I feel so helpless. I have been off track all week. First a fried chicken salad, then a piece of pie, then cookies, then jello, then a rice krispie treat and today a patty melt with fries. I can't do this diet stuff anymore. I can't even do this. I feel so panicked because I feel every single ounce that I'm slowly ganing this week. And I don't know what to do!!! I've only worked out 3x this week because I have been so damn tired and worn out.
I'm just so panicked because I feel like I'm going to freak out if I gain anything.
Rachel, we all know what you're going through, hon. Stop the negative talk in your head... you CAN do this! You've done really well to date, and you can continue to do well.
It sounds as though you're a bit run down. Take some time for yourself, catch up on your sleep, and pick up some healthy foods that you love. You can stop this cycle, Rachel. You're a strong woman... you're just having "a moment" because you're out of energy. Hang in there, girl.
Sending you big hugs...
Alisha, you poor darling! What a nightmare! I do hope that you can get your bill paid for you... take the charity! $30 000 is CRAZY!!!! Particularly when you've been misdiagnosed! (can you sue someone? )
Rosetta, I thought I'd commented on the remark that doctor made... WHAT A JERK!! I'm sorry you had to hear that, hon. You're doing so well on your own.
Today is my last at day hospital. I've got mixed emotions. I feel that I've made a lot of progress, and learned some great coping skills. I just hope I can stick to the life plans I've developed over the last six weeks. And I'm always afraid that the depression will keep coming back. Well, I KNOW it will, because it always does, but it just scares me. I'm so out of control when it hits.
Anyhow, I'd better put on my "positive shoes"!
Love and hugs to all... have a wonderful day, and be good to yourselves!!
Rachel - I'm sorry you were on a binge, but it happens to all of us. When I went off plan last weekend, I still felt in control. The reason is that I've learned how to track my calories and exercise and predict somewhat how much I will gain or lose. For instance, I added up all the calories I had eaten that week and then estimated the calories I took in that weekend. I subtracted the total from the amount of calories I needed to maintain my present weight (weight x 10% x 7 days). The amount I took in was still a lot less than the amount I needed to maintain my weight so chances were that I wouldn't gain weight. I took a calculated risk. I didn't exercise, but in your case you could also calculate the number of calories you burned during the week and subtract that from the calories you ate. These figures won't be precise but they'll give you an approximate picture of what's going on and take some of the emotion out of it. If you plan your calorie intake, you can afford to splurge once in awhile and you won't feel so guilty. Hope this helps.
Ellis - I've suffered from lifelong low grade depression which flares into full blown status once in awhile so I know how awful and scary it feels. You are doing something to make it less scary and more manageable and I'm sure you will have many more good days than bad. Just try to work through it and remember we're here for you when you need to vent.
I was feeling really overly emotional last night but I'm fine now. I learned it's okay to have a cheating food. It wasnt all in one day, it was over a week. But you know what? It's okay because I'm still losing!
Hi everyone, I hope you all are having a good day/evening.
I'm hanging in there, although trying VERY hard to get back on track. I mean I haven't really fallen completely off the wagon or anything but I'm hanging on by a toe ya know? When I was in recovery I didn't eat my supplements but did stick to things like a bit of chicken noodle soup, grilled chicken, that sort of thing. But now that I'm better, I'm finding it hard to get back on program. I've been doing things like having a grilled chicken sesame salad for dinner instead of my supplement and one day I even broke down and bought hotdogs and macaroni salad! The hotdogs were Healthy Choice and the macaroni salad was low fat but still... those things most certainly are NOT on my program. Someone please give me a kick in the arse. I need it. I've lost over 40lbs and I have a long way to go. I just can't afford this to-ing and fro-ing. Especially because my supplements take up my budget for food!
Rachel - As you can see, sweetie, I'm in the same canoe as you are. We all go through this stuff, which is why we're on here I guess. Just hang in there and remember that tomorrow is another day. I have to keep telling myself that in order to prevent a huge guilt trip. It does work. I also find that going back to things that made me want to lose the weight in the first place helps. For example, look at some clothes in a store that you'd like to wear when you get the weight off, make a list of things that you'd like to do once you reach goal, start a savings account for things like a spa treatment, a manicure, pedicure or clothes so you can buy them once you reach goal.. that kind of stuff. I need to do that too - my inspiration is running on empty right now. But, we can do it and that's all there is to it.
