihtout crying now, that's good .

[buddly]

Hi everyone!!
Trying to catch up here. I'm sorry almost everyone is going through such a rough time right now. I'm afraid I won't be much of a change. I've been riding the same roller coaster. And like Aunty Jam, I plugged in my happy light and the silly thing wouldn't turn on. I think its the cord, but the company website is less than useful.

Vermont- Loved the pic of you on your bike, remember all the good rides the two of you had. Are you still having to drive your hubby to work everyday? I sure couldn't imagine having to drive that much on a daily basis.

Hope how are you enjoying your new job? or are you to exhausted to know How long will you be working two jobs? Remember to take some time for you.

Raven I'm so glad you are getting settled and are loving your new environment.

mom I'm so glad you are posting again. When I dropped out of sight was about the same time you announced you were taking a break. I don't know how you manage all the extra activities outside of the home, God bless.

aunty jam sorry your hubby's job didn't work out I sure hope something comes of the other one.

summershine and amym- hi there!! summershine I sure can relate to the staying in bed and avoiding life statement.

A big Hello to everyone else!!

I haven't been up to anything to interesting. Its really weird not having anyone in school, I'm finding trying to get out for walks very challenging. I have been working two or three days a week instead of my normal one. Hubby has been gone with work only making it home one day a week and yet I still feel like we are broke so I'm scared to spend, really stupid as he earns enough.
I started the self esteem group my counselor enrolled me in. Its hard.
I go in for surgery on my throat on Friday. I'm a little nervous about that. The operations is only about 30 min. and I have to stay the one night. I have to start making the popsicles, ice cubes and jello soon.

I better go as I have to run into town. I was hoping the frost would lift but it isn't. DDC has to practice her driving lets hope the roads are totally frost free!!

Take care everyone.
K

[emaline29]

Hi everyone, I think I fit in here quite well, even if I say so myself.
Have been a depressive for many a year and after some counselling several years ago I have at last managed to understand to some degree how to control it.
This time of the year, as some have already said, I find very difficult with the darker evenings and the cold. Just had a bit of a quite bad week - one of those where nothing went right - and ended up having a bit of a binge. Result being that I put on 2lb this week!!
However, now feeling much better and had a bit of a fasting day in comparison so hope that will have a good result.
Looking forward to my visit to Eire to see my daughter and her family at xmas - only 6 weeks to go!
All the very best to everyone and keep up the good work.

[lillydi]

Hello- I'm new and really happy to find a place to talk. My family and my story is soooo long to tell, but I'm looking forward to a place to share without judgement over diagnoses, medication, etc. We are a family of 4 and we are currently all "in treatment". This is a good thing, I feel like we're stronger and closer than ever. In my immediate family we primarily struggle with anxiety, depression and ADHD.

My mom had life-long health problems and depression (sometimes it was hard to tell which came first), while my dad was in and out of psychiatric hospitals and diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I was raised by my mom and awesome grandma so was protected from the extremes of my dad's world.

About 3 years ago, my anxiety, anger and self-loathing became unbearable and I finally found a dr and therapist that have been just great! While I feel healthier and happier, I'm also 45 pounds heavier than my former "heaviest weight ever

Recently, my husband started losing serious weight so we're all working together for healthier living. While I feel like we are on the right track, my 17 yr old daughter is very heavy and is putting on more weight. She has always been heavier, but has also been pretty active (and was growing) so didn't seem to be as serious a problem. Now, she is driving and has a job so she is making more of her own decisions (and meals). She gained 20 lbs just since the summer!!

I really worry about her. She has ADHD and food seems to be a "stimulant" for her as it is for many women with ADHD. She becomes frustrated very easily so tends to take the "easiest" path (fast food, junk food, doesn't want to count calories, etc). In addition, I'm pretty sure that the medications she takes for anxiety and migraines makes weight loss very difficult!

Well, That's enough for now...
Thanks for creating this forum

[amym]

I had my first weigh in last night and I lost 3.8 pounds. I have a goal to loose 10 pounds by Christmas so I think that is a realistic goal. I have not been taking my xanex and trying to deal with my anxiety myself but today I am going to refill my prescription. LAst night everything was on my nerves, I waws overwhelmed and everything seemed so loud and TOM paid me a suprise 5 day early visit. so needless to say I am on my emotional rollacoaster. I cried on my way to work over a bill board. Good news is I have only cried once this month and that was over Toy Story 3.

amym

[Aunty Jam]

Hi Everyone.... Welcome emaline29 and lillydi, glad you found us.

Buddly - What kind of light do you have? I have a phillips and their website is terrible! I emailed them and they came back with an email address that doesn't work! So I sent my email off to the original address and still haven't gotten a response. Are you having your tonsils removed? Good luck!

I've been really preocupied thinking about school lately... I'm worried about going back, being so old and having to compete against younger people for jobs when I get out. Also, will I get a job that pays what I need? Can I get better pay based on experience (even if it's a different field) because I'm older or will I get entry level pay??? How the heck can we survive on only 1 income for 3 years? That's assuming hubby even gets a job, he is really ticking me off. I don't understand how he can NOT have a freaking job after over a year and a half. And when I finish we'll be even farther into debt. If I did go to school I'll be almost 40 by the time I'm done!!! What the heck am I thinking??? But then again......... I've been looking at jobs online because I'm not happy where I am... and everything I'm qualified for is a job I don't want!!!!!! I've worked my arse off to get to where I am with this company, but I got to thinking... what's the point of working your arse off if you don't like where it gets you??? Really?

That's my rant for today. Those are the things racing through my mind at present. I change my mind about 30 times a day. I can rationalize almost anything depending on the mood I'm in at the moment. I'm just so confused.

[momof4under5]

Lets just start with I hate myself or hate how I am......I hate everything. It makes it worse when I see other moms with several kids like me and they have it together...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Is my life going to pass me by before I get it together??? honestly I think being fat really makes depression worse at times....
I have plans in my head how I am going to do this and that...decorate the house, do extra stuff with kids, do every inch of their school with no short cuts, excercise, eat right....what do I do sit on my butt and be mean and nasty to the kids all day long do just the basics in their schooling, cant even keep the house clean and organized let alone decorate....I hate how I am....

I had most of the day out Monday my husband left me out..and tom is due today actually so I am sure most of this has to deal with tom. How do you aviod such violent mood swings during and before tom? How do I keep patient I can if I chose to...

Really my problem would be solved if I stayed up 24/7 and cleaned the house once good thru and then became a drill sargent? I have these great charts for the kids but never remember to start them or stick with them..I like need some one here to tell me play by play every day. My husband killed it in the house monday and then it makes me look like I am a failure at home..

Ok you know what who cares!!! I got it out hopefully that helps but Im sure everyones sick of hearing complaing and sniffling from me..I chose to have kids I chose to get married I chose to gain weight so now I have to lay in the bed i made! Right? RIGHT!!

[emaline29]

[QUOTE=momof4under5;3562369]Lets just start with I hate myself or hate how I am......I hate everything. It makes it worse when I see other moms with several kids like me and they have it together...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Is my life going to pass me by before I get it together??? honestly I think being fat really makes depression worse at times....
I have plans in my head how I am going to do this and that...decorate the house, do extra stuff with kids, do every inch of their school with no short cuts, excercise, eat right....what do I do sit on my butt and be mean and nasty to the kids all day long do just the basics in their schooling, cant even keep the house clean and organized let alone decorate....I hate how I am.... (Quote)

Hi momof4, Oooh! You sound so much how I used to be. I had 3 under 3yrs old so have a pretty good idea of what you are feeling like. First of all don't be so hard on yourself, just getting thro' each day is a major hurdle and you know they won't be little for long even tho' it does seem an eternity at the mo'. Perhaps setting a goal to do just one "extra" thing each week will help you to feel that you are getting somewhere. As for the being fat bit, take time to eat a bit more healthily and that in itself will help the mood swings.
Your opinion about the other moms may well be totally off kilter - how do you know how "together" they are? It is more than likely that each one of them has their own private **** going on.

