buddly, I'm glad you stopped in. Thank you for the congrats. I'm so relieved. Where did you get to go? I remember you said you were going away a while back but I forgot where. We're finally getting a little cool weather here too. It will be in the 70's for a couple of days but then back in 90's. We're also getting a little rain after the drought this summer. Sorry you're still having a hard time. I've got to at least get back on the exercise wagon. It's the only thing that keeps the severe depression away. I think I will go do it as soon as I finish this post. I must. I must. Are you still working at A&W?

Hello!!! just did alot of skimming and saw I completely missed Septl here, what the heck!!

hope - CONGRATS !!!! on the job! and HANG IN THERE on trying to stay on the wagon.

and momof4 - we will be thinking of you!!!

those were the highlites i just saw, I WILL get back more! I am also scared, dreading the winter depression. The foliage is pretty now but it just means the trees will be bare and everything ugh soon. Gotta fight the fight!!

Hey everyone...

Hope - Congrats! I'm glad someone got a job!!! Hubby has had quite a few interviews lately, really hoping something comes from that but not getting my hopes up anymore. He says if nothing happens today he's going to go down to the employment office and beg the government for money. There is no way I'm going to be able to make the half marathon next year... eh, oh well, nothing I can do about it, I just don't have the time.

Buddly - Thanks for the kind thought

Vermont - I too am dreading winter, it's brutal up here.

Hi everyone!!

Hope: I went down to Vancouver, BC and spent the week doing nothing. I'm from the lower mainland and miss the ocean up here where we live now. And yes, I'm still a grill cook at A&W, but I only work one or two days a week. Two of my girls work at the same one so its fun when we get overlapping shifts.

Aunty Jam: At least your hubby is getting some interviews, but oh how frustrating. hang in there.

Vermont: Great to see you, I've been wondering what had happened to you! I haven't been around much either I'm afraid.

We have some beautiful yellow leaves out there and the weather the last few days has been gorgeous, but unfortunately I've been dreading the winter to much to enjoy it. Saw my counselor the other day and she really pushed for me to take my meds regularly as she knows what SAD does to me. So I'm trying.
Anyway I best go and cook some dinner.

Take care everyone,
K

Aunty Jam, I hope one of those jobs come through for you hubby. The interview process is so frustrating and exhausting. I hate for anybody to be worrying about money. I've been there. I'm sorry about the marathon. Maybe things will turn around soon and you'll have a little more time for yourself.

Vermont, good to see you. I was wondering if the cooler weather was making you to think about winter since we know it bothers you so much. I always welcome it since you can bundle up and not show so much skin.

Buddly, it seems like our falls get shorter every year and we go almost from summer to winter. We don't get many of the nice fall leaves.

I was off today. I had lunch with a friend and went to see Wall Street. I was pretty good. I ran home, took a nap and went to pool. Tomorrow I need to go shopping for some office work clothes. I dread it because I've been eating so much. I hope I find some stuff without crying all day. If I wasn't fat I would be looking forward to shopping but.... Let you know how it goes.

I went shopping today and it wasn't too bad. Sometimes you go shopping and nothing fits and sometimes you find some things. Luckily today was the latter. I took 6 pairs of pants to get them hemmed. Even though I buy petites they are still too long. Annoying. I'm just glad I'm not going naked to my new job.

While I was trying on clothes I had a couple back spasms. I know it's because I haven't been working out that much. Weight gain + lack of movement = back pain. I've gotta work on that.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend

Hope I'm glad your shopping went well. I lucked out before leaving on my trip and was able to find some blouses. I know what you mean about the back. I worked yesterday and I have no idea what I did, but boy do things hurt. It could be that I'm still fighting off this cold.

We've actually been having some beautiful fall weather. I've been pleasantly surprised. Today is cloudy but they say the warmer stuff is suppose to return.
My assertiveness group got postponed due to low numbers. So I have to wait a few more weeks before starting that, which is alright. Watch this be the group to help me the most! as its the one I've been avoiding

Anyway I hope you are all well.
Take care,
K

Hi all - I am having real trouble making myself check in here. I guess I am avoiding some kind of accountability... or something. Who knows what's in my head? Not me!

Congrats on the job, Hope - that's wonderful news!!

Nothing much new here - struggling with personal issues and a bit down, but just trying to face each day.

Heather, are you feeling any better? I go through phases where I have trouble checking in here too, though I am usually always reading. As far as being accountable, forget it for me. I'm trying not to go past a 10-15 lb gain since summer. I'm eating ok for part of the day and then losing it. I'm not consistent enough with exercise, blah, blah, blah.

Buddly, how is your cold?

Vermont, how are you? Is the cooler weather getting to you or are you enjoying it like I am?

One more day of work then I'm off for 3 days. I can't wait. I'm so sick of it right now. I'm starting to get nervous about next week. I hate starting a new job, but I'm so grateful to be doing it.

Hi everyone

Hope - you made me laugh about thinking about going to work naked I'm glad you found some things to buy. I DREAD starting new jobs...even though I really don't need to, just insecurity kicking in. I know you'll be great, remember they chose YOU!

