okay, so this may be long and for that i am sorry but I feel the need to express what I am feeling right now because I honestly dont know anymore.

here it goes.

it all started about two weeks before Christmas and I got offred a full time job that was a union job making more money and it was really different then where i was currently working PT no benifets and making little money. Well my car broke down and no one in my family or my BF family where willing to let me use there cars saying they didn't want to be liable if anything happend while I was driving. (three people had spare cars i could use and not one of them offered to help me)

well I really wanted this job so i took it b/c my old job i was being unfairly treated nd I was sick of it. well my job right now is a 40 min. drive from where I live and sincem y bf wont let me borrow his car and he could drive with his brother to work I have to get up at 5am mon-fri (on the days I work ) and we have to leave my 5:30am and he'll drop me off at like anywhere between 6-6:30.
sometimes I dont have to be at work until 10am so I'm left waiting around from 6:30am to 10am b/c I have no other way to get to work.
and I just started like three weeks ago and my boss is always telling me I need to go faster. I mean everyone there has been there for years and I undrestand I may be going slow but everytime she tells me i need to go fast I get nervous and mess up because I want to show them that I am a good worker, and I am a very sensitive person and i hate when people yell at me.

and now I don't een like going to work. its not a bad job I just have no interest in it at all and I wouldn't even mind if I got fired. My friend said to me the other day I was just lazy and I don't know maybe i am, I just have no interest in my job anymore.

and then there is my relationship. I'm only 21 and I feel as if i'm wasting my youth away in a serious relationship i don't even want. i mean my BF is loving, supportive, kind but he's overly protective. He doesn't likeit when I drink (I've been 21 since July and haven't had ANY alchol) doesn't even like it when i smile and say hi to other guys, he says I can wear whatever I want but I have to deal with his nasty comments about how Im trying to show off and I just don't know what to do. The list of what I can't do is endless because he's always blaming his insecurities. He never had a serious GF before and he says hes afraid of losing me. I just and done, but i don't know how or what to do.

I feel as if Im in this funk I don't know how to get out of. I don't care about my job (even though its a great job) I just feel so useless and sad all the time and I don't know what to do.
please help....

I have no advice, just an internet "hug" - - but I hope it helps you feel even a teeny tiny bit better.

First of all, I want to say hi to another Ohioan. I am in Geneva, on the other side of Cleveland. Nice weather, huh?
Anyway, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but have a huge problem with depression. You may or may not be clinically depressed. You might just be down because of all the negatives in your life. The only one who can truly know is a professional. Perhaps you can try to find a therapist or doctor to talk to. They can diagnose the problem. If you are depressed, maybe there is medication that can help. Some people don't like the thought of taking medication, but I'm here to tell you it can make all the difference in your life. After what seems like a million years, I finally found a doc who got me on the right meds and it's like my world has changed. I feel so much better I can't even describe it.
I don't want to be negative or put my opinion in where it's not wanted, but it sounds like your bf is rather controlling. Perhaps it is due to his insecurities, but it doesn't seem like a healthy enviroment. Maybe that's something you can tackle down the road. Right now, I think you need to concentrate on you and what you need.
If there's any way I can help, please let me know.

big hugs to you.

The only one that can properly diagnose you is your doctor. If you feel there is a problem, then don't doubt yourself, please go talk to your doctor.

another one for yah

Leenie

thanks SO much to all of your guys support! I know this is a tough time for me, as I feel as if I'm trying to find myself, but it really helps having others here for support!!

I guess I'm just a work in progress....

Hi Mickeypnd!
I had many thoughts going through my head reading about your situation. It all comes to one thing. YOU ARE VERY YOUNG! This is something to be happy about! I have made many sudden turns in my life. I've picked up my few things, moved to another country (couple of times) with pretty much two hands in my pockets and it has turned up fine. I've made lots of friends for life (all of them would lend me a car and they have done it), seen places I've never thought I'll see, found new hobbies...
You can make anything you want in your life! Go to Australia as exchange student, work is tough but you'll see the world, find a summer job in Alaska, you'll make money and friends, go to Europe through some youth program, have fun. Go to Brazil or work on cruise ship on Carribean. Don't be afraid of change!!!!
“Control your fate or somebody else will”
Heinrich von Pierer quotes

I don't see your problem as "Depression," as much as "Opression." Here you are at 21 and suddenly everyone is bossing you around. People are dictating to you, and you react by finding no way out. Don't fold to the pressure. You are allowed to fail. If you realize you don't like a job, then you can back out (usually they can fire you for any reason too). It's a hard economy, so make sure you have a job lined up before cutting the apron strings. Also, a lot of people love telling others how to live their lives.

I have a feeling you are trapped in a dead end situation. Your boyfriend sounds like a potential abuser, and frankly 21, stuck in a factory type job (I assume because you have to hurry up)-- is not a great place to be. There are several different types of depression. The most common is situational-- in other words something in the real world has made you sad, and you should fix it. Seeing a nurse might help-- and it is always a good thing to see a trained medical person when you have health questions.

I have a few suggestions: Try to find someone at your job who lives near (on the same shift) and car-pool to work. Save money for your car repair, and get your car fixed. Speed up on your job and get stable, so the supervisor likes you, then start to look for another job that you will be happier with. People change jobs all the time, but I feel it is best to stay in one for at least a year, and try to learn something. Possibly try to get into a college or community college program. It might help with future jobs.

The BF sounds too dominating and posessive to really allow you to grow and thrive. All he has to do is get you put on his auto insurance as a driver and you can pay him to let you use his "spare" car. It is not like having someone drive someone else's car is rare in the history of the world. Lots of cars have multiple drivers. The fact that your entire family does not trust you is worrisome.