Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
I'm about 45 days out from lap Band surgery and totally out of the blue my wife of 17 years asks me for a divorce. I'm in totally shock. She added insult by saying that she hadn't loved me in 4 years, hadn't been attracted to me in years. On top of all this like I said, I just had the WLS and I'm trying to deal with the food issues that I have, the 20the anniversary of my fathers death is in a week, the brother that molested me has been arreested for incest and finally I'm completely overwelmed at work with the economy and lack of work for my staff. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate and burst into tears every few hours. Everyone who knows us as a couple was completely shocked. I don't know what to do, she won't do counseling she just keeps saying "I'm Done".
To say you're emotionally overwhelmed right now would be an understatement. As tough as this time of your life is going to be, I want to reinforce the fact that you WILL get through this. You need to focus on your health first. The additional stress your wife just put on you will affect your healing. If there's anyway you could talk to a therapist right now, I believe it would do you a world of good.
If you are a religious person, please give it to God. When you feel like you can't take another step, He WILL carry you through. Divorce is never easy, but if your wife doesn't want counselling and just wants to end the relationship, at least you know you tried to get help and save the marriage. That says a lot in my book about you!
What your brother did to you and anyone else in your family just shows how sick he is. I'm glad he got arrested, maybe he'll get the help he needs. Although I really don't think sexual predators are ever rehabilitated, at least now he will have to answer for what he's done; and he'll be watched closely.
The fact that you can't concentrate and are crying all the time tells me you're most likely very depressed. Please get in touch with a therapist right away. You may need to go on medication for awhile to help you through this very difficult time. Please try not to worry excessively about the economy. As hard as it is on your staff not to have enough work, it would be even harder on them if they didn't have you emotionally and physically healthy.
Time heals everything, but you do have to go through a lot before you get to the point where it's not so raw anymore. Please surround yourself with the people who love and support you, and talk, talk, talk. We're always here for you. This too shall pass
Chris pretty much said it all but what I would suggest is making an appt with your doctor and taking to him (your regular gp). What you need right now is oooodles of support, there's no reason you need to go through this alone. Please know that you are not alone and that I will be praying for you God knows and understands your hurt... He really does, He has been there too. Lean on Him. Do you know the story of Joseph? with all that his family did to him he still managed to forgive and rise about it all and become even greater.... you too will survive this and become a very strong person... just forgive yourself first.
Well, I would say your wife is very cruel to do this at this time. You haven't even recovered from surgery yet. However I would strongly suggest that you get counseling for your depression. And as been suggested rely on your faith and trust that God will see you through this.
Wes, I am so sorry that you are going throught such a difficult time. You are dealing with a lot of things. My gosh! Crying is good though. You are dealing with your stress and grief. If you are religious, put all of this in God's or Jesus' hands. If you are not, then let it all go to the universe. The things that you are going through are out of your control, so now is a good time to not claim ownership of all of this and let it all go. You did offer your wife to attend counseling sessions and she has refused. That is all that you can do at this point, so basically it is her and not you who are not wanting to work at this.
I cannot believe that your wife waited until now, right at this moment, to tell you that she wants a divorce. It's both cruel and cowardly on her behalf.
As others have mentioned, it's a good time to seek some counseling at least just so you can have someone to listen to you. Also, there is the option of asking your physician for an anti-depressant. Medications have come a long way and can help you in times like this. You have a positive thing going on and that is your surgery. This is a huge step you have taken towards insuring your health.
To say everything landed at your door at once is an understatement. It suggests to me that the fact you are tearful that you need to go to the doctors sooner rather than later. It sounds like other posters have put your in depression which considering your circumstances is normal even one of those issues could cause depression never mind all those coming at once.
If you can talk to someone about your problems whether that be a friend, counsellor or someone from church or religious leader. I know that they will not solve the problems your experiencing but just talking about them will ease the burden some what.
If your doctor suggests that medication is the best form of treatment for now it will take at least three weeks to start to even lift the depression a little. This is because it takes that long for the therapeutic levels to reach a certain level in your body to become effective.
If at all possible try and concentrate on the food you put into your body as that is the one thing you have certain control over. Especially as you are recovering from weight loss surgery.
I know it is difficult to believe it now with everything that is happening in your life right now. The adage time is a great healer is true. So give yourself time to grieve over the relationship ending , your fathers death. I am not sure which direction to point you for your molestation by your brother and the health organisations to contact as I am from the UK and our system is posibily completely different set up to yours in the USA.
Wes - Sending best supportive thoughts for you to deal with the stack of things on your emotional plate.
Don't have any neat solutions. I agree with the suggestions that you might well find counseling helpful right now - you have to sort out those things you can change and those you can't.
Among couples I've known, I've seen divorce follow a major step to solve a problem that's been a thorn in the marriage when, intuitively, you'd think the opposite would happen. Don't know the reason, and don't expect that piece of info to bring you any solace, except to know you're not alone in finding unusual potholes on your journey.
Last edited by BillBlueEyes; 11-16-2008 at 04:44 PM.
Reason: Typo.
Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. I'm trying to stay positive for our four kids, but its hard. I've made an appointment with a therapist so hopefully that gets me back on track soon.
Wes-
I am so sorry and my thoughts and prayers are with you. It will get better soon. I came out of a deep depression once also. Please know things will turn around.
OK i know I'm new here and I don't want to be a jerk, but I want to help. Really. So please don't take the following as mean. I just think sometimes people don't always tell you what they think you should hear because they want to spare your feelings and it seems u are going though a lot already. However, my opinion is that UNLESS you married a completely horrible person (and I hope not cuz you made four kids with her) you need to fight to do anything to keep your family from ripping apart. If she leaves with the kids you won't be able to be there all the time to raise them so instead of feeling sorry for yourself put down your pride and tell her you will do anything reasonable to make the marriage work. Maybe you weren't the best husband and maybe she wasn't the best wife but don't let that get in the way of destroying anything for your children! I'm pretty sure if you approach her humbly, civility and seriously (no crying or wining ) and say you weren't the best and take full responsibly for everything she can possibly think of (even if it wasn't only your fault) and say you will do anything to keep the family intact she will be less defensive. You have to be strong and manly about that part though, or she won't respect you. Don't blame her right now about things she has done too or she will walk away! If you do all that, and she still wants a divorce then look her straight in the eye and very seriously tell her that you will go get an lawyer for fully physical custody and fight her every moment. She what she thinks about it then.
wes,
i let tragedies in my life get in the way of becoming healthy almost a year ago now, and i although i don't regret it, because i learned from it, i do believe that when horrible things happen there is a way to get around them in life. seek out your closest friends for comfort, see a therapist (as you've already said you will be doing), and do anything you can to make it through every day. it may be hard, but it's doable. i'll keep you in my thoughts.
lindsey
Here's an update, I've met her with several times now, asking to at least slow down and separate first and see if we can both work on the marriage. She is adamant that she is done and feels nothing for me. I’ve tried everything. I’m totally convinced now that this marriage cannot be saved. I just can’t believe so many years down the drain and our family ruined.
I have acknowledged the things she said contributed to her leaving and pledged to work on everything. She says that the kids will be fine and we'll split physical and legal custody (one week with me one week with her) Sole physical custody for either of us would be impossible and she knows it. California courts are very reluctant to grant sole custody unless there is a real danger to kids. She filed immediately and wants to split everything on the first. . She’s being fair and so am I. I’m trying to keep it civil. I’m starting to have nightmares, still not sleeping, I just can’t imagine being with anyone else.
Just had WLS and Wife asked for Divorce
How cruel can someone be??!!