Hi Ellis dear. Thanks for the well wishes. Believe you me, I will certainly accept anything they're willing to donate towards that bill. I keep getting them in the mail too. I thought it was just the Gastroenterologist and the surgeon plus the hospital. But no.... now it's the anaesthesiologist and the ultrasound people and today... the damn haemotology lab! Why in the world they don't just put them all on one bill and be done with it I don't know. The charity thing is for the hospital itself, so now I just have to figure out the rest of the bills! But, it will get there. Even $1,000 is better than $30,000! But anyway, I'm proud of you for attending your classes and how hard you've worked. It will be SO worth it. I've been on anti-depressants so many times I've lost count. The problem in England (when I was there) is that they give you pills but the waiting list for councelling is like 14 months! I figure what good are the pills if you weren't gaining any tools to help yourself? You are doing the smart thing and I KNOW you can get through this. I think a lot of us understand what you've gone through so please allow us to help you where and when we can okay? Much love. xo
Rosetta - It sure sounds like you've done your homework! I'm always very proud of people who can watch their calorie intake like that. I was never able to do it. Sure for a week or two but then I'd get so sick of it I just couldn't handle it anymore. I think it's awesome how far you've come and I'm so happy for you. You may see it as a calculated risk, but I tend to think of it as being responsible. I'm very proud of you.
JTHagans - welcome! It's great to have you here and it sounds like you sure are on the right track! What diet are you doing or are you just counting cals? If so, I applaud you! How empowering that you were able to have two bites of pie and let it go. I guess that's how it will be when we all get to goal. We'll have found the tools and skills to have a little and be satisfied instead of eating the whole pie, let alone a piece! I do feel good in myself when I'm able to do that. I'm on a meal replacement program so I'm not allowed any at all, but that's fine. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not forever. The food isn't going anywhere. I think that's become my new mantra! And tell hubby that eating donuts in front of you is mean! The shame of it. It's a good thing I live alone because it would be a riot zone in my house! Thankfully the cats' kibbles don't appeal to me (yet!)
Anyway, take care all and hang in there! We're getting there!
Tam - Welcome to the thread. You seem to be doing things right. Calorie counting and portion control are essential to weight loss. As you change your habits it will get easier. In the meantime, keep reminding DH not to tantilize you with those krispy cremes. As far as recipes go, I'm not a cook and don't have much imagination when it comes to varying low calorie meals. That's why I finally went on a medically supervised fast. No choices. Makes it easier for me.
Alsiha - You're playing mind games. Get back on those supplements, girl. No messing around. You know you can do it. I am learning about calorie counts and weight loss and portion control. Every week we get a lecture by a behaviourist after checking in with the doc and the weigh-in. He does warn us, however, not to break the fast, because, as you know, it's hard to get back on it. I was okay last week, but on the weekend I was very tempted to cheat again. But then I would be paying all this money to tread water. I have a lot of weight to lose and need to get on with it. I'm still about 20 lbs away from getting into my winter jackets. So pass the supplements, please.
Alisha, you get back on track, girl! You know you can do this... you've done so well so far, sweetie.
Thanks for your support regarding the program. It was a wonderful course, and the final day was so good. I had so many positive "goodbyes" from the group, and the psychiatrist, who doesn't hold his punches but tells it like it is, said some lovely things about me.
As well as making encouraging remarks regarding the work I did, he said that he was sorry I was leaving because I was good for the group, and that he would miss me. !! It was a memorable day.
Tam, your post reminded me of something... My husband and I were in the car one day, and he was driving and eating a brownie. He offered me a bite, and held it for me while I took a bite. I accidentally almost bit his finger off! He had a bruise on it for weeks afterwards.
I've got a terrible hacking cough... I had to get up because I thought the top of my head was going to blow off. I'm a little weary of sleeping sitting bolt-upright. I wonder if I dare try lying down again...
Rachel, You can do it. You are so close to your goal. Sometimes I think getting off track is required to keep us interested and motivated. You can chose to continue as you were going or jump back in and re-commit. Good luck!
Alisha, I can't believe your surgery story! My goodness, what a nightmare. I am glad they finally figured it out for you. I think this is a really stressful time for everyone. I have noticied even on the Maintainer board lots of people are off plan. I think once we make it through the summer it takes more effort to get back into the swing of things for fall. Get yourself back on track now though, or the holidays will be even tougher!
Tam, Welcome.
I have been doing well. The weight isn't really moving the way I want it to, but I am staying committed. This morning at the gym this buff guy at the gym that has been running next to me on the treadmill for about two weeks asks "So have you been running a long time?". I laughed and told him I just started about 3 months ago for the marathon training. He asked something else and I told him "Honestly, I wasn't doing much before, a year ago I was 250 pounds."
I exaggerated a little, it was 14 months ago I was 245lbs but still. I little light bulb went off in my head. I was almost 250lbs about a year ago. I have done a great job. I didn't hit my goal weight by my goal date. I wanted to be 130 by 10/21 (my 10 year anniversay) but I did well and came really close. I'll get there. My new goal date will be my daughter's birthday in March.
My daughter is sick. I have been up with her the last two nights. She has been running a fever as high as 101.7 and coughing a lot. I've got her fever down with Tylenol and I hope she gets better today instead of worse. I am most proud though, that I haven't eaten a bunch of crap even though I am sleep deprived and feeling yucky! I've had to skip exercise today, but I may be able to make it up tomorrow. We'll see!
Hi, Melissa. I've been around but haven't had the urge to post. I'm so sorry that your daughter is ill. That's so worrisome. Hopefully, her fever won't spike again and she'll get well fast. I can sympthathize with you on sleep deprivation and the urge to eat. I never get a restful night's sleep because I have serious sleep problems. I have a CPAP machine but it doesn't help much. By Friday I'm usually wiped out. Today was worse than usual and I wasn't satisfied with my usual venti tea. So I went out and got a large chai (loads of sugar) and a biscotti to go with it! The chai tasted sooo good. So I felt satisfied but guilty. I know it's about 250 extra calories max, but .... Now I don't want my midday protein shake. I'm doing well on my program. Dropped 5 lbs last week. Still feel deprived though. Melissa - you've lost 78 lbs! Don't worry about it not being on your timetable. Just take it in increments. You really don't have that far to go. I'm sure you'll make great progress in time for your daughter's birthday.
Ellis - I'm not at all surprised that the psychiatrist gave you complements. I can tell from your posts that you are a warm caring person and an asset to this forum.
Boss just came back from a trip all hyped up. Better go.
Melissa, I'm so sorry your daughter is sick. That's worrying, isn't it.
Good for you for not giving in to the food because you're tired! Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter...
Rosetta, you're a sweetheart. I hope you get a good sleep in tonight, hon.
Congratulations on the 5 pounds!!
My eating has been right out the window, but I know it's because I'm so sick with this cough. I've been sleeping a lot. Well, TRYING to sleep! The coughing is keeping me awake...
I had more energy today, and I think I'm starting to mend. I'm looking forward to starting back with the exercise next week... keeping my fingers crossed!!
DH is taking DS to a hockey game tonight, and DD is out with friends, so I've got the house to myself!! What a DREAM!!!
Good morning ladies! Thanks for all the well wishes. My daughter is feeling much better. The fever wouldn't even be so bad, but she hates medicine. She is back to sleeping through the night, so that's good.
I love my gym. It may not have a pool and it is kind of small, but everyone is so nice. I was having kind of a fat day this morning. Watching yourself eliptical and stair step in a giant mirror just shows all the jiggling. I know I have come far, but I still have a ways to go. One of the ladies actually came up to me on the stepper and said I was looking so good. Then, in the locker room, two other ladies were chatting with me about how great I look. Yay! I feel much better about myself now.
Hey JT, sounds like you are having a rough time. I took a water pill for about 3 years to help control blood pressure. It was prescribed by my doctor and I had to take it every day. Taking only 1 or 2 a week concerns me, because if I did that I would balloon up with excess water on the days I didn't take a pill. In fact, when my doctor finally took my off them it took about two weeks of constant water drinking to get my body back to getting rid of water by itself.
Also, having the chinese food doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is better if you plan ahead for it so you can count the calories. When I crave that type of food I usually try to find a Panda Express because their nutritional information is online so I have a better idea of what I am eating. Though, if they have you on a water pill the sodium in the chinese might really mess with your water retention.
Good luck, hang in there. It is a long, long road we are on. Sometimes I find myself desperate to make it to my maintenance weight, then I remind myself that I will be doing this for the rest of my life so I just need to take it slow.
Hi, everyone. Ellis, I hope you're getting over your cold. It's hard to stay on plan when you're sick. How was your evening on your own?
Melissa - what a great compliment you got at the gym. Sometimes when we're obsessing we don't see the whole picture.
TG - congratulations on your 17 lbs! That's quite an achievement. A note on Chinese food. Order the simplest dishes - like chicken or shrimp and vegs and stay away from the rice - that's where the calories come in.
I'm doing okay. Down another 4 lbs this week. If I stay on this track I should meet my phase 1 goal by the end of November.