I like wearing long sleeves now, but it means my moto days are drawing to an end..also my beloved summer job will be over in 2 weeks, then I go back to the job I always complain to you all about

buddly - do you need us to remind you to take your meds? I don't like to nag but I will if you need me too. I also should be enjoying the brilliant foliage that New Englanders get to see everyday, but to me it is just a pre-curser (spelling?) to winter. But I did enjoy a nice motorcycle ride today and enjoyed the colors.

Heather - I hope whatever is going on in your head is good

AuntyJam - I'm glad you told us how you got your name, that was cute continued good wishes towards jobs and money issues! and hedges!!

I saw the dental surgeon for a referral...got the news how much it will be..alot of $$ but at least we can afford it. Agree w/ Hope that it is just awful worrying about money isn't it. It is funny that I have the choice between paying for dental or frontal implants Well I guess the dental implants don't cost as much and they are more functional than the other kind of implants!

Had kinda a shock, when I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day..she mentioned how bad off my sister is, sister is alcoholic plus depression, and even after YEARS 'they' cant seem to find meds that help her. I said to my mom that I had very good luck with the Wellbutrin...

...there was this silence on the phone, and she said she had no idea I had a problem with that. Well, my mom is a recovered alcoholic, just in the past 2 years; but I did tell her of my depression, and suicidal thoughts, and marriage problems...apparently she didn't remember any of that..kinda sad as I didn't confide in anyone else, and the person I confided in didn't even really listen or know..whatever

I tried a new workout tape today, I got it for $1 at a yard sale. It's one of the Slim in Six tapes, 'Burn It Up'. Boy was it a good workout! Actually looking forward to doing it again. Famous last words

Vermont, I felt so bad for you when I read your post about your mom. I'm sorry she didn't remember talking to you about your depression. I'm sure that really hurt your feelings. Of course, with her alcohol problems maybe you weren't completely surprised. I know when you confide something like that in somebody you definitely don't expect them to forget it. On a lighter note, the decision of which implant would be more useful could go either way.

I left work a little early today with a scratchy throat. I'm praying it doesn't turn into a cold. I bundled up and took a nap to try to sweat it out. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Yeah, I have a cold. It sucks b/c I'm off for three days and need to get a lot done. I've been napping a lot. I hope the worst is over by tomorrow. TOM is here too. That doesn't help anything. I really wanted to get the house straightened up before I start my new job next week.

At the risk of talking to myself...

I did something today that really depressed me. It's nothing that I haven't done a million times before but I really don't want to do this the rest of my life. When I was losing weight I thought there was a chance that this behavior would stop but now that I'm stuffing my face I'm doing it more and more.

I was walking into a restaurant and the recruiter from my new job was walking out. I quickly ducked and hid behind a menu I had picked up and walked him past as quickly as possible, praying he didn't recognize me. Of course I had gone out with not makeup on and my hair up. When I was younger there was no way I would go out looking like I do now. I even go to work looking this crappy. I'm so sick of hiding from the world and being ashamed to be seen. I was just so embarrassed today. Why am I hiding from a guy who is probably at least 10 years younger than I am and has less life experience? I'm so tired of feeling less than and like I'm so hideous I need to hide.

Hi everyone,

Hope, I really hope you are feeling better and your cold is going away. I know what you mean about hiding away, I have no idea how to get over it.
I'm getting over my cold, which is nice. My girls are all dealing with it now.

Its the thanksgiving long weekend here. I have a turkey thawing and I'm suppose to be making pie crusts right now.

I still haven't started exercising. I don't know what my problem is.

I hope everyone is doing good.

Take care all,
K

again I"ve let alot of days go by without checking in, I'm sorry ladies!

Hope, I once hid from a friend!! it is such an awful feeling isn't it. But on a positive note I think it was definitely one of 'the' pushing points that made me start watching what I ate and working out. Thanks for the empathy about my mom, too. And sorry about your cold!

hey buddly, Happy Thanksgiving!!!

well my husband had a motorcycle crash on Wednesday, he suffered a basal skull fracture and lots of hits and bruising...also one of his teeth cut a hole in his lower lip and had to be stitched...he was released after only 24 hours in the hospital, but has to wear a neck brace for 6 weeks; and take anti-seizure meds for a week.

He is actually getting around pretty good considering; we went to a friend's b-day party last night, and he is already cooking his own meals ( I offer!!! I guess his just tastes better )

And...he was riding MY bike. So my bike is totaled. All my depression symptoms have returned, I cry at ANYTHING, I'm having self destructive eating and drinking, I want to just sleep without dealing with life. I know it's been a couple of very stressful days, and its that time of year, when I end my good job and go to the stupid one, and there is such low hours of daylight...crap!!!!!!!

my bike was fully insured, but they will lowball me because of the high miles (because I loved riding her so much!!) I don't want a new bike, as everyone is telling me, 'be happy, you can get a new bike!' I want my old one back