[hope4me]

Aunty Jam I know you are really struggling right now. I hope your hubby gets this job and it lasts. I am employed but like you it's not a big paycheck. If it wasn't for df I couldn't make it. I can't imagine the stress you're under. Has he considered retail or fast food till something better comes along? Anything would help. Maybe he has but I can't remember if you have said so. I know coming home to a messy house just makes it worse. At least if it was clean you would feel like he's trying to contribute. Anyway, glad you posted and I'll keep you both in my thoughts.

[HeatherAngel]

Hi guys - sounds like some tough times all around. Hope, let us know what you hear about the job.

I'm eating crap. Ugh.

[hope4me]

Heather, I ate lots of crap today. I keep going from eating well to eating crap and I can really tell the difference physically and mentally when I switch. I swear the bad stuff is like poisen. I feel sick, sluggish and begin to get the serious signs of depression like hopelessness and just feeling distraught when I'm eating poorly. Yet I still crave the stuff and binge. Crazy.

[momof4under5]

aunt jam...you remind me of my friend who her husband got laid off and she worked. They have two teenagers who she had to drop off at school cause he wouldnt get up...then he wouldnt do the laundry or make meals or even start them. It was MAYBE once a week that he would do a meal or a load of laundry. Her teenagers didnt do much so she was left to make the money take care of the kids take care of the house do their laundry and make the dinners....she was very very stressed. She is also a very detail oriented person and kinda ocd so she was killing herself to do all these things. He finally got a job and it got better. She got her kids to pick up some chores (which they needed to do anyway) Then she didnt feel SO alone with everything. She sat and talked to him to and was like do you love me or not? He said he did and shes like well by you not helping and me having to do everything it feels like your just saying you dont care how I feel and you dont care about me and thats not love!! So he got the idea and tried to help more but some men arent cut out for laundry or whatever. From watching her with all this I feel for you but it all made me think. My husband goes to work and works hard and comes home and sometimes he cooks dinner and would help with stuff. That is when it made me realize I need to have this stuff done. Yes there will be days that I dont get it done cause its just crazy and im everywhere (like weds.) but I need to just DO THE STUFF!!! She would be like well your different you have 4 little kids and homeschool he has nobody at home to watch.. But I realized I "Relaxed/sat around" more than he probably did at work...so I could kick it up a gear... I guess I said all that cause I get it from going thru this with my friend!!! It will get better!!!!
Rainy day here with some kinda sick kids...they have runny noses and one just isnt herself..so its just a relax and watch movie night. I got laundry to do and thats it(atleast all of any importance!!)...I wish I could just rip thru it and be done...LOL

[HeatherAngel]

Originally Posted by hope4me

Heather, I ate lots of crap today. I keep going from eating well to eating crap and I can really tell the difference physically and mentally when I switch. I swear the bad stuff is like poisen. I feel sick, sluggish and begin to get the serious signs of depression like hopelessness and just feeling distraught when I'm eating poorly. Yet I still crave the stuff and binge. Crazy.

Amen sister. I feel like garbage the past two days, and teary... and still planning 'I might as well eat MORE crap cause I already feel so rotten' evening... UGH.

[Aunty Jam]

Hope - Thanks for the kind words. He has tried to go for lesser jobs, he almost had a job with home depot but when they look at his resume and see that he's a certified computer tech they ask him why he wants this job and figure he'll leave as soon as something better comes along. And I can't say they're wrong. He tried dumbing down his res a bit and but that didn't work either. He's been keeping the kitchen clean which is nice.. but I can't figure out why he won't ever clean the floors!!! With two dogs, one a minor drooler and one a major sheder the lino and hardwood is just icky.

Thanks Mom... that really makes sense. I think I'm going to have the same talk with mine.

Heather - But if you eat crap you'll just feel even worse...

We've come to the very hard decision that our old dog needs to be put down. She got sick all over the basement again the other night... she's just not well Her spirit is willing but her body is so weak. I'm going to miss her... she's a sweet girl. I don't know when we're going to be able to do it. Hubby doesn't start his contract for another month and his daughter seriously needs a winter coat and boots before it gets to much colder. I wanted to have her cremated and keep the ashes but the vet told me it could cost around $450 I'm really not sure if I want to bury her in the yard, there's just no good space, it's a small yard. I don't think I could stand to ever move out of the house if we did that. Hubby doesn't understand why I want to do this... he's fine with just letting the vet keep her.

[hope4me]

Can't stay but thinking of you guys...

