I don't know what is happening to me. Lately I feel like I hate the world and I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I don't enjoy anything anymore and the frustrating thing is I have no idea why. I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband who is extremely supportive, but some days I cry for no reason and things seem so bleak. I get anxiety for no reason whatsoever, I can't stand myself. I can eat 1500 healthy cal a day and still gain weight (1lb/wk or so) so I get unbelievably frustrated with my diet and exercise routine. I am making an appt with a doc, but I don't want to just go on meds w/out finding some cause. I am at the end of my rope......

Making a Dr appointment is a huge step, good for you

Good for you for making the appt. Man, that is such a hard step and you did it! Feel good about that.
Depression is so hard to understand, isn't it? I know I look at my husband who is so supportive and 4 beautiful children and wonder how can I possibly be depressed. I went on meds a few years ago and was even hospitilized for a short time. It is not a weakness to have to go on meds and it doesn't mean you'll be on them forever. Be open to what the doctor says. You will get through this.

Best,
Jess

Thank you for your support!

I'm so glad your seeing your doctor. And it is a major step. For me it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Once you do it... and you leave the office, you'll feel like a brand new person b/c you say to yourself WOW!! I'm getting help and I'm gonna feel good soon. Almost, like the weight of the world off your shoulders.

Please remember not all doctors are the same, I've had some dismiss my problems and I just found a doctor I wouldn't trade for the world...some one who actually listens to me. So in short... if at first you don't succeed (doctor or meds) try try again.

WTG !!!!

I understand what you are going through and have been considering making a doctor's appt. But, I don't like keeping secrets from my husband, but I don't think I could tell him that I think I need medicine. I don't want to go behind his back and anyway he would find it out later when the bill came. I don't know what to do. I am depressed most days and it seems like my husband and I have been fighting constantly and that just adds to the depression. Up to a week ago we rarely fought, and I don't know exactly what happened. I guess some things have just been building up inside me that most of the time I let go so we don't fight. I am just tired of not expressing my opinions, thoughts, and feelings just to save us from an arguement.

Bloodbought, do you think your husband would not approve of medication? And what would be his reasoning? Is it just the money? Have you thought about just seeing someone and not worrying about medication? Would he support you in that? Sounds like you need to have a frank talk about ways he can support you in feeling better, and explain it will help in your marriage as well. He must at least support the basic principle behind that if he loves you and then maybe he can offer some suggestions if he is against other ideas. If it is a money issue, maybe you can look into getting counseling at a community place, either with your city or state, or maybe a program or church. I think any little thing is really a good place to start, but your husband needs to get behind your desire to get better if nothing else, even if he does not approve of the means.

Pumpingiron, It sounds like you need to learn to love yourself. Sound dumb? Not really. You (and all of us) have wonderful qualites, and you need to reach inside yourself and think about those. Decide what you like about yourself, and stop listening to all the negative voices in your head that you've been telling yourself for so long. Maybe you've made some mistakes in your life... Haven't we all? Think about each one, and then say "I forgive you." This to yourself after each one.

Then set a timer and get busy doing something for fifteen minutes. If your house is a mess (and if you're feeling overwhelmed, I suspect there is some chaos around you somewhere), start there. Clean off your kitchen table. Or your dining room table. Or pick up things (in some room of the house) that are on the floor. Then look at the result and rejoice in what you accomplished in that little bit of time.

We all feel overwhelmed and depressed at times. The cure for that is action. Sometimes we feel SO overwhelmed that we don't know where to start. Start small. Do just ONE thing that you can then look at and feel good about. Maybe you've had a fight with someone. Call them up and talk about it. Or apologize for your part of it. Or even without doing that, forgive yourself for your part in it and them for their part.

Little things, little ways of taking care of just a small part of the problems of life help you to get back a sense of control... When you have that sense of control, you don't feel so overwhelmed, you know you can do it.

We tend to hate ourselves when we are constantly beating ourselves up. We don't have to go there. Say to yourself right now: "I am a worthwhile person. I deserve to be happy. I love myself just the way I am." If you don't feel it, say it anyway. And keep saying it until you do start to believe it.

So your dieting efforts aren't working? Celebrate your successes. Have you lost weight already? Have you made steps to start a diet or exercise? If not, then make a plan. Spend fifteen minutes taking a walk, or riding an exercise bike or bending and stretching. Just fifteen minutes.

I firmly believe that when we get really depressed it is because we feel we have no control over our lives. Make ONE tiny little step to change that. Maybe we can't control the scale or where it points to. But we can control how we eat, we can control how we exercise, we can control some small portions of our time and we can do something good for ourselves RIGHT now. Make one little step and then rejoice in what good you have done.

Oh and one more piece of advice... Pray. Our loving Father cares about you. He will help you through this.

Seeing a doctor is great news. I too felt the same, and since seeing my doctor and being on med's it takes a lot of the depressed feelings away. I was reluctant to taking them at first, but they do help, with nothing to be ashamed of.
I was in a rut with being depressed, that is being worked on, now I need to work on the weightloss, it was a vicious circle.

I have been where you are. When I finally went for help, it took quite a while. A lot of doctors will just throw pills at you. Meds are wonderful for helping you get your life back under control. But they are not enough. Cognitive therapy is retraining the way you think. We do not have a feeling without first having a thought. Most depressed people have incorrect beliefs about themselves, myself included. When you stop and listen to your thoughts, what do you hear? I was shocked when I did this. I really hated myself and life. I had so many incorrect beliefs that had been there from childhood. It is so hard to change these, but it CAN be done. I started seeing a wonderful therapist who is showing me these things, and for the first time in years, I feel I have hope. Hope to be happy, hope to enjoy my life, rather than just waiting it out until I die.

I was on meds for years with no therapy, and I didn't get anywhere. I urge anyone suffering with depression to seek counseling. It is SUCH a hard step. Trust me, I know. I put it off for years. But it is saving my life now. I just wanted to share this with you. Because I know how you feel. And I know there is a way out.

I too did cognitive therapy and I cannot even begin to tell you how much it's helped. I never realized what thoughts I had before and it's awesome to feel in control to leading a happy, healthier life! I went almost an entire year before deciding to be put on meds. I was very adamant about not using them, but over time it became apparent that I did need them to control other aspects of mental disorders that I am living with.

I agree, it is a very hard step, but one that will save your life. I know it did mine. It saved my marriage and has made life for my children wonderful again!
Every day isn't rosy, but it's certainly a change, and one that I consistently work on to making better each day.

Thanks for a really great post!

Thank you all so much...

You really gave my day a boost!

You could have some sort of medical problem (such as a thyroid problem) that could be causing you to not lose your weight, despite your weight lose attempts. Talk to your dr. He/she may run some blood tests to see. Good luck!

KimO

Pumping iron, I am a social worker but haven't been able to get a job in my field since leaving air force in 2001....which devasted me, both reasons...relapsed on alcohol and cigs after yrs, of abstinence after being diagnosed as bipolar...at age 38! Again devastated. It has taken me days at a time and years now to put all in perspective. I am now happily married one year, clean and sober well over a year and a half or more (lost track) as well as off cigs. My last addictive challenge is the weight...I do think the medication I take contributes to appetite and weight gain because I never got to the weight highs like this before. At 5'7 I like to stay around 142...but am currently 172. That depresses me greatly but I have tremendous support at my weight loss center and at home...I wonder if you may have hormonal challenges as that too can affect moods.......menopause/premenopause. Have a full work up with blood tests and everything. Rule in or out aformentioned as well as thyroid. Many doctors do not take a holistic approach so you must let him/her know what is important and relevant to you and your health so they can investigate. Take this from a social worker who worked in the field and a patient too.

Hey Pumpingiron,

I know exactly how you feel. I was gaining weight on 1000 to 1200 calories a day and felt all the things that you mentioned - the depression and anxiety, etc. I felt the same as you described for over 20 years, and every doc I saw offered me anti depressants. I just knew there was something causing my problems and would not take the antidepressants. I kept saying I had most of the symptoms of a low thyroid problem and the docs would only run the dang TSH and say "your thyroid is fine". Once my oldest son started having problems and we eventually found out it was his thyroid, I saturated myself with everything I could find out about thyroid.

My TSH was never higher than 2.7 and I am now taking 5 grains of Armour Thyroid a day and feel like a new woman! I am 46 and have finally lost 26 lbs in the past 1 1/2 years (which in itself is a miracle for me). :-)

I want to strongly encourage you to have your doc check your thyroid, but have him run these specific tests...
Free T3
Free T4
TSH and
anti thyroid antibodies tests

get copies of your bloodwork and take a look at the numbers. A lot of docs say "normal" if you are anywhere in the range, but if you are "low" in the range, that could definitely be causing your problems.

Please read the info that I have posted on the "Depression Articles" thread at http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/show...t=49146&page=3

If I can be of any help, please let me know.

Cathy