[Goomba]

I'm not sure if it's the PCO's, stress or just life, but somedays I feel so overwhelmed by everything that goes on around me .. I just don't know what to do!! I don't know weather to scream, cry or laugh .. things never use to bother me like this. I constantly feel like I am hitting roadblocks in everything I do!! I feel like I resent everyone around me for having a life .. but I don't know how to get one for myself!! Everything I do seems to be for someone else's benefit .. how do I stop that??? I CAN'T HANDLE EVERYTHING ALL BY MYSELF!! I shouldn't have to deal with everything .. and I do mean EVERYTHING!!!! I do all the normal homemaker stuff .. cook, clean, errands and such .. plus I have to juggle the lives of 3 other families around that of my own (I'm a foster parent) .. and deal with their issues and behaviours on a daily basis!! I look at my husband sitting on the couch watching TV and I resent him for it because I am running around doing EVERYTHING!! I see my foster kids doing their things and I resent that!!! I resent being the glue / rock that holds it all together!! Why cant someone hold it together for me??? Am I being selfish????? I informed one mother that I required her visits be arranged a head of time so that I could plan my activities in advance .. she had the nerve to say to me "Then why did you, your husband and daughter become foster parents when you can't handle it??" This from a woman who can't deal with her own daughters behaviour!!! I informed her that I am able to deal with the children but due to having to schedule things for 4 families requires some advance notice .. she made me so angry that I told her that all of her visits with her daughter had to be made through her Social Worker!! I never do that!!!! I have been fighting with CAS to have a Child Care Worker come into my home to provide support for me (this has been an on going battle for the past three years and I just got it approved .. I was so happy!) .. so I can get a life .. my husband is flipping out that he does not want strangers in HIS house .. well its my house too .. and I really dont give too hoots what HE WANTS this is about what I WANT!!! I feel like I am expected to deal with his mother's cancer .. and his family fighting .. while he refuses to even call to see how she is .. I'm tired of dialing the number and handing him the phone!!! I'm tired of having to deal with all the stressors in everyone elses life!!! Am I being selfish if I say .. grow up and do it yourself??? I am tired of being asked simple questions like "Where are my socks?" THEY ARE IN THE SAME DRAWER THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN!!!!! I miss placed my ATM card tonight .. not one person out of 5 helped me look for it!!! I want to stand in the middle of the room and yell " WHAT ABOUT ME!!!! DO YOU NOT SEE ME??? DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I COULD USE SOME HELP??? GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND HELP ME!!!!!! Am I going insane???

I feel like life is passing me by! I read other peoples posts and I recall the past .. when I lived closer to my family and had a "regular job" that I could leave and come home and relax!! All that is gone .. my family lives so far away (at least it feels far away) and I miss them soooooooo much!! I miss being hugged by my mommy!! And having friends that would visit and chit chat!! I so miss having time to do things that I want to do!! When did life get so hard???

Sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown .. then things slow down and poof its ok for a little bit. But life has a way of hitting you upside the head when you least expect it!! And lately .. I havent been able to handle it well.

[MrsDomino]

I almost fear replying to this but here goes.

Goomba - I have absolutely no problem in agreeing that I too would be about ready to scream if in your situation. First of all I applaud you for taking on other's problems by becoming a Foster Parent. Apparently both you and your husband have agreed to this. It's a shame he does nothing to help though. What benefit do the foster children get from him?

Anyways, I don't know how long you normally have a foster child before he/she is returned to parents or re-assigned a new foster home (which I'm sure you can ask for). But I'd seriously consider taking a break from fostering. Catch up on you, then slowly build back into it again, possibly taking on less children.

The JUST SAY NO drug campaign slogan comes to mind.

<HUGS> Hope you are able to work things out.

[Tippy]

I can only tell you what would work for me. In the past year, I have had a few times when I've felt as you do. In fact, in retrospect, I can say it has happened a few times in my life.

I think that you should seriously think about taking a break from foster care. After that is out of your life, you can take a deep breath and figure out what else you have to change in order to remove all that stress! Girl, you need a break! You need to start thinking about yor needs as no one is going to.

No matter how much I know my DH loves me, he hasn't a clue about my needs. I have to understand and take care of them. You have to do the same in order to enjoy your life. Quit thinking about anyone elses needs and concentrate on your own.

