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Old 09-13-2010, 11:15 AM   #1  
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Default Was I wrong?

I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately and my DH is significantly influencing them, this is mostly a rant because everyone in my life always either is on his side or would attack him mercelessly without the thought thatI do love him with every fiber of my being...

I love him dearly but some days I just don't like him a lot ((famous words from my aunt))

anyway it's been rough lately we've been staying with my family which is seriously hard on him and I sympathize but I can't fix things immediately my dad and him have words fromtime to time ... my husband holds histemper in most situations where 90 % of the men on the planet would have snapped with my father ....I have a very domineering father I know this... well the other day as her was letting out his frustrations about my dada I snapped... and told him to remember he is speakingof my daddy... I've never been a daddy's girl and I hardly ever snap while I'm on meds but I mean he's allowed to rip into my family constantly telling me whats wrong with them and I hold my tounge alwaysabout his family and the way they treat us , for goodness sakes his fathers been holding a grude for 15 years since he refused to come to our wedding ... ugh so many more details i could go into but I seriously have no one I can talk to around here had to stop typing 3 times to get my vision back and wipe away tears I'm so frustrated I want to scream but I knowno one here would think I was in theright... anywho got soaggrivaed with it all then hegot mad and woke me and the 3 year old up with a water gun today i think he was mad at me the way he acted seemed childish to me I'm starting to wonder is I'mhaving an episode and need my prozac adjusted maybe I'm driving him in a *****y way to be like this ...

Blah donefor now just needed to vent
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Old 09-13-2010, 12:42 PM   #2  
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Sorry about your situation! U are in my thoughts and prayers!
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Old 09-13-2010, 01:14 PM   #3  
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It sounds like you're both under tremendous stress. I wouldn't say you were wrong, but I wouldn't say that he was either. If he's holding his tongue 90% of the time, then it doesn't sound like he was attacking or being ungrateful to your family, he was trying to do what you're doing here - venting his frustrations.

It would have been great if you'd been able to be more sympathetic with his need to vent, but you weren't able to do that because of your own frustrations with the situation.

If you were living with his folks do you think you'ld really hold your tongue in private, or do you think you'd be venting to him. Even if not, it doesn't really matter what you would do under the same circumstances, because different people deal with stress differently.

It's often easy to feel a sense of huge unfairness when the person you love deals with stress differently. You don't intentionally think your way is better, but it can come across that way. The silent one thinks "you don't see me complaining," and the griping one thinks "this doesn't seem to bother you at all" or "I never know what you're feeling," - or similar inaccurate and unfair assumptions.

I would recommend counseling. I know that may not seem affordable, but there are sliding scale "pay what you can" counseling available in many communities. Living with family can be stressful, especially when it's not because you've chosen to live together long-term, but because of unfortunate circumstances making it necessary.

You both need pressure valves, and if you can't vent to each other, you've got to be able to vent somewhere. If your husband doesn't vent to you, where can he? Do you want him telling his family this stuff, because he can't tell you?

Guys usually don't vent to friends to the same extent women do. They vent to family or they don't vent at all (and that's not good either. Bottling it in, is one of the worst things to do, and for some guys it's the most natural. If he's venting it could mean he's really dealing with a lot more stress than he can handle).

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 09-13-2010, 03:10 PM   #4  
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I just want to say that I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time.
Families can create a lot of stress. My thoughts and hugs are with you.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:32 PM   #5  
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I know times are rough and tough dear. It is SO difficult for 2 families to live under the same roof. Perhaps ya'll can have a family meeting to get some of the underlying issues out in the open. Surely your father realizes you wouldn't be there if it weren't necessary. It seems like there is a tug-of-war going on as far as power and you are in the middle. Maybe your father and husband can develope a hobby that they might enjoy doing together?
I feel for you dear and will pray that your situation improves in all areas
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:53 PM   #6  
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I also have a strong outspoken domineering father...I couldnt even imagine having to live with him wit me my husband and kids.... its hard enough visiting. LOL. Everyone gets along but I am sure its going to clash. Also if hes anything like my dad he expects everyone no matter how old to go by his rules..its his house.. SO i can totally understand! It is probably hard on your dh because he cant be the man of the house and he probably is frustrated that he cant at the moment have his own place. No he shouldnt take rudely bout your family...Im not a daddys girl either...LOVE my dad alot and if someone was running him down I would probably have to stop it also. It is good for your husband to vent maybe you need to sit and talk and explain to him how or the way he was saying things were not ok. You want him to vent but not to be rude or hurtful! I dont know girl its a situation I hope I dont ever have to be in!!! Feel free to stop by the depression sept chat...everyone there will help you get thru this too!!
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:04 AM   #7  
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thats rough can you guys do something family oriented for a few days sans the extended fam to see if you still feel like you are having some issues and need some adjustments?
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Old 09-14-2010, 02:45 PM   #8  
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I agree with JellE- can you do something to get away from your family? Even if it's a day trip? Just you and him and the kids?

I'd talk things out- let him know you are also frustrated. It's okay for him to vent but maybe instead of saying "your dad is this this and that" he can say "I'm frustrated when your father does this" that way he's not actually saying bad things about your father but adressing his frustrations.

I also agree that hopefully this is motivation for you guys to work hard to get out of your living situation.

Good luck- remember- you both need to be there for each other- don't let your family tear your marriage apart.
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Old 09-20-2010, 09:54 AM   #9  
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sorry about all this I do really understand his point of view and my family have been really good letting us stay with them.... yes we've found an exterior place to go we spenda lot of time at the rec center was just a really bad day for me and I snapped really glad I vented here than at anyone in my home so thank you guys for letting me rant LOL I'm much better now and you all had very valid points we are looking for a place to move out too now that my parents are more on a path of recovery...
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