Hey Tam, that is a great weight loss for the month. I hear you on the not eating a lot of different foods. This last year, though, I have been making myself eat a lot of things that are good for me whether I like them or not. I was reading a fictional book about weight loss that had the main character complaining to her nutritionist about some food tasting like dog food to her. The doctor went into a long explanation about how it is weird that people expect that they have to love how a food tastes to eat it. Sometimes, you have to eat something just because it is good for you. If I stuck to only the foods I "like" well, I would be back to 244lbs!
In the past year I have started eating cottage cheese (yuck!), fish, strawberries, blueberries, sweet potatoes and I am sure there are more. I do what I can to make them taste better, but I eat them because I should.
I have had a great week! I started out up a little at 165, which I am sure is because I had alcohol and a bunch of nuts over the weekend. Both of them bloat me like crazy. Every day I lost weight, to weigh in at 158.5 today! I know I didn't really lose 6.5lbs this week, but I'll take it. Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. That loss will help keep me in check over the weekend because I am so close to my next mini-goal of 156, I won't want to screw it up!
I did a 6 mile run before I got to work at 7am! I ran it in 78:42 which is 5 minutes better than two weeks ago.
What a nightmare! I do hope that you can get your bill paid for you... take the charity! $30 000 is CRAZY!!!! Particularly when you've been misdiagnosed! (can you sue someone? 
)
I'm sorry you had to hear that, hon. You're doing so well on your own. 
I'm so out of control when it hits. 
I mean I haven't really fallen completely off the wagon or anything but I'm hanging on by a toe ya know? When I was in recovery I didn't eat my supplements but did stick to things like a bit of chicken noodle soup, grilled chicken, that sort of thing. But now that I'm better, I'm finding it hard to get back on program. 
I need it. I've lost over 40lbs and I have a long way to go. I just can't afford this to-ing and fro-ing. 
Especially because my supplements take up my budget for food! 
We all go through this stuff, which is why we're on here I guess. 
Just hang in there and remember that tomorrow is another day. I have to keep telling myself that in order to prevent a huge guilt trip. It does work. I also find that going back to things that made me want to lose the weight in the first place helps. For example, look at some clothes in a store that you'd like to wear when you get the weight off, make a list of things 
that you'd like to do once you reach goal, start a savings account for things like a spa treatment, a manicure, pedicure or clothes so you can buy them once you reach goal.. that kind of stuff. I need to do that too - my inspiration is running on empty right now. 
But, we can do it and that's all there is to it. 
I keep getting them in the mail too. I thought it was just the Gastroenterologist and the surgeon plus the hospital. But no.... now it's the anaesthesiologist and the ultrasound people and today... the damn haemotology lab! 
Why in the world they don't just put them all on one bill and be done with it I don't know. 
The charity thing is for the hospital itself, so now I just have to figure out the rest of the bills! But, it will get there. Even $1,000 is better than $30,000! But anyway, I'm proud of you for attending your classes and how hard you've worked. 
It will be SO worth it. I've been on anti-depressants so many times I've lost count. The problem in England (when I was there) is that they give you pills but the waiting list for councelling is like 14 months! 
I figure what good are the pills if you weren't gaining any tools to help yourself? 
You are doing the smart thing and I KNOW you can get through this. I think a lot of us understand what you've gone through so please allow us to help you where and when we can okay? Much love. xo 
I was never able to do it. Sure for a week or two but then I'd get so sick of it I just couldn't handle it anymore. I think it's awesome how far you've come and I'm so happy for you. You may see it as a calculated risk, but I tend to think of it as being responsible. I'm very proud of you. 
We'll have found the tools and skills to have a little and be satisfied instead of eating the whole pie, let alone a piece! I do feel good in myself when I'm able to do that. I'm on a meal replacement program so I'm not allowed any at all, but that's fine. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not forever. 
The food isn't going anywhere. I think that's become my new mantra! And tell hubby that eating donuts in front of you is mean! 
The shame of it. It's a good thing I live alone because it would be a riot zone in my house! Thankfully the cats' kibbles don't appeal to me (yet!) 
He had a bruise on it for weeks afterwards. 
I'm a little weary of sleeping sitting bolt-upright. I wonder if I dare try lying down again... 
I was almost 250lbs about a year ago. I have done a great job. I didn't hit my goal weight by my goal date. I wanted to be 130 by 10/21 (my 10 year anniversay) but I did well and came really close. I'll get there. My new goal date will be my daughter's birthday in March. 