[ldyliz]

I am in a similar situation to yours. I suggest you and your husband have a heart to heart talk. Tell him you need at least one evening or afternoon a week for you to take some personal time. If the kids are old enough enlist their help to give you some time off. That time needs to be sacred and not subject to other demands.

You need to give up the need to control everthing which is how the system you are stuck in gets started. Delegate stuff, and don't worry if it doesn't get done exactly right. The kids need to learn life skills like laundry and cooking. Divide up responsibilities fairly with your husband, and if he blows it, do not rescue him! I had to learn this the very hard way, but it does work.

[Freckles]

Goomba:

I agree with the rest of the gals here, you need a break! If I were you, I'd talk to the social services. Tell them you love what you are doing, but need some time off for awhile. Is it possible for the kids to go to temporary foster homes right now & later take care of them? If it is possible, talk to the kids & let them know that you care for them & in order for you to take better care of them, you need to take a vacation. Speaking of vacation: I think you should seriously think about taking one. First of all, take a vacation by yourself. You can do this staying @ home & doing the things you once enjoyed, or try a new interest that you have been dreaming of. Next: It sounds like you really miss your family, so take some time off & pack your bags for a visit back home! Of course, you will want to talk this over with your husband. Try to talk to your husband without whining & approach him in a positive way. Tell him that if you get your much needed "me" time, you will be a better wife to him. You could also reverse the order of your vacations & go visit family first. But if you do this, somehow get through to your husband that part of your healing process is to be able to come home & not have to worry about all the responsibility being put on your shoulders. Tell him that you would like to work as a team, or better yet- as a couple. I'm not sure if you have children of your own to raise besides the foster children & if that's the case, have them share in the responsibility. I have children of my own & am a stay at home mom, but I'd love to take a break from it all too & go on a much needed vacation. I also have my mother and my inlaws that depend on me for help. I'm seriously thinking about doing all of the above for myself too, as I'm getting at the burn out stage myself. Good Luck to you & feel free to send me a private message if you'd like. Take Care!

[Goomba]

Thank you all for your wonderful advise .. I know I need some time to be all by myself. I have been attempting to do just that for this Easter weekend .. but it seems to be back firing My husband was to go to Sudbury to visit his mother .. seems his sisters have decided to leave the city for the long weekend which would leave him to care for his ailing mother and father!! Now he is having second thoughts about going up ... and really I don't blame him. I do really miss my family but at this point, my mother is not feeling too great .. she has sever R.A. and to go up there to visit would cause too much stress for her. She tries to act like she is not in any pain and can do everything herself .. so for the time being I have my trip home on hold. She begins a new treatment today and with any luck this medication will do her wonders

As far as the foster monsters go .. I have to admit, this is something I love to do .. it just seems that I am the only one in the house that can cope with their annoying and disturbing behaviour without flipping out I have three girls right now and they range in ages from 9 - 14. Two of the kids have ODD / ADHD. I normally have older teens who are also difficult but less annoying I also have an ex foster monster who rents our basement .. she cant handle them at all. I guess the moral of this story is to not accept children who are so young. No one in our home is use to having younger kids in the house so than in and of itself is a stress. Thank God they are only with me on a short term basis.

We dont have children of our own .. I could never foster with my own kids at home.

Talking with the hubby is like talking to a wet towel He himself was abused as a child and really lacks the ability to display emotions .. Maybe a display of tears would work I have told him how I feel .. many times in fact .. and it doesnt change a thing. For example .. I told him if he couldnt put his dirty clothing in the hamper .. then I wouldnt wash them .. I held out for over a month .. he kept going out and buying new clothing instead of putting them in the hamper .. my room smelt like a hamster cage!!! Stubborn eh?? So if I dont want to trade him in for a new and improved model .. I have considered that but the trade in allowance wasnt enough .. I have to accept him as is .. humm what was I thinking when I walked down the isle?? I know .. that I loved him Whats a girl to do

I think what I need to do is to get on some medication .. I took Prozac for awhile but I felt like I was emotionally flatlining .. when I was trying to quit smoking and they put me on Zyban .. I felt great!!! But they took me off that .. so I guess the next step is to go to the doctor.

Oh and by the way .. I have placed the foster monsters at temp homes for the long weekend .. wheeeeeeee .. lets see if I can recharge my batteries.

Thank you all