Hope you soon feel a bit better.

[VermontMom]

momof4 - I am also sure that any 'together'-looking mom has their own treasure trove of wishes and wants! please don't hate on your cute self!!

hi emmaline and lillydi!

AuntyJam - any of us would also be at the worry of debt, income, possible schooling...all big scary things. Here's to hoping things smooth out as soon as possible!

buddly - that is kewl that you are starting a self esteem group, I hope it is good for you good luck with the surgery on friday, what is it for? I also strongly suggest doing ANYTHING ahead of time to make things nicer, more comfy for yourself once you're recovering.

and sorry for those whose Happy Lights aren't working, i really think mine is helping me alot now.

[lillydi]

In complete agreement with emmaline and vermontmom re momof4! I used to feel and think like that! One thing that I learned that really helped was this: imagine that your best friend is feeling and saying these things to you- what would you say to her? Now say it to yourself! You probably wouldn't tell a tired, sad friend to get it together...Any way, this strategy helped me to be kinder to myself, just like I would to a friend

And...auntyJam... I'm the last person to comment on debt, but returning to school was great for me. I met people and learned new skills that led to a job I am happier with. I'd rather be in debt but happier on a daily basis. Good luck!

[hope4me]

Hi everybody,

Mom, I agree with everybody above. Having said that I have to actively fight self hatred regardless of what's going on in my life. Of course stress makes it worse, like having a billion kids. I can't keep my house clean and I only have 2 small dogs.

Amy, way to go! congrats! Sounds like you are on track.

Aunty, I think about the same things over and over. Before I got this job I was going to go back to school next year for 2 years. I'm in debt too and was stressed about the whole thing. I still may apply next year just to see if would get in. I also feel like our financial future is up to me. DF makes good money but he is a spender and saving is not a priority.

Work is getting better. I'm learning more but it's stressful not knowing what I'm doing yet. I worked out monday and it really helped. I was supposed to tonight since I wasn't working but it doesn't look promising at this point. I've got to be at both jobs tomorrow so no time then. I just can't wait till the week of Thanksgiving b/c I'm off from both jobs. It will be like Christmas.

[Aunty Jam]

I just can't help but thinking that with my husband out of work it's all up to me... right? I don't know what to do... It's getting to the point where I can't live with him or without him. I can't believe he doesn't have a freaking job. Add to all the stress the fact that his daughter lives with us. She's a good kid but it's still stressful. I can't ask him to leave without "asking" her to leave also. But its a moot point because I love him and I can't survive without him. It's just that some days I can't believe I'm still with him.

Another blow came yesterday... he was slack on payig his child support through the official channels for several years. His kid didn't want for anything but it wasn't done through the right channels. Once just after we were married they froze oru accounts... all of them. We had no access to any of the money. It happened again yesterday. I leave for a business trip to Houston on sunday and I have no access to my bank account. our visa is over the limit so the only choice I had was to put my company money in the bank and spend with my debit card as need be. now I can't even do that. I am SO stressed about this. There is no way I'm walking around Houston with 2 freaking grand cash in my pocket! And of course none of the government offices are open today... so if he can't get it sorted out on Friday I dont' kwno what the **** is going to happen. Add to this that I actually got a small bonus cheque from work so we had a bit more then usual in the bank. Now I might have to spend company money on things that I needed before my trip. I guess I just won't eat while I'm in houston.

Gaaaaah I am stressed. Sorry.

[VermontMom]

GAAAAA is right, Aunty Jam!! that is a horrendous situation