[momof4under5]

so I dont understand sometimes. my laundry got behind on me and my house is getting messy...we clean up everyday but stuff gets messy. I have the motivation and like I wanna get all this all nice and clean cause it helps getting up to clean house and starts not only my day but whole week off good. I need to move for the excercise...but then I just sit here and dont go...what is that...is that lazy?? I dont know but its frustrating because even if I go start I wont get far cause I will just drag and stop at the first excuse...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME....I can be sooo much better but IM NOT!!!!!AHHH

so I just looked up lazy on the online dictionary and the end says lazy people tend to become fat....LIKE WHAT I guess I am LAZY! I think my weight causes some of my problems because there is 100lbs of extra weight...what body wants to carry that around? If i put 100lb of weights on any skinny person...lets see what they would feel like doing every day...ok...im off my soap box now!!!

I just want to be able to walk up a hill or even down the street with out being outta breath. i wanna be able to just jump up and go upstairs to help the girls without it being a OH crap I need to move again....I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!

[hope4me]

Mom, I could have written most of that myself except for anything to do with the kids. My house gets messy with 2 adults, I can't fathom what could go on with that many kids.

I think I will find out about my job tomorrow. I hesitate to even say that and jinx myself b/c it keeps getting put off. I got an email saying I would get an update tomorrow. I am beyond stressed, and that is such an understatement.

[momof4under5]

Aw hope I am getting anxious waiting with u lol!! I guess it all works out in the right time!
I had a horrid day. StartEd off withme losin another lb. I was gonna come on n post but my husband flipped cause I got on the outer when there was stuff to do. I even told him yesterday I was struggling with doing everything but who cares I guess I have to suck it up!! Like I'm not the type of person that says who cares if the house is clean or not. I mean I have OCD so it drives me crazy to walk thru a messy house!! I want a clean house but something gets messed up from my brain to my body I don't know if I should go bck to the dr n see if they can help? I know my weight is a huge issue. My dh is just miserable to live with sometimes n some of it can b fixed by the house work being done n by me losing weight! Our pastor is pushing for us to get ordained thru our denomination n take over the church. I don't want to take over nything till I can take care of my house, just makes sense to me. Ok well so much more but I am typing on my iPod cause I didn't know if he'd flip out if i got on the purer! Thanks for listening!

[momof4under5]

Well it looks like a lot of people are missing...more and more its only like one or 2 people...I think I am out...I really need to just shut my computer off because it sucks me in and its cause problems...I think I am going to do it..think I am going to shut my facebook down and just shut it all down for a while and see if it helps!! the good thing is I can rejoin facebook and dont lose all my stuff...ok well Not that many come in much anymore...I am out!!! Good luck to all of you and your journey...I will be back eventually but i need to get it straight for a while!!!

[Aunty Jam]

Hey Mom... sorry to hear you're leaving us.

I had a really really busy week, one of my co-workers was up from Texas and I was given the job of showing her around and getting her everything she needed. We spent a lot of time in meetings and lunches etc. It was fun but exhausting. Yesterday I even took her on a road trip to the mountains! She had never seen them and we're only 3-4 hours away... we didn't go all the way, just into the foothills where we could get a good view of them.

My routine was in total shambles this past week, was eating out a lot and not getting my runs in. I'm kind of bummed because I looked over all of my running schedule and it turns out unless I pull some magic runner out of my butt I'm probably not going to be able to go for the half marathon next year like I had wanted to. I'm just not starting out wiht enough distance and speed right now. I would have to do 3 running programs to get me up to a decent speed for a 10k, then I might *just* have enough weeks to train for the half marathon. I wanted to have a better handle on the distance before I entered the race... I didn't want to be still struggling with it. The half marathon is 21k, twice the distance

Bleh.

[hope4me]

Mom-I understand but I'm really sorry you won't be here for a while. I'll miss your posts. I feel like everyone is dropping out in here and it's sad b/c it really keeps me going.

I wanted to let you all know that I GOT THE JOB!!!!!! Thank you all for your support and well wishes. I start on Oct. 11 and I'm excited of course but more than anything just relieved. I feel like I could just sleep for a week.

Aunty Jam, I can't imagine running that far. I imagine that you not only need to be physically prepared but mentally for that kind of distance. It's unfortunate that your schedule was thrown off so much. Let us know what you decide, or just let me know because WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

[hope4me]

Struggling with food and exercise still. Anybody else?

[buddly]

Congratulations Hope!!! That is great news about the job. I'm so sorry about your struggles tho. It looks like a lot of us are struggling at the moment.

Auntie jam sorry to hear about your struggles as well. I hope you can get some training in.

Mom I sure will miss your posts. I hope you can get things worked out for yourself.

Sorry I haven't been around much. Just not able to focus much at the moment and I have been doing terrible with eating and no exercise at all.
I did get away for a week which was really nice. But came back to real fall weather. It would be lovely except I'm so dreading winter. Silly, I know.

I should go to sleep here. Busy day tomorrow but I wanted to pop in and say Hi to all of you!!

Take care everyone